Cometh with Power, Responsibility

If you have seen the movie Spiderman, this is the dialogue he is told by his uncle.


The blog has it's sources from yesterday's discussion / debate with my husband about "Woman empowerment". He feels we are a bit prejudiced and blame men even before we meet them or know them well enough. He says it's a bit overblown. All his friends who are girls also think in the same lines as me and he feels it's unnecessary given that, men have changed a lot. They respect you, they don't order you, they learn it in an adaptive way, worst case they pay the price very soon for not adapting to modern day woman, who can ask her man " what s for dinner honey ? " or maybe earns more than him.

Well what I thought of it and am going to write about is slightly different. Yes women are powerful today. They can earn, take care of themselves, make solid decisions and in some cases even be a primary breadwinner. But the catch is following.


Comes with power the responsibility. Many women that I know of compare their previous lifestyles with what their husbands are giving them. Unfair, grossly unfair !!!!!! You cannot have the best of both worlds. Can you ?

So what does responsibilty mean in this context

1. Enjoy your freedom, but remember you have equal share in everything including responsibilities like financial, physical etc. It can never be unequally yoked, because the system gets unstable if it's not in equilibrium.

2. Enjoy the boost in confidence that comes through work and career, but have your feet on ground. I am not against responsible women who already do so, but I do know women who have quit doing even normal household chores and expect their husbands or in-laws or completely dependent on maids ( not even considering that it is well within their reach ).

3. As for in-laws get the respect you deserve. You are not a doormat who would let them walk on you ( this given the case that they are bad). I ll leave it here because in Indian societies, no matter what, predominantly, a girl even if she has a career and is successful, she would still be next to others in house. Know to ignore things. As cliched it sounds, I feel some petty whining from them should not consume your mind and time, which is meant for a productive work. As for good in-laws, buy them small gifts and what you cannot do physically do it financially. Who does not love gifts.

4. As for your husbands,let them learn to be a bit independent. So if he offers you help, never deny. Wait for a system which works fine with both of you. No tabs, as to who has to do what. The best thing I feel that works is as responsibilities come, each person takes randomly. Or sometimes I might be good at something and he will be in something else. For works which we both hate, maid might help or we ll do it slowly. No pressure, no tension.

5. Stop whining. Trust me, people don't like a person who keeps complaining about what she has to go through etc. You can share it with a confidante or a close friend or mother or siblings just to vent it out. Other methods to cope stress are meditation, music etc. Indusladies is always there to give you are new perspective about things. Take steps to de-stress. I mean go to temple or put soft light music in the night. After coming to US I love putting suprabhatam in mornings. Feels being at home, soothing effect.
Plus a belief in a power bigger than us helps us ( Scientifically proven,Psychology today)...

See this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLLlc...eature=related
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HqdnjgkExY


6. Not being able to deliver everything fully is not your fault. Let go of things. If u miss a promotion or have to submit a report a day later, no one s going to beat you or kill you and that s not the end of career. Also at home, it ll be no harm if you eat out 2 or 3 days in a week. Swallow one work at a time.. Take help from people who are willing to and as for husband ji, one can ask for a help, he is not going to deny in most cases. Small helps I mean like fixing something or cooking dinner one day or helping kids etc. Many women want them to understand by themselves, last thing to happen on earth.


You might have already read some of these, but this blog serves the purpose of a) reinforcing some thoughts b) Has a mix of some little experience I have had playing some of these roles. c) Has some points from magazines and experts, just jotted down whatever I coudl remember..
Hope one or two definitely help you all.


Love
Shri