http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/ IndusLadies is a global online community of Indian Ladies. Discuss and share ideas about topics interesting to Indian Women. They discuss about Cooking,Recipes,Pregnancy,Parenting,Shopping,Articles,Snippets,jokes,work from home,marriage and family,etc. en Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:11:17 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.IndusLadies.com/forums/images/006/misc/rss.jpg http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/ma-stop-trying-get-me-2545/ Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:56:04 GMT I didn’t want to marry but Mom forced me, “Your growing horizontally…. God help meWitsend Marry and settle down that’s all I can say Can’t see you like a couch potato whiling life away”. So she held a swayamwaar and I met cartoons galore Met many of them and again some more. Told mom... I didn’t want to marry but Mom forced me,
“Your growing horizontally…. God help meWitsend

Marry and settle down that’s all I can say
Can’t see you like a couch potato whiling life away”.

So she held a swayamwaar and I met cartoons galore
Met many of them and again some more.

Told mom if this is a new business, take an office on rent,
You’ve accumulated jokers, feel I’m in a circus tent.

The first man came in and looked at me coyly,
I thought Mom had asked me to behave shyly.

I looked at him and winked him in the eye,;-)
He was so shocked looked as if any moment he would die.

Then came another and puffed up his chest and said,
“Hey baby you look beautiful like everyone said”

I looked up at him with a squint in my eye
Looked at the wall behind him and pretended to smile.

He turned around to see who’s there and then realized,
This so called beauty was a squinty and ran for the skies.:omg:

Then Mom brought home some virtuoso of some kind,
“Do you like music? Would you sing if you don’t mind?”

I shrieked and sang so loud he had tears in his eyes,
Choking, he had to say, “Your voice is really nice”

The next was a doctor looking for a wifey cook,
I told him even to boil water I have got to read the book.

He looked at me stunned and in total surprise
I said, “But I can eat well.. isn’t that really nice?”

Mom looked at me and said , “Couchy this won’t do,
You can’t just drive men away, later you will rue.

Who would you like to marry atleast gimme some clue.”
On the couch munching cakes said,"Ma any baker will do":banana

A glorious Diwali to all!

Love,
Devika ]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/ma-stop-trying-get-me-2545/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/you-torturing-instead-nurturing-your-2251/ Mon, 20 Jul 2009 14:37:02 GMT Yes this blog is long but i really think a few extra minutes for your child is a great investment and the returns hopefully would be a better bond between you and your child. Aparna had collapsed and had to be rushed to hospital in a state of shock. The reason? She was participating in an... Yes this blog is long but i really think a few extra minutes for your child is a great investment and the returns hopefully would be a better bond between you and your child.

Aparna had collapsed and had to be rushed to hospital in a state of shock. The reason? She was participating in an interschool dance contest and this 14 year old had always won accolades for her performance but unfortunately this time she lost and she just couldn’t accept defeat.
After a few days Aparna was brought to me. A case of severe depression. She just didn’t want to come to terms with her failure.
During the course of therapy, the foremost and the fundamental fear in her mind was not about the failure but about facing the parents and friends post that. She also revealed that sometimes the expectations from her exhausted her.

This is a serious situation and one that needs to be remedied immediately to reduce these attacks of depression in children which is alarmingly on an all time high.

Are we not expecting too much from our kids.. A lot more than they can deliver. We see kids as a perfect way to relive our dreams and aspirations. But is it fair on them? I’m not saying that one mustn’t have expectations from children but does those expectations not have to be in sync with their potential. First and foremost do bear in mind that each child is a separate individual.

The most common causes of anxiety in children , is overexpectation and comparison to siblings, friends etc. Every day Harsh woke up to comparisons to his very intelligent brother. Every time he went out with his father he had to meet with humiliation in front of relatives , friends and sometimes total strangers ,when the father would compare him with his brother who excelled in studies and was very confident.
Unable to bear this humiliation that reached a point where Harsh became a laughing stock, he attempted suicide. When he was brought to me , I frankly told the parents that it is not Harsh but the parents that needed counseling.


It is a competitive field but all have their limitations. We must understand the limitations of our children. One may not essentially be multifarious They may not be good at everything. Putting pressure to achieve something that is way beyond their capacity should be avoided.

What is important as a parent is to understand their qualities , potential, capabilities and limitations and set standards Mere comparisons just for the sake of competitons without realizing could be detrimental for their growth further. You would have unknowingly exhausted their growth.

Most juvenile addicts are victims of severe inferiority complex. Most drug addicts take drugs to get that temporary high just to overcome the complex. Some take drugs that keep them awake to be able to contribute more to studies..Do they have to resort to these potentially dangerous means to achieve grades?

