Freedom From Fear Of Men
I am happy to say that my entry has found it's way among theTop Ten Entries. Thanks to everyone here.
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/induslady/indusladies-international-womens-day-blog-2993/.
Indusladies International Women's Day Blog Contest - IndusLadies
Category- Relationship Isuues
All topics pertaining to women development here look heavy so I thought I would post a lighter one. I am tagging my good friends’ binagupta, Mrs Muffet and Anneshwa. Sending them a note, I do hope they participate too.
FREEDOM FROM FEAR OF MEN
We were four sisters and a brother in our house hold. My brother was born after my eldest sister and my parents thought one more won’t harm, that is how I came into this beautiful world but then my parents couldn’t contain the greed to have one more son to make two boys and two girls. That’s how my younger sister came by and then the youngest one came by mistake. All in all, we were four sisters and an only (actually a lonely) brother. What could you expect from a household that had five female members including my mom and two males including my father?
We, the girls were angels, mild mannered, chasing butterflies in our frocks or playing ‘I spy’ with some more friends but within the confines of our big house or immediate neighborhood. With strict instructions from my father we would be back inside the house before sunset. We gave least trouble to our parents unlike my brother who flew kites and played marbles till my mother exhausted all her energy calling him back into the house. Poor chap was the most misunderstood person because he didn’t play simple games like us. Being elder to three of us he tried to dominate and succeeded in taming my two younger siblings but I was a tough nut to crack and fought valiantly, never succumbing to his pressures though sometimes he did succeed in intimidating me too.
Our tenant on the contrary had two big boys. Big in the sense that they were huge like well fed bulls. The younger one wasn’t more than fifteen then, yet he had a full-sized frame. One reason to be scared of them was their towering personality that overwhelmed us and another was that they possessed a rifle which they so very often would take out and wave in our direction when my parents were not around. At a tender age of five, terribly scared of that rifle, I tried to keep off our lawn whenever they planned to use it and never told my parents about it lest they used it on me!
Green parrots or cranes flying high in formation often became targets of that gun. And when any bird fell to their bullet which was in the ratio of twenty shots going hay wire to one hitting the target, they would roast it over the burning charcoal and relish it with Tandoori Roti. Whether they were the first ones to induce fear of men in me, I am not sure but certainly their contribution at an early stage of my development cannot be denied. Actually I never realized I was scared of male gender since it was so very subtle.
One mad man was another reason for being scared of men who came by often to our locality. Actually he did nothing except laugh, speak incoherently or sometimes pick up a stone to threaten everyone…..no not everyone…he never said anything to children. But I am not sure who among us spread the rumor that he was a dangerous man. Thus on seeing him approaching, we all would run away as far as our tiny feet would take us.
Anyway all girls school was fun and I had no hang ups about it. Then came college and suddenly there were more boys, still in their teens in the class than girls. They smoked, laughed loudly, cracked jokes and made snide remarks. They were jovial and outgoing, ready to take on life with open arms. Teachers were mostly at their wits end under the butt of jokes and pranks they played on them. I thought they were rowdies showing scant regard to elders. When they laughed the whole classroom reverberated with their laughter. Suddenly thrown into this noisy setting my inner self withdrew and I tried to avoid those loud mouths. I don’t wish to give you the impression that I didn’t like any of them but because of their mannerism I felt scared though my outer façade was one of ‘don’t care less’ attitude (my brother had toughened me on that account).
Medical college didn’t help either with severe ragging and strict code of conduct for juniors during initial months. Our batch had a tough time fighting it out. A few fellow students were injured and some of them left college because of dread of few ruffians. Though there were very few who were actual bullies but my initial fear only furthered my dread of the male gender especially if they were staggering with alcohol overdose. With two stiff drinks even a jack ass roared like a Lion. Thankfully those five years passed by without any untoward incident.
Do I still fear them still? No of course not. With time those boys settled down and became friends and companions. I married one of them. My husband would laugh at my fears. “You just give one push to that hollering guy who has pushed too many down through his gullet and he will tumble down right there.”
But actual freedom from my fears came when my two boys grew up to become teenagers. It is then that my dread of male gender completely evaporated because I knew them as a mother and saw through all that boisterous behavior that was trying to announce their adult status hiding the child beneath. Behind their loud laughter and experimentations with bikes, girls, some other prohibited things and playing tricks on others was a child trying to understand himself; a child trying to get into the shoes of his father. It was a process of turning into an adult. Moreover I could blame certain hormones that make them aggressive and extroverts compared to girls. Knowing it now, I really wish they would use their propulsive energies to better use even if it means kicking a ball constantly on the wall rather than indulge in crimes they are so closely associated with. But maybe I am digressing from my point.
The point is, my fears vanished in thin air as I also grew up with my children. Rather I understand them much better now. Metrosexual males are already on the road to becoming less aggressive with their counterparts taking on equal share of all those jobs that were thought to belong to male bastion till now (though fairer sex is becoming aggressive with those jobs is another matter). Men with their ponytails, ear rings, tattoos and colorful clothes have started looking milder. A couple of years back, an engineer girl came to my house to fix up my Dish on the roof. She had two technicians working under her instructions. This is only the beginning; within next fifty years there is going to be a tremendous shift in roles played by both genders; the equation that will emerge then will redefine the exact nature of the gender possessing Y chromosome; and then perhaps, no one need fear them anymore.
Total Comments 24
Comments
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Dear mkarol
I also enjoyed travelling with you right from your childhood to the present stage of mother hood.Myself also being from a family of two sisters and no brothers could follow your feelings after passing through similiar situations.
I enjoyed the blog and your style of presentation.
Posted 21st February 2010 at 10:30 PM by Meenupanicker
- thnx Meenu
glad you enjoyed my take on the subject and liked my presentation. appreciate your effort.
I am not sure how I shd reply to comments. Hopefully this is the right way.
cheers
MadhviPosted 22nd February 2010 at 01:23 AM by mkarol - Intense and interesting.Very nice
Turmericnspice.
Posted 22nd February 2010 at 08:44 AM by sanketi - TurmericnspiceQuote:Originally Posted by sanketi
Intense and interesting.Very nice
Turmericnspice.
glad you liked my take.
thnx for dropping in here.
MadhviPosted 23rd February 2010 at 01:24 AM by mkarol - Dr Madhvi,
Absolutely enchanting and one feels so positive !! This gives a clear evidence of a woman who is no more confronted with the prospect of cutting herself loose from her moorings in this world.She is indeed undergoing a great progress...
I loved it when u said, " Men with their ponytails, ear rings, tattoos and colorful clothes have started looking milder. " LOL...
What a great, heartfelt post! I loved your positivity !!Wonderful...
-MMPosted 23rd February 2010 at 04:33 AM by mrsmuffet
