The joy of growing old!
Posted 5th October 2008 at 11:16 PM by Chitvish
Friends, I hope you are not already grumbling that I refuse to accept the case of sour grapes! In fact, far from it.
First, I love this stage because, week-ends and week-days are the same to us. We no more anxiously wait for Friday evening, looking forward to unwinding completely from a set routine, for two full days. Even if I sleep for half an hour extra in the morning, it does not matter at all. No need to cook in a hurry and pack a lunch box for the office-going spouse. I have all the time in the mornings to listen to suprabhathams, make a leisurely breakfast, meanwhile peeping in to watch any interesting Breakfast chats on the TV.
The urge to learn new things reaches an all time high, probably because, we are more relaxed in mind, with the children having settled down in their nests. I see that many of my friends are renewing their interest in music, joining correspondence courses for acquiring degrees, not to forget joining computer classes. The last has become necessity for people of my generation to keep in touch with children, siblings and relatives spread all over the world.
Having gone through good, bad and indifferent patches in life, our maturity has definitely improved. We learn by experience that tough times do not last and there is a dawn after every night. We become more tolerant because we realise that impatience at this age from us does irritate our family members. They snatch every opportunity to howl at the “oldies” !
But we must learn to follow some golden rules.
First, one must stop expecting gratitude from the children. If they look after you, well and good. If not, we have to accept what life has to offer us. It was not a business deal, that you gave the best to your children, to feel disappointed if they do not find time for you. Non-interference in their lives has to be strictly followed. We must give them the assurance that we are always there for emotional support if need be, but must stop poking our nose on their individual lives. This way, first our self-esteem is intact and the children appreciate us more.
Health problems are inevitable as we grow old. But that does not mean, we should forever be complaining about the same during every conversation with friends and relatives.
This, I say, because I have a friend, who says, every time I call her “ do you remember, I was talking to you about my knee pain three months back? It still continues”. We have to accept such old age maladies as part and parcel of our life. The others are plain not interested in listening to you because their woes are only more, perhaps!
When interacting with youngsters, we must make them feel like our equals and not start moralising! Thereafter, on seeing you, they will run a mile away.
Read a lot to improve your general knowledge so that they will enjoy your company. With four grandchildren, I am learning something new every time they come home.
My grand daughters clear all my doubts pertaining to computers and mobiles.
My daughter and DIL, explain to me, what new dish they last ate in a newly opened restaurant & provoke me to try it. That was how I tried vegetable tava paratha!
But the crowning glory is when my 8 year old grandson Aditya tells me:
“ Ammamma, I envy you and Thatha. You can be happily sitting at home, doing whatever you like to. You do not have to go to school, study and do homework”.
But, strangely, my elder grand daughter Thanu, who is a corporate employee tells me that, every Monday morning, when she wakes up, she thinks how lucky I am to be sitting at home “doing nothing”, when she has to rush to office!! Can you beat it??
Love,
Chithra.
First, I love this stage because, week-ends and week-days are the same to us. We no more anxiously wait for Friday evening, looking forward to unwinding completely from a set routine, for two full days. Even if I sleep for half an hour extra in the morning, it does not matter at all. No need to cook in a hurry and pack a lunch box for the office-going spouse. I have all the time in the mornings to listen to suprabhathams, make a leisurely breakfast, meanwhile peeping in to watch any interesting Breakfast chats on the TV.
The urge to learn new things reaches an all time high, probably because, we are more relaxed in mind, with the children having settled down in their nests. I see that many of my friends are renewing their interest in music, joining correspondence courses for acquiring degrees, not to forget joining computer classes. The last has become necessity for people of my generation to keep in touch with children, siblings and relatives spread all over the world.
Having gone through good, bad and indifferent patches in life, our maturity has definitely improved. We learn by experience that tough times do not last and there is a dawn after every night. We become more tolerant because we realise that impatience at this age from us does irritate our family members. They snatch every opportunity to howl at the “oldies” !
But we must learn to follow some golden rules.
First, one must stop expecting gratitude from the children. If they look after you, well and good. If not, we have to accept what life has to offer us. It was not a business deal, that you gave the best to your children, to feel disappointed if they do not find time for you. Non-interference in their lives has to be strictly followed. We must give them the assurance that we are always there for emotional support if need be, but must stop poking our nose on their individual lives. This way, first our self-esteem is intact and the children appreciate us more.
Health problems are inevitable as we grow old. But that does not mean, we should forever be complaining about the same during every conversation with friends and relatives.
This, I say, because I have a friend, who says, every time I call her “ do you remember, I was talking to you about my knee pain three months back? It still continues”. We have to accept such old age maladies as part and parcel of our life. The others are plain not interested in listening to you because their woes are only more, perhaps!
