To forgive is a passion with me!
Posted 20th July 2008 at 11:35 PM by Chitvish
Friends, do not think these are my words! No, no, not at all. My evolution has a long way to go, still! Try however, I might, I cannot at all times, follow the latter part of the saying
“to err is human, to forgive is divine” !
I was chatting with a friend recently, when he uttered these words. I was stunned, is an understatement!! I watched him, holding a conversation with a young friend, who had wounded him, though much senior in age, by impolite words. I was eagerly waiting for my friend to pounce on that person. But he made a joke of it, making the other person feel, perfectly at ease! No hard feelings, none at all!
I asked him the inevitable question, “But, how can you do it?”
What he answered me makes lot of sense, which I want to share with you.
What is the point of keeping our hurt alive? Does it justify our anger and make us feel better about plotting our revenge? Our mind is filled with hate and we are frozen with hatred if we do not forgive.
Well, you have a long list of very valid reasons for not wanting to forgive. Without arguing with the fact that you were hurt, why do you still suffer?
The next and the last step is forgiving.
Forgiving, my friend said, is letting go of the hurt!
By holding on to anger to show the other person, the damage he or she has done to you, we are acting in a self-defeating way, playing the role of a damaged person and making a big mistake.
If only the person who hurt us could be made to feel guilty and to make amends, he or she would not have hurt us in the first place.
We create our own complications when we conceal our hurt and want the person to apologise. We, ultimately become angry and victimise ourselves. We are very much disappointed as well.
We need to forgive as much as we need to be forgiven.
We need to forgive if ever we are to love again.
Let us practise these words, my friend taught me, to tell myself:
I release my hurt.
I allow the past to fade.
I am here.
My pain is gone.
Friends, I salute my friend who taught me, what a virtue, it is, to forgive. He strictly follows in life, Mark Twain’s quote
"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it."
Love,
Chithra.
“to err is human, to forgive is divine” !
I was chatting with a friend recently, when he uttered these words. I was stunned, is an understatement!! I watched him, holding a conversation with a young friend, who had wounded him, though much senior in age, by impolite words. I was eagerly waiting for my friend to pounce on that person. But he made a joke of it, making the other person feel, perfectly at ease! No hard feelings, none at all!
I asked him the inevitable question, “But, how can you do it?”
What he answered me makes lot of sense, which I want to share with you.
What is the point of keeping our hurt alive? Does it justify our anger and make us feel better about plotting our revenge? Our mind is filled with hate and we are frozen with hatred if we do not forgive.
Well, you have a long list of very valid reasons for not wanting to forgive. Without arguing with the fact that you were hurt, why do you still suffer?
The next and the last step is forgiving.
Forgiving, my friend said, is letting go of the hurt!
By holding on to anger to show the other person, the damage he or she has done to you, we are acting in a self-defeating way, playing the role of a damaged person and making a big mistake.
If only the person who hurt us could be made to feel guilty and to make amends, he or she would not have hurt us in the first place.
We create our own complications when we conceal our hurt and want the person to apologise. We, ultimately become angry and victimise ourselves. We are very much disappointed as well.
We need to forgive as much as we need to be forgiven.
We need to forgive if ever we are to love again.
Let us practise these words, my friend taught me, to tell myself:
I release my hurt.
I allow the past to fade.
I am here.
My pain is gone.
Friends, I salute my friend who taught me, what a virtue, it is, to forgive. He strictly follows in life, Mark Twain’s quote
"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it."
Love,
Chithra.