Teaching the children to accept criticism positively is imperative. To use it as a means to grow not as a means to curb growth. They will always be those who criticize. Accept it when you realize theres a point ,try to rectify the areas and if you feel there is nothing wrong accept it as a competitors words . But don’t let statements drop your will to do something. Teaching them to accept criticism positively is imperative. To use it as a means to grow not as a means to curb growth. They will always be those who criticize. Accept it when you realize theres a point ,try to rectify the areas and if you feel there is nothing wrong accept it as a competitors words . But don’t let it drop your will to do something.


I hate it when parents come to me and begin to criticize in front of the children. They take it to heart and believe me some never forget it. Ashok is now a man in his late thirties, but has problems with his father the reason for which goes back in time of two decades when his father was very insulting and humiliated him.Ashok still finds it very difficult to forget it.
Children need respect too. It is very important to understand that. It is appalling when parents have done the damage then come to tell that they have no clue what went wrong.

The same goes for schools. These days the trash behaviour of the schools and the punitive measures adopted are shocking to say the least. Even yesterday the paper carried an article of a girl who suffered a paralytic stroke due to the harsh punishments.
A young kid of seven came to me as he refused to go to school. Frankly after hearing him , I wanted to tell him that its best he never go there again because such a school has nothing worth learning from . This kid was asked to bend his head into the garbage bin in the classroom , for not doing his homework. Another kid was asked to remove his shirt and stand on the bench for the same reason and when the father complained to the school for making the son strip, the school took offense and asked the father for a written apology or threatened to expel the student. The act seemed to be less of a crime compared to the word according to the school.


Where are the ‘Gurukuls’ and ‘Gurujis’?

Times are changing , expectations are changing and so the teaching has to change accordingly. I strongly suggest each teacher to go through atleast the basic child psychology course in order to be able to relate to the child better.All the schools teach children how to deal with bouquets but do they teach them how to deal with brickbats? It should be made a compulsion , as when you leave the world of education and deal with the real world this education will help you as much if not more than your academic qualifications.

Brickbats are an integral part of life. One must know how to tackle it. Though we all love our children to excel in everything they do yet we need to prepare them to deal sportingly with failures. .Learn to accept brickbats the same way we are receptive to accolades.


Do your duty as a parent but then understand your child is an individual in himself/herself. Very often we see schools conducting aptitude tests and suggesting a field. I have seen parents mostly love to hear that the child is good in the field of science. But then I guess aptitude plus passion is very important. There are many avenues for children now. Doctors and engineers are no longer the only fields. Don’t force them , its their life and they have to live with this profession for the rest of their life. Your forcing can only make them end like a bundle of burnt and worn out nerves.

A request to all parents would be to try and spend a few meaningful hours with them. I know these days there is time deficit but you can definitely squeeze in atleast one hour of the 24 hours to just listen … to their words…. Their mind… and their body.. you cannot trade that with materialistic gifts .And remember these days on an average a child spends 8 to 10 hours in education if not more so you don’t have to essentially always talk studies. Get other topics in. Try to understand more about his peer group and his interests. Also try to adopt a friendly approach of dealing with them. Children prefer a friendly approach to an authoritative one. Also they are more honest if you need in a friendly manner.Also very important to let them have sometime to themselves. Don’t bury them with responsilities. Playing is important. I would infact even go to the extent of saying that let him/her go one hour less for his tuitions but let him/her utilize that in playing. The release of that energy is pivotal for their growth . He/She will end up healthier and happier. Mentally, physically and emotionally stable.
We often talk about the hyperactivity syndrome. Children have abundant energy and if there is no outlet for that they will become hyperactive due to sheer frustration. It is their right to play , then do we have the right to usurp their childhood?

If you plan to introduce your child to fields like TV , films , media etc , which make them a public figure, take care to see if they are mentally prepared. .Can the young minds take the fame and popularity in their stride or do they get carried away. We have seen many young lives get ruined because they are unable to accept their fame with profound insight When I went for a shoot recently I saw a mother of a tiny tot pinching him with her nails cause he wasn’t ready to give a shot. Isnt this absolutely inhuman.

The pressure on kids in tremendous. The last few years I have been hearing and witnessing cases of children in the 10th standards( children of approximately 16 years) suffering from cardiac arrests and unfortunately some even succumbing to it. The rise in BP among children and other ailments first associated with elders is alarming. Please take notice. This is a warning. You want to do something, do now. No time to procrastinate in changing your attitude. There is no use crying over spilt milk.

Parents must really take this seriously . More often that not you have the solution but are unable to see it. Inferiority complex, high levels of anxiety, extremely poor health due to exhaustion can all be dealt with , with your help.
In my school there was a rule that the students who failed were given the monitors post. And respected. No one dared to fool around or ridicule them and the results showed that they metamorphosed into successful students.

What is extremely sad is that in this whole process the child is sandwiched between the teachers, parents, expectations and ultimately loses his/her childhood. No time to play , no time to laugh.. We all fondly remember our childhood . Is your child living his life in a way that he will have wonderful memories of childhood or will he live to regret it.
You have the key and the answer to that!!

