Should I wean my 13 month old?

thepianist · Jun 14, 2010

Hi everyone, I'm in a to-wean-or-not-to-wean situation.

Let me tell you where I'm right now. I'm a working mom to my 13 month old DD. I exclusively breastfed for 5.5 months and returned to work when she turned 6 months old. I pumped till she started refusing milk of any kind (pumped, formula, BM mixed with cereal, etc etc) at around 9 months old. Till she turned a year old she would nurse twice in the AM (until 9:30AM when I leave for work) and then nurse as soon as I got back (at 6:30PM) and then all night. She has now dropped one morning feed and only nurses as soon as she is up, in addition to the post 6:30PM routine. On days off I have started taking the dont offer dont refuse tactic but she does nurse more often those days. She's also almost always latched on during any drives. So thats her BFing schedule.

Now, why am I considering weaning?
1. We co sleep and she nurses several times a night. DH and I dont get any intimate time alone, and of course the boobies are off limits for him when we do get some action. DH is absolutely supportive and has never complained, but I do know he would like more intimacy. So would I.
2. She has teeth now and SCRAPES off rather painfully when latching off. I have begun to wince, sometimes even silently scream during latch on and latch off. The actual sucking itself is not painful.
3. The lack of sleep is no fun. Its been over a year you know

Why dont I want to wean?
1. I LOVE IT!! I love the feel of her on me, her cudding, cooing, poking, proding and smiling up at me.
2. DD LOVES IT!!

What do I do? And how do I do it? HELP!

Vishalini3 · Jun 15, 2010

Pianist, That was a very nice post No experiences, my son is just 9months old, BFd till now. DD is 3.9yrs old, but i couldnt BF her after her 3months of age, so no advices. Wait for other mommies suggestions
I would BF the child if I were you We have all our life, to get enough sleep and do other exciting work, lol )

sumanr · Jun 15, 2010

Tend to agree with Pon

ilite · Jun 15, 2010

Hi Pianist,

Congrats on doing it for 13 months ! You have done well. I have not been able to go past 8-9 months.

My advice would be to try these alternatives before weaning since you have stated that you like it:

1. Schedule only two feeds a day, one in the morning and one in the evening. If you feed her a healthy dinner before or after the last feed, she'll start sleeping through the night. A friend of mine did this and BFed her DS for 2 years. Stick to this routine even on weekends and holidays.
2. Nursing several times in the night could also be for the comfort rather than hunger. Try to let her sleep separately, either get her cot in your room or put her in her own room, depending on the arrangement you have. Have a baby monitor next to you in that case to know if she wakes up in the night. This will solve the problem of co-sleeping and getting a good night's rest.

If these don't work and you'd be happier after weaning, just go ahead and do it as she must be on solids already to get all her nutrients. Besides , I believe 'Happy mom, Happy baby'.

Thank you for this post. You made me realize the challenges of BFg after 1 year. My mom did it for me , past 2 years. My aunts still talk about it.

All the best!

thepianist · Jun 15, 2010

Vishalini, Sumanr and ilite, thank you so much for responding. The good-dinner-before-bed tactic does not really help in getting her to sleep through the night.. I'm sure she gets up out of habit. There's a part of me that wants to keep going because I feel she's making up for my absence in the day by nursing all night. At the same time some days I'm so sleep deprived I can barely walk. I just keep telling myself this is going to be a very small part of my life as a mom and it will be over before I know it. Anyways, waiting to see what other mommies out there have to say

tikka · Jun 15, 2010

Hi, have you tried cow's milk yet? here is a link on nursing a teething toddler.
I nursed my LO till he was 29 months and it was a lot more intense for the reason that breasts were available to him throughout the day as I worked from home. I want to address in length about two things, intimacy and sleep.
You can get very creative about time with your husband. Not sure if you are the only people at home or there are others. In our case, the hall, the kitchen, the bathroom all soon became make out places. When it came to sleeping, DS entered a very wiggly phase at one year. We had him in a separate mattress in the same room on the floor and moved our mattress also onto the floor. The cot was put away for a while. Any shenanigans we got up to after the LO slept did not really wake him up because of the space.
The sleep? It was nearly 25 months or so when the LO started sleeping through the night. We did everything recommended: dim the lights, constant temperature, night time music, the same night time routine, ensuring the LO was rested through the day and had optimum nap time, full stomach, a high protein night snack like a cheese cube or peanut butter toast (one quarter of a toast) right before night nursing, etc. And yet he woke up every two hours till he got to be around 2 years.
In over a month his sleep settled quickly. A child's sleep maturity is independent of a child's eating. Even if your child were to be weaned, she could still wake up.
What helped us was to help him settle back into sleep without offering the breast (and without letting him cry).
With my husband's help I kicked the 2 am feed and got myself a 5 hour night time sleep by just sleeping in the hall for a week. I will tank him up, give a dream feed at around 11 pm when I went to sleep after his bedtime of 8.00 pm. The first two days the LO woke up demanding he be nursed, the night time music, the shushing, the rubbing of his back, etc. got him back to sleep in something like 30 min. I stayed out for another week till the LO was sleeping till 3.30/4 am. We tried this when the LO was closer to 2 years. LO was nursing something like 4 times in the night and 2 times in daytime (we had milk allergy issues so we encouraged slow weaning, not recommending it for you). It took us three months to get to morning, before nap, before bedtime.
Here is a link on night time weaning. HTH

thepianist · Jun 16, 2010

Hi Tikka, thank you so much for that helpful post. Yes DD has been known to occasionally drink cows milk but her preference, or lack of it, has no pattern. We live with my inlaws so our make-out space is limited to our room and the spare room. Our sleeping arrangement is currently a king size mattress on the floor, but she's on the same mattress as us. DD is a very light sleeper, especially during nights so if you as much as breathe hard she will wake up! The spare room comes to our rescue for any shenanigans but most nights she will want me right when we're in the middle of the action!! I think I will wait a few more months and then try night weaning the way you did. She will scream blue murder if I'm not around though no shushing or back rubbing will help. Thanks for all your help Tikka. I have really been able to get some perspective.

mridusudha · Jun 20, 2010

Just another thought...May be your DH can rub her back or put her back to sleep instead of YOU doing it....Also did you try putting her on a different mattress next to your mattress? May be that will help her sleep and not wake her up!!!

Also offer more of cows milk during the day...And offer her more food during the day..That way she might be full and may be not wake up!!!

It is definitely hard to break an habit which has been for the past 13 months..It does take time but if you really want to wean your DD then you and DH have to come with a plan and IMPLEMENT it too...Of course it will take time and you have got to have patience...

Good luck