Male Friends and Molestation
Posted 26th June 2009 at 09:37 AM by malspie
A couple of months ago, there was an article in newspaper heading the front page about a female working with Tata’s being repeatedly molested by 6 men and few of them were her friends. After the act, they gave her contraceptive pill to let the matter at rest forever. But the girl went ahead and complained to the police.
The above article made me think, how can a young girl in any stage of her life either drunk / sober, go to a room alone with so many male friends. If it is blind trust, she has paid heavily for it.
There was another article of a 14 year old of a famous producer of Bollywood being taken to a hotel room and sexually abused. The father of the girl painted the town red and got the man arrested. Police drew a chart on the character of the accused who would black mail the girls (with what!) and take them to the room. Yeah, he did not own any car or bike; he commuted with them in auto-rickshaw! He took them to the hotels which give rooms on lease on hourly or whatever basis and sexually abuse them. Now, why did the girl not make a big noise when she was ferried by the molester in an auto rickshaw? The driver of the rickshaw would definitely not like to embroil in to police/law and would have refused to take them further, if not so, she could have gathered the attention of the passing vehicles who could have helped her out as in the recent case a child was abducted by a rickshaw driver, but the child made such a ruckus, a few passers by followed the rickshaw driver, gheraoed him and brought him in the books of law.
She sat comfortably with the accused and then she walked to the hotel room with the accused knowing that he is taking a room on lease for few hours after signing a register, was she not aware of what will happen behind the doors! In Mumbai, a 9 year old can draw a big picture of sex life!
I am not supporting the accused, I am just asking, there were so many chances for the girl to escape, to make noise, to ask for help, she did not!
In the Tata employee case, she was a grown up woman walking in to invite rape, she can trust one man, but how come so many of them. After seeing so many men in the room, she should have immediately left the house and not go inside the bedroom to crash!
In both the cases, the man was known to them! What leads to molestation from your own friend! In the first case, was he your friend? How quickly have you trusted him, how much do you know about him? How much do you love yourself that you can give it to somebody so easily? How quick are your reflexes? Do you know where you are being taken? Do you have the telephone number of police cell, have you kept a quick redial service on your phone of the person who can come to your rescue? Have you got a clear picture of the person with whom you are going around with as friend, before you enter with him in to a room? In Mumbai, it happens often, the girl is taken by surprise to see some more males sitting in the room and the boy introducing them to her as his friends? How often have you met these men? Has he discussed about them to you? What are they doing? What do you know about them? Have you had any interaction with these guys any time in life? Have you made it clear with your male friend; you do not like to extend your friendship with all his friends? Have you told him, you are not ‘available’ for all of them? Have you given him an idea that one of the people whom you know is very influential and can get a culprit apprehended within no time? How much of your secrets do you let him know and in how much of time? Does your single status make him feel you must be craving for sex? As he discussed sex with you and have you made it clear, that such discussions are fine only if they remain as discussions and does not mean you are wanting it /or have you told the man, you are not interested in discussing these topics with a male friend, you would prefer to have such discussions with your lover instead.
Most of the females, never ask questions, they just get going, some due to loneliness, some for fun, some out of adventure, some are totally innocent. But nobody can be so innocent to walk in to a room with a man whom you call only a friend!
There are many good men out there, who respect women, at the same time there are many waiting for such opportunities. Never discuss your personal matters with a man whom you have acquainted just for few months, never give out your credit card or bank details to the man in a hurry, think twice before you let him know any of your weaknesses and that includes a spat with your family, friends or your past too. Learn to hold your dignity and walk tall. No man on this earth can touch a woman who can kick him at the right spot when required!
It happens many times to those women who are social and look for partying and fun and also to those woman who have their husbands who do not know how to choose friends and invite some men with roving eyes home. Some eye their friends wife and some their friends daughters too!
In my long career, I do not invite any one home so easily. People stand in queues for ages to even get to know me a bit more. I never discuss my family with anyone, never like to talk much but listen, I am single but know how to keep the distance. I have also smelt lots of fishes in my tenure and have decently avoided from being fished by the wrong man!
Girls, be careful before you trust a man. Have male friends, I have them in plenty, but I keep a safe distance. I do not encourage them to give me any gifts and if they do so, I clearly tell them it does not mean I give the keys of my body to them! I am straight and to the point, the gifts may stop coming and the guy may stop calling, if that is what he wanted, if not he will keep trying too!
The above article made me think, how can a young girl in any stage of her life either drunk / sober, go to a room alone with so many male friends. If it is blind trust, she has paid heavily for it.
There was another article of a 14 year old of a famous producer of Bollywood being taken to a hotel room and sexually abused. The father of the girl painted the town red and got the man arrested. Police drew a chart on the character of the accused who would black mail the girls (with what!) and take them to the room. Yeah, he did not own any car or bike; he commuted with them in auto-rickshaw! He took them to the hotels which give rooms on lease on hourly or whatever basis and sexually abuse them. Now, why did the girl not make a big noise when she was ferried by the molester in an auto rickshaw? The driver of the rickshaw would definitely not like to embroil in to police/law and would have refused to take them further, if not so, she could have gathered the attention of the passing vehicles who could have helped her out as in the recent case a child was abducted by a rickshaw driver, but the child made such a ruckus, a few passers by followed the rickshaw driver, gheraoed him and brought him in the books of law.
