Are you a good Friend?
Posted 13th August 2009 at 04:23 AM by malspie
Tags best friend, good friend
Are you a good friend? We all assume we are one, but actually there are many corners which we ignore and end up losing a friend or being one. It is universally noted that people who have a good friend are less depressed and look fully motivated all the time irrespective of the rough tides of life!
To have a good friend we need to be one too. The first condition of being a good friend is to give enough space to your friend and not nit-pick and brag about anything. Remember, you are two different individuals and each have a different approach to the ways of life. Once you have given the space, you observe that you are very comfortable in each other’s company. Primarily, you are not bound to tell them everything you do and take advice on everything you want to do. Slowly, this bond thickens to trust and you feel like sharing some of your best secrets of your life. Your friend also responds in the same manner and both of you laugh at the fool hardiness, goof-ups and some skeletons of your cupboards. The second important lesson, we need to learn is to lock this secret in the corner of your heart and never disclose it to anybody under any trial of life. In case, you end up going different ways, do not sit with people and degrade your friend by letting the secrets including his/her weakness. A good break up in friendship means, a silent break up. You owe no explanation to this world for your break up. Yes, if your heart is earning for his/her companionship, do not hesitate to make the first move. May be your friend is also waiting for it. The hidden lesson here is no ego hassles in friendship. Be the first one to praise, to help, to motivate and you will get the same response. Cheer your friend when he/she is depressed, celebrate his/her victory, motivate them to count on his/her strengths and amend their weakness. Once you have signed the bond of good friendship, try to be candid. In case, you do know that your friend is hiding something from you, let the matter rest. A true friend will never be able to hide it for long, may be he/she is gathering the strength to confess or discuss with you. So don’t jump the gun and brood, when finally your friend steps in to discuss it with you, listen patiently, do not show any signs of anger or let down feeling, just give your ears and hold their hands, let them feel comfortable. After the matter is discussed, let it rest forever, do not brag on it and try to show you are smarter and you may not have done it.. blah..blah.. etc… Just chill with your friend, later, when your friend asks, why weren’t you reacting on it, why weren’t you upset that he/she has hidden it from you for long, you can coolly say, ‘You knew it and was waiting for he/she to open the Pandora box’ or say, ‘I knew, you will not be able to hide anything from me for long’, this will make your friend trust and love you more.
Respect your friend’s likes and dislikes and do not try to impose your opinion on him/her. Join him/her for a movie which you would have detested to watch if given a choice, help him/her to shop and make a choice- you can just suggest not impose your taste. Your moves will make your friend do the same for you. Result is, you will never find yourself alone ever!
If you are in a better position and your friend is in distress, step in and help, it may be a financial help too. Please, do not disclose it to anybody. You do it only if you feel you can do it and you are in a position to do it. Do not borrow and steal. Stand with your friend like a tall tower on whom he/she can lean, rock their boat to a better shore; God is watching you and your kind gesture will open bigger gates for you one day. If you did not get much from this earth, you will earn a big place in God’s abode. Yes, you will. If you have helped any one financially, do not set time limits for repayment. May be your friend is not in a position to re-pay you within the framed time limit. If your friend happens to ditch you with the cash and look down upon you later, forget the whole issue. Never fight with anyone for money, we were never born with it nor are we going to take it with us. It is just a currency to live on this temporary house called EARTH. So why worry! I have also stated, help with cash only if you have the capacity to do so and can survive after helping!
Be open to learn from your friend and do not try to portray the image of know all. Respond to their calls and messages, be pro-active always.
Also a vital point to be noted, if your friend did not stand by you during the difficult times of your life, if he/she did not walk that extra mile for you, it is time to wake up! He/she is not worth being called a friend. Do not call names and abuse. Start building the distance, it has to be very slow and one day, he /she may turn up to say ‘Sorry’. He/she can be forgiven but it is for sure, they have LOST A GOOD FRIEND!
Also remember, once bitten twice shy, does not apply in friendship, it is a spark that is created by the Lord. As he cannot be there with us all the time, he sends some good friends, nourish this bond and keep it safely.
If you ask me, I can say, ‘I am a good friend’ and I do not preach what I do not like to practice. I think, I should let my friends speak more on this topic.
