Male Friends and Molestation
Posted 26th June 2009 at 09:37 AM by malspie
A couple of months ago, there was an article in newspaper heading the front page about a female working with Tata’s being repeatedly molested by 6 men and few of them were her friends. After the act, they gave her contraceptive pill to let the matter at rest forever. But the girl went ahead and complained to the police.
The above article made me think, how can a young girl in any stage of her life either drunk / sober, go to a room alone with so many male friends. If it is blind trust, she has paid heavily for it.
There was another article of a 14 year old of a famous producer of Bollywood being taken to a hotel room and sexually abused. The father of the girl painted the town red and got the man arrested. Police drew a chart on the character of the accused who would black mail the girls (with what!) and take them to the room. Yeah, he did not own any car or bike; he commuted with them in auto-rickshaw! He took them to the hotels which give rooms on lease on hourly or whatever basis and sexually abuse them. Now, why did the girl not make a big noise when she was ferried by the molester in an auto rickshaw? The driver of the rickshaw would definitely not like to embroil in to police/law and would have refused to take them further, if not so, she could have gathered the attention of the passing vehicles who could have helped her out as in the recent case a child was abducted by a rickshaw driver, but the child made such a ruckus, a few passers by followed the rickshaw driver, gheraoed him and brought him in the books of law.
She sat comfortably with the accused and then she walked to the hotel room with the accused knowing that he is taking a room on lease for few hours after signing a register, was she not aware of what will happen behind the doors! In Mumbai, a 9 year old can draw a big picture of sex life!
I am not supporting the accused, I am just asking, there were so many chances for the girl to escape, to make noise, to ask for help, she did not!
In the Tata employee case, she was a grown up woman walking in to invite rape, she can trust one man, but how come so many of them. After seeing so many men in the room, she should have immediately left the house and not go inside the bedroom to crash!
In both the cases, the man was known to them! What leads to molestation from your own friend! In the first case, was he your friend? How quickly have you trusted him, how much do you know about him? How much do you love yourself that you can give it to somebody so easily? How quick are your reflexes? Do you know where you are being taken? Do you have the telephone number of police cell, have you kept a quick redial service on your phone of the person who can come to your rescue? Have you got a clear picture of the person with whom you are going around with as friend, before you enter with him in to a room? In Mumbai, it happens often, the girl is taken by surprise to see some more males sitting in the room and the boy introducing them to her as his friends? How often have you met these men? Has he discussed about them to you? What are they doing? What do you know about them? Have you had any interaction with these guys any time in life? Have you made it clear with your male friend; you do not like to extend your friendship with all his friends? Have you told him, you are not ‘available’ for all of them? Have you given him an idea that one of the people whom you know is very influential and can get a culprit apprehended within no time? How much of your secrets do you let him know and in how much of time? Does your single status make him feel you must be craving for sex? As he discussed sex with you and have you made it clear, that such discussions are fine only if they remain as discussions and does not mean you are wanting it /or have you told the man, you are not interested in discussing these topics with a male friend, you would prefer to have such discussions with your lover instead.
Most of the females, never ask questions, they just get going, some due to loneliness, some for fun, some out of adventure, some are totally innocent. But nobody can be so innocent to walk in to a room with a man whom you call only a friend!
There are many good men out there, who respect women, at the same time there are many waiting for such opportunities. Never discuss your personal matters with a man whom you have acquainted just for few months, never give out your credit card or bank details to the man in a hurry, think twice before you let him know any of your weaknesses and that includes a spat with your family, friends or your past too. Learn to hold your dignity and walk tall. No man on this earth can touch a woman who can kick him at the right spot when required!
It happens many times to those women who are social and look for partying and fun and also to those woman who have their husbands who do not know how to choose friends and invite some men with roving eyes home. Some eye their friends wife and some their friends daughters too!
In my long career, I do not invite any one home so easily. People stand in queues for ages to even get to know me a bit more. I never discuss my family with anyone, never like to talk much but listen, I am single but know how to keep the distance. I have also smelt lots of fishes in my tenure and have decently avoided from being fished by the wrong man!
Girls, be careful before you trust a man. Have male friends, I have them in plenty, but I keep a safe distance. I do not encourage them to give me any gifts and if they do so, I clearly tell them it does not mean I give the keys of my body to them! I am straight and to the point, the gifts may stop coming and the guy may stop calling, if that is what he wanted, if not he will keep trying too!
The above article made me think, how can a young girl in any stage of her life either drunk / sober, go to a room alone with so many male friends. If it is blind trust, she has paid heavily for it.
There was another article of a 14 year old of a famous producer of Bollywood being taken to a hotel room and sexually abused. The father of the girl painted the town red and got the man arrested. Police drew a chart on the character of the accused who would black mail the girls (with what!) and take them to the room. Yeah, he did not own any car or bike; he commuted with them in auto-rickshaw! He took them to the hotels which give rooms on lease on hourly or whatever basis and sexually abuse them. Now, why did the girl not make a big noise when she was ferried by the molester in an auto rickshaw? The driver of the rickshaw would definitely not like to embroil in to police/law and would have refused to take them further, if not so, she could have gathered the attention of the passing vehicles who could have helped her out as in the recent case a child was abducted by a rickshaw driver, but the child made such a ruckus, a few passers by followed the rickshaw driver, gheraoed him and brought him in the books of law.
