A mars venus impact - Random rambling
In a recent stay for 2 days at a friend's place for the Seemantham ( A function done before baby is born), there was a social gathering with many people meeting each other for the first time. It's sometimes easy to have a small talk about common problems or about some common work and start getting along.
There were times when I felt a bit out of place. There were men in a separate group talking about economy, stock markets and politics, quota system. I was initially sitting with women talking about kitchen tips and clothes and baby care etc etc.. Although my attention was in what the men were talking, i was in this women's gang. To be frank, I wanted to be among men talking about the topics they did. But it would have been awkward suddenly entering that gang consisting 10 men. Although with women I enjoy certain topics of conversation like cooking, astrology, clothes and accesories, some times it's things like current news, science and technology, politics, business and money matters ( Exclude sports and girls). I don't know if that was a self created boundary, but I did have doubts as to what people will think.
Socializing is an art worth building on. Every new person we meet add depth and meaning to our lives. There is a small cute book I picked at Barnes and Noble recently. I would recommend it to people who find themselves tongue tied. It s called " The Fine art of small talk" by the author 'Debra". As for the problem I had I have to find a way out. I would call this a Social Etiquette post.
Further the next day, everybody was sitting around and had a good conversation one topic after another and it lasted so long. In this scenario, there was a young gentleman who had come from Dallas and he was cracking jokes. People were so tuned to him and were relishing his company big time. I did enjoy the gathering too. As much as I know myself, I am quite witty too. I crack jokes and make people laugh, but that happens only when I am with my friends or close family. In most places men are encouraged and also they have the luxury to talk anything. Nobody would think bad about men in most cases. Wit is appreciated and received well from men then women.
The post solicits replies with solutions as well as a sharing of personal experience. Have a twinkling Tuesday dear blogger friends.
There were times when I felt a bit out of place. There were men in a separate group talking about economy, stock markets and politics, quota system. I was initially sitting with women talking about kitchen tips and clothes and baby care etc etc.. Although my attention was in what the men were talking, i was in this women's gang. To be frank, I wanted to be among men talking about the topics they did. But it would have been awkward suddenly entering that gang consisting 10 men. Although with women I enjoy certain topics of conversation like cooking, astrology, clothes and accesories, some times it's things like current news, science and technology, politics, business and money matters ( Exclude sports and girls). I don't know if that was a self created boundary, but I did have doubts as to what people will think.
Socializing is an art worth building on. Every new person we meet add depth and meaning to our lives. There is a small cute book I picked at Barnes and Noble recently. I would recommend it to people who find themselves tongue tied. It s called " The Fine art of small talk" by the author 'Debra". As for the problem I had I have to find a way out. I would call this a Social Etiquette post.
Further the next day, everybody was sitting around and had a good conversation one topic after another and it lasted so long. In this scenario, there was a young gentleman who had come from Dallas and he was cracking jokes. People were so tuned to him and were relishing his company big time. I did enjoy the gathering too. As much as I know myself, I am quite witty too. I crack jokes and make people laugh, but that happens only when I am with my friends or close family. In most places men are encouraged and also they have the luxury to talk anything. Nobody would think bad about men in most cases. Wit is appreciated and received well from men then women.
The post solicits replies with solutions as well as a sharing of personal experience. Have a twinkling Tuesday dear blogger friends.
Total Comments 9
Comments
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I like all your thoughts,MeenLoch Vidya! We seem to be kindred spirits. When in a social gathering (here it is mostly long evenings with dinner), I find the conversation of men more interesting. I love collecting new recipes, slokams, fashion tips etc but do feel a bit left out when women start off on their children or delivery travails. That apart, I find the stock market speak,car chat, the politics round up etc more vivid. Here too wit is more appreciated when it emenates from a man. I am part of a ladies kitty that meets every last Friday. There also some topics are stimulating, some you just have to keep plodding on on automatic. Ah the perils of having a social life----Posted 18th December 2007 at 11:52 AM by Vidya24
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Vidya,
"The fellow name sharer" - How about a meet with like minded women who would talk about such topics ? Not possible so easily, but I have a couple of such friends and luvvvvv talking to them..everything over the phone or internet..
As for the inevitable social gatherings, fortunately we do share some common interests like running the house, we can divert what the group talks to our area of interest after sometime...Or just endure it for a while and do something we enjoy, but when there is nothing to do and just sit and talk monotonously, then it indeed is the 'perils of having social life'....We cannot pick the phone and talk to someone else each time, or we cannot read a magazine , we have to be in the conversation trying to hunt and induce topics of our interest. Worse yet, one can stop attending those get-togther so regularly. Just stay in touch by giving some cameo appearances and try searching for like minded people. Thanks to internet and indusladies...
Posted 18th December 2007 at 12:57 PM by MeenLoch -
Welcome to the long suffering wives club V's (both). Even among the like minded wives, we really have to struggle to change the mind set of the menfolk who seem to just flock together. The trick to avoid this in a social gathering is to make sure a big spread is out and ready before the first guest steps in (in case of one night party) and not to give the men a chance to gather. Also have plenty of competitive games around other than card games( this women seem to avoid and men seem to love). Another time tested trick is to put men in charge of beverages so that they hover in the kitchen or feeding the kids(all the kids not their own) for which they do have to hover in the kitchen. This again warrants a change in the mind set since at home they are willing to help with anything but not outside. Just like how you guys are feeling that it may not be appropriate for one to venture into mens gathering and the jokes cut by a women may not be taken in the same spirit, they also have some preset notions in their heads which are very hard to break apart from. After years of trying, we have some gatherings where there is no seperation of sexes right from set up to party fun to clean up but others are still a work in progress
Posted 18th December 2007 at 01:42 PM by Blondie
Updated 18th December 2007 at 01:51 PM by Blondie -
Vidhya,
You know what, many a times I too have felt the same. I have learnt it from my father to keep updated about anything and everything in this world. So when someone talks of economy or politics, I always butt in to the raised eyebrows of men and women. But I had a thick skin I beleive which had made me not to mind such stares and comments. I also talk about dresses, recipies, kids etc etc with women and I enjoy that too, but still...
Many a times I was called as mookku neela kaari; which though I have never taken to heart.
But now people have understood me and so I am considered to be in both the gangs.Posted 20th December 2007 at 01:24 AM by rajmiarun -
dear rajmi,
i join you here, not that ladies topic are bad, but would love to be among men who discuss the world and walk out enlightened. but,have you noticed men when they meet woman they have to be prodded to speak something different, which otherwise they enjoy among their crowd. but to discuss the same with woman in company they are ill at ease, so when u pick up a subject and discuss they fall in line explaining in detail and lo the conversation has started...sunkan
Posted 20th December 2007 at 04:30 AM by sunkan
