Why MEN wont CRY!
Posted 4th April 2008 at 11:29 PM by Devika Menon
When I watch an emotional movie ,When I bid goodbye to my Mother, When my daughter cries because she's hurt herself , When I see a total stranger suffering , When my kids win a prize, When I am applauded for my efforts, When someone talks to me in harsh tones,.... One thing is sure... My eyes are wet.. There are tears streaming and God help ,they wont stop even if I want them to.
But here's my hubby, my brother, While i embarrasingly look all around me while watching an emotional movie ,with tears streaming down, and wonder who all are witnessing this sorrowful state of mine,
I catch the men around me be it my bro or hubby or even merely a relative or friend (men) not AFFECTED AT ALL. I wonder how can that be?. They never cry . Infact whenever I get an opportunity I ask them the reason and all they say is ,'Whats there to cry over this. ?' And here there's me , who at the slightest provocation, be it in happiness or sorrow , my tear ducts get overactive and I am
in it. Why wont men cry ?They have a heart right , no doubt about it and a generous one says my experience., but do they not have tear ducts . Or are they merely very good in camouflaging and hiding their feelings?. Though honestly sometimes I wish I was more like them you know able to be a little more discreet about my feelings. Rather I guess women are like an open book, you can exactly read whats in our mind , be it good or bad and Men are like a puzzle, youre always trying to solve whats in their mind.
Any idea friends, why Men wont cry?
Love,
Devika
But here's my hubby, my brother, While i embarrasingly look all around me while watching an emotional movie ,with tears streaming down, and wonder who all are witnessing this sorrowful state of mine,
I catch the men around me be it my bro or hubby or even merely a relative or friend (men) not AFFECTED AT ALL. I wonder how can that be?. They never cry . Infact whenever I get an opportunity I ask them the reason and all they say is ,'Whats there to cry over this. ?' And here there's me , who at the slightest provocation, be it in happiness or sorrow , my tear ducts get overactive and I am in it. Why wont men cry ?They have a heart right , no doubt about it and a generous one says my experience., but do they not have tear ducts . Or are they merely very good in camouflaging and hiding their feelings?. Though honestly sometimes I wish I was more like them you know able to be a little more discreet about my feelings. Rather I guess women are like an open book, you can exactly read whats in our mind , be it good or bad and Men are like a puzzle, youre always trying to solve whats in their mind.Any idea friends, why Men wont cry?
Love,
Devika
Total Comments 19
Comments
 |  Dear Devika, this is purely my own analysis !My  Men have an in-built"defender instinct". They generally hide their emotions because they imagine or perhaps they do, carry the ancient legacy of being brave and showing no weakness.By nature, a man is controlled, defensive and a loner when he hides his emotional state to stay in control. Man thinks, by being emotional, he is seen as being out of control. We know certain ways of social conditioning to boys from a young age like Act like a man Put on a brave face Boys don't cry A woman is generally more open, vulnerable and shows her emotions. She does not think it is worth staying in control all the time. Love, Chithra. |
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| |  Dear Chitra Ma'am , Youre absolutely right . From early childhood parents do tell their sons not to cry, Be Brave. But Is crying actually a sign of a coward ,or lackof valour, I dont think so. Its merely a show of emotion and I always feel its very good if we can show our true feelings about many things in life. Men generally tend to keep to themselves especially the tough part of life and I wish they would be able to be more expressive about things ,else it would overburden them.. Thanks for writing in Ma'am Love, Devika |
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| |  Dear DM, I humbly beg to differ... If anybody says that Men dont cry... Then that is absolutely wrong... Men also has feelings, and also feel the loss/grief/sorrow/happiness etc like anybody else... There are few men who are emotional... Tears are the outburst of emotions... When I see, some emotional movies, tears automatically come in... But I normally dont show off my feelings... Because, our society does not accept Man crying... They want Men to be brave and strong... It is again a attachment towards the movie... If you get attached you will feel emotional... If you look at it from a sceptical view... then the whole scene will be funny and you will not feel the same way.... It is our attachment, which leads to emotional outburst... This is my opinion... Veda |
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| | Dear Veda,(DM is the christening I got from your wife and you.I like it:)) ... Thanks for the view point . Actually I was waiting for a male pov . Helps us understand better. But I wonder why Men think they they should always camouflage their feelings.Its not just about movie .Its about incidents in life.I haveseen Men who lost someone so dear and they keep controlling their feelings and thats very painful to watch . No if we emote according to the wishes of the society as you say.The society will talk anyway. When you cry , you fee they would say , but when you dont react also they will say. What do you feel ? Anyway thankyou so much for your reply. Devika |
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| |  Dear Devika I too go according to Chitra, most of the men do not show it emotionally but they do feel bad about it. I too have a friend, when he sees any emotional movie automatically tears start coming from his eyes, he doesn't like anyone seeing him cry for such movies his wife has to go with him with tissues for him. Devika here too same pinch ya I am also very senti, someone speaks in harsh words before giving them back, tears start rolling down my eyes, even if it is DH or DS speak in for fun too tears roll down...........hahaha Good write up |
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| | Dear Aruna, At the rate I go on same pinching you,you would be swollen everywhere! :)) Youre right maybe they do feel bad but do not want to display their emotions.Yes I too have this big lump in my throat and keep trying to control myself , but God help me , its very difficult! Love, Devika |
