Then and Now !

Dear Chithra
I could not have said it better.. you said it right.. times have truly changed.. that is a sure sign of kali yuga in my mind:)

to us, the MILs of today !
Please give us the credit for being so understanding------ not to kali yuga !
But, we do it happily, not grudgingly!!
Love,
Chithra.

Dear Chith
Very interesting.
Sure.. these days MILs are very accommodating.
My MIL clearly told me when we were newly married.."I am your friend and not MIL.I don't want to be authoritative and repeat what my MIL did to me.You deserve your freedom and do what you please!"

Regards
Sowmya

Ditto in my house! I told Chitru that I want her to think of me only as friend. I don't believe in the "thinking of MIL like another mother".... etc, which I believe is the height of hypocrisy. How can anyone replace one's biological mother? It is not possible at all! I also mentioned to her that she need not feel obliged to call me Amma at all ! That is because, even in "those days" I never called my MIL, Amma! was I revolutionary in my younger days, I wonder now!!
Love,
Chith.

Dear mami,

A good presentation as how times are changing and MILs are also accepting the change.

But atleast in some matters, in my family, the older version still holds good. But enjoying the same.

Knowing that you live in JFS, I know all these statements may not hold good in your case!
Some prefer to continue the old way of thinking - God bless them!!
Love,
Chithra.

Hi ChitVish ma'am,
Though I cannot relate to the "Then" way as I have not been a part of it, I can very well relate to the "Now" statements, as my MIL also does the same things. She is more of a friend to me, than anything else. Nice to read the post.

Dear Superwoman
So well said.............
Now a days MIL's have become a gem of a person.............
Why it was not so before??????????.............before they were all hitler's( I call my MIL sometime in front of my DH) ...........hahaha
What to do she is always an unhappy woman that I have ever met in my life.........never happy with anything you do for her, she is sure to find some fault or the other...........can't help it might be her habit.......Let her get the satsifaction in what she does and be happy about the same so now when ever she says something hurting I just ignore and smile back at her.............This is my new threory following from last few years.

Dear Chithra,
That was a great post.....again u r speaking from ur experience..... But i agree with you that MILs are more understanding. In fact i feel they are too independent and want to stay away from interfering.......i feel after some time, the youger generation will start missing the interation( interfering) from the older ha ha
Now i will leave it to ur imagination to come up with the next generations interaction between MIL and DIl....ha ha
I think everythingis a cycle.
I see here parents are so uninterfering, that many ask us abt the indian way of closeness in family etc etc. They seem to miss that in a way and i feel we in india are going in this way now....later it will again take a U-Turn!

But good imaginative or should i say REAL dialogues!

Dearest Chithra Ma'am,

Such a lovely post Ma'am!!

Yes the generation gap has changed and phenomenally!
Infact I like this change. I have had the best of relations with my IL's maybe becoz I had made up my mind to not have any fixed notions about the behavioural patterns.
I accepted them with the entire flaws and fines and they too did the same.
A lot of adjustment went in it but it was pleasurble to see the end result. And hubby was the happiest,When things are good between MIL and DIL , then I guess hubbies are the happiest , they consider themselves blessed and when they are at loggerheads, he is the most depressed as the poor fella is sandwiched!
Actually I guess its the attitude. Girls are often told to expect someone resembling a witch when they go to the MIL's house. Poor girls go expecting one and the vice versa too. So actually the drama begins even before the curtains raise! When my sister got married I told her if your MIL admonishes you dont think its your MIL, take it as you mother shouting at you, then you will find it easier to be quiet.
I will not say that I havent met with any problems, but I guess my lack of retaliation helped in strengthening the bond with them. If you are able to connect with them well ,its a relation you can cherish , almost on par with the relation with your mother!