Love,
Devika ]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/you-torturing-instead-nurturing-your-2251/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/my-bigamous-marriage-2160/ Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:33:36 GMT Before he left to work, he said, “We have to talk,
You need to decide who is it you want.

You’ve been in love with him all along,
And our relation has suffered its terribly wrong."

After he left I thought for a while,
Never imagined this could cause so much rile.

And now I had to decide between the two,
My heart would suffer would be so blue.:cry:

Why couldn’t I love two men at a time?
Why had I to give love as a sparing dime?

Yes I loved them both maybe not equally though,
But dreaming of sacrificing one was so low.

He called to say he was coming back at noon,
And now I had to choose one, ‘oh’ escaped a moan

Once home he said, “Have you decided who it would be?
If it’s that idiot would I have to set you free? ”

“I can’t share you with anyone, I love you, your mine
You can’t forget what we have for that bloody swine”

I looked at him in anger, “Don’t you ever call him that
When you’re not around he keeps me occupied”

“With him around never is a moment dull
He gave me a new existence , he gave me his full

And now you ask me to leave him for you?
No definitely not even for you, that I cannot do”


“Fine then”, he said worried, “I’ll adjust, call it a truce
Give him a few hours less each day, Promise will you?”

“Spend as much time with me as you can,
After all I love to be wanted ,I do hurt man”

I sighed and agreed, “Alright then that I can do
Ofcourse its not easy its something I’ll forever rue”:x

I went to the other man in my life who gave me a new lease
This COMPUTER who brought me blogworld and friends in ease

I cried as I held him tight and felt him in tears,
“Don’t worry I won’t abandon you, no worries, no fears

Perhaps I’ll spend a few hours less but this bond will be as strong
I promise you that all life we shall always get along”Computer Typing

So finally all set that night peace prevailed ,
Both my men were with me and that’s how it remained.

Boy ain’t I one lucky gal, admit it won’t you?
Well I'm having my cake and eating it too !;-)

Love,
Devika ]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/my-bigamous-marriage-2160/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/i-met-him-my-love-2138/ Thu, 25 Jun 2009 08:54:29 GMT I would love to eulogize you But no matter what I say, These words I say seem so less Compared to my love for you You’re needed to ease this duress I waited for you , been so long, I kept assuring myself The months rolling by You’ll come, yes, I was sure I would love to eulogize you
But no matter what I say,
These words I say seem so less
Compared to my love for you
You’re needed to ease this duress

I waited for you , been so long,
I kept assuring myself
The months rolling by
You’ll come, yes, I was sure
This anodyne never seemed dry

I watched lovers walking past
And my heart longed your touch
But couldn’t go on ,could I ?
Just living vicariously
Come,Oh … the time’s passin by

Finally you arrive ,I run to greet you
Shunning inhibitions,
And let you kiss me all over.
Love the taste of this elixir.
The aphrodisiac ,the smell of my lover.

You tease me as you blow on my face
And caress my skin
Igniting passion long awaited
Kissing my eyes as I shut them
At last I feel completely sated

You bring along my laughter too
And we dance in glee
You provide me that respite
Ask you to promise, you won’t leave
Deaf to your reply, hold on to you tight

You stay a while, bathing my life
With happiness galore
Then I can see you’re ready to move,
Tears flow, I hold you , beg you ,
‘Don’t go,.you’re my gift from heaven above’,

You try to comfort me, assure me,
And promise, soon you’ll be back
I trust you, take your word for it.
Cause God has chalked the track
I’ll wait in hope till next time we meet

Its good bye sweetheart..
Good bye RAIN
Till we meet again.

Love,
Devika ]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/i-met-him-my-love-2138/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/my-nirvanic-journey-as-mother-1802/ Tue, 21 Apr 2009 17:52:26 GMT *Finest Blog Contest - Winner - Apr 2009! (http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blog-contests/56301-finest-blogs-april-2009-winner.html#post665419) *Attachment 400 (http://www.indusladies.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=400) I may not be a theologist but thrive on some very strong... Finest Blog Contest - Winner - Apr 2009!



I may not be a theologist but thrive on some very strong beliefs.I am not agnostic but believe in monotheism. This belief strengthened the day I conceived. Before that the whole theory would have seemed recondite.

Post conception, I felt divine, acquired powers , sensed an aura.

The bond between a mother and child began. The journey of life from life to eternity began.
I felt overwhelmed by this incredible power. The power to create. Wasn’t God a creator? Then do I have the power of God? Is this why they say ‘Matru devo bhava?’
The creator and the ventriloquist, the mother. I spoke for the child. I ate for the child. I lived for the child. Suddenly this was the core of my existence. I felt radiant. This aura wasn’t me. These were special powers given for the special place of a mother.
I felt my child. Each time I felt low I closed my eyes and felt the tiny hands caress me. The tiny movements of the feet , dancing and announcing the arrival shortly. I often spoke to her. I may have looked like a soliloquist, but it was communication with her. We communicated through touch, words and songs. It was bliss. Unmatchable. The bond unshakeable, unyielding, adamantine.

