Our equation with men changes with age !
Posted 13th April 2008 at 09:27 PM by Chitvish
There are many women who argue that they can live without a man. I do not know whether they mean, they prefer to remain single. But, in my personal opinion, it is necessary to have a man in our life, besides father, either as a brother, spouse, son or last but not least, definitely as a friend.
Whom we perceive as the ideal man, changes, as we go through life and age advances.
This is not with reference to the spouse, specifically, but to a friend, as well.
When we are teenagers, our main focus is on good looking, attractive men. We prefer men who are out-spoken and preferably ones with a sense of humour. We are happy and feel energised in their company. We prefer, if they are ready to take us round, spend for us, get us gifts without overly bothering about their image. In short, we are happy to be doted upon !
Thereafter, our ideas change. We want men to respect us, as an individual. We expect them to accept us, for whatever and as however, we are. There is clarity in our thinking on that account. We give importance to good job prospects and a status in society and are less bothered about appearance. We are mature enough to tell our parents, what type of a man, we would like to marry. We look for emotional integrity in a friend, mainly.
Now, in the next stage, we want the man to be faithful to us. We do not like for friends, men who eternally complain about their wives, but those who share with us honestly, why they are not happy with their spouse.
We respect a man who honours his wife and consults her on all decisions. We do not like men, who always have a superiority complex. We hate men, who forever, decry their wives, in conversation with others. We look for unconditional acceptance without being judged or criticized.
Next is middle age – some of the terms used are Forty, Female, Frustrated etc ! This is because we are nearing menopause with all associated psychological and physiological changes. Career women find this a very challenging period because emotions overrule very often due to domestic and job-related pressure and associated stress in life. Their duties to the children are not yet over and they look up to their man for reassurance and companionship, the most.
We want them to spend more time with us, talk to us and share our innermost fears and anxieties. Their soothing words do mean a lot to us. We realise, clarity of mind and emotions are character strengths.
The grand finale is the senior citizen stage! Atlast, her duties are over. Loneliness is likely to creep in. She wants her man to allow her to take her own decision and be free to live the way she wants to. She needs most a friend to whom she can emotionally unburden herself.
She loves to feel wanted all the more because her physical appearance has changed, but she has emotionally and mentally matured gracefully. She wants to be fruitful to her family and society in her own fulfilling way. She needs a man who gives her that freedom with complete trust in her and love for her. She does not ask for anything more than love, communication, company and understanding.
We realize that it is silence which makes the real conversation with our man. If we do not say, it is because there is no need to say. There is a feeling of well-being in us in just our man’s emotional company.
“ We do not want to see through one another, but to see one another through “,
as quoted by Peter DeUries. Just being together in thoughts more than in person is of ultimate importance.
Love,
Chithra.
Whom we perceive as the ideal man, changes, as we go through life and age advances.
This is not with reference to the spouse, specifically, but to a friend, as well.
When we are teenagers, our main focus is on good looking, attractive men. We prefer men who are out-spoken and preferably ones with a sense of humour. We are happy and feel energised in their company. We prefer, if they are ready to take us round, spend for us, get us gifts without overly bothering about their image. In short, we are happy to be doted upon !
Thereafter, our ideas change. We want men to respect us, as an individual. We expect them to accept us, for whatever and as however, we are. There is clarity in our thinking on that account. We give importance to good job prospects and a status in society and are less bothered about appearance. We are mature enough to tell our parents, what type of a man, we would like to marry. We look for emotional integrity in a friend, mainly.
Now, in the next stage, we want the man to be faithful to us. We do not like for friends, men who eternally complain about their wives, but those who share with us honestly, why they are not happy with their spouse.
We respect a man who honours his wife and consults her on all decisions. We do not like men, who always have a superiority complex. We hate men, who forever, decry their wives, in conversation with others. We look for unconditional acceptance without being judged or criticized.
Next is middle age – some of the terms used are Forty, Female, Frustrated etc ! This is because we are nearing menopause with all associated psychological and physiological changes. Career women find this a very challenging period because emotions overrule very often due to domestic and job-related pressure and associated stress in life. Their duties to the children are not yet over and they look up to their man for reassurance and companionship, the most.
