Let Go ! Do not let yourself go !!

Dear Chithra
Very interesting topic.. Let go.. easier said than done.The worldis filled with lots and lots of people who are stuck right there.. in the past.. not being able to let go. I think it takes a lot of maturity and experience and wisdom to realise the power in letting go.. of the past or of hurt or of pain or suffering.. This topic is really applicable in todays world and dayto day life as well. Well written blog:)

Dear Chithra Ma'am,

I adopted the 'Let go' nature and saved a lot of relations.Vital relations.And what I got in return was immense peace!
Sometimes we wish to rule the world we wish things happen according to our wishes, We hope that all things go as desired.Very well if it does , an optimistic approach is welcome , but it is not always the case. More often than not we get possessive about things , we wish to own them. Here lets specifically take the case of spouses or partners. Too much of stifling will rebound in a negative manner.The force you apply in holding someone he/she would escape the moment they get a chance with the same force or more. I truly believe that if you love someone set him free ,if he comes back to you , he is yours and will always be, if he doesnt he never was.
I believe that we need to understand relationships and the respect for them .If you respect someone and trust him , give him space.
If you are with a honest person , then the space will not be misused.Same way if you are with a philanderer , not matter how hard you try to stop him from straying someday he surely would.

Man minus desire equals God! So its natural to have desires but we also need to understand that one only gets what one deserves and not what he desires.. Accepting defeat, failures, is very important.Taking failures in the right aspect is essential for mental growth. Wallowing and fishing for sympathy will get you nowhere.
Have trust ! Letting go is the best form of release.When one is saddled in a relationship , a forced one from either side , you wish freedom ,the let go is the freedom the release. The belief in yourself, the knowledge of your self worth will help you celebrate the release rather than mercilessly abuse your life.

Love,
Your Mol

Mami,

How is it you know what is going on my mind soooooooooo perfectly. Yesterday I was toooooooo hurt by my aunt's remark that I was ranting the whole day ( i have given that account in Sridhar's super star thread) and finally at night I remebered sridhar's words and sent out a prayer to HER.

Though I have decided this incident to LET GO but people associated with it feel so bad especially my mom who is unwell from past one month and her brother n fly comes home and does not speak to her properly nor enquire her abt her health. Then how do we pacify them is my question? When we get boomrangs always from certain quarters even after doing so much for them how do we deal with it.

I can understand of this Let go concept and fairly practice but the wound takes a lot more time to heal but by the time our feelings also go numb....... This is a problem I do face.Honestly any help in this matter?

Chithu,Great topic once again...It is a vast subject and should be given a deeper thought.Let Go attitude cannot be so easily adopted.It needs a matured mind.Day in and Day out we are hurt my so many instances and people.If Let Go was our attitude towards them, sure as per your words we will win their hearts..but we are humans....so it will take some time to stick to this! I always want things to happen in a proper planned manner..even if the paper boy is late for the entire week, i kinda demand explanation from him in a harsh tone sometimes..but later i feel .. ohh i could have told him in a nice way..Next day i see him throw the paper madly at my doorstep i earned his displeasure.I dont feel bad for this and cannot adopt Let Go attitude here! The situation does matter to practise this.But I do adopt and follow Let Go attitude with my In Laws truly, because words spoken and hearts broken cannot be reapired is what i tell myself.Let Go attitude does works for sure with them for they feel sometimes, that i behaved nicely and they were at fault.I makes people realise their mistakes.

Dear Chithraji,

Any work starts with a prayer to Ganeshji. My way of saying Jai Shree Ganesh by putting my first comment on your Blog spot. A lovely write up on one of the ills of our times.

Day in and day out, we hear stories of how people suffer in abusive relationships for the sake of society, prestige etc. They have to learn to let go of things that do not work for them. Same thing that explains the suicides by students who cannot cope with IIT or even CBSE studies.

Now to let oneself go. That can be seen in the case of most (not all) Asian married women. Before marriage, we take care of our personality by grooming etc. It is like after marriage, we just change into a character totally opposite. "Please others at our expense" becomes our new mantra.

Just my thoughts...

Regards,

Corallux

To practise
let go of the past or of hurt or of pain or suffering..
is choicelss - otherwise we become hurtful, depressed, revengeful, none of which is going to help us grow !
When, sometimes, I realise that things are getting out of control for me, I tell myself that God is a stronger power than me and I hand over these things to him.Believe me, I feel strangely peaceful.
Love,
Chithra.

Your post is very meaningful & too good.
Last week, I was feeling low, hurt by a friend's words. I was talking to another friend , who promptly advised me " please let go! Are you going to benefit by letting yourself go thus?". Somehow those words had the right effect on me though they are the words whih we hear in ourlives any no: of times.I promptly forgave my friend, blessed her & that night, I sat & wrote this blog based more on my personal experience!
Love,
Chithra.

easy to forgive, forget, let go etc.
But when I feel miserable, angry, hurt etc, I just hand over things & myself to the Higher Power.I just surrender, let it go & hand it over to Him, my anger, hurt inclusive!
If you were upset by your aunt's behaviour, it only means, her target of hurting you & your mother has been accomplished. As I always write
Do not empower the world to hurt you!
Laugh at their immature behaviour to yourself & tell yourself "avarkaLukku therinja lakshanam" !
Only if we embrace forgiveness, we can move forward in life.That will lead to feelings of understanding, empathy & compassion for the one who hurt you.That is one step in our evolution.
Love,
Chithra.
Lali, please don't think, I am highly theoritical. I just write here what I practise most often, though may not be always !