Then the day dawned. I felt a pain and rushed to the doc. He said , “Its an emergency but her condition doesn’t permit me to perform an operation now. We need to monitor the mother and the baby”.
The words were the harshest I had ever heard. I touched my womb.I felt my child saying ,
“Don’t worry Mom we both will be fine. Have faith in me”.
I told my baby,
“You have waited so long, please don’t let anything happen to you. Please don’t leave me now.”
Finally a couple of days later the doc thought it better to go through an emergency caesarean. The baby was premature but no more time could be wasted.

Finally it was time to hold my child. I was nervous. No nothing to do with me, but my baby. By then my existence revolved around my child.
I awaited , watched the doctor getting ready for surgery. Heard my child say, “Mom , finally Im coming”. I felt no pain, only pleasure.
When I opened my eyes it was to see the most beautiful bundle of joy. Pure ecstasy, sheer delight. Never has it happened before, never will it happen again. This moment seemed to last till eternity. The divine existence that I was experiencing finally saw a form. I never saw the colour of the hair, the skin the face , all I saw and felt was a treasure. My treasure.My greatest strength and my weakness.
They took me to my room and finally I was calm enough to peacefully sleep a while, but not before watching the nurse put my baby in the cradle.
A while later maternal instincts forced me to reach across to touch the child, and all I saw was an empty cradle.
I almost screamed and summoned the nurse. As she entered I saw her face and my hands and feet felt cold. I was absolutely still.
“Ma’am you baby was premature and needed special treatment. We dont have a ventilator so had to shift the baby to Hinduja”
And since you have just undergone Caesarean , you are not permitted to go there as the doctors there cant treat any complications arising from our operation. It’s a huge risk”
“You mean, I cant see my baby now? I have been living for this day”
But….
The next 2 days was hell. But I communicated with my child. The communication proved the connection unlike the umbilical cord. After birth the cord is detached and the souls are attached and that is what helps one communicate even in their absence .I told her that all would be fine. I felt her respond with the most beautiful smile reaffirming my belief.
I desperately waited to meet my child. I could almost feel her hands. I felt so filled with emotions and yet so empty.

Finally after exactly two days , despite doctors warning that my stitches haven’t healed , I went to be with my baby.
I saw my child in the ventilator. I looked at her. And suddenly I had no fear. I was happy. The nurse lifted her and placed her in my arm. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I THANKED GOD FOR MAKING ME A WOMAN. This baby , so tiny yet made me experience ‘Nirvana’. So I instinctively bent down and whispered ‘Nirvana’ in her ears. She opened her eyes. There was a very peaceful expression. This baby was the foundation of my being. My foundation, my ‘Neiv’

We stayed in the hospital for a week. The puss oozing out of my stitches gave me no pain, but the syringes on her tiny body pierced my heart. I felt excruciating pain.

We left the hospital and I welcomed the lovely position of a mother. My life revolved around her. I lived with her, breathed with her, grew with her.. She was more responsible for my growth than me of her. I grew as a woman and a mother. It was the most pleasurable experience for me.

Ten months later, Wockhart organized a bonny baby contest.
On the insistence of my friends I enrolled Neiv there.
There were various rounds. And YES NEIV WAS THE WINNER.. Amidst thunderous rounds of applause, I was invited on stage. I coyly went up while the head doctor introduced me . He said, “ This is the miraculous mother of the miraculous baby. This baby born with a birth weight of 1.5 kgs today weighs 9 kgs. She is in perfect health with great co-ordination. The credit goes to the mother.” There was again an applause and I saw my baby with her toothless grin jumping in joy. She had no idea what was happening but she saw her mother smiling and that gave her joy. She had already made me so proud. Who says miracles don’t happen? I live with this miracle every day!

She is six years now and we have a great time together. Each day we grow, each moment is a wonderful learning experience. Sometimes I am the mother and believe me sometimes we have a reversal of roles as she takes on the mantle of being my Mom.

As I grow with her I think of the times I enjoyed with my mother and thank her. Someday my daughter will remember these times when she is blessed with the bliss of being a mother.
My dear daughter I love you....


'Happy Mother's Day to all of you':-)


Love ,
Devika ]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/my-nirvanic-journey-as-mother-1802/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/from-womb-with-love-1579/ Thu, 19 Mar 2009 20:26:59 GMT This is the journey of a little foetus. His journey through agony and ecstasy. I swim in this placental fluid, listening to your cries , You have been duped by that man who I now despise My dear Mom , don’t cry, I wish I could hold you tight, Give you strength and say everything will be... This is the journey of a little foetus. His journey through agony and ecstasy.