Love,
Your Mol!

dear chiths

a very very interesting topic......times hav changeD BIG TIME NOW.....munnadi ellam Mil kitta permission keppa..ippo ellam verum Information dhaan..idhu dhaan naan observe paninadhu..also the MILs have become very independent and before the DILs say lets go for thani kuduthanam- The MILs go a step further and engagament time laye they say pls go for a thani kuduthanam....adhunala namma mil ah vendam nu solra kaalam poyi, Mils ellam namala vendam nu solla aramichuttta.......Before we start looking out for an Old age home,they book a seat in a high class old age home....

adhunala my policy is try to maintain a smooth relationship.......i NEVER try to over do things....shes my MIL and i respect her for giving me a very very nice HUBBY...Salutations to her for that and i am always there to do my duty for her when time demands !!!!!

lov
sowmi

Everytime only "YOU" can come up with topic like this chithu....Superooo super...I really enjoyed reading ur blog...Sadly i dunt have a MIL..and my step MIL is not worth even talking..but i did see my periamma's character in ur words as she is a typical "this" generation MIL and my manni enjoys her company so much.. sometimes i get Jealous...haa haaa...!! But to be true and grateful, my patti in law does all these..ofcourse no online tickets, but she knows how to behave with these days DIL's !!

I am happy you do not have experience of the "then"s of my post, but only have of "now"s !
You are blessed to have a friend in your MIl - that lays a strong foundation to the relationship.
Love,
Chithra.

Some people (not only ladies) are eternal fault-finders even when a situation does not warrant it. I think, it is a basic insecure feeling, they have! We just have to learn to turn a deaf ear choicelessly.
Now I will crack a cheap dirty joke, because it is you! My friend always says "If you cannot prevent
r--e, better lie down & enjoy it!!
I am sure you will be a model MIL with your warm, friendly nature !
Love,
Chithra.

Most of them were & are "in-house" dialogues!
But now things have changed in such a way that we MILs need independence from baby-sitting, homework teaching etc ! Already Chitru says that I must shift very near their house! Ammadi, I need my space pa!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Chithra.

Now after I became a MIL, I realise that there is apprehension, fear of success, insecurity from both parties. But the sad thing is, I have seen some mothers warning their daughters at the time of marriage, that from the beginning, they must put the MIL in her place! What immaturity!! I think, a girl must take it as a challenge to win over her MIL, whatever be the odds, because that is one important relationship she cannot ignore or take for granted.
I too started off wih a lot of unpleasantness with my MIL, because I was not her choice, but my FIL 's (not even her son's!!) choice. I used the only weapon of unconditional love & before death she blessed me so much whole-heartedly. That was the best certificate I received in life todate.
Love,
Chithra.

We now keep our safe distance from the very beginning. Yes, because this is my thani kudithanam, I am able to spend so much of time in IL - otherwise I will be answerable to the comment that I am irresponsible!!
Do you know, Chitru is the first person I wish on Friends' Day!!
Love,
Chithra.

bound to be some friction - I know what you went through. More than your periamma, I appreciate your Patti because at her age, she is settinfg a good precedence to all family members.
May the good MIL's tribe increase.
Love,
Chithra.

Chithra, My dear Adharsha Mangai!

It is so nice to note the changes these days. Very healthy. The realtionships are getting so smoother.

Enjoyed reading it.

I have never experienced the 'then' dialogues, myself. My Patti was a super amma to my Mom. I have seen so many sufferings, though. The DILs were not even treated as human beings in some houses. A Patti from distant relation used to tell me unbelievable stories about her MIL and SILs. It was so hard to believe because I had interacted with those SILs. They were Pattis to me; so nice Pattis. But, were different with regard to her.

Love,
Oviya.

Dera Chithra Madam,

First of all hats off for coming with janaranjaga topic week after week. I know everybody in IL can relate to ur topic. And u have a nice way of presenting them too. I truly accept that relationships between MILs n DIL s are changing. But not all. Some still prefer the old fashioned way, like mine. The relationship with ur Mil only defines ur realtionship with sils n bils as they ll exactly reflect it. If ur day with ur mil has been rough u can be assured of too many turned faces of sils n bils tht day. Its never who is reasonable but who wins. But as u say giving up n ignoring bring better results in avoiding rifts. Otherwise poor hubby wud ve listen to too many cribbings from her side.

Regards,
CC