Never stunt them with your over powering attitude
Over powering attitude:
We come across sometime in our life how over powering are our parents, they love to select our friends, our clothes, our study, our partners, our life in general, it makes one feel that we are the weeds to the big plant that they are and they know how to prune us whenever and wherever needed.
Sometime this overpowering of a personality, lead us to find the children taking to so many bad habits, making the parent wonder where did I go wrong in bringing them up?
It is tough for the child to even pin point it not to mention the repercussions involved in such a situation where the child is more aware that though all done in good intention
It is too interfering in his mental growth and he remains the same for many years sometimes even an aged father.
I know everything that is good for my kids could land the child taking up a subject that is not dear to him; he may make a bad doctor, may be an artiste at heart but because of his father he had to take up engineering or health line and so on, which has a big pay packet as far as the parents are concerned, I still remember my friend usha had a husband who had a penchant urge to play tabla in some musical shows, but due to his commitment as an engineer and an image where he cannot be seen on the stage, she used to call me please do come home and sing for him he wants to play tabla.
Sometime this comes from the spouse he or she love to see their partners in particular color or shades of dress, may be the cars also are selected by them, the room, home anything from garden to a portrait or painting to be chosen, has to be done by the man who is never there at home, but the woman has to live with it.
Even a particular color of silk sari is not liked and may be given away as gift when the wife is not around. I had been to a friend’s place where the entire house has been maintained by the man who is a marine engineer and half his life on the sea and the lady has to live by his design, so much that she cannot replace another picture in the room in his absence. His lily ponds are a beauty along with his aquarium but my friend is just maintaining it out of duty but not involved.
Even some ads are shown about this, when a man gets to jump into the river only when his children are married and he is alone with his wife, this is just brutal to the child within. In trying to mould a personality we need to give extra space for the child to grow and then if we can go around it and help in pruning a little here and there could help him to decide about these factors. Even for a simple selecting of dresses I used to send my children on their own, many a time the choice would be bad for me but they like it so much I never had the heart to contradict, but yes grooming is a tough thing where children are concerned but let us not over power their binge to enjoy their youth just because we lost ours with our parents we should not repeat the story here.
So the next time when you go along please do consider and leave him to make his decision
From food habits to clothing to studies and especially spouse with whom he has to live with so never push your point here…sunkan
We come across sometime in our life how over powering are our parents, they love to select our friends, our clothes, our study, our partners, our life in general, it makes one feel that we are the weeds to the big plant that they are and they know how to prune us whenever and wherever needed.
Sometime this overpowering of a personality, lead us to find the children taking to so many bad habits, making the parent wonder where did I go wrong in bringing them up?
It is tough for the child to even pin point it not to mention the repercussions involved in such a situation where the child is more aware that though all done in good intention
It is too interfering in his mental growth and he remains the same for many years sometimes even an aged father.
I know everything that is good for my kids could land the child taking up a subject that is not dear to him; he may make a bad doctor, may be an artiste at heart but because of his father he had to take up engineering or health line and so on, which has a big pay packet as far as the parents are concerned, I still remember my friend usha had a husband who had a penchant urge to play tabla in some musical shows, but due to his commitment as an engineer and an image where he cannot be seen on the stage, she used to call me please do come home and sing for him he wants to play tabla.
Sometime this comes from the spouse he or she love to see their partners in particular color or shades of dress, may be the cars also are selected by them, the room, home anything from garden to a portrait or painting to be chosen, has to be done by the man who is never there at home, but the woman has to live with it.
Even a particular color of silk sari is not liked and may be given away as gift when the wife is not around. I had been to a friend’s place where the entire house has been maintained by the man who is a marine engineer and half his life on the sea and the lady has to live by his design, so much that she cannot replace another picture in the room in his absence. His lily ponds are a beauty along with his aquarium but my friend is just maintaining it out of duty but not involved.
