Anger, A Dangerous Emotion?

Hi Shanvy,

Well like you have mentioned there are a lot of ways to manage anger. When I am angry I just switch off. I dont speak anything at all. So as long as I am quiet ,its understood that shes very angry.
Better to be quiet than to say something that i would later regret,isnt it. ?
The other help to control anger for me is music.Yes it helps me in controlling my temper to a great extent.! Infact music is also a great stress reliever.

Devika

Dear Shanthi,
I was supposed to be the most patient one in our house. But now I find, as we become old, due to weakness, patience takes a back seat. Daily when I pray to God, I pray that he should give me patience. I try my best not to talk when I get angry. Too much of out burst as well as too much of contolling of emotion is also not good.

Dear Shanvy

Yet another timely topic. Controlling anger is really difficult at times. Taking a deep breath I very often forget it at that moment so have not tried it. Most of the time I try not to talk or go away from the place. Shlokas also help me to an extent. Sometime I do cleaning job at this time. It really helps me. I have read that during angry times the energy that is released is more.

And about controlling others anger. If I am in a balanced mood I will really sit or stand near that person and hear what ever he or she wants to say. That is giving them the full attention and listen to what they are talking. I try not to interupt them until they pour what ever in their mind. If it is necessary I tell something otherwise leave it at that. But I have to mention practising this always is not practical. But giving full attention and listening really helps. Sometimes I just walk off or stand there if I think my listening will not help. Most of the time if the other person is feeling guilty we can make out from their facial expression. Having said all these things there were situations where I have reciprocated the same way as the other person.


Vidhi

Dear Shan
That was athought provoking write-up.
Anger management- very tough to bring emotions under control.I have realised that I become weak,tired and there is significant energy loss when I lose my temper.
I begin chanting "Rama namam " or "Hare krishna" or "Om Shakthi" to calm myself and it works miracles.

Ah, another nice one Shanthi.
When it comes to anger, I constantly try to better myself on two counts –
1. To find minimal instances/incidents that incite me to get angry. I am able to succeed in it most times (not all times of course!). The secret is this. I do not take myself very seriously. Of course, I was not always like that. I have slowly acquired this skill J. And I benefit from it tremendously. My purpose here is to learn and truly enjoy life. If someone does not think highly of me or finds faults with me, my first reaction is– ok, I hear you. Because in my mind I agree that I have many faults. And I give myself the right to be full of faults. Because for me, life is not about being perfect or the best or the brightest. It is about being able to enjoy this precious human form that I have been blessed with. So I curb the need to defend myself most times. In general, I try to dilute the situation by thinking this way and am able to stop myself from getting angry. Of course, I will put forth my point of view depending on whether it is worth proving to them or just letting it go. But I try not to let it “get me”.
2. If someone makes a personal comment that pushes me to the point where anger is unavoidable, I try to think about all the good things in me, the things I am appreciated and praised for and somehow it tones down my anger a whole lot. It stops me from defending myself very hard. If it is a situation that I have been put into that makes me angry then I think about my supreme goal in life (to enjoy this life to the hilt before I leave this world and be happy most times ). Suddenly the situation does not seem that grave and starts looking like just one of the many things that happen in day-to-day life that will pass soon.

These two things have helped me a lot in keeping my nerves under control J
SS

Nice one Shanthi and as always you write so well articulated.. I am very short tempered person.. so you can imagine..I dont even want to think the innumerable times i have lost temper mostly ofcourse with dearmost husband , child.. Today i am so much more improved all thanks to husband.. I only need to talk to him .. Its a destructive emotion so need to get the better of it.. retrospection helps..nowadays as i am getting older i am losing patience with people who constantly gossip about others.. so I remove myself from their company.. I am glad to read all the replies here .. hope it helps me:)

Thanks for the views. I too switch off but only with my family...my kids know when i am angry and just keep out of my way..

Music is my saviour most of the time.

thanks for your views. I also go on a short fuse more when i am sick...and my mother in law used to say you get more angry only when you are hungry or ill....