She sat comfortably with the accused and then she walked to the hotel room with the accused knowing that he is taking a room on lease for few hours after signing a register, was she not aware of what will happen behind the doors! In Mumbai, a 9 year old can draw a big picture of sex life!
I am not supporting the accused, I am just asking, there were so many chances for the girl to escape, to make noise, to ask for help, she did not!
In the Tata employee case, she was a grown up woman walking in to invite rape, she can trust one man, but how come so many of them. After seeing so many men in the room, she should have immediately left the house and not go inside the bedroom to crash!
In both the cases, the man was known to them! What leads to molestation from your own friend! In the first case, was he your friend? How quickly have you trusted him, how much do you know about him? How much do you love yourself that you can give it to somebody so easily? How quick are your reflexes? Do you know where you are being taken? Do you have the telephone number of police cell, have you kept a quick redial service on your phone of the person who can come to your rescue? Have you got a clear picture of the person with whom you are going around with as friend, before you enter with him in to a room? In Mumbai, it happens often, the girl is taken by surprise to see some more males sitting in the room and the boy introducing them to her as his friends? How often have you met these men? Has he discussed about them to you? What are they doing? What do you know about them? Have you had any interaction with these guys any time in life? Have you made it clear with your male friend; you do not like to extend your friendship with all his friends? Have you told him, you are not ‘available’ for all of them? Have you given him an idea that one of the people whom you know is very influential and can get a culprit apprehended within no time? How much of your secrets do you let him know and in how much of time? Does your single status make him feel you must be craving for sex? As he discussed sex with you and have you made it clear, that such discussions are fine only if they remain as discussions and does not mean you are wanting it /or have you told the man, you are not interested in discussing these topics with a male friend, you would prefer to have such discussions with your lover instead.
Most of the females, never ask questions, they just get going, some due to loneliness, some for fun, some out of adventure, some are totally innocent. But nobody can be so innocent to walk in to a room with a man whom you call only a friend!
There are many good men out there, who respect women, at the same time there are many waiting for such opportunities. Never discuss your personal matters with a man whom you have acquainted just for few months, never give out your credit card or bank details to the man in a hurry, think twice before you let him know any of your weaknesses and that includes a spat with your family, friends or your past too. Learn to hold your dignity and walk tall. No man on this earth can touch a woman who can kick him at the right spot when required!
It happens many times to those women who are social and look for partying and fun and also to those woman who have their husbands who do not know how to choose friends and invite some men with roving eyes home. Some eye their friends wife and some their friends daughters too!
In my long career, I do not invite any one home so easily. People stand in queues for ages to even get to know me a bit more. I never discuss my family with anyone, never like to talk much but listen, I am single but know how to keep the distance. I have also smelt lots of fishes in my tenure and have decently avoided from being fished by the wrong man!
Girls, be careful before you trust a man. Have male friends, I have them in plenty, but I keep a safe distance. I do not encourage them to give me any gifts and if they do so, I clearly tell them it does not mean I give the keys of my body to them! I am straight and to the point, the gifts may stop coming and the guy may stop calling, if that is what he wanted, if not he will keep trying too!
Total Comments 32
Comments
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Independence, Boredom and Curiosity
Hi Lakshmi,
Your words have hit the bulls eye.
With good pay package, one gets to sense the independence, with job responsibilities, boredom steps in and from here the seeds of curiosity and trying to bring in some whiff of thrill to one's personal life is seeded.
After the attack, every woman tries to portray herself as a victim. I totally disagree to it, one has to respect oneself and carry oneself with dignity.
A simple dressing style can either deceive your true personality or reveal your true personality. Each of us are truel aware of how limited are our capabilities and where we can outsmart others.
Good morals and values we learn from home, holds good when we are trying to seek a foothold for ourselves.
Thanks for stepping in.Posted 1st July 2009 at 03:31 AM by malspie
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Word Innocent does not exist anymore
Dear Sushma,
Yes, the word innocence does not exist anymore, one may pretend to be one, with complete exposure to internet, friends, television and other media and sometime friends and their experiences, one can learn good lessons from life and keep up the dignity with style.
Molested by one's male friend and his friends is definitely not termed as "an innocent" walking in to the trap.
Thanks for stepping in.Posted 1st July 2009 at 03:34 AM by malspie -
hi mals ,
wonferful post! was really an eye-opener.
thanks for your write-up.Posted 1st July 2009 at 07:19 PM by sadhu72 -
An unfortunate thing to happen. Most of the comments I see have correctly pointed out that an awareness has to be there about hidden and lurking dangers. The molestor will normally be someone who is familiar, related or known to the innocent girl. This creates a false sense of security which could be preyed upon.
A mother or father for that matter should never leave their child (below the age of innocence) alone in the company of a male even if he is a relative. I came across an incident when an 8 year old girl was at home with her adolescent male cousin and he flashed her and asked her to touch him. Fortunately it was for a short while and the child had the presence of mind to inform her mother before it went out of hand.
Having said that I feel there should be a push for this awareness in schools and colleges as well as from the home. Sometimes kids of today just brush aside the advice of parents. In an institution like a school and college visual education on the topic could bring in the awareness.
It's just a thought I am expressing and we could debate on it.Posted 1st July 2009 at 08:45 PM by seahorse - Hi Sadhu,
Thanks for steppin in.Posted 1st July 2009 at 11:09 PM by malspie
