Secrets are sacred

Dearest Shanthi You have such an eloquent way of writing that it is so attractive to read..first off you say about name of topic then you elaborate on the topic on certain aspects..like about Secret I like the facts you have outlined who to share and who not to share..If only we know everything first hand..I searched to see if you have mentioned with whom you share.. I totally agree with each line you have written gems I will say..muthana muthu.. For me I have always wondered how someone can keep a secret. I have found a person who I trust to share and that is my husband and i think I should lead a life without anything hidden so he knows.. But in reality people like to build on imaginary tales of gossip and blow it out of proportions and pass these around as secrets?! maybe I am rambling too much..

HI Shanthi:

Very well written as always.

Normally, my secrets are well guarded. I always remember Yudhistira's curse to womankind when he got to know that Kunti had kept a secret about Karna being her son. But like you said I like to think of myself as an exception.

Sindhu

a wife too should not divulge her secret to the husband or his family to save future embarrasement, to save the marriage too, now this is apart from all u have mentioned shanthi...sunkan

You are very right, Shanthi. You have BBC at home and I have CNN ,NDTV in the relatives circle. You can tell her a secret, an aunt, knowing very well that she will tell the person concerned ad best of all do not ask them she will add.Some derive a pleasure in this what's the joy in being embarassed later. I guard secrets with due respect to both concerned, it their trust in me and the faith that is at stake. My DD is innocent when my DH is about to give me a surprise and takes her into confidence she will promptly blabber but i love it, for the way she says i will tell you what daddy told me , don't ask him. Typical of kids.

I see you using the Rambling word frequently...looks like it has stuck to you from the subforum..

I have to thank my English master and lecturers who have really taught me the style...now i am scared maybe my style will become stale...

I share only my secrets with Veda alone..after all I have a friend in him...regarding keeping secrets, just thinking of how much the person trusts us, gives the strength....

yes,there are vile people who can just blow a small thing into a big out of proportion ugly..that is why you need to judge whom to tell what...

i just wanted to say, a simple nice/not so nice from you means a lot to me..so next time don't hesitate to do that...

regarinding ladies not capable of keeping secrets tracks back to the yudhistras' curse to kunti...i forgot to mention that..thanks for doing it.
Nice to know that you also guard secrets....

yes, you are right about certain things needed to be a secret even from husband.depending on the understanding of the husband and family members...

Coming to secrets, for me if a x has told me a secret, then even veda will not get the secret out of me...I really guard them...

I was just laughing, after reading your fb. so you have CNN and NDTV. I forgot to mention we have a Star news in our family.(the kind lady will make a big nice story of a small one liner).

The lady you describe is very familiar. looks like you can always find one everywhere...

Yes the trust, is what makes us guard those secrets....

So sweet of DD. yes very typical of kids....

Dear Shanvy
Yes I agree with you secrets are sacred. when someone trusts you and tells you something then it is our responsibility to preserve it. And in the process of keeping the secret I also have earned the grudge feelings of others.

Most often I relate this to a childhood memory of mine. when I was in sixth there was a fight among a few students. And there were groups. myself being an introvert will not join in any groups. And during the end of the day one of my classmate who is involved in the fighting told me something which she asked me to keep it as a secret. And my best friend is also involved......when she came to know this thing she wants to know what is the secret......she emotionally blackmailed in every possible way to know what is it about. ..she stopped talking to me because of this. And that was too much for me....... I really do not want to lose her. But some how I told her I cannot share it with you even if I lose her friendship. At that time I really did not know whether I was doing a right thing or wrong thing. But after three or four days she started talking. And I felt nice. She also did not compel me afterwards. Later came to know the same girl who asked me to keep it as a secret told her everything. How is that? .....But I just couldn't forget the incident and the emotions that i have gone through. But that incident only strengthened my views on keeping a secret.

Thank you for nice blog.

regards
Vidhi

Dear Shanthi

I agree with u.........Coming to secrets, for me if a x has told me a secret, then even veda will not get the secret out of me...I really guard them...

i dont second u in this.........if i hear some secret/personal problems about a person.........i cant keep it secret.since sometimes that may lead to some bad situation......... so i will open that to another person whom i can really trust...........i strongly beleive in KALAGAM PORANDHAL THAN NIYAYAM PORAKKUM.........so like that i have saved really saved, trust me, somebody's life..............but without hurting them .indirectly i will do this..........have done this.........