I swim in this placental fluid, listening to your cries ,
You have been duped by that man who I now despise

My dear Mom , don’t cry, I wish I could hold you tight,
Give you strength and say everything will be right.

This man cursed you with me and fled,
Used you then left when your love you spread.

I blame myself , if it hadn’t just been for me,
You wouldn’t be stifled you’d be free.

Living in your sorrowful womb now I feel,
When I am out I promise to help you heal.

I can’t bear to feel your agony,
My tiny hands beg you to have faith in me.

What is that the sound of a man I hear?
I will protect you Mommy, don’t fear.

But looks like he’s come to give you love.,
I knew God would send someone from heaven above.

So finally with me cocooned in you,
You’re now married , to a man so true.

How much I want to kiss this man,
Who held your hand while my father ran.

But I’m glad soon in his arms I’ll land.
And I’d love to call him my darling Dad......

Love,
Devika

]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/from-womb-with-love-1579/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/power-of-words-make-mar-1394/ Mon, 02 Feb 2009 13:21:16 GMT If there is one thing that can get a smile on the speaker and a listener , it’s a word of admiration. An appreciation!! Everyone loves to be appreciated . But on one hand where I find that we are all avaricious of compliments, people are very miserly in using them. Criticism is important ,... If there is one thing that can get a smile on the speaker and a listener , it’s a word of admiration. An appreciation!!
Everyone loves to be appreciated . But on one hand where I find that we are all avaricious of compliments, people are very miserly in using them.

Criticism is important , very important for progress, for improvement. But then criticize where it is due. Sometimes a criticizer is essential, he brings out the best in us, strengthens our nerves and hones our skills.
An antagonist is actually a great helper. That’s a better angle to look at it.

What is strange is that appreciation is not given where due but criticism is showered in abundance even where it is not .

Why do people find it difficult to appreciate? Why do they have to ponder and worry about using a few good words in praise ? And why is it that people find it easier to criticize that appreciate?

True eloquence is not about what could be said but what should be said.

Like for eg, when our kid commits a mistake we find it so easy to say, “I told you so, Why don’t you just listen to me? You are forever making mistakes,” and so on and so forth. But when they do something positive , do we also praise them equally? No we don’t. We find that it is understood.
When our spouses do not do things as per our wishes they are hounded with complaints but when they do , are we appreciative enough? Do we show them how their little actions make us feel good ? There again we feel its not important. We take it for granted that it is understood.

Lets say for example , when food is cooked, more often than not we would find criticism , than appreciation.
If you think it important enough to say food isn’t cooked well , don’t you consider it important enough to say it tastes well too when it does.
Why is the appreciation always silent and the criticism loud??

Very often we find we are giving our best shot, we have done everything possible to help someone, tried our best to adjust to situations, have really achieved something but we yet find a lot of criticism. Makes one wonder why?
A good word is an easy obligation but to not speak ill requires only our silence which costs us nothing.
When criticism is not genuine, when it is made with the intent of humiliating, then generally it stems from envy.
The irony is that very often our envy for someone lasts longer than that person happiness on the object of envy.

When criticism is given for the progress it is a blessing and when it is given as a means to retard growth, with malice, then it is a sin like no other.

We human thrive on sweet words , cherish it and reliving it brings as much happiness as it did when we heard it the first time as a critical comment can bring you pain and humiliation each time you reminisce about it.

So lets just try to use our power to make things right and not mar it.

Love,
Devika ]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/power-of-words-make-mar-1394/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/light-of-life-1139/ Wed, 26 Nov 2008 09:39:07 GMT Simone was getting late for the party . And there wasn’t any power. The inverter had exhausted and she was dependent on the candles to make do for the few more minutes before power resumed. The doorbell rang and Simone carefully walked in the dim candlelights to open the door. There stood Sunaina... Simone was getting late for the party . And there wasn’t any power. The inverter had exhausted and she was dependent on the candles to make do for the few more minutes before power resumed.
The doorbell rang and Simone carefully walked in the dim candlelights to open the door. There stood Sunaina with the most enchanting smile that in its own way lit up the room.

She walked in and Sunaina seated herself comfortably.

“So are you ready? ”she asked.

“How can I be?. There is no power. I can barely see. This power shedding has taken away all my patience. It has become impossible to live like this. How difficult it is to maintain sanity? These people need to consider things. We aren’t animals .We are humans and need to be treated well. How can a person go about performing his daily chores in the absence of the basic amenities .Isn’t it the most cruel way to be treated?.
Do you know I find it so scary to be in the dark. I feel lost and almost breathless . This darkness completely terrorizes me.”
Just as she paused to regain her breath , since she had held it long enough for her outburst, the power resumed . Simone quickly dressed up and Sunaina smiled. Finally they were ready to leave. Sunaina got up , balancing her cane in her hand and quietly yet cheerfully tried to locate her way out and into the world. Her world ,her dark world ,a world that never saw light , yet she never complained. Her laughter and giggle filled up the party that she was the life of, unaware of the iridescent and luminous lights that adorned the place. She was the light of life herself

How easy it is for one to grumble and grouch about a few moments of pain and there are those that breeze through the tough moments with a smile on their face. So much to learn from them, There’s just so much.

