Do I sound narcissistic? No way!
Posted 28th September 2008 at 11:34 PM by Chitvish
In general, there is a prevalent misconception that one should not live for oneself !
Just like we die our own deaths, I believe we must live our own lives.
Our scriptures insist that self-love is the purest form of unconditional love. Then how is it not relevant to love ourselves and to live our own life?
Till our last day on earth, we must do our best to improve ourselves in every sphere of activity. That way, we become a happier company to live with.
Very often, our own ideas and fears hold us back. We must be bold enough to come out of them, as if "breaking them open".
We create our own blocks in thinking and resist hard and stick to them. Our usual thought pattern is "what will others think, if I do this" ! By thinking thus, do we not give more importance to others than to our selves? By depriving ourselves of the pleasure doing things which we like, we become unhappy ultimately. I would even go to the extent of saying that this unhappiness latent in us, makes its ugly appearance, unknowingly, when we interact with others.
We fear rejection in a few relationships and avoid them. It is more our mind set than our fear. We tend to get tensed and unnecessarily spoil our health. We cannot be perfect all the time; but remember, so are others! Very often, if we analyze the cause of our unhappiness, we realise it is a record of our failure to be our own person.
When we come out of resistance, rather, learn to overcome it, we are on the road to progress. There is less conflict in mind and no doubt. We create more opportunities for success and forge ahead happily.
We must cultivate the habit of following our heart so that we will have the courage to dream. Ultimately, do we not want, what we dream to become our life? We cannot deny that however bitter, what our heart speaks is the truest. That should be our right direction. If our intention is clear, the path opens up for us. With belief in ourselves, we must find that course and stay on it. When you lose your direction, look inside and you will get your answer. We get clarity.
Let us not regret that for fear of what others will comment, we did not do something dear to our heart. There is pleasure in living for ourselves.
Friends, please do not get me wrong – I am not saying
Live with yourself,
No!
But Live for yourself.
Remember, you are the unchanging you. Live for yourself first and then start measuring if you fall into someone else's standards. You owe it to yourself to fulfill your own standards and not others'.
This is how I motivate myself:
I seek myself in everything I do,
I find myself.
I dream my dream wherever I go.
I become myself.
Love,
Chithra.
Just like we die our own deaths, I believe we must live our own lives.
Our scriptures insist that self-love is the purest form of unconditional love. Then how is it not relevant to love ourselves and to live our own life?
Till our last day on earth, we must do our best to improve ourselves in every sphere of activity. That way, we become a happier company to live with.
Very often, our own ideas and fears hold us back. We must be bold enough to come out of them, as if "breaking them open".
We create our own blocks in thinking and resist hard and stick to them. Our usual thought pattern is "what will others think, if I do this" ! By thinking thus, do we not give more importance to others than to our selves? By depriving ourselves of the pleasure doing things which we like, we become unhappy ultimately. I would even go to the extent of saying that this unhappiness latent in us, makes its ugly appearance, unknowingly, when we interact with others.
We fear rejection in a few relationships and avoid them. It is more our mind set than our fear. We tend to get tensed and unnecessarily spoil our health. We cannot be perfect all the time; but remember, so are others! Very often, if we analyze the cause of our unhappiness, we realise it is a record of our failure to be our own person.
When we come out of resistance, rather, learn to overcome it, we are on the road to progress. There is less conflict in mind and no doubt. We create more opportunities for success and forge ahead happily.
We must cultivate the habit of following our heart so that we will have the courage to dream. Ultimately, do we not want, what we dream to become our life? We cannot deny that however bitter, what our heart speaks is the truest. That should be our right direction. If our intention is clear, the path opens up for us. With belief in ourselves, we must find that course and stay on it. When you lose your direction, look inside and you will get your answer. We get clarity.
Let us not regret that for fear of what others will comment, we did not do something dear to our heart. There is pleasure in living for ourselves.
Friends, please do not get me wrong – I am not saying
Live with yourself,
No!
But Live for yourself.
Remember, you are the unchanging you. Live for yourself first and then start measuring if you fall into someone else's standards. You owe it to yourself to fulfill your own standards and not others'.
This is how I motivate myself:
I seek myself in everything I do,
I find myself.
I dream my dream wherever I go.
I become myself.
Love,
Chithra.
