jaishvats
How? I wonder!
by
on 3rd July 2011 at 11:31 PM (651 Views)
Is it really possible to get over past grudges?
I have read a thousand self-help articles where the top on the list of advices is something like ’You are not perfect. So don’t expect others to be. You are only making yourself miserable by remembering unpleasant things that people did or said to you. ’ and so on and so forth.
When it comes to your parents, nothing they say or do can hurt you coz there is an unconditional love underneath and you know that.
But with everyone else in the whole wide world it’s simply not easy.
What Linda Goodman had to say about me in her Star Signs Book was ‘Forgives but never forgets’. I am living proof that she knew what she was putting in that book.
I think whenever we get hurt by someone or offended by someone; our mind quickly works in building an image of them that gets deeply rooted. Everything they do after that is viewed using that image as a filter.
In fact it’s not just me. I have seen it in family quarrels. One petty thing would rise to an argument and each side would get reminded of long forgotten things which they would start uttering. ‘At that time you said this! Later you did that’ etc.
I have heard that the mind has the tendency to cling to negative things. Maybe that’s why things that hurt us are more firmly implanted in our minds than any pleasant experiences. In fact I have experienced this with memories. Happy memories are always blurred and not very definite. But sad memories would be pretty distinct crystal clear. You try to recollect happy times spent with someone and a memory of when they hurt you. Definitely the latter would come easily. Unless its someone who has always made you happy.
In fact every time you get hurt or offended by someone the incident gets stored in some cache in the human memory. The nth time, you have a disagreement with that person, all the (n-1) instances stored earlier come just popping out.
Its true that none of us are perfect. There is a high possibility of our very own selves being in the 'bad memory' sections of somebody else's mind. Could be without us being aware of it.
Similarly the ones in our grudge list could not even be aware of it! Possible!
So how on earth is one supposed to get over past grudges? I really wonder!
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