Love,
Devika ]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/light-of-life-1139/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/mould-them-before-its-too-991/ Tue, 09 Sep 2008 04:50:49 GMT *I have always loved being around children. The reason is the utmost innocence that is ever so appealing to me. When I look at the child I see the vulnerability , the innocence, the genuinity and the honesty. They are so easy to mould in which way we would love them too.* *Very often I find that... I have always loved being around children. The reason is the utmost innocence that is ever so appealing to me. When I look at the child I see the vulnerability , the innocence, the genuinity and the honesty. They are so easy to mould in which way we would love them too.

Very often I find that we somewhere make the mistake of overlooking the fact that what we overlook can have disastrous impact on their psyche as well as the psyche of other children too. The reason I write this here is because of an incident I witnessed today and just couldn’t help wonder ,”Couldn’t this have been averted?”

I was at a park with my daughter when I saw children playing in a group . Their mothers were all sitting around and watching them play. There was a mix of boys and girls and they were playing a game called kho kho.

As I watched I saw that the kids called each other with some various names that were downright mean. A few examples were, “ Hey send that blackie yaar. Push that fatso ,. give space to the bucky(a child with buck teeth)” etc etc The girl who was called a bucky looked so embarrassed that as a reflex action she looked around to see if anyone had heard it and to top it I saw some parents laughing.. This sent me thinking. Is it ok to ridicule a child like this??. It was shocking to observe the mothers laughing the moment some such ridiculous name was called. I wondered wouldn’t this habit continue. Later wouldn’t this affect the child .Today if a child is called a blackie or a bucky , maybe he or she is too small to worry about it , But should’nt this habit be nipped in the bud.? Arent we promoting children to not respect their friends.?? I think even at a tender age it is very important to realize that respect your fellow beings irrespective of age is very important because this grows within you and also along with you. One needs to understand that such kind of mockery and ridiculing can have serious impact on the person , create an inferiority complex and sometimes irreparable damage. Its important to mould the child when there is still time . Do it before its too late or someday you might be the victim too.

I think as parents , or siblings we must all think seriously. Sometimes things might be said for fun , but then one needs to know the place and the limitations and also whether it is ok to do so . I felt sad for the kid who was called a 'bucky'. Fine she can grow up and take an orthodontic treatment and get her tooth aligned , but that’s beside the point . The primary need here is to teach your kid to respect each one with whatever external appearance they have after all at this age itself they need to know that it is more important to be beautiful internally that externally and with a mind that ridicules others the internal beauty might lose its charm very soon. It is important to teach them that each and every creation of GOD’s is beautiful in its own way and we have absolutely no right to ridicule anyone unless we wish to invite the wrath of GOD.

Love,
Devika ]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/mould-them-before-its-too-991/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/the-jinxed-feet-672/ Tue, 27 May 2008 08:11:33 GMT THE JINXED FEET The beautiful bride walks into her new home. As per the rituals post the wedding the previous day, The bride and groom stayed at the bride’s home and after bidding adieu to the home she lived for so long , set the foot to the new home where she would want to be for the rest of... THE JINXED FEET

The beautiful bride walks into her new home. As per the rituals post the wedding the previous day, The bride and groom stayed at the bride’s home and after bidding adieu to the home she lived for so long , set the foot to the new home where she would want to be for the rest of her life.
We all welcomed her. She was very coy and a slightly uncomfortable. The next one hour was spent in trying to get her to relax.
A hour later we all had our evening tea and set to our own respective homes. We all walked to the door. My Parents, Aunts, uncles, cousins etc. My new Bhabhi, came and kissed me on my cheeks as I left and I knew we will have a wonderful association.
The next hour , My Dad expired.
After the days spent mourning the shock of the death of my Father , came the other shock. My family blamed my new Bhabhi for the tragedy. They thought she brought ill fate to our family. She was maligned . There wasn’t a day which passed when she wasn’t blamed for what she had done?
I was completely unaware of this, until one day she called me up to apologise and weeped non stop. I couldn’t understand her apology and thought she weeped for Dad.
But something seemed amiss. In the evening I went to her house and was shocked to see the state of Bhabhi. She looked so different now. The coy look had given way to a tensed worried look .
I took her out on the pretext of needing her help in buying something essential and on probing she told me that she was often accused of bringing the misfortune to the family.
I was shocked to hear this. She wasn’t given much importance and everyone considered her a bad omen.I went home and spoke to my mother who was even more shocked .
Though it is customary that she shouldn’t step out for one month , she went to my Aunt’s house . She told them that Bhabhi is very lucky for her and my Father. Infact it is because of her , he could enjoy the last days of his life in merriment . Her good omen had probably made God extend Dads life span for a few more days to witness the wedding of one of his favourite nephews. He was given the opportunity to bless the newly married couple. Her feet are not jinxed. Infact she said she would consider her, her lucky mascot and if ever anyone would blame her , I would sever ties with them.
My Bhabhi just couldn’t control her self .She wept insolably and the family was very embarrassed at their callous attitude. Her initial days as a bride had been traumatic.
Its been twenty years now and she has been enjoying her life, blessed with wonderful kids and the family respects her a lot. Her feet are no longer considered jinxed.
These are some of the superstitions that our society believes and this can mar somebodys existence. Things like the gap between the teeth , the size of the feet, the shape of the nose, the peak on the parting at the forehead, the gap between the fingers (?) etc are been subjected to crucial monitoring and as an absolute necessity in deciding the future. The simple aspect of the heart comes somewhere towards the end. I hope these things stop being given undue importance and most importantly play blame games for the something that is not in our hands and that fate has predestined.