Even some ads are shown about this, when a man gets to jump into the river only when his children are married and he is alone with his wife, this is just brutal to the child within. In trying to mould a personality we need to give extra space for the child to grow and then if we can go around it and help in pruning a little here and there could help him to decide about these factors. Even for a simple selecting of dresses I used to send my children on their own, many a time the choice would be bad for me but they like it so much I never had the heart to contradict, but yes grooming is a tough thing where children are concerned but let us not over power their binge to enjoy their youth just because we lost ours with our parents we should not repeat the story here.
So the next time when you go along please do consider and leave him to make his decision
From food habits to clothing to studies and especially spouse with whom he has to live with so never push your point here…sunkan
Total Comments 34
Comments
 | Dear Sunkan Mam nice write up.even though v might just read it with alight mind ,bascically this is one very imp n a must guideline for every relation nomatter parents ,sibblings ,spouse or children.after my marriage theonly one advise which my mother gave me was to allow his own space to hubby n dont ever overshadow him with ur brains.today with one daughter i try to follow the same rule as i dont want any hinderance in growth.everybody will hav to b allowed to their own choices n only when it is toooomuch u can give some suggestions. i remember the days when my parents allowed me to take law leaving behind a free medicalseat n today iam happy tht iam very much successful. ur write up made me remember all early days . raji |
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| |  Dear Sunkan Nice write up...... So true we should always allow our kids to do they own decisions only then will they realise what is good or bad, which is important and which is not in life. We should be only beside them in whatever decisions they make and see to it they are on the right path. When they take their own decisions, it is sure they will work on it more harder.......... |
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| |  thanku babyraji, it happens all over but to get a parent and husband to go by you is tough these days, i am happy for the rewind button of your mind..sunkan |
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| | yes aruna, we are like the banyan trees and nothing grows beneath it says a friend of mine for this articles so we never allow anything to grow when we over shadow them in anything and we are always looking to them for furthering our life..happy u liked the article..sunkan |
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| | Dear Sunkan, What a wonderful piece of writing, I fully agree with you, as I am also a mother of two kids.............Kamla |
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| | Dear Sundari, A wonderful write up. I do strive to not over power my kids.... But some times it becomes difficult!! I guess we need a right balance of giving independence and to some extent overpower them!! Keep blogging. |
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| |  Sundari an awesome well written blog.. and timely one too.. I practice this everyday but sometimes I can get carried away too.. thats where my better half steps in to balance things out..I face this problem more with hair cuts than anything.. kid likes to grow hair long and unruly..so i argue about it.. so very well written.. do keep more coming:) |
 Updated 8th April 2008 at 08:04 AM by Anandchitra |
| | dear vandhana, all my wedding saris were selected by someone i dont even know and it arrived a few days ahead with my blouses all stitched along so had to wear them, as my father felt the choice of color of his friend was in good selection, but when sathya got married i fought with my biological father that nothing doing she will select what she has to wear not someone else so we went shopping and she picked up all her fav colors..for that an episode took place which is too long i will write about as a blog..sunkan |
| Updated 8th April 2008 at 08:27 AM by sunkan |
| | dear AC, nadu wittu nadu ponalum nammur pazhakkam poguma. pl let them live like when in rome be like the romans, only then they will blend with all. my aunt had a tough time with her kids who would not listen to anything of hers, and she had a below the knee level of thick plated hair which both sons would want that she cut off to shoulder length or she should not come to pick them up at school and no saree or salwar only jeans and tops, to which she agreed, but no cutting hair as that is what brought chithi and chithappa together...so it stayed so it happens we have to move along with them as they are among those people whom we have put them to be with, and we are at home and can make our own environment but not them..sunkan |
| Updated 8th April 2008 at 08:29 AM by sunkan |
| |  Nice write-up. There is a fine line between guiding and over-powering and it's important to strike the right balance. |