We want them to spend more time with us, talk to us and share our innermost fears and anxieties. Their soothing words do mean a lot to us. We realise, clarity of mind and emotions are character strengths.
The grand finale is the senior citizen stage! Atlast, her duties are over. Loneliness is likely to creep in. She wants her man to allow her to take her own decision and be free to live the way she wants to. She needs most a friend to whom she can emotionally unburden herself.
She loves to feel wanted all the more because her physical appearance has changed, but she has emotionally and mentally matured gracefully. She wants to be fruitful to her family and society in her own fulfilling way. She needs a man who gives her that freedom with complete trust in her and love for her. She does not ask for anything more than love, communication, company and understanding.
We realize that it is silence which makes the real conversation with our man. If we do not say, it is because there is no need to say. There is a feeling of well-being in us in just our man’s emotional company.
“ We do not want to see through one another, but to see one another through “,
as quoted by Peter DeUries. Just being together in thoughts more than in person is of ultimate importance.
Love,
Chithra.
Total Comments 32
Comments
 |  Chithra yet another great blog from you..when I read the title I was wondering what you are going to say..you have put it across so beautiful..a pleasure to read..not planning to write in so early but now only got a few minutes to sit in front of comp and happened to read yurs..great one:) |
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| |  Dear Chithra, This was an exceptional piece. You have said in a very profound way what we women expect from men. It is said that women can never be understood. But I feel it is the other way round. We women are always ready to speak out our minds be it sweet or sour. It is the men who do not open up. And doctors say that this is one of the reasons for heart attacks being more common amongst men than women. Sometimes I have wondered,we expect such simple things as love, respect, equality and understanding- which the men find difficult to satisfy. You ask them anything tangible, they are willing to oblige provided they are financially sound! But when it comes to such simple basic needs, they start murmuring-"Oh! It is so difficult to understand a woman! Quote:
“ We do not want to see through one another, but to see one another through “,
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| |  Dear Chithu, You are very right that the perspective changes with age but the underlying factor is the care and concern that the men show that strengthens the bond or relationship.When it is a friend you tend to share more with them, but what you share with your spouse is of differnt concern. All your views on working women's outlook would suit me to a T but I do not believe in pressurising DH at all. If itt comes from him then there lies the understanding. Your personal opinion is mine too. Great blog, yet again. |
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| |  Dear Mami, As usual Great blog on the start of the weekend itself. To give us more food for thought. I just simply liked these quotes of yours very much Quote: She needs most a friend to whom she can emotionally unburden herself. She does not ask for anything more than love, communication, company and understanding |
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| |  Thankyou, AC. I wanted to name it, "our perception of men as age advances"; but later decided on this, perhaps the reason being, my title as a chemistry student!! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Malathi, your visit here is a pleasant surprise!Not only do men say, they cannot understand a woman, they call her an enigma as well ! I feel, a man is none the less! I find that my own equation has been changing as I grew up and that prompted me to write this. But we cannot deny that what is good for the goose can never be good for the gander! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Thanks, Janani, for your nice words!You write about men showing care & concern. We want them to demonstrate the same a "wee bit" atleast occasionally; but if they do not ever, a small amount of disillusionment does creep in. That perhaps is because we are from Venus & they are from Mars!! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Lalitha, I differ from you....on the issue of communication gap. Some men belong to the type who can never, never speak out their minds. We can never bridge that gap, but only understand and accept it. That is where, we are happy if we have a friend! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Dear C Mami, Very true indeed........... Quote:
Some men belong to the type who can never, never speak out their minds. We can never bridge that gap, but only understand and accept it. That is where, we are happy if we have a friend |
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| |  Dear Superwoman Another super writting. You have gone through all these stages and you have put in so well. A woman always need a male friend who is with her at all the stages. And so well said at each and every stage for why do we need them  well said.Now don't kick me  .............hheheheheThank God I am not in Chennai or else sure 100% you will hit me for this. Superwoman nice to see you going to your college days and remembering all the naughty things after AC what all you did there read in Varalotti's post too. Now this one  ...........just kidding please don't be angry...........I am in 40+ and you are right at this stage we do want our male friend to understand us and be there for us to share whatever we are feeling. Always nice reading your post as you write on our daily life which becomes more enjoyable to read and put in a few words. |