She sat comfortably with the accused and then she walked to the hotel room with the accused knowing that he is taking a room on lease for few hours after signing a register, was she not aware of what will happen behind the doors! In Mumbai, a 9 year old can draw a big picture of sex life!
I am not supporting the accused, I am just asking, there were so many chances for the girl to escape, to make noise, to ask for help, she did not!
In the Tata employee case, she was a grown up woman walking in to invite rape, she can trust one man, but how come so many of them. After seeing so many men in the room, she should have immediately left the house and not go inside the bedroom to crash!
In both the cases, the man was known to them! What leads to molestation from your own friend! In the first case, was he your friend? How quickly have you trusted him, how much do you know about him? How much do you love yourself that you can give it to somebody so easily? How quick are your reflexes? Do you know where you are being taken? Do you have the telephone number of police cell, have you kept a quick redial service on your phone of the person who can come to your rescue? Have you got a clear picture of the person with whom you are going around with as friend, before you enter with him in to a room? In Mumbai, it happens often, the girl is taken by surprise to see some more males sitting in the room and the boy introducing them to her as his friends? How often have you met these men? Has he discussed about them to you? What are they doing? What do you know about them? Have you had any interaction with these guys any time in life? Have you made it clear with your male friend; you do not like to extend your friendship with all his friends? Have you told him, you are not ‘available’ for all of them? Have you given him an idea that one of the people whom you know is very influential and can get a culprit apprehended within no time? How much of your secrets do you let him know and in how much of time? Does your single status make him feel you must be craving for sex? As he discussed sex with you and have you made it clear, that such discussions are fine only if they remain as discussions and does not mean you are wanting it /or have you told the man, you are not interested in discussing these topics with a male friend, you would prefer to have such discussions with your lover instead.
Most of the females, never ask questions, they just get going, some due to loneliness, some for fun, some out of adventure, some are totally innocent. But nobody can be so innocent to walk in to a room with a man whom you call only a friend!
There are many good men out there, who respect women, at the same time there are many waiting for such opportunities. Never discuss your personal matters with a man whom you have acquainted just for few months, never give out your credit card or bank details to the man in a hurry, think twice before you let him know any of your weaknesses and that includes a spat with your family, friends or your past too. Learn to hold your dignity and walk tall. No man on this earth can touch a woman who can kick him at the right spot when required!
It happens many times to those women who are social and look for partying and fun and also to those woman who have their husbands who do not know how to choose friends and invite some men with roving eyes home. Some eye their friends wife and some their friends daughters too!
In my long career, I do not invite any one home so easily. People stand in queues for ages to even get to know me a bit more. I never discuss my family with anyone, never like to talk much but listen, I am single but know how to keep the distance. I have also smelt lots of fishes in my tenure and have decently avoided from being fished by the wrong man!
Girls, be careful before you trust a man. Have male friends, I have them in plenty, but I keep a safe distance. I do not encourage them to give me any gifts and if they do so, I clearly tell them it does not mean I give the keys of my body to them! I am straight and to the point, the gifts may stop coming and the guy may stop calling, if that is what he wanted, if not he will keep trying too!
Total Comments 32
Comments
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Mals
good post...there was one such post in our snippets of life where a 24yrs old girl goes to bar at night and come back home the next day and her sis beats her up for doing such act...(this girl stayed back at her friends place as she didnt want to upset her parents..)....instead of saying this girl behaved very irresponsbily everyone started targeting her sis for beating her up...sometimes wehave to understand whta might be the repurcussions of doing some acts...our elders have read and seen so many incidents so naturally they getting upset or overwhelmed is not or cannot be ruledout...Posted 26th June 2009 at 04:04 PM by SriVidya75
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well said.I agree with you and even i wonder the same when i read about these things in newspapers.Hope girls will get wise and protect themeselves .srividya ,even i thought the same about the girl's irresponsibility when i read it in snippets.I agree her sister's behaviour is deplorable ,yet the girl should have behaved better.Posted 27th June 2009 at 12:38 AM by Deaf woman -
Dear Mals,
Hats off... A wonderful post. All women should read this especially young girls. Will defintely show to my teenage daughter.
You have written very well how a woman needs to handle herself and then later putting the blame on men. Prevention is better than cure should be the mantra..
Wonderful Mals...my bow to you on net.Posted 27th June 2009 at 03:08 AM by Lalitha Shivaguru -
Dear Mals,
Well said. A Wonderful post. Each and every teenage girls should
read this. You have very rightly told how a lady to tackle the matter.
Hats off to you.
lalithavennkatPosted 27th June 2009 at 05:55 AM by lalithavennkat -
Maturity is being responsible for...
Hi Srividya,
Maturity is another word for being responsible for our actions and life.
We have to constantly have an alert mind and learn to sniff danger in disguise.
Thanks for stepping in.Posted 28th June 2009 at 01:12 PM by malspie