Sometimes, I have seen my DS(yes son of 10 years doing it..and he cools off fast..I always wonder how come the kids are more on shorter fuses then us)

Anger makes you stronger physically and a dumbheaded in the mind.

Nice that you sit and listen to other's anger.

thanks for stepping in.. in my house there is a famous quotes from me to my children, which now i don't need to say..they themselves will quote it..

"Kovam vandhaal, buddi parandu poiddum".. mandai velai seiyyadu..

Controlling anger is very difficult what with today's stress and problems....

but cooling is more needed towards taking care of our health...

I also follow namams which relaxes the anger..and my fav is amme narayana..but sometimes i get so carried away...i forget that also

dear shanthi,
yes those years of anger are most beautiful too, we have a lot of stamina then, that is y we tend to take things with a pinch of salt, as a single mother i have had many to my credit and the only thing i used to do is walk away some 5 to 6 kilometers i would not know how far but by the time i am back i would be sweating like hell.

sometime in my life as a single also i have walked up twelve floors of stairs to go up just to cool off but have never been able to make people understand, so have always punished self to control and forget it , when justice is not in sight what is the point of raising the issue.

to day when my children go through these i am able to calm them like saying this is natural and this will be so and should be handled like this, still i don't think those ages will understand our ages...life has its layers crusted smooth and the finishing all in a process so we leave behind a mark when we play badly the game of life, i know the child u mentioned will never forgive her mother ever, and the mother has sealed her future for good...sunkan

Dear Shanthi,

Yesterday I read this blog penned down my FB and was about to post the same and lo my internet gave hath could not post

I really don't no I am facing lot of probs in posting the FB.

to this nice piece. Anger is a very strong destructive emotion. It leaves behind a trail of destruction. As lord Krishna says in B Gita, when anger takes over doom of the individual is guaranteed.

I was a very short tempered person. But after marriage and living with Joint Family has helped me to mellow down a lot. Before whenever I was angry I used to stare at the wall but now I would like to be alone and I will be going on talking to myself so that I remove all the negative thought about that persons as I have decided not to hate anybody. More details you can see in my thread What is LOVE?

Finally I managed to post the same. After 3 - 4 attempts I have posted.

thanks for stepping in.

Both your advices are commendable.

Veda, follows the second one. sometimes, there are people in a group who would talk about things as if he does not know a,b,c, d of it.. and he will be coolly listening, when they are putting him down..i will get so angry..back at home when i ask him, he will tell me I know what I am, I don't need to prove to them or their opinion does not affect me...

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your are so sweet when u admit being short tempered.

I will tell u a incident...they were newly married couples. the husband used to always get angry. the number of glasses/cups he broke were too many..so the wife one day brought all the cups and glasses and arranged them on the dining table and told the husband,

"Now boss, you can break everything u want, i will not stop you, after breaking, if u can piece them back, or replace them back it is fine.. I am not going to give a single penny from your salary...and this being a furnished accomodation you are answerable to all the breakage...and also remember tomorrow you are setting a example to your kids when they are born..."

He slowly has mellowed a lot. the husband and wife are none other than me and veda...
Hope veda does not for divulging this....

I am patience personified..but do get angry and when I am angry it is not easy to pacify me...that is one thing i have to learn to control.

As I read your feedback, I remembered a parent who used to hurt herself because she was angry with the children..I have seen two extremes..

Yes walking it off is the best way of cooling anger isn't it...
You are right, the mother has sealed her relationship with her daughter for sure in the negative

Nice to have a mom who can guide in everything...priya and chitra are blessed..

Thanks for being so persevering in giving your views. i am honored .

You are right. Anger is just one letter away from danger. Gita gives us an great example of the destruction caused by anger.

I also agree, marriage, inlaws, jfs, really mellows u more...


BTW, I have read the what is love...did not get the proper words to put an reply there...

Shanthi,
I had written a bit on this here.
Indeed a point to stop and ponder about.