Is expecting honesty from teenagers a tall order?
Posted 26th June 2009 at 07:45 AM by Deaf woman
Finest Blog of June 2009 - Runner-Up!
Last week I read a tongue in cheek article by a teen in The hindu NXG edition.
She laments how difficult it is for teens to be open with their parents about
outings ,friends .I found some teens are dead against their parents using the
children's mobiles or checking them.My mom was a disciplinarian ,yet i was
close to her and talked about everything in my teens ,of course I got some
admonishements from her too.But that never deterred me to be close to her
or rather discuss issues relating to my life.
Nowadays youth are so secretive about their life ,that left me question the role
parents play in their upbringing .Should we as parents let the children do what
they want and remain mute spectators or should we face the wrath of children
by asking to be a part of their life?We read so many stories about abusing parents
and how children should be protected from .But how do we draw the line when to
interfere and when not to.I wonder if our parents too felt like this when we are growing up.
Last week I read a tongue in cheek article by a teen in The hindu NXG edition.
She laments how difficult it is for teens to be open with their parents about
outings ,friends .I found some teens are dead against their parents using the
children's mobiles or checking them.My mom was a disciplinarian ,yet i was
close to her and talked about everything in my teens ,of course I got some
admonishements from her too.But that never deterred me to be close to her
or rather discuss issues relating to my life.
Nowadays youth are so secretive about their life ,that left me question the role
parents play in their upbringing .Should we as parents let the children do what
they want and remain mute spectators or should we face the wrath of children
by asking to be a part of their life?We read so many stories about abusing parents
and how children should be protected from .But how do we draw the line when to
interfere and when not to.I wonder if our parents too felt like this when we are growing up.
Total Comments 32
Comments
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Hi manjula,
I am vijji ,not Happy .Giving space is a good idea.Problem arises only when we cross it.Bringing up children as model citizens is every parent's dream .Hence we need to tread carefully .Thanks for stepping in.
vijjiPosted 5th July 2009 at 10:37 AM by Deaf woman
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hi depressed,. it was a nice quote from Khalil Gibran. i have read that poem and i agree 100% as a daughter. but as a mom, even though i appreciate the concept that children have their own will and individuality, isnt it the parents who should guide them and direct them in the right path. now the question arises as to which is the right path. this is where the discrepancies arise. somethings are right under the eyes of parents, some things are not.
universal issues are fine. like for example drugs are bad for a person is universally accepted and if parents guide their children away from drugs, that is appreciable. but what about other issues, like chating with friends for longer hours, or having boys as friends, or tatoing. what exactly are right and wrong in these issues? there is no universal rule book on these issues. as a mom of a 2 year old, i am still confused on what i would do as a mom of a teenager. i am actually a bit scared of that thought. but whatever my parents did, they did with pure love and the care that no calamity should befall me. if children begin to appreciate this thought about their parents i think the walls would reduce between parents and their childrenPosted 7th July 2009 at 03:21 PM by swtsvn
Updated 7th July 2009 at 03:22 PM by swtsvn - hi depressed,. it was a nice quote from Khalil Gibran. i have read that poem and i agree 100% as a daughter. but as a mom, even though i appreciate the concept that children have their own will and individuality, isnt it the parents who should guide them and direct them in the right path. now the question arises as to which is the right path. this is where the discrepancies arise. somethings are right under the eyes of parents, some things are not.
universal issues are fine. like for example drugs are bad for a person is universally accepted and if parents guide their children away from drugs, that is appreciable. but what about other issues, like chating with friends for longer hours, or having boys as friends, or tatoing. what exactly are right and wrong in these issues? there is no universal rule book on these issues. as a mom of a 2 year old, i am still confused on what i would do as a mom of a teenager. i am actually a bit scared of that thought. but whatever my parents did, they did with pure love and the care that no calamity should befall me. if children begin to appreciate this thought about their parents i think the walls would reduce between parents and their childrenPosted 7th July 2009 at 03:22 PM by swtsvn -
viji,
I am late here. better late isn't it.
I read the episode in nxg. The problem comes only when the trust factor is shaky. at the same time children today tend to be secretive.
Let me tell you about an incident that happened recently nearby. I observe this.
there is this mother and daughter, the father works away and comes home in the weekend. the mother also works. the daughter is a 10 year old. everyday the daughter reaches home earlier than the mother and is playing, having friends inside her home and everything. around 5 minutes before the mother arrives, the child send everybody and locks the door as if nothing happend. the mother thinks the daughter is too good and obedient.
I pains me a lot to see a 10 year old child behaving in this way. the reason that the parent is strict. if the parent had told the child it is ok to play for sometime, but after i come home, you can play for 30min, do your homework and other things before i come..or some other understanding...
I would say, give the freedom/space, but let them be aware that you are there watching from a distance..
good one...Posted 8th July 2009 at 11:31 PM by Shanvy - It is very easy to read poems and articles and say that we should be 'liberal ' .Yes as a parent I have been liberal?open and very honest with my children and found that by and large both my children were very sensible despite living in Europe .But we as Indian parents are different from the rest of the world in many radical ways. We care all through our lives and as my mother used to say - once we have children we live for them and then we cannot think of ourselves! However today mothers and fathers are changing - yes changing in very many ways and so we see children too changing!
Each parent has to find his/her balance on how to treat children according to their age and psychology and behaviour.There is no magic universal formula.
Parents have to be guides to their children and then leave it at that and they too must set example by their own actions.Posted 9th July 2009 at 02:12 PM by vijayacmouli
