My journey
A child and a question
by
on 26th November 2010 at 01:56 PM (1289 Views)
IS GOD THERE???
It is morning time. A girl, age 9-10 , her half yearly exam's result is going to be declared today. She is a bit nervous. She starts praying to God "Please help me this time, if you do so I will go to your temple and will give laddus in prasad. I know you like it."
Lets Go in her background
Her mother a devotee to SHIVA, her grandmother devotee to KRISHNA, her grandfather does not believe in GOD, he believes in his Guru. In her family She has freedom to choose and understand GOD as per her wish. Somehow seeing her mother she starts praying to god SHIVA.
She goes to temple whenever possible and asks for good marks/results and more silly stuff. When she does not get what she wants from God She gets angry stops praying. After sometimes she starts praying to different God. She still doesn’t understand how things work. She is not serious, for her it is like talking to her mother or her friend.
After 3-4 years at age of 14-15 she starts reading different articles/books regarding spiritual knowledge. Some articles were claiming that God is not there as no one has seen him. She is confused now. She is praying from last 6-7 years, but now books says HE is not there.What she should do now??? She talks to her mother and her mother gives explanation. So for few more days she is satisfied. Again the same confusion and agin her teacher is her mother.
The question asked in starting is from that silly girl, that is me.
Till now I don’t understand why I am sometimes so desperate (thanks to my rational mind) to think that he is not there. When I am in deep trouble and he doesn’t answer my questions. I am angry and then starts the war between my heart and my mind.
My heart: He is there with you. He is not helping because he knows you are capable enough for all this.
My mind: No one is there. If he would have been there, world should not be this bad to live in. If he is there, he should take care of every living being including you.
My heart: If he is not there. How this body can function properly. And no one is successful to make copy of this complex machine. So its his grace.
My mind: you need to read human history and you will know there is nothing god has done. Its nature.
My heart: Exactly. That’s the point you call it nature. I call it God.
My mind: No….You are not understanding it properly. It is nature or energy source.You need not to pray to nature/energy source. They won’t answer you. Why to waste time??
My heart: He is like air. You cannot see it but you can feel it. So believe me.
And after this conversation I really am lost. I don’t stop praying, I don’t stop believing in Him.
But I want my answers to this conversation. I don’t want to doubt His presence.
NOW HERE I NEED YOUR HELP/VIEWS
What should I do to minimize repetition of this? I
Oh! I feel so ashamed, I feel like I am criminal.
P.S. Sometimes I feel how GOD must be feeling - See this silly girl, she is in front of me praying for solutions and in her mind she doubts my presence. How can I give answer to her when she doesn’t believe me.
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