Love,
Devika ]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/the-jinxed-feet-672/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/hey-do-you-suffer-any-655/ Tue, 20 May 2008 20:45:28 GMT I looked at the screen all blank. Didn’t know what to do next. The PC that was fine with me till now suddenly kicked up a fuss and refused to oblige despite the fact that I looked pleadingly at it. Wham…. Gone now !!!I couldn’t do anything about it till help arrives in some form. Well that’s it... I looked at the screen all blank. Didn’t know what to do next. The PC that was fine with me till now suddenly kicked up a fuss and refused to oblige despite the fact that I looked pleadingly at it. Wham…. Gone now !!!I couldn’t do anything about it till help arrives in some form. Well that’s it folks... I am suffering, Just like a persons inability to read and decipher is Dyslexic, I am too yes I am ...COMPULEXIC that’s the word I derived , cause I saw myself as a unique minority . Anything apart from mailing, scares me. I am compulexic.

Sheetal went to her new house, all happy to begin life anew, Married life... Her first day she was to prepare a sweet and get a hefty shagun for it in cash or Gold. She entered the kitchen and almost trembled. She hadn’t told her In laws... She was COOKLEXIC Cooking was something she couldn’t learn and seemed beyond her.

Vinita’s husband got her into the car, Ok now she could drive .It was almost six months has been trying to teach her, she sat behind the wheel and as usual her hands turned cold. She just couldn’t .She looked at Ashok. “I cant I am DRIVELEXIC. Though I desperately want to,just can’t get myself to drive”...

Anu set the alarm clock to 6. She must and she will she vowed .I shall get up early. The alarm rang. She switched it off and got back to snoring, to later get up and rue the fact that she was WAKELEXIC. She couldn’t wake up on the time she wanted to...

Farhan ran to catch the train. Oh God he missed it again. No excuses the boss would definitely fire him today. Why couldn’t he punctual.?? He wished to be punctual but unfortunately couldn’t bring himself to it. He would lose his job all because he was TIMELEXIC...

Friends do you suffer from any of these or something else that no matter how hard you try and how very much you want to ,you just cannot seem to get it right, leaving you frustrated and at your wits end. The lexics of life as I call it. Let’s discuss it here.

Love,
Devika ]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/hey-do-you-suffer-any-655/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/the-beauty-of-dawn-583/ Sat, 03 May 2008 19:34:51 GMT "My Dear Children get up early in the morning and experience the unadulterated presence of GOD.
Talk to him through his various means ,Who needs a mediator then to be close to him?" These were the golden words of my grandmother, one that I heard when I was a kid, and now my mother says this ad verbatim to her grand kids.
I love the mornings, there is a certain divinity.One my day runs systematically and I do find the time to do that extra something! Two the nature is at its best to marvel at its beauty and awaiting the first golden rays is a blessing in itself!
Well there was a time when I was bogged down by work last year and missed the early mornings , due to my late nights and I was reprimanded and admonished by my friends of nature. Would you like to know what they said?. Well here it is:

Said the cuckoo bird to me
Hey where were you so far?
You’ve missed so much, you lazy bone!
When mornings opened ajar

Said the squirrel, climbing the tree
Hey what the hell did you do?
You missed the lovely breeze all while
And breathed that AC fume?

Said the trees as I opened the door
Oh dear you’ve missed so much
See the pretty flowers all around
And bees around them such

Said the pitter patter of the raindrops
Where my dear were you?
You missed the smell of earth around
And this lovely morning view

Said the grass as I stepped outside
Oh is that really you?
I waited so long to show you
This heavenly lovely morning dew

Oh God I missed so much in life
Me lazy lazy bone
From now its early to bed and early to rise
I’l wake at the crack of dawn.


They were so right I had missed a lot, but then I vowed never to miss it again so I am all up at the crack of dawn! Drinking its beauty as a elixir !