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| |  Dear Sundari 'I know what is good for my child' is a good attitude until the child reaches a stage when it can differentiate the good from the bad. Once the child reaches a stage when he can think on his own, the parental attitude should be to show him the various alternatives with the good and bad features fully explained. This will help him to decide what is good for him. The parental role is not that of an overlord. It is the kind of role that Lord Krishna played in the battlefield of Kurukshetra. He only tells Arjuna the ramifications of various actions and inactions and in the end the enlightened Arjuna falls in tune with the route suggested by Krishna. Ordering children about may have been effective some five decades back but with the knowledge explosion that is taking place, our children are better equipped than we were at that age. We can now only be a counsellor and that too only when needed. Sri |
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| |  Dear Sunkan, A very nice post! As parents it is very essential to guide the children and show them the right path in life. We try to do whats best and try to inculcate the right values and principles in them,thats what parents are for .But then we shouldnt stifle them . Nowadays kids demand that kind of independence, they dont like to be reprimanded or constantly nagged .They want space . The one important factor I think is honesty , the rapport between the parents and the kids have to be such that they can be honest and confess to the parents about their happenings in life. There has to be a rule that nothing should come to the parents ear from an outsider. The children should be very upfront about everything. Things were very different a decade or two ago but now times are changing and we need to change with them. But at the same time there has to be a certain discipline maintained in their house . After all if you are a family you need to live like one and so you need get the authority to be able to put in some words of wisdom to the kids. Anyway at the end of the day if your child turns out to be a perfect human being its your good luck and if otherwise its merely tough luck .The parents shouldnt be blamed becoz I have seen in many families if you have 3 sons 2 are good and 1 is corrupted .You cannot presume that 2 were given good values and one was neglected so I guess its a lot to do with fate. We as parents can only hope for the best! Love, Devika |
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| | dear sri, i am happy u r among us here, a discussion about a matter that is of concern to the present society and the outcome of overpowering by some parents need people like you, who have given the children the option now that is a wonderful point here but then situations have been such, that a child for some reason does not appreciate any grooming from the parent. here, the parent is just a witness to its own folly or doom, but cannot be blamed. wish there were more rapport or a strong bridge between the parent and child for the benefit of the child, not saying nee anda kaalam ippo adu selluma...sundari |
| Updated 8th April 2008 at 10:17 PM by sunkan |
| | dear devika, descipline is altogether different here we are talking about choices about the child and parent which differ a lot and when the parent says i know what is good for you can be taken to a level only but beyond that we need to bow down to their wishes, my second daughter when young had this habit to prove that she knows what is good for her no matter how much i try to help her the stand was that she knows, like i go along with my elder help her select what will look good on her the clothes i mean and i never see the price that is limited in my own standard but i dont mind another 1000 extra if it is going to be good for her, but when we get home my second one would demand only the money spent on the purchase and would land up with 4 different dresses for the amount, so i had to let her learn her way that the dresses never last well and the color drain and so on, now she says i never helped her.. so i am boxed either way, space a very important matter whether it is children and parent or spouse has to be there, even at the cost of mistake sometime, but let it be in minimal not a great one which cannot be handled at all...sunkan |
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| | a beautiful writeup mom.... love prido |
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| |  sunkan, very well written with tips to bring up today's children. I allow my children to choose the dress they want, provided they are neat..regarding the studies too....if they have any interest, they will be better off in their chosen fields.....true.... sriniketan |
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| | thanku srini, happy that u agree with me, for that matter i think we need the space that i have mentioned earlier for growth among the relations so all can be happy under single roof here roof means life..sunkan |
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| | who is this kutti devika, she has mesmerising eyes..sunkan |
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| |  Dear Sundari, a nice write up. In my opinion parents should be roll models to children. If they are cultured, well behaved, treating elders as well as youngsters with respect, children will follow suit. Most of the children observe the parents from childhood and try to demonstrate the same behaviour. |
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| | very true pushpa, but for many they dont want to be like their parents and are very good in handling the children. when the younger siblings in a family treat the elder siblings children badly. and the turn of the elder sibling children to take care of the younger sibling children, they react beautifully, not whacking and beating, so the opposite also takes place..space again i mention is needed..sunkan |
| Updated 10th April 2008 at 06:24 AM by sunkan |
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