To have a good friend we need to be one too. The first condition of being a good friend is to give enough space to your friend and not nit-pick and brag about anything. Remember, you are two different individuals and each have a different approach to the ways of life. Once you have given the space, you observe that you are very comfortable in each other’s company. Primarily, you are not bound to tell them everything you do and take advice on everything you want to do. Slowly, this bond thickens to trust and you feel like sharing some of your best secrets of your life. Your friend also responds in the same manner and both of you laugh at the fool hardiness, goof-ups and some skeletons of your cupboards. The second important lesson, we need to learn is to lock this secret in the corner of your heart and never disclose it to anybody under any trial of life. In case, you end up going different ways, do not sit with people and degrade your friend by letting the secrets including his/her weakness. A good break up in friendship means, a silent break up. You owe no explanation to this world for your break up. Yes, if your heart is earning for his/her companionship, do not hesitate to make the first move. May be your friend is also waiting for it. The hidden lesson here is no ego hassles in friendship. Be the first one to praise, to help, to motivate and you will get the same response. Cheer your friend when he/she is depressed, celebrate his/her victory, motivate them to count on his/her strengths and amend their weakness. Once you have signed the bond of good friendship, try to be candid. In case, you do know that your friend is hiding something from you, let the matter rest. A true friend will never be able to hide it for long, may be he/she is gathering the strength to confess or discuss with you. So don’t jump the gun and brood, when finally your friend steps in to discuss it with you, listen patiently, do not show any signs of anger or let down feeling, just give your ears and hold their hands, let them feel comfortable. After the matter is discussed, let it rest forever, do not brag on it and try to show you are smarter and you may not have done it.. blah..blah.. etc… Just chill with your friend, later, when your friend asks, why weren’t you reacting on it, why weren’t you upset that he/she has hidden it from you for long, you can coolly say, ‘You knew it and was waiting for he/she to open the Pandora box’ or say, ‘I knew, you will not be able to hide anything from me for long’, this will make your friend trust and love you more.
Respect your friend’s likes and dislikes and do not try to impose your opinion on him/her. Join him/her for a movie which you would have detested to watch if given a choice, help him/her to shop and make a choice- you can just suggest not impose your taste. Your moves will make your friend do the same for you. Result is, you will never find yourself alone ever!
If you are in a better position and your friend is in distress, step in and help, it may be a financial help too. Please, do not disclose it to anybody. You do it only if you feel you can do it and you are in a position to do it. Do not borrow and steal. Stand with your friend like a tall tower on whom he/she can lean, rock their boat to a better shore; God is watching you and your kind gesture will open bigger gates for you one day. If you did not get much from this earth, you will earn a big place in God’s abode. Yes, you will. If you have helped any one financially, do not set time limits for repayment. May be your friend is not in a position to re-pay you within the framed time limit. If your friend happens to ditch you with the cash and look down upon you later, forget the whole issue. Never fight with anyone for money, we were never born with it nor are we going to take it with us. It is just a currency to live on this temporary house called EARTH. So why worry! I have also stated, help with cash only if you have the capacity to do so and can survive after helping!
Be open to learn from your friend and do not try to portray the image of know all. Respond to their calls and messages, be pro-active always.
Also a vital point to be noted, if your friend did not stand by you during the difficult times of your life, if he/she did not walk that extra mile for you, it is time to wake up! He/she is not worth being called a friend. Do not call names and abuse. Start building the distance, it has to be very slow and one day, he /she may turn up to say ‘Sorry’. He/she can be forgiven but it is for sure, they have LOST A GOOD FRIEND!
Also remember, once bitten twice shy, does not apply in friendship, it is a spark that is created by the Lord. As he cannot be there with us all the time, he sends some good friends, nourish this bond and keep it safely.
If you ask me, I can say, ‘I am a good friend’ and I do not preach what I do not like to practice. I think, I should let my friends speak more on this topic.
Total Comments 18
Comments
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Hey Mals, that was a neat elaborate defination of a good friend.
I guess I am one, atleast to a couple of them. Anyway, let me instrospect and find out.Posted 13th August 2009 at 07:06 AM by Saraswathipv
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Hi Saras,
We share a very beautiful relationship. You are definitely one of them!Posted 13th August 2009 at 09:45 AM by malspie - Hi MALS!
Stepping into IL after very long.....and ur post was the first I read! Beautifully written babes! I hope I have been atleast half a good friend! Luv U!Posted 13th August 2009 at 10:02 AM by ANK -
Malsy dear,
Beautifully elaborated ..... with apt reminders of the do's and don'ts once you have entered this precious world of friendship.It is definitely a communion of souls that has to be treated like crystal and not taken for granted.
I would like to share a few quotes I came across .....
"Friendship is a bridge between you and me.When you are sad or lonely, cross it.I'll wait on the other side forever.But if you are afraid, I'll cross it for you."
Another one, more in tune with todays cell phone culture!
" Friendship is a network that needs no recharge, no roaming,no activation,and has no signal problems.Just make sure you do not switch off your heart."
love,
PaulinaPosted 13th August 2009 at 11:40 AM by Paulina -
You are one my Gems!
Ankie Sweety,
Just read your email and was glad to know you are settling down, that would give you enough time to chat and PM me messages!!
I treasure you as one of my gems buddy.Posted 14th August 2009 at 02:08 AM by malspie