Total Comments 29
Comments
 | Chithu my dearest, I was waiting for your blog! Since I was online this late, I thought I'll wait until you post and sleep with happy thoughts after reading your blog! And what a treat! Totally loved this one too. Totally agree with you Chithu that one must live for themselves first, meet their own standards first before measuring upto to other's standards. As I grow in years, I am realizing that this is the key to happiness. But many times it becomes so hard to follow. Rather, I agree, that we make it hard on ourselves. We fear people (esp. our close ones) calling us selfish, self-consumed, unaccomodative etc. and then the natural tendency is to retract and fall in their trap and forgo what you wanted to do. And in the end all this retraction truly buys is a lot of bitterness in our heart and anger. Not worth it really but sometimes knowingly we walk into such a situation. At every juncture in a person's life (esp. in a woman's life) such decisions (to give up or to follow the heart) await and I completely agree with you that we should muster the courage to go by what our heart says. Your blogs are inspirational Chithu! Like I have said umpteen times before, we need experienced, balanced, level-headed, and progressive thinkers like you to guide us and give us the confidence that what we are thinking/following may be selfish for many but it is not necessarily an incorrect act on our part. You inspire me Chithu! Loads of luv and hugs, SS |
  Updated 29th September 2008 at 12:11 AM by SoaringSpirit |
| |  Thank God! Someone else agrees with me!Dear Chithraji, Isn't is strange we women are so conditioned to 'live for others' that we forget we have our own desires? Even to put on a lipstick we think,'what will people say?' My mom was shocked the other day. It all started with a phone cll from her. "What are you doing?" she asked. Watching car race on the internet came my answer. "And your hubby?" "Oh he is watching cricket on TV. Hell broke loose on how 'selfish' I was. How is that? I should have sacrificed my car race for his cricket. "No way ma" was my reply. I could not understand as to what sin I had committed. No doubt, I ended up with a "Sahasranama" of my own. But I had a lovely time doing what I love best. Yes, I do love to help others. But is having a little 'me time' a crime? I do not mind committing that crime again & again. Instead of being an eternal Sati Savitri, I too within limits want enjoy what I like. I agree with you Chithraji, it is time we put ourselves first. Yes, we love to be there for others. But do not take us for granted! Love and Regards, Corallux |
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| |  Dear Chiths, If putting ourselves first is considered selfish so be it!!! You cannot live to please others around you, it's only sensible that to be careful not to hurt others intentionally with our actions. Listen to your heart and think rationally is the best to be done, as it will give you the pleasure of doing what you love the most!!! Though our needs and wants do take a backseat it is upto us to put it on priority, Thanks for making the week brighter with a super blog!!! |
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| |  My dear, dear SS! I salute you for such a prompt Fb! There is a general misconception - I know not where, among Indian women or society in general?- that one's own happiness takes least priority. The scripture Gita says, self-love is the best love. Then why deny the same again and again ? To give ourselves the image of a martyr? Not worth it at the cost of our becoming unhappy. I believe, by being happy, I radiate happiness to people who get in touch with me or around me. You do pamper my ego, on a regular basis, SS! God bless you for that! Love, Chithu. |
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| | Dear Lux, you said it all very correct! I know not why this SatiSavitri, call it Pativrata image was created for a woman! Perhaps, a man pampered his ego with those terms about a woman?? Why you, Lux, people look at me with suspicious eyes, if I do not silently "tiptoe" behind Vish, me being a senior citizen! I tell them I am "me" first, then each role in order!! I need to live for myself, be a happy person to play all roles perfectly! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Dear Janani, we are perfectly in tune with eachother! But people think that you behave like a "revolutionary", as if!! When ladies start off " I don't do it because he does not......", I just turn a deaf ear with an inward smile! I feel, they are cheating themselves! Love, Chiths. |
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| | dear chithra mam, that was a lovely blog...all my growing years i thought it was impossible to live for yourself ....one has to please the people around but with age realised it is great happiness to live the way i want to ..and that is the advice i give my dd...but have to be polite to the people around u i say to her...thanks for reconfirming my belief as sometimes i have wondered whether it is selfish to put yourself first... regards Mindi |
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| |  Dear Supermom I think once we start living and loving ourself we automaticllay start liking others whatever they are, the selfishness in us gets vanished. I have a few quote which I am adding them here 1. Live with the 3 E's Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy, and the 3 F's Faith, Family, Friends. 2. Try to make atleast 3 people smile in a day (In order to follow this 1st we need to smile and learn to love ourself) 3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone( so why hate yourself) 4. Do not take yourself so seriously no one does.( so love yourself as much as possible don't go to think about other) 5. What other people think of you is non of your business. I think I better stop before you throwing me out of your blog.  So Ladies don't worry be happy leaving all our worries behind(there is no end for them). Once you start loving yourself, you will start getting amendent love. |
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| |  That was a lovely blog!More often we women live for others..i wonder why? If Dh wants to spend money on gadgets or should i call gizmos, well our dream of buying a few salwars goes into attic fearing that we raise expenses.Chithu many a times i have wound back my purchases just tomake sure we dunt jump beyond budget and get into trouble.. but its all the time me  .If i be stubborn to get a thing or two for myself...they call it selfish...not any more after this blog..Let me make R read this blog! |
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| |  Do I sound narcissistic? No way!Dear Chithra " Just like we die our own deaths, I believe we must live our own lives." Beautiful words. How truthful it is. The fear of rejection,criticism by the relationships, become the blocks which prevent us to move forward. It gives a lot of unhappiness to us & yes our health is affected. Chithra, It was very motivating write up. I don't have words to write. Hats off to you. It has given me a lot of self -confidence. You have inspired me very much Love Manju |
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| | Dear Mindi, I think, the word "sacrifice" is given over-importance in our society. Yes, though my in-laws would have liked me to be a sacrificing DIL, I was not one, with all respect due to them.I made sure that I did not do anything at the cost of my happiness. I would have become a frustrated woman. Then how could I have brought up my children well?? Love, Chithra. |
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| | Dear Aruna, your post is so full of words of wisdom. Yes, we have to develop the art of learning to ignore, what others think of us. We are answerable only to ourselves & our heart gives us the right answer! Now, I realise, why you are such a lovable person in IL! Way to go, Aruna!! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Aish baby, make sure R does not ban you from entering IL! I am really worried. Tell him that if you are happy with yourself, he will be the first beneficiary! A happy, contented wife is an asset to any man.It is sad that men think we are not aware of financial constraints!We know, when to be tight-fisted and when to indulge! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Manju, let us shed this image of "living for the family", "sacrifice for the family" etc. We have just one life to live. Then why not live happily, but respecting others opinions with the respect they deserve.If you feel motivated in the right way and emerge a confident woman, ready to take charge of your life, I am happy for you, Manju. Love, Chithra. |
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| | Dear Chithra I fully agree with you. My mother always gives the same advice that if we dont take care of ourselves, unfortunately, we cannot expect