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| | Aruna, you write "jolly well" that your...FB is so enjoyable. How could I ever think of a kick?? I feel I have reached a stage in life when I can speak out my mind more frankly without the fear of being mistaken! That is the difference between your 40+ & my 60+ We are all here to enjoy ourselves & have a nice tim, Aruna. But with age as an advantage, I repeat, man friend is a must!!! Thanks. Love, Chithra. |
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| |  Dear Chith Yet another great blog from you! You have written beautifully the different stages. As you said emotional integrity plays an important role in a relation. When someone understands us the way we want them to understand us then we feel more comfortable in such a person's presence. And it can be a spouse, brother, son or a friend. Love Vidhi |
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| | Mutual, unconditional understanding is the key factor to any relationship to sustain, Vidhi! But if it is missing, somewhere, unpleasantness creeps in!! Thanks for joining us , Vidhi. Love, Chithra. |
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| |  Lovely post and interesting title. It made so much sense when I was over with reading. I have just seen the first two stages in my life now. During the transition between all these stages, we exhibit dual behavior. As a woman olds, material well-being takes back seat, emotional companionship becomes supreme. True indeed  Thnx for writing an interesting post...Great going as always chithu mam. |
| Updated 14th April 2008 at 10:31 AM by MeenLoch |
| | Dear Chithra.. Well-written post. Though I have not reached all the age stages that you mentioned, I can understand the relevance of what you mentioned. I suppose with age, one matures so much that the 'friendship' between husband and wife takes new dimension by itself. I have noticed in the case of some elderly couples, that, once their children are settled (education, marriage etc), they feel quite relieved and some amount of 'youth' comes in, even in their old age. It is nice to see them this way - wanting to spend time together, go to temples, watch movies, talk about things etc :) But yes, as you rightly said, if the emotional bonding does not happen, such things will not work out. Thanks and Love Pavithra |
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| | MeenLoch, I have to add one point here.What I have written is purely my point of view. It is likely to change for the next generation. We were brought up in a totally "secluded from men" atmosphere. It was only my co-ed college exposure which helped me shed my inhibitions. Ultimately when you take stock of your life, emotional quotient plays a major part ! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Thanks, Pavithra! You reach a stage...when whatever appeared as a "big mountain" with your man becomes a molehill now! Strange, but true!! You just love his presence around in the house. With V who is a loner, I have accepted that there is not much to speak at all. We are dependantly independent, but I need him for my very surival! Love, Chithra. |
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| |  Dear Chithra Ma'am, Hope you had a wonderful New Year!:)) Ma'am you have a fantastic topic here.Of course you only come with wonderful ones. Well through your post you took me through all the ashrams , Brahmacharyashram , Grihasthashram and Sanyasashram...... You know ,right from beginning to select a man in your life ,to the ultimate need. No one but you could have put it so well.. When I was looking for a partner , I thought the basic need was love, then realised it is respect I need .. went further to realize it is trust I need ... so at each stage the needs kept varying probably in accordance with my experiences in life. But now at this stage I would say that I am not concerned about the physical attributes of my partner , but his mere presence is very important . I am not really looking for hour long conversations, even his silence is understood perfectly.. I dont really look for materialistic gifts during those special occasions , we have passed those times that we once felt gifts were so important for existence , now the gift I want is his good health and happiness because all I need is for him to always be with me ..and be Happy! So I say that I have gone from trying to select a partner when not having one as in Brahmachariashram to finding a person with all the qualities I was looking for and leading a domesticated bliss with all the nuances of love as in Grihasthashram to this stage where we could both live a life of celibacy as in Sanyasashram yet immensely in love. This touched a very emotional chord in me I am so sorry for going on and on Ma'am , but its one topic I could go on for hours. Love, Your Mol. |
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| | Dearest Chithra, How do you manage to come up with such gems? This one is yet another super piece! I think I am going to send the content of your blog to my husband so he knows exactly what I will be expecting in what stage of my life! Loved it. More than anything it confirmed for me that I am normal in expecting and thinking the way I do. SS |
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| | Ende Kochu Mole, Devi!You have written so well & quietly pushed my leader post to the background - let me assure you, I am very proud & happy about it! All I can say is, you have a very mature, balanced head on your shoulders for a youngster!! Your man is blessed, Mole! Love, Chthra. |
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