My thoughts,ideas and ramblings about the great road of life.
All in Love
It's midnight and you are still awake.It's seems you can never sleep. You feel that your heart is frozen... you feel no emotions anymore.Love is pain.
You still cant sleep..walks around the house.Everyone else is sleeping .Still you cant sleep.Love hurts.
You go to the balcony..looks at the pitch black outside.The whole world is sleeping.Still you cant sleep.Love is torture.
You return to bed, staring at the darkness around you.Starts to ask the same old questions to urself..tht you have asked dunno how many times.
What went wrong ?
How cud you be so blind ?
Couldn't you see his true nature ?
Why did you fall for him ?
How could you love him ?
You say out loud "I loved him..and I still do"
Yes.. you were blind... you were blindfolded by love..you were dumbstruck with his nature.. just like how u always dreamed of. Your poor heart refuses to see the reality and still chant that you love him.
You keep asking questions to yourself.So many of them..that you cannot answer.Then you try to reason with them . U try to find out reasons for his cold heart.
You are dumb and foolish.
You are fat.
You are ugly.
But you cannot accept it.You think"No, I am a good girl".
U keep thinking about the same thing all night.U wish you could wake your mother up and tell her everything.You want to hug her and cry... all night. But you wont.You are married...not supposed to talk these things about your husband to anyone..even to your mother.You feel alone.. helpless.Your eyes well up.You stuff your mouth with your pillow and scream and cry.U feel like you are in a maze.. you cannot get out.Love is a trap.
U try to calm urself. U reach out for ur prayer book start reading Lalitha Sahasranamam. Still ur eyes well up..when you feel that you are talking to Devi. U doubt even on the powers of God. You feel God is deaf and blind.Why cant she see my pain ?? You ask pointless questions .No one answers.
You start thinking about the time with him.
How he would kiss and cuddle with you in the mornings..the times you would feed him with your fingers..and he would bite on them.You remember how he would kiss you before leaving to office..not wanting to leave home.
You see his face lighting up when you open the door in the evening..and how he would hug and kiss..so happy to be at home with you.
How he would sleep at night mistaking you as his pillow. You remember those times when he would walk with you in malls for hours so that you can do you shopping forever.
You remember how he would help you in your studies.. get you out of trouble every single time.
You remember the taste of food he cooks for you on Sundays.. Sundays only. Food cooked with love.
And you think of the other million happy times you had with him.
Now you feel deeply confused.
Okk..this what I go through everytime I have a fight with my DH, especially whn he is not with me. In tht case the fight happens online..courtesy of the messenger.
Waiting to know what other Ladies think
You still cant sleep..walks around the house.Everyone else is sleeping .Still you cant sleep.Love hurts.
You go to the balcony..looks at the pitch black outside.The whole world is sleeping.Still you cant sleep.Love is torture.
You return to bed, staring at the darkness around you.Starts to ask the same old questions to urself..tht you have asked dunno how many times.
What went wrong ?
How cud you be so blind ?
Couldn't you see his true nature ?
Why did you fall for him ?
How could you love him ?
You say out loud "I loved him..and I still do"
Yes.. you were blind... you were blindfolded by love..you were dumbstruck with his nature.. just like how u always dreamed of. Your poor heart refuses to see the reality and still chant that you love him.
You keep asking questions to yourself.So many of them..that you cannot answer.Then you try to reason with them . U try to find out reasons for his cold heart.
You are dumb and foolish.
You are fat.
You are ugly.
But you cannot accept it.You think"No, I am a good girl".
U keep thinking about the same thing all night.U wish you could wake your mother up and tell her everything.You want to hug her and cry... all night. But you wont.You are married...not supposed to talk these things about your husband to anyone..even to your mother.You feel alone.. helpless.Your eyes well up.You stuff your mouth with your pillow and scream and cry.U feel like you are in a maze.. you cannot get out.Love is a trap.
U try to calm urself. U reach out for ur prayer book start reading Lalitha Sahasranamam. Still ur eyes well up..when you feel that you are talking to Devi. U doubt even on the powers of God. You feel God is deaf and blind.Why cant she see my pain ?? You ask pointless questions .No one answers.
You start thinking about the time with him.
How he would kiss and cuddle with you in the mornings..the times you would feed him with your fingers..and he would bite on them.You remember how he would kiss you before leaving to office..not wanting to leave home.
You see his face lighting up when you open the door in the evening..and how he would hug and kiss..so happy to be at home with you.
How he would sleep at night mistaking you as his pillow. You remember those times when he would walk with you in malls for hours so that you can do you shopping forever.
You remember how he would help you in your studies.. get you out of trouble every single time.
You remember the taste of food he cooks for you on Sundays.. Sundays only. Food cooked with love.
And you think of the other million happy times you had with him.
Now you feel deeply confused.
Okk..this what I go through everytime I have a fight with my DH, especially whn he is not with me. In tht case the fight happens online..courtesy of the messenger.
Waiting to know what other Ladies think
Total Comments 7
Comments
 |  Hey Mallugal, You captured the lonely depressive moments so well and balanced it excellently with the better brighter times. I guess all would relate to this.The moment theres something wrong , the mind is in a torturous state and then reminiscing the better times opens that shut door of the heart and mind. Beautiful dear, Waiting for your next one!! Love, Devika |
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| |  Dear Mallugal, Your brought out the lonely moods very beautifully. Though we do fight with DH, then we just keep onwonder why it happened. That is the beauty of Love. After fighting the patch up is always good. Thanks for bringing back memories dear. |
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| |  Hi Devika and lalitha.. Thanks a lot..happy that everyone feels the same :) |
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| |  Hi ! mallugal, Cheer up dear...this is an universal phenomenon ....hope by now you've patched up and the sun is shining brightly and the birds are chirping merrily and alls well in your world and you're both going to have a cosy dinner by candle light ...the works. Don't worry too much dear ...the patching up is something divine and the sublime feeling will last till you both have the next confrontation !! These fireworks are what really add spice to married life ....ofcourse one has to see that there are no limits exceeded and when to give in sometimes...actually you are the real winner when you do because the other party start to feel guilty and will do everything to mend the bridges. I can sit back and advise as I reminisce about my younger days ( I'm a grandma now and advise my daughters now since having graduated from this school !! ) and remember those memorable occasions ! warm regards PAULINA |
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| |  Ups and downs quite common in married life. First time it happens it is so sad and scary and depressing. But both parties will mature, learn. Then small small tiffs. They all add to rich experience. Both going through ups and downs and then patching up make marriage strong. We think we, wife, only suffers. but so much adjustment for the man too, who knows how we and our behaviour appear to them ! So cheer up. All experience is education ! |
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| |  Dear Mallugal, I would agree completely about those angry/sad/confused feelings that capture your mind after the fight with DH ! Suddenly you are re-thinking why why and when things are sorted and back to normal , I wonder what was all that phase about! Well written! Cheers, hope you guys have made up! Ranganayaki |
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| | gr8 going... |
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Recent Blog Entries by mallugal
- All in Love (9th June 2008)
- Yeah...Yeah ...It's all about me ! (25th May 2008)
- The story of Amrita. (17th May 2008)
- Finally (17th May 2008)