But i hav never hurt others felings in wrong way like by simply gossipping about their personal secrets to anybody else......jus to have pass time or fun.........

Dear Sunkan / Shanthi

"a wife too should not divulge her secret to the husband or his family to save future embarrasement, to save the marriage too, now this is apart from all u have mentioned shanthi...sunkan"

I thought I am your friend and a good boy.... But you are giving all wrong ideas to Shan.... Where will I go... Nalla nalilaye thillai nayagam.... She very rarely opens her mouth and talk freely.... Now you are giving her all encouragements to her to keep mum/shut.... OMG!!!!!!!... Where will I go...

Shan!!!... What is this.... Once side u are telling that you have a best friend in Veda in the same second... you agree with Sunkan that we should hold on to the secrets even with the spouse....

Now I am lost.... Where do I stand.... ????????

Can you enlighten me pls?????

Veda

Dear Shanti,

Great write up. Yes we all have examples of BBC, and CNN and NDTV etc in our homes..... I guess we can classify them based on the the level of reach they have.
Me too like you Shanti a keeper of secrets. And i sail inthe same boat, there are a few secrets that ih ave kept from Dh too...since it was requested by the person who confided in me. Of course hubby got to know the details from the "confidee" ! and then comes and gives me the first degree...

Veda, i totally agree with S and S, yes my Dh is my best friend too, but certain secrets which have been told and expicitly requested that they not be imparted to anyone Dh included, then my mouth is zipped shut!
As i find most womanly matters are pure "vambu" source for the men.......

Veda I am the only woman here your akka who seems to be 100% on your side. never ever keep secret from spouse..sometimes friends tell me to promise not to tell anyone i prompty tell my husband.. ofcourse i have always waened friends this is what i will do.. otherwise dont tell me !!!

veda cool man,
you know woman can keep mum and carry on,but the men always have his beating up there chest naan irukken and sometime mess it up for the family that is y not because they have anything against the husband but somethings are better not said, like the way MAYBE lets presume your siblings are not treating well and if she were to tell you for all it might be one side you may ignore but on the other side if you take it up with them they will never be available to shanthi in ur absence there...ok u get it..like wise many things here are better inside than outside there is no fun either way..so y not have more full stop than a coma after each episode or sentence..sunkan

Keeping secrets, sometimes you definitely earn the grudge, but I feel, then the other person is not worth it, if she can't respect your wishes to keep a secret.

I know the feeling when something you guard so much, comes back to you through other sources and here you keep mum and antagonize every other person.

But even after bad experience, I am happy you think secrets are to be kept..

I understand you are not for guarding secrets, when you feel, you could help the person, by divulging the secret to a person who could help the first one... a very different angle..

But in that case, I feel you should take the permission of the person whose secret you want divulge...again it is my view.

You had to come question my stand...

In the first case, I said I tell only my secrets to my husband, who is my dear friend.

in the second case, I said, it is true things could turn embarassing, when there is no proper understanding of the same by the spouse. it could embarass the whole family....and it was not from my personal experience..but yes could quote from the family if you want........ok will send a pm of the same to you....

Thank you. nice to know about the tv channels, definitely the level they reach.

yes, I know of incidents when the wife will tell something in confidence asking me not to tell veda, and the husband would have done the same with veda...and then a mutual friend comes and breaks the secret in a party...and we look...all in the name guarding secrets...

Nice to know that you keep it from DH, when asked by the confidee.

thanks for telling us, now I know that sharing a secret with chitra means sharing it with yours truly indirectly...

Yesterday, thanks to my FIL, was watching glimpses of neeya/naana a talk show on vijay Tv. yesterdays episode was husband/wives and likes, dislikes and others matters...

the host asked, have you kept secrets from your better half..and do you think you have to keep secrets...

90% of the ladies felt that the husbands should tell them everything. only 10% percent of the ladies thought their husbands are entitled to keep a secret.

50% of the men felt they need not tell everything to the wife stating, that it will look very good when disclosed, but later the same point could turn into a bone of contention

50% of the men felt they have to tell everything to the wife so they will have good understanding and communication later..

Interesting..i think there is a retelecast in the afternoon one of the weekdays...do watch it...