Are we good listeners???

Dear Shan,

Hahahahahahahaha.... God has given us two ears and only one mouth, to listen more and talk less ...

How true, You stick to your rule.... Great... How many times, I would have asked the golden questions.... Are you listening to me???

We all get into the selective listening and selective amnesia... It is because we dont want to hear, things which are not as per our views and perspectives... Also we become judgemental... It is purely becase of our Ego - status of mind...

Once we keep our mind open, we can listen patiently... In todays fast rushing, materialistic worlds, people want somebody just to listen to their problems... even thought thye fully know that the other person cannot solve their problem...

If you allow me, i will keep on talking... so, let me stop here... and allo others to talk...

Veda

Hi Shanthi:

Being a good listener is a tough one! I can mostly be a good listener. Music concerts are where I embarass myself! No matter how good the musician is and how much I love their music - I cannot listen continuously for a long time. I doze off (I hope your jaws didn't drop down in surprise!!?!!) I'm truly embarassed but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it! It has been ages therefore that I went to a concert now.

Selective listening can also happen because of the way we put across our views. I have noticed I lose track of the conversation if there is a lot of repetition and the tone is monotonous.

According to me, my husband doesn't listen to me much since most of what I say is uninteresting to him whereas it is the opposite with me listening to him - I'm all ears! He has the most interesting topics to discuss. Well, I have yet to learn that art of making people listen to me!?! What do you say?

Sorry for the long comment.

Sindhu

your complaint always is that i don't talk more..and i am trying to rectify..now you know the reason for that also....

Thanks about the selective amnesia and selective listening..yes, sometimes, we want to shut out the person who is talking, we tend to do it..but what if the shoe was on the other leg..?? how would we feel..??

You need to have an attitude to listen to others, and also an openness sans egos.

Ni ce, to know about your love for music and also about your concert experiences..

A Listener, should show involvement in what she is listening, otherwise the flow will be lost. A question or an word of your understanding what is being told is very important, to make the other person comfortable.

Try to introduce subjects of his interest in the starting of a discussion, luring him to listen...slowly he will listen to everything..this is nothing but packaging the whole thing...

Well,the more you listen, you have more to talk...it is a cyclic process..

All the best for your learning section...

Very true all of you. A good communicator is one who talks, listens and understands.
Being a good listener requires a lot of patience and understanding.
Sometimes just listening helps people a lot. Something which I experience in my profession where the people who come for counselling, just look for a patient ear. Sometimes i do not say a word for the hour long session and at the end of it , the person says he/she is feeling better.and i would 'nt have uttered a word . Guess that is the power of listening. !!
And one more listening is to the silent words of your soul.,Your subconscious mind I guess we need to listen to that too!

Devika

Shanthi in real life I do not find many that listen.. I am a good listener for the most part.. But when I have to be in others company I am put in a spot only to listen.. you have outlined some of the finer qualitites that one can develop ..also liked Veda's perspective on this subject..

Dear Shan
a very gd write up frm u as usual.but this is the first time iam interacting with u.
u hav written well abt the verb listening .after my marriage i started developing this quality ,i dont recall y n how it started .as even though my hubby speaks normal but all with quality talks.so i started listening to him then the same goes to my FIL,
n the list goes on.n now myself listening to my cuttie who is 2 1/2.when i listen to her i really enjoy her more n c herself being more involved withme.
then comes listening to my friends,now iam like a friend who is there for everybody with my ears open.
but all this is gradually stopped me frm myself being open to share my personal views.even though i always won a gd debater prize for state level thru out my academics.
bear me with my long write up
raji

shanthi,
Listening is also an art, which we should develop...
I remember what my uncle once told us that we should allow others to talk and listen to what they say..and later we can give our opinion or so...
My daughters usually talk with me when I am in the midst of heavy work, but i will 'listen' to them, but they don't believe it and complained that why you are not listening?, i told them i am listening in spite of the work and I cannot sit and listen to them, but let them proceed with their talking..
Am i wrong in my attitude towards them...
I am listening..right...

sriniketan

Yes Shanti, Listening and getting the essence of what the the other person has said is an art by itself. My daughter the older one does get impatient when Iam in the kitchen and she wants me listen and 'now'. I do listen and also love to be listened to. Maybe at times irritable, but only when the conversation is one-sided.
When it is gossip then you can be sure I suffer selective listening syndrome.Kids, family do get a throughly attentive ear.

Dear Shan
It is again one of my favourite topic. I always considered me as a good listener. Even in my friends circle I always took the place of listening as I am not of that talking type. I have heard all the three questions you have mentioned. Most often I have heard the first question from my sister. I very often used to repeat what she told me to make her understand that I am listening.

Listening to some one is really an art. It requires patience and practice. Listening skill is one of such skill that we must try to improve it every day. As for as my daughter is concerned she wants my full attention while she is talking. She is happy if I leave the work which I am attending and listen to her. She feel honoured. It is most often through her I judge my self on this. If we really are interested to improve on this skill we should really ask the people who ask the questions very often. Only from them we can learn and improve.

Vidhi

Thanks for your views.

I agree with you about people coming in for a listening ear.I have friends who just call to pour down their feelings..just like that.

I give a call to my friend's parents, veda's friends parents , once a while just to make them feel happy and also to give them little happiness that they have other who are willling to listen to them.

Definitely there is great power in listening..whether it is to others or our own conscious.

AC,

I also find very few people who are listeners. Recently got a call from my mil's cousin, that she was feeling lonely and just wanted to talk..she has a son and daughter..but both dont have time for her...

When you are forced to listen in a group, you will really start analysing each one's voice modulations, in between lines...all this are advantages of only listening...

Thank you.

Listening to our children is a pleasure and that too with the childish accent and talks..

I used to sit and listen to my mil and fil..they used talk about a lot of things..today i am store house of information about the whole family...

I agree with you on expression ourselves, goes to the back bench without our realising it...

thanks for your fb. it is always a pleasure to have you comment.

We also should inculcate the same advice to our kids..it is very important in the art of communica tion. my DS is always in a talk mode. DD is always in observing mode.

I also face the same problem with daughter..she will ask me twice are u listening, even if i tell her i am listening.

This is what i do..when my children talk, i give the appropriate comments and question to show my involvement.other wise i tell them please wait for a few minutes, let me concentrate and finish this job and then listen to all what you want to tell me....may be we need to set a proper example...I am scared, if they feel i am not showing my interest in what they say, they will close up...

Thanks for stepping in .....

Communication plays a vital role in family relationships..this is my strong opinion and belief also.

Children do demand attention to themselves and the now is seen predominant today..

I love to listen, and talk less..so like to be listened when i talk..

when you say the person, who asks these questions makes us introspect ourselves and also make us better listeners.

When you are a dedicated listener, the other person is very happy. the same goes for your daughter.

listening definitely requires patience and more patience.

I know a person who just goes on talking, just because she thinks her voice is sweet, and likes to listen to her voice..is she crazy??? or is she demanding attention??

Dear Shanti,
My profession demands lots of listening. Either when I train people or when I councel people, I listen to them. Even friends take my shoulder to pour in. Yes it takes lots of patience to be a good listner. If you want to be a good listener, you should never cultivate a preconceived notion about people who come to pour in their thougts. Be it the first time or the second or third time. Another good quality of a listener is not to disclose those that have been told. I have seen many people showing a listening ear and then gossiping at the back later which is not a welcoming act.

Listening have made me more matured than I was a few years back.

RAjmi,

thanks for your views. nice to know that you have a different outlook due to listening... and nice to know you are good listener. I also agree that you have to keep what is disclosed a secret unless otherwise it is not a secret.