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| | Dear Devika, You got a gem of a topic there! Hey, we seem to be Siamese twins in the crying dept! J I don’t know if I should announce this trait of mine so proudly!  Just like you, tears come very easily to me – happy or sad occasions. I too used to try hard to control them but now I have learnt to go with the flow (literally!) and I think now I am stop more easily than I used to be able to before. I’ve been misty eyed watching Abhiman for both happy and sad scenes and with the same intensity for both scenes - watching their love bloom beautifully right after marriage and then when she is crestfallen after she loses her baby! In the recent times, a few dialogues from Rang De Basanti and of course Tare Zameen Par have caused the same misty-eyed effect on me.Much to my embarrassment my husband on the other hand has had a serious or a grim expression at the most! I will admit that he has been misty eyed, though only a couple times in the 11 years I have known him. I agree with Veda that men are trained to put up a brave front and that’s why they feign (for the lack of a better word!) indifference. They are trained to deal with it on their own. My hubby will drown himself in work when he is trying to overcome some grief. I too keep wishing that they would let us share their pain but they don’t like it. They have to mend it themselves. Goes back to some thoughts I shared in my financial v/s emotional independence post. SS |
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| | Dear SS, Feels so good to know that there is someone like me here.Really relieved. You have to believe me when I tell you that while writing this blog I was thinking of Abhimaan and Taare Zameen Par, both of which left me dehydrated! Just like we seem to be siamese, SS our DH's also are Siamese. While describing your hubby ,you just described mine. Yeah SS trying to get our hubbies open up seems a Herculean task. Love, Devika |
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| |  remember devika, god made man and then he made something else wonderful after his bitter experience, yeah that is us we are sooo emotional love to hug and kiss openly no reservation, and may be we bring them up too, no i dont have a son so cannot vouch for it...sunkan |
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| | Dear Sunkan, Thanks for writing in. Yes I feel that Men are a little less demonstrative. They may feel but how is one supposed to understand unless they dont show or talk about it. Sons too I feel are a little less visually emotive than the daughters who are all over you all the time! Love, Devika |
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| | Dear Devika, Nice post. While my husband doesn't cry as such, I do know when he gets slightly emotional. But I am the cry-baby of the house. Till date, even after marriage, I cry when I leave my parents' place. One time, I created so much of a racket that my father and hubby were almost driven to cancel a ticket worth 500 GBP for my sake :o But I dont want to hide emotions. After all, it is the most natural form of expression. Cheers Pavithra |
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| |  Hi Devika, After reading your blog i feel iam leaving with a rare species or rather in a rare kingdom.Before marriage i too had the feeling that men rarely cry.But after marriage everything went just upside down.My FIL bursted into tears when my DH tied the knot  ,my DH cried when he had to leave his parents for the first time & stay in my house for a single day as a part of our marriage custom .Crying is not a gender issue in his family.His grandfather too cries madly when he had not seen his grandson for a long time & when the whole family meets its crying hungama unlimited.Do i need to explain the scene they create at the airport both at arrival & departure.Its better not to go with this family for a movie esp the emotional ones because i will get in their tears.My MIL is the kick starter of the game &the other men join they make a complete happy(err....crying )family.Sorry iam afraid that i differ with you in this regard.love, ammu |
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| | Dear Vandana, Thankyou so much for joining in.Yes youre very right ,we shouldnt withhold any emotion .Its there for display so as to understand one another. Yes as far as crying is concerned I guess we are able to relate to many friends here! Love, Devika |
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| | Dear Ammukutty, Thankyou so much for joining in! I guess its the first time we are interacting isnt it? Ammu I am so sorry initially when I read your reply I just couldnt control my laughter .Maybe I was visualising the whole thing or maybe the manner in which you have written but it certainly had me in splits. Different would be an understatement . My God ! This seems to be genetically overactive tearducts here from both sides of parents too! How about you Ammu ? ,Amidst all this do you get to shed a tear or two or do you balance it by being arid! Love, Devika |
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| | Dear Devika, Yes, its for the first time we are interacting..You have an unique style & i felt proud to know a fellow Keralite through her great writing skills.I remained as a silent admirer  of your poems & articles.But after reading this i couldnt remain so;and now i hope you know the reason. I I never cry in front of my husband's family because i feel as amateur in front of these well established actors.So i always shed my tears when iam at my mom's place.love, ammu |
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| |  Hi Devika, That's an interesting topic. I too face this 'misty eyes' problem! Yes, my hubby or my brother doesn't cry...instead they would find me funny crying like that! And it gets all the more embarrassing. On the other hand, I'm seeing dad getting too emotional these days (he's 70 now). I have always seen him as a strong person...in my childhood days, he had a hot temper. But of late, I'm seeing him getting tearful while watching some emotional scenes in a movie or when he hears about somebody's death or so. So am not sure if its his case alone or just that men mellow down over age?!! Regards, -Hema. |
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| | Hi Hema, Yes I guess with age all mellow actually Men and Women. I know for sure because now I see my mother getting very emotional about a lot of things and she tends to get hurt very easily ,whereas sometime back I guess she was more in control , so we have to always be extra cautious about what we say and do, so as to not hurt her feelings. . But I can relate to your DH &DB becoz that exactly how my DH&DB behave. Thankyou so much for writing in dear. We shall keep meeting in our kids column.:)) Love, Devika |
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| | hi Madam, Mens were not involved much into these things,just they were watching the movies for time pass,but ladies were involved into the picture and they thought ,its happened for us .From birth itself mens were trained for not to cry for any thing.its also one of the reason for not having tears into their eyes. |
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| | Hi Sendhilkumar, Thanks for stepping in. I understand that you feel Men have been trained not to cry. They can be very detached while watching movies while women tend to get very emotionally involved. Well I shall take your word that they do not have tears in their eyes. Regards, Devika |
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