The ever falling actress!

The Ever Falling Actress!

When the courier handed over to me a cover that was as big as a banana leaf, my initial reaction was that it must be a wedding invitation from some neorich family. But when I ripped it open, I found an attractive invitation for the launching of some new film of a well-known producer. I wondered how such an invitation could have found its way to my residence since I had never had the pleasure of knowing him personally. To cut the long story short, I decided to attend the function, as I had never attended one such before.


The function had been arranged in a tastefully decorated wing of a well-known studio in Kodambakkam. It was indeed a star-studded show with all the bigwigs of the show business putting in their presence. It was such a thrilling experience to see all the known faces of the film world in flesh and blood. The pictures of all prosperity-related Hindu gods were there, decked with fresh flowers. The sizes of the pictures were directly proportional to the respective deity’s perceived income generating powers. Thus the picture of Goddess Lakshmi with gold coins pouring out of her hands was the biggest of the lot. The picture of Lord Balaji, the presiding deity of moviemakers, was, of course, the centre of attraction. It was more like a religious function than anything else. Every one connected with filmmaking had about three fourths of their foreheads covered with vermilion or kumkumam, as it’s more commonly known. An unfortunate few bore manfully a dark patch on their foreheads caused by an allergic reaction to some synthetic kumkumam that they had used earlier and they stood as a warning to the budding film personalities who had just been initiated into using the stuff.

There was a huge bronze lamp with five faces, decorated tastefully with flowers, in the centre of the hall. The whole gathering was waiting for a thespian, who rode the film world like a Colossus in the fifties, to light the lamp. The thespian, true to his reputation, arrived on the dot and was led to the bronze lamp reverentially by the producer. A budding actress, who had been waiting in the wing patiently, walked towards the thespian bearing an ornate candle on a tray full of goodies. Everyone waited with bated breath for the climax of the function and, as she was just a few paces from the thespian, tripped and fell down spilling the contents of the tray all over the floor. I thought that it was a very bad omen and looked at the producer with consternation. But I was quite taken aback to see him beaming. Just then, the thespian cracked a joke and there were peals of laughter instantly. He then whipped out his cigarette lighter and lit the five faces of the lamp.

I had always been told that the filmmakers were a highly superstitious lot and were very concerned with omen. Their superstition extended its tentacles to every aspect of film making. They would not use certain words in naming their films. The title of the movie would have to contain a certain number of letters. Nobody could sneeze while a film was being launched. If a highly successful Director wore his watch on the right wrist, every Director would do so. In fact, if one could compile an encyclopedia of the superstitious beliefs of filmmakers, its size would be no less than that of the Britannica.

It was, therefore, really heartening to see everyone, who had assembled at the function, taking it lightly and laughing away the ominous incident that had just happened. I shared my happiness with a stout chap standing next to me and he laughed loudly attracting the attention of everyone around us. He asked me if I was new to such a function and when I answered in the affirmative, he said that he was not surprised at all. Then he went on to explain that a couple of years back, an identical incident happened at the launching of a film at the same studio and all hell broke loose. The producer of the film almost had a heart attack and the Director was in favour of relaunching the film with some changes. The entire gathering supported this view. However, due to certain circumstances beyond his control, the producer decided to go through with it. This decision took everyone by surprise and it was predicted that the film would be a total flop. But the film, when it was released, stunned everyone by turning out to be the biggest box-office hit ever. Since then every function for the launching of a new film had this tripping and falling as the main agenda. I was further informed that there were actresses who could perform this act to a nicety and were in great demand. The best of them, as I was given to understand, had been booked to perform this act at the launch of new films for the next two years!
I looked around and saw the tripping actress being warmly congratulated by everyone around for her sterling performance. A few producers, with cheque books in their hands, were trying to catch her eyes desperately to book her for the inaugural function of their next movie. The thespian stood in a corner smoking a pensive cigarette!

PS: Dont ask me any questions about who was the film producer and which was that film etc. It's just my senile rambling and my brand of satire!:-D

 

Dear Shanvy
If I am sentimental about these superstitions, would I write a satire on them?
Sneezing in odd numbers is considered bad but in even numbers, it is supposed to be good! My uncle used to sneeze always in a big chain lasting at times twenty or thirty. My grandma used to count them each time to make sure it did not end in an odd number! If it did, she would ask him to induce sneezing by putting a thread in his nose but then it would only start another chain of sneezing!
Sri

 

Dear Aishu
We are all used to maids without make-up but you must see them when they go for a function or a movie or something like that! I am sure you will be stunned.
The other day I went to Sangeetha Restaurant for a cup of coffee and seeing my maid sitting there in some dazzling outfit with her boy friend, i just skipped the coffee and quietly retreated!
sri

 

Dear Chithra
Slipping and falling mean the same thing .Shall we say that men fall and women slip in this context that if a man is enticed by a woman, he falls and if the woman is enticed by a man, she slips?:mrgreen:
Yes Bhimbhai's Pa series were awesome in those days more because of the mellifluous numbers tuned in by MSV.
Thanks for the kind word about my humour. If you are prepared to laugh, I'll give you more!:-D
Sri

 

Dear TDU
You seem to have an in depth knowledge about making of the old Tamil films. You have really hit the nail on its head. That title VVV appears too good and I suggest you patent it.
It's true that the title of the movie has to be mentioned in the last scenes of old movies. In all MGR movies, the opening lines for MGR used to be Vetri, vetri!
Sri