Total Comments 70
Comments
 |  I still have to learn a lot!Namaste Chithraji, Count me in as one of the humans. I confess I still carry on my back some incidents that I find very difficult to forget and forgive. It is as a famous preacher said, "carrying a sack of potatoes." I still need to put it down. Reading the teachings from the Holy Gita courtesy your & Cheeniyaji's explanation I hope will slowly take me on the path of "Forget & Forgive". Like your friend, I am amazed at the way my Dad dismisses every insult he gets with a smile. People like you, your friend & my dad show us that love & forgiveness always truimph. Regards, Corallux |
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| |  Dear Chithra Ma'am, Nothing could be more blissful than learning an important lesson from you at the onset of the week .Wow !! And such a lovely one at that , but then thats expected from you. I agree the ability to forgive is one of the greatest. It is not easy just like meditating , one that requires a of practise and will. People think meditation is easy but with the mind wavering and the concentration flying to various angles, the medication becomes a facade. Anger acts as a destructer,destroying the person and relation, forgiveness is the balm that can be applied to mend both the hurt and the relation. The same way letting go of the hurt that was inflicted on you , is a lovely virtue, bringing in with it serenity. I agree it is difficult to forgive , especially when you have been deeply hurt by someone you are very close to, and from whom you do not expect to ever get hurt, but errors do happen and to overlook them and move forward is only a quality that a virtuous can possess. Mark Twain's words are splendid . If only we could implement them in our everyday life, life would be easier to live without malice. Nurturing hurt and growing it within you brings in a feeling of animosity and only triggers a venomous end to wonderful relationships. True that the person who has inflicted hurt must know the damage that has been or could have been caused , but then letting go and going ahead is a truly great trait , one that does require a lot of practice and an understanding of the mortal life , why I say mortal life is because later on in life when you realise that we should have forgiven we may realise it is too late. I salute your friend Ma'am Lovely blog Ma'am. Love, Your Mol |
| Updated 21st July 2008 at 12:48 AM by Devika Menon |
| |  Dear Mrs.Chitra A very soothing post. I too have found some instances when I have been hurt and found it hard to forget and forgive. But by forgiving, we are doing ourselves a big favor. It helps us maintain our physical and mental health. I remember the words of my mother under similar circumstances. She will simply dismiss by saying that is how much he/she knows. After some time, they will realize that they have done wrong. Instead of carrying a bag of patatoes wherever we go, just as we feel relieved once we place the bag down, same way the hurt will slowly disappear only by letting go. But takes a lot of practice. Thank you so much for your lovely words to practice. Love Usha |
| Updated 21st July 2008 at 12:44 AM by sundarusha |
| |  Dear Mami, A great value based topic early in the week to keep us introspecting the whole week ahead. This forgiveness you have been talking is so easy but very very difficult to practice. It depends on the kind of hurt, by whom and where all matters. If it is by your close friend and a minor one that it is damn easy but from an unknown person it is very difficult. And if the hurt is not the first time by the same person ie. if he is repatedly hurting you then it is next to impossible. Mami, don't mistake me as an adarshavadhi but somehow my dealing with Life I have learnt a lesson atleast not to hate the person who is the reason for the hurt. I just withdraw into my shell and my communication is also minimum (this is when the hurt is toooooo deep) but still I help them out whenever needed. I am just now trying not withdraw myself and be normal. This has become my next objective & goal but believe me it is a herculean task. Life is short let us make it sweet rather than carrying the hurt. Thanks to Swami Sukhabodhananda I always remeber his talks of carrying loads of gunny sacks with hurt inside it. This made me realise my folly ad have started to reform......... Maybe others also have to tell that ......... ha ha ha (which is not happening) |
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| | A boost to my mindDear Chitra mam(i) You are now giving me food for the soul indeed. Its quite refreshing to read something which boosts my mind and relishes with some good thoughts that too by an experienced person is really gr8. I have been haunting with some of the bitter incidents with my younger cosister and after reading this I thought I shall forget it and be friendly.. Your write up reminded me of the famous kural "Inna seidhare oruthal avar naana nannayam seidhu vidal" Congratulations on completion of 15k posts mami Love Lakshmi |
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| |  Lux Baby, just because I blog on the Gita and forgiveness, please do not think, I have evolved much.With the influence of my friend over time, I have come some way, but can't call a long way!! But, I feel, we should try to forgive many things in others, but not ourselves for the unforgiving actions we commit, unknowingly & can't help saying, knowingly as well! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Ende Mole, your post is more beautiful than my leader post! I read in a book: Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. Oh, if only that was so easy!! Sometimes, even forgetting an incident seems simpler than forgiving. But my friend himself tell me, that he can see a change in me, though slow!! Your first lines just zoomed up my ego, Mole. I must make sure, it does not "get into my head" ! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Dear Usha, yes, the weight of hurt has to be got rid of from our hearts! But, I have seen very few persons as forgiving as my friend and that prompted me to write this, in the first place. There are some emotional circumstances when we forgive, to our own surprise. My late MIL, on her death bed, repeatedly told me " I have hurt you so many times with harsh words; please forget them; I seek your forgiveness for all that". Usha, just imagine - I just broke down, on hearing those words.Such an elderly person seeking me to forgive! Believe me, thereafter, I remember only her love & kindness which made me realise how the forgiving has helped me!! Not only practice, but certain circumstances also play a part, I think. Love, Chithra. |