Love,
Devika


]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/the-beauty-of-dawn-583/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/pda-do-you-approve-535/ Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:32:52 GMT Last night I went for a birthday bash of a friend. Actually she hosted it in a lovely restaurant by the pool. A lovely party I thought till I was a bit disturbed by what followed. My friend and her fiance were almost stuck to each other and seemed ...er .. kinda locked. They kept smooching each... Last night I went for a birthday bash of a friend. Actually she hosted it in a lovely restaurant by the pool. A lovely party I thought till I was a bit disturbed by what followed. My friend and her fiance were almost stuck to each other and seemed ...er .. kinda locked. They kept smooching each other and I kept looking at the parents .Her Mom and Dad were present and poor souls they seemed so uncomfortable , didnt seem to approve and kept squirming in their seats and kept excusing themselves , whenever they felt things were out of control. Infact the saddest part is when one of the Aunts just happened to mention to me ,"I wonder why Asha(my friends Mom) hasnt taught some public manners to her daughter",and that just when Asha Aunty was within hearing distance .I felt very bad for her because I know that she couldnt do much about it.
I personally do not like this PDA (Pubic Display of Affection). Fine .. times are moving and ok we need to move with the times but does our Indianism approve of this.. I would feel very shy if my hubby went more than merely holding my hand in public. But now I see that this is a very regular thing around. And the PDA's just keep getting worse by the day.I would atleast say ,look around at the people around you .If it consists of your parents or elders then keep these PDA to the minimum if you cannot completely give it a miss. I still remember when we used to watch TV with the family and they would be some mushy scene ,we kids would go to the kitchen and emerge when we felt the scene would now be over . But now if we keep having to witness these PDA's I guess very soon we would either have to stop going out altogether or begin accepting these things as a way of life.

Love,
Devika ]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/pda-do-you-approve-535/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/why-wont-men-cry-511/ Sat, 05 Apr 2008 03:31:05 GMT When I watch an emotional movie ,When I bid goodbye to my Mother, When my daughter cries because she's hurt herself , When I see a total stranger suffering , When my kids win a prize, When I am applauded for my efforts, When someone talks to me in harsh tones,.... One thing is sure... My eyes are wet.. There are tears streaming and God help ,they wont stop even if I want them to.
But here's my hubby, my brother, While i embarrasingly look all around me while watching an emotional movie ,with tears streaming down, and wonder who all are witnessing this sorrowful state of mine,:hide:I catch the men around me be it my bro or hubby or even merely a relative or friend (men) not AFFECTED AT ALL. I wonder how can that be?. They never cry . Infact whenever I get an opportunity I ask them the reason and all they say is ,'Whats there to cry over this. ?' And here there's me , who at the slightest provocation, be it in happiness or sorrow , my tear ducts get overactive and I amDrowning in it. Why wont men cry ?They have a heart right , no doubt about it and a generous one says my experience., but do they not have tear ducts . Or are they merely very good in camouflaging and hiding their feelings?. Though honestly sometimes I wish I was more like them you know able to be a little more discreet about my feelings. Rather I guess women are like an open book, you can exactly read whats in our mind , be it good or bad and Men are like a puzzle,Witsend youre always trying to solve whats in their mind.
Any idea friends, why Men wont cry?

Love,
Devika ]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/why-wont-men-cry-511/ http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/why-men-wont-cry-510/ Sat, 05 Apr 2008 03:29:46 GMT When I watch an emotional movie ,When I bid goodbye to my Mother, When my daughter cries because she's hurt herself , When I see a total stranger suffering , When my kids win a prize, When I am applauded for my efforts, When someone talks to me in harsh tones,.... One thing is sure... My eyes are wet.. There are tears streaming and God help ,they wont stop even if I want them to.
But here's my hubby, my brother, While i embarrasingly look all around me while watching an emotional movie ,with tears streaming down, and wonder who all are witnessing this sorrowful state of mine,:hide:I catch the men around me be it my bro or hubby or even merely a relative or friend (men) not AFFECTED AT ALL. I wonder how can that be?. They never cry . Infact whenever I get an opportunity I ask them the reason and all they say is ,'Whats there to cry over this. ?' And here there's me , who at the slightest provocation, be it in happiness or sorrow , my tear ducts get overactive and I amDrowning in it. Why wont men cry ?They have a heart right , no doubt about it and a generous one says my experience., but do they not have tear ducts . Or are they merely very good in camouflaging and hiding their feelings?. Though honestly sometimes I wish I was more like them you know able to be a little more discreet about my feelings. Rather I guess women are like an open book, you can exactly read whats in our mind , be it good or bad and Men are like a puzzle, youre always trying to solve whats in their mind.
Any idea friends, why Men wont cry?

Love,
Devika ]]> Devika Menon http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/devika-menon/why-men-wont-cry-510/