If we let go of th fault-doers, they will realise & come back to us though they may not admit that they did wrong us!
If we do not let go, the uncontollabes & unchageables of our life, we become pysically & mentally exhausted. Finally that does take a toll on us! Let us not be too perfection-oriented also, always!! Let us learn to survive in the midst of chaos also!!
Love,
Chithra.

Let go attitude enhances self-control, - since it frees you up to gain self-control over your own life without guilt or fear of reprisals by those people, places, or things which you have let go of.
I love the following prayer, apt in this context:
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
Wisdom to know the difference

Ultimately only let go helps us for this!!
Love,
Chithra.

Hi Superwoman
Wonderful topic it is so right in certain situation we just can't do anything and at time we should let it go or these are the situation which will lead to stress, unhappiness and tension.
last few lines superb let go what is not yours for the moment, in case it is yours it will surely come back to you

Now, after all these years, I have come to the conclusion, that very often, there is no choice to "let go" Once we develop that attitude, there is less stress - ofcouse like most life lessons, easily said than done!!
Love,
Chithra.

Dear Chithra...

I like the way you have explained a simple but profound principle called 'Let go'. More often than not, we tend to brood over things which happened many times beyond our control / sometimes within our control. Negative perceptions, pre-conceived notions spoil an otherwise smooth day. It is easy to say, but tough to implement, that one should regain self-control as soon as one senses disappointment / anger.
Interestingly, I have noticed that when I am upset with someone and I express my displeasure, I dont know about the other person...but I still feel disturbed after venting out. Sometimes I even think may be I could have handled it more matured than the person who irritated me :) Many times, I myself then try to bring things back to normal - even though I know that the other person had hurt my feelings.
Its so hard to predict others' reactions and sometimes even close ones take us for granted. I have started following a basic rule (trying to follow actually). If someone is very close to me, I try not to take their words in a negative sense, as I KNOW THAT I NEED THEM COME WHAT MAY AND I CANNOT LIVE HAPPILY WITHOUT THEM. It might sound very selfish...but it works for me many times, as I am more relaxed esp with ppl I love.

Thanks and love
Pavithra

Hi Chitra,
ur article very nice.
I need to start practising all that u have said.
I have one issue all the time eating my brain.I donno but all the hurt and guilt has piled up in my brain.i got exams after 15 days which r supplimentary.But presently m littele bit down emotionally due my miscarraige and have lost all my confidence.Now what I does is always cursing myself for not clearing first time itself.But reading ur article has made me think again and again.Now I cant understand how to let go myself as the hurt and guilt are constant...........
Pls help me........

Dear Chith
Yes it is always better to let go of things which is not working for us. It gives us peace of mind. Most of the time our expectations about others create the frustrations and disturbances in mind. we expect each and every person to behave in a certain manner. If there is a slight variations in their manner then we are hurt. So accepting that I am hurt and let go of it helps.

Love
Vidhi

As you wrote in the last para, sometimes we have a bitter arguement with our spouse or parent. What do we do then? Do we not let go because the relationship has a larger dimension in life than our ego?
But, I have to tell you that now a days, I feel
"vittu koduppathilum oru sukam irukkirathu".
You feel so relieved that you were not clinging on but let go.Otherwise bitterness & resentment pile up and we end up becoming a very unpleasant person to live with or move with. Do we need it in life??
Thanks for a lovely long post.
Love
chithra.

lovely, pleasant, optimistic username that it is difficult to believe what you write!
A miscarriage batters a woman emotionally and I think that is causing you more unhappiness. But remember. there must have been some purpose in every action, God makes us go through.
Failure is part of any exam and please, do not bother overly about it. It is not the "be all" or "end all" of one's life but just a part of life. More than the miscarriage, this is one thing which you should let go definitely.
You are hurt, badly hurt.What can you do at all about it? You have no choice but to let go of what does'nt work for you.Learn whatever lesson there is to learn from your loss, what matters and what makes no difference. Save what can be saved, let go of what is never going to be. Holding on to what did not happn the way you wanted, is causing you the pain.Remember, in the end, suffering is just another choice!!
Love,
Chithra.

mature post! What is the point of staying in a rut? We have to lift ourselves from a dilemma & that only we can do to avoid punishing ourselves!
REady to let go & move on is choiceless.
Love,
Chithra.

Chithra, My dear Adharsha Mangai,

Before I write a reply I remember, 'those who cannot remember their past are condemned to live it again'...

That makes sense here, I think. We have to remember our experience with someone when we happened to interact with her/him/or anyonelse, too. Being cautious, if it is not in the 'over' end, is never a mistake.

And I remembered, the beautiful lyrics of the song, 'Unakkenna mele nindroi, O nandhalala!' from 'Simla special'. Especially the lines, 'yaar yaaro nanban endru emandha nenjam ondru...' It happens to everybody at one point in time.

It is so thoughtful of you to mention, 'don't let ourselves go'. I stick to that always.