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| | Lali, please, please, do not make me feel like a moral-science teaher! I need these lessons as much, myself. For your information, my friend is hurt by unseen persons repeatedly , but still he is determined to practise this virtue. I tell him, he is a rare tribe, in today's world. But, Lali, I feel, it is easier to forgive an enemy, but to forgive a close friend is more difficult for me!! I loved best your "last but one" paragraph. I think that should be our first step. Don't worry if others don't tell you. They will not; our heart gives us the right answer. Lovely post, Lali Love, Chithra. |
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| | Thanks Lakshmi for your wishes. My most favourite thirukkural is " inna seitharai-----seithuvidal". I started practising it very reluctantly, only on the advice of my friend. But it does help, Lakshmi & we become a better person for others, to live with or interact! Love, Chithra. |
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| |  Dear Chithra, I am really proud to say that my hubby is also like your friend. He never keeps hurt feelings in his mind though he was abused by people younger to him and for whom he had helped a lot. It happened so many times as he was a social worker. He would say if we want to pay them back their own coin, there would be no difference between them and us. Though at times I used to get angry for his tolerance, later I myself realised the benefit. Thanks for bringing out this topic. Love, PS |
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| | Chitraji, Lovely post. What if a person is really mean. If we forgive and let go of the hurt, we will go to that person again and will get hurt again. This not only encourages the person inflicting the pain, it sends wrong message toa nyone seeing this. Forgiving in my opinion should be restricted to those who deserve it. Revenge need not be seeken for unforgivable acts but at least avoidance must be practiced. Sorry I am not that divine to forgive and forget all hurting acts. |
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| | Dear PS, it is my privilege that you have stepped in here! Yes, if we behave in the same mean way, there is no difference betwen that person and us. Theoritically, it is easily said, but the actual act is difficult.Forgiving whole heartedly requires a "large heart"! But, that is how, we evolve as a better and finer human being. Love, Chithra. |
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| | I can understand what you write, Lakshmi. I guess you have been repeatedly hurt. But some people are definitely sadistic & there is no way, some can reform themselves and stop hurting others. I would even say there is no revenge, so sweet as forgiveness! Love, Chithra. |
| Updated 21st July 2008 at 05:16 AM by Chitvish |
| |  Chitra Forgiving is achievable. But you failed to mention the other half ... "Forget".. Forgetting in my opinion is more difficult. I know nothing can be achieved . I have forgiven and forgiven but I cannot forget. Maybe like Lakshmi 66 says I too am not that divine !! If I hadnt forgiven, I wouldnt be (atleast) where I am today !!! but "forget" I cannot .. Maybe it will be one of those things that I will carry with me till the end cheers Bhooma |
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| |  Dear Chithra, I was wondering at the title and thought " oh you have changed so much"! But then you went on to explain that it is your friend who thinks so, and is trying to reform you! Great to have such friends first of all! I was like that , carrying the hurt and not forgetting and thus not able to forgive. But the past year has been on spiritual quest with you all and the reading of Tolle's books, have released me of my Pain bodies and have suddenly forgotten the Hurt and forgiven too ....i feel so free and have also learnt to live for the MOMENT without judging and attaching emotions. The Gita lessons have also helped a lot! somehow i don't seem to be in such situations of late where i let myself be hurt! Or maybe like in our healing techniques, i just don't Take in the Hurt! But it feels good and i can understand what your friend says and your Title! |
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| | Dear Bhooma, welcome to my blog! It is said that men forget but cannot forgive whereas women forgive but cannot forget. I think that is very correct. But by that, we continue the hurt in our heart! I think, both to forgive & forget is the attribute of the very strong, perhaps! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Sudha, I admire you for this post! Yes, we read books and promptly forget the valuable lessons learnt! But you seem to be really making use of the knowledge you gain from the books, Sudha.Yes, releasing the hurt is very important and by forgiving we gain untold peace and happiness. It is as though we have achieved somethig. Way to go, Sudha. I am proud to be your friend. Love, Chithra. |
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| |  Chithu, great blog, asusual! Forget and forgive...hmm..Forgive may be, but forget -no an easy deal.We all know the famous " theeyinal sutta...vadu" kural.Words spoke cannot be taken back.It keeps ringing in your inner self everytime we meet that kinda person, who has hurted.Its a real tough job for me to forget, forgive, i do but not that easy as well.Trying to cultivate this habit.Forgiving without forgetting what other did is not worth. But,in recent times, i have observed and practising one thing, that is, just dunt react/talk back to the person, who has hurted you.Let not the hurt get inside you and you remain as you are! In this method, there is no need to forget &forgive.You are still "you".Let me try it for some more time.It definitely helps with less coomon people, but with close friends and relatives. Beautiful blog  |
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| |  My dear chitraMy dear dear chitra, That was a lovely post,something that all of us will benefit by following in our every day life.Saying it is so easy, but following the principle of forgiving may prove to be so difficult. I read somewhere,if we see a bad film, we do not want to see that film at all.We may even give away the cd or the casset .Like that,thinking of the hurt that someone caused oneself is going to make that person only a sad and bitter person. Throw away the bitterness,never think of it again because having bitterness in one's heart will spoil one's mental peace only. I appreciate your friend for having shown such maturity and clarity of thought at a difficult scenario,because he also would have been definitely hurt but he managed to throw away his bitterness like garbage that we don't store at home. Great post,chitra. love mithila kannan |
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