Mommies & Daddies .....Move on!!!!

nicely said Jenz. How true your words. Parents need to let go sometime, and the sooner the better i feel for kids. We should just be there as a guiding light. thats all. i sure am going to go on all those cruises and bunjy jumping and stuff, once my kids have flown the nest!!

Hey Jenz,

Aren't we talking of control issue here too. Sometimes even I feel the same, why do parents have to exercise control beyond an age. But then I guess its about them always seeing us as their kids. Its like 2 schools of thought.

Again, you are right, I wish parents did more for themselves and now take up more of their hobbies/ideas and give the life!

I guess they will as individuals, but not as parents!

hi jenz,

That is a nice article, but few parents feel hurt when they are told about this
they feel that they are not wanted by thier children, moreso they also say that they cannot stop worrying about their children when they are in problem....

Dear Jenz,

what you said is 100% true.

Only today morning, I had to savour a piece of that. My younger daughter aged 8yrs was getting ready to go to her summer camp and I was also getting ready for my office. I had dressed her by putting ponytails with matching bands. She went in wore a matching ear ring and was having her breakfast. Suddenly she got up went inside as I was calling her for some more BF she came with matching bangles in her hand. I was surprised, i asked her why she dresses up like me (Because I just love everything to be matching) she said you are my mom and I will dress up like you. But this made me think, we are influencing the kids sooooooo much then when will their individuality grow. Maybe we as parents have also shown them or to say thrust them our thinking and have stunted their imagination/growth.

A real eye opener for parents not to say of married kids who have nosey parents.

Jenz,
I totally agree with you, parents need to have their own time...maybe that's the reason for the nagging parents, to let out their inablity..to do so...
If asked for let them advise, that's how my parents behave....

sriniketan

Hi Jenz
You are right now it is the time for the parents to let they kids alone as they too should learn how to face the world. They can only guide the kids in case they need it.

Dear Jenz,

That was a neat, crisp blog! At one point I thought that it was my daughter saying something to me...ahem..no, no, it was your write up :)
Ha Jenz, it is so true, we parents should learn to let go. I keep saying that to myself and my daughters say more than me too ;))
I think you have spoken for many here, one of them has nominated it for the FP of the month too. Congrats on that account:)

L, Kamla

Hi Jenz,

Just came over to the Blogs and saw your write up.I couldn't agree with you more.The world is changing at such a fast pace that in the span of your blinking once alone so many tumultous changes take place and if we do not accept this fact we are going to be miserable.So as you said, Dad's and Mom's better wake up to the fact that those bygone days of YES Dad or YES Mom have all faded away into oblivion and instead we have a generation who are forever in a hurry to 'Get There' ! It is wiser for parents to leave their offspring to run their own races and ofcourse just stand by the lines and cheer them on and once in a while lift them up if they trip and fall and pat them on their back and get them going once more.
Your blog brought to mind a beautiful poem by the famous poet Khalil Gibran......let me share a part of that with you here.

Children
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit,not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
...........................
It is ofcourse not easy for most parents to accept these views but we ( hubby and I ) came to terms with this some 10 years ago.Both our daughters are married to Americans and have settled down in the US of A. We have no choice now do we ? !!
Our sons-in -law are real gems I must add here and they come over turn by turn each year and escort us back with them for a short holiday to their planet ( we refer to the US as another planet !!)
warm regards
PAULINA

dear jenz,
i find your blogs more and more interesting.
I too feel the same and have written blogs regarding the same articles
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/bl...pposition-696/

but i find your words more elegant and caring not to hurt people. while mine to be more blunt and harsh. i have so many things to learn from u starting from how to communicate our ideas in a way that does not hurt people. I have always felt, iam saying the right things, why are people getting angry with me?,. now i know, iam being harsh without knowing it. thanks yar. i really appreciate your efforts. keep writing.

dear karthi
i am a young parent and your article made a very interesting and thought provoking reading. parents do thrust themselves on to us at times. after being a parent myself i realise this much more.. but all's well that ends well.

I think it is more about concern and less about control. And you will realize when you have your own kids and they are in the process of growing up... Even if parents let go, they will be at the wings watching how their kids perform in the stage of life!

Hi jenz, was about to go off, but out of curiosity read this.Well, Children tend to change the boundaries with their parents, once they get married.Though it is natural, it confuses a lot of them,parents. who are unaware of this.Secondly children ALTER their boundaries as and when they wish, according to their convenience also.
Once the parents understand when to step and to step out, they start giving support.Please forgive those who don't!

Nice one to think about Jenz.

I think as long as concern for one's child does not grow into control, it is okay. But most times, the problem is the line dividing the two is blurred, which needs for us to "police" our actions very minutely and frequently.

One thing is sure, as we grow up in years, we must have a life of our own - one that functions without anyone else. Our goal should be to get to a point where the presence of our dear ones adds only a "more" to our happiness quotient but does not impact our basic happiness itself.

It is hard to get there but its need is unquestionable, I think.
SS

Hi Jenz,

Nice thoughts, very nicely expressed.

Like a few here already said it should be more to show concern and should not be to control. Especially these aged parents forget to notice that their kids are grown enough to run a family and grow their own kids. Still keep thinking their kids are to be in their control, which sometimes go over board.
Let us all in the future make sure we don't butt in to our children's life unless needed.

Keerthi