When interacting with youngsters, we must make them feel like our equals and not start moralising! Thereafter, on seeing you, they will run a mile away.
Read a lot to improve your general knowledge so that they will enjoy your company. With four grandchildren, I am learning something new every time they come home.
My grand daughters clear all my doubts pertaining to computers and mobiles.
My daughter and DIL, explain to me, what new dish they last ate in a newly opened restaurant & provoke me to try it. That was how I tried vegetable tava paratha!
But the crowning glory is when my 8 year old grandson Aditya tells me:
“ Ammamma, I envy you and Thatha. You can be happily sitting at home, doing whatever you like to. You do not have to go to school, study and do homework”.
But, strangely, my elder grand daughter Thanu, who is a corporate employee tells me that, every Monday morning, when she wakes up, she thinks how lucky I am to be sitting at home “doing nothing”, when she has to rush to office!! Can you beat it??
Love,
Chithra.
Total Comments 48
Comments
 |  Sour grapes? No you deserve the R & R!Dear Chithraji, I am sure you must have slogged your days first for your studies, then marriage, kids etc. This is the time which is "your time". You need to get this time to do what you always wanted to do. In by gone ages, grannies & grandpas had nothing to do & so interfered in the lives of their kids. The result? Tension in the family. You speak like my parents who keep saying that the love & affection they get from my brother & me is like a Fixed Deposit. They tell their friends," use the love from your kids as you would use your savings." Now a days, senior citizens are into classes etc. Gone are the days of just Satsangs etc. Now some go on a "Delayed Honeymoon." (Hint to Vishji?) In short, they slogged & are now enjoying their well deserved break. As for people who say," You do not have to so anything," remind them you also worked hard to be where you are. Regards, Corallux |
  Updated 5th October 2008 at 11:26 PM by corallux |
| |  Golden Rules for aging gracefully Sour Grapes? No. They are golden rules for aging gracefully. At every stage in one's life, constant learning takes place-- to be a better student, child, DIL, wife, mother. When one reaches a stage when everyone around them is younger, one needs to set an example of dealing with aging in a positive manner. You seem to be doing that perfectly. I guess 60 is the new 40 nowadys! |
| Updated 6th October 2008 at 12:24 AM by sundarusha (add) |
| |  Dear Chith ma'm, A wonderful post indeed..how elegantly you have appreciated the old age. It is not a "do nothing" stage but a well deserved one after putting in all the hard work for your family. I am very sad seeing how most of the parents poke their nose even into their children's personal life. They educate the children and are happy when they acquire high positions, but on the other side they believe that the children should still stick to the likes and dislikes of the parents instead of living their life according to their own wishes.I sincerely hope and pray that parents should be like you and appreciate the stage of life they are in now. With lots of love Indu |
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| |  Dear Chithra, I think we both are on the same wave length. Iam also thinking on the same line. But we must learn to follow some golden rules. First, one must stop expecting gratitude from the children. If they look after you, well and good. If not, we have to accept what life has to offer us. It was not a business deal, that you gave the best to your children, to feel disappointed if they do not find time for you. Non-interference in their lives has to be strictly followed. We must give them the assurance that we are always there for emotional support if need be, but must stop poking our nose on their individual lives. This way, first our self-esteem is intact and the children appreciate us more. I also feel the same. We may be doing our routine work leisurely, but we are not idle. In this point I totally disagree with Thanu. Now we are taking it easy and so not in a hurry to finish every thing in hurryburry. This freedom we got after struggling for a long time. You reflected all my thoughts in your blog. Thank you, Love, PS |
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| |  Dear Chithra mami, Ungala parthall romba pormaiaya irrukku.... ippadiya Monday mornings start pannanum.... romba mosam ponga. I agree with you what all you say about growing old... it is also called as ageing gracefully. Acceptance of old age is the major factor. But honestly I tell you, I have also seen senior citizens but they feel as if they do not have any goal in life, no urge to learn anythig new, totally fed up of life and they philosphically say that what is there for me, I am just waiting for my call. These kind of thinking really puts me off... I just go off the handle at the time. How can we think we will die the next moment... mind you I am talking of people aged around 60. What if we go strong till 80 - 90, we are wasting so many precious years of our life... How do you change these people's pattern of thinking?  |
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| |  Dear Lux, prompt you are, as usual! Yes, I did go through my periods of tension in my younger days- children's studies, Vish's job change, to maintain a smooth relationship with in-laws living in the same town......etc. But as one grows old, one should accept limitations and also know, where to draw a line, in every sphere of activity!! As the saying goes, The heights by great (read old here)men reached and kept Were not attained by sudden flight But, they while their companions slept Were toiling upward in the night. We had our share of problems, financial included and reached this stage in life. Now, it is in our hands, not to get too much entangled in "samsara sagaram" again and again, but go easy. Well, Vish says, honeymoon is wherever & whenever we are with eachother!! We nomore  , but are  !Love, Chithra. |
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| | I thank you profusely, Usha, for your nice compliment. My amma has been an example to me till now. She can make conversation with anybody, updating herself on all tpoics around her.She never feels resigned, saying "I am past that age:.....". So long as we live, it is our duty to feel, rather, atleast look, cheerful (inspite of our eternal worries, ofcourse!)so that people around us will not be depressed.I hate people who say "I am waiting to die". Whether you wait or not, it is going to happen. Then why talk about it always?? Love, Chithra. |
| Updated 6th October 2008 at 03:41 AM by Chitvish |
| | Dear Indu, you are 200 % right. My own friends tell me that I am too detached & am over-doing! But the funny thing is, their own children complain to me that their parents must be more non-interfering!! I love Khali Gibran's words, that our children come through us and not from us. We have to adopt an attitude of polite restraint and gratitude to our children, why? even to our spouse!! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Yes, PS, we are sailing in the same boat as far as age is concerned. At this age, we have to compulsorily develop interests in something or other, to keep us occupied. That way, I must thank IL fdor taking care of my time & interests! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Lali, not some, but many people have that attitude! Saying that they may live for, perhaps, 20 more years, even!! Keeping our mouth shut is the best thing, we, old people must do! We are not "advice-oceans" - that is what old people think, they are. Let our children learn by their experience - that will teach them a lasting lesson! You cannot change, anybody, Lali. Change has to come from within! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Chithu dear, Another 5 star blog! With your beautiful blog you make me want to get old! I wish your enthusiasm, positive attitude and zest for life could be put in a pill and taken so that we would have more elders like you! Even though the way you describe living old age seems like the most logical thing to do, it is not how many of our eldres think or behave. When you narrated the incident of your friend complaining about her knee pain, I was reminded of many elders in mine and my husband's family who do this. Of course, I silently listen to them for the fear of coming across rude and heartless. But really, I wish they realized that all though there are aches and pains in their life, they have so many good things going for them too. Anyway, it is not my place to tell them anything. Just like you say about elders refraining from giving too much advice, I believe we so-called youngsters also must refrain from "correcting" our elders too much (even if it is our own parents!). I love interacting with elders like you who are practical yet emotional depending on what and how of it is needed at any given time. My parents are one such and because they are not needy for us or our company at every juncture in their life, we feel we need them all the more! Strange are the ways of this world. The more you detach the more people want to attach to you! In my opinion, detachment in the right measure and with the right spirit (without bitterness, willingly rather than forced etc.), is one of the most challenging tasks we are faced as humans. Anyone who achieves this kind of detachment (you for instance), should be revered as a human who has achieved Godly status. Very few people can get to that in their lifetime! We love you adore you, look up to you and many times we even revere you Chithu! Luv and hugs, SS |
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| | Dearest SS, every feed back from you makes me feel wanted, which, though a basic human need, gets more pronounced as we grow old! I am sixty plus, but to date going strong ! I am surprised when people think of me as nearing the end of the road, when they learn I am sixty plus ! Know not what God has in store for me, but I am against withdrawing myself into a cocoon, voluntarily. I am very well aware that absentmindedness, forgetfulness etc are likely to set in with the inevitable ageing process . But I have decided to keep my mind engaged and stimulated, with my favourite activities. If I had decided to abandon my interests and desires, when I turned sixty, I would not be here with all of you today. The interaction with you, youngsters, has injected, inspiration and passion to share all my collections – be it recipes or shlokas-with you in I L. It is not in me to think, I am no more capable of productive activity. My duty to my children has been successfully completed by me and I have learnt to withdraw from their lives, but not from my own ! I enjoy mental calm and till this minute I am open to fresh ideas. I am free from family obligations and find that there is still a wee bit of creativity in me. Otherwise, I would not be blogging here ! You are welcome to disagree with me about my creativity ! I am now free from the pulls of youth and I have learnt to strike a balance in life. I am at peace with myself and my spiritual awareness is more pronounced. I suddenly find there is so much in the meaning of life. I enjoy every activity, I voluntarily take up, putting my heart and soul into it to complete it successfully. I know, I do not want to delay and cannot afford to postpone whatever I want to accomplish. Life is a continuous learning process till your last breath and I think, if my approach is right, I can follow my dreams. I have decided not to force myself into a very slow and steady journey to non-existence. I would love to share my wealth of experience with the younger generation, ofcourse, so long as there are takers ! I do not want to boast in vain that my agility is flourishing, but pray God that my mental acumen, shrewdness and discerning ability should not be affected till my last day and I must enjoy whatever I am doing. I want to reassess my life, get set and go ! I may not go places, but want the positive forces in my life to take over to guide me. I want to cherish, not lament over, whatever life offered me. My one wish is to exit from this world gracefully when I am in my “ peak”. Pray God grants me that wish. I live every moment. I begin my life anew each day and I celebrate that I am alive. I celebrate my completeness, knowing that I am incomplete. I welcome each day to continue my giving. I wish to move forward and continue to look ahead. I believe in me. I know I am not perfect. I still learn from everything and everyone. I admit my mistakes freely and openly and I correct them without shame. I am here as myself. I don’t want to give up, I want to give more. I want to make myself lovable. I am open to criticism and I intend to grow. This is my journey. This is my life. I create my own path as I walk. I bend with the wind and I glide with the current. But I do not resist and I remain myself. Well, a reply, longer than the leader-post? I just opened out, SS! Love, Chithra. |
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| |  Ultimate....Chithumma, My dear Adharsha Mangai, Superb blog... Deserves to be circulated among those who are in the other side of the coin. I want to preserve this for my own use, after some decades... Quote:
First, one must stop expecting gratitude from the children. .................................. This way, first our self-esteem is intact and the children appreciate us more. This is one which will make them handle matters with ease, make them happy and make them look beyond them. They will be able to realise that they still have a life and world to live. Thanks for sharing your precious experience thru this blog and your reply to SS. Love, Your Picturesque. |
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| |  Dear Chitra aunty, Very well written. surely this is why the retirement years are called the 'golden years'. I am already envious as i sit typing this in my office. As I tell my hubby the best part of growing older is that it brings you closer to retirement!! |
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| |  Dear Chithra mami! Your reply to SS is billion times better than your original piece! Beyond any words!!! I have read most of your blogs of this year and I should say this is the 'BEST'.... As Oviya said, I will cut&paste your writings for my future reference! E-namaskarams to you !! Vase |
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| |  Yes chithra ma'am,Its a joy to grow old only age wise but young at heart.I can give my parents one among them who are having a splendid time after fulfilling their duties.My mom is doing her higher exam for veena and my dad is a practicing doctor/writer/notary speaker.I have taken oath that i will be active and keep my mind young always. |
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| |  Dear Ma'am, Lovely juicy grapes here to relish. Sweet as you too!! So no question absolutely of going sour. Infact its interesting to grow old , as Mommy dear says. My Mom has never enjoyed her time as much as she does now and I see her ever so occupied , fulfilling all her pent up desires that had taken a back seat while we were growing up. Like Long longford said," Old people have one advantage over the young ones.They have been young themselves while the young haven't been old". For me personally I think the old people are so much more interesting when they can share their wisdom and life's experiences and be the strong guiding force to youngsters. And its always a blessing to grow old gracefully. From whatever I have heard from my kith and kin , this is a very interesting phase!! What a treat Ma'am, thoroughly relished it!! Love, Your Mol. |
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| | dear chithra mam, u have just voiced my thoughts OF today...after my hectic india trip came back and dd also came here the same day...she left for her hostel yesterday and today only got back into my routine,,,was telling dh today how i enjoy my semiretired life for all the reasons u have described...From today I am free to do anything anytime ...not that anybody has ever restricted me from doing anything but taking responsiblity as something serious satisfying them has always been the first priority...so can enjoy myself only when i am FREE... LOVE mINDI |
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| | Dear Ms Picturesque, in the past, the joint family system provided a dfferent platform for the elders. Their opinions were asked for, advice sought etc. But with the nucleus family having emerged as the order of the day, we, the senior citizens must accept our limitations. I am selfish enough to think, that by not giving advice, I am on safe grounds. Whether appreciated for a proper good advice or not, I am likely to be "fired" if my advice is not "what & how" they want it!! Not only that, children learn to take their own decisions, learning from mistakes which helps them in the long run! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Mythraeyi, are you joking??It is not easy, though I will not say, it is tough, to accept that you are growing old! It is purely "mindset" ! My arthritic knees can predict rain more accurately than Chennai Meterological Service ! I can live without the three lettered word, but need my glasses desparately ! I am no longer viewed as a hypochondriac ! At the same time, When we have so many points in our favour, who would'nt like to grow old ? Love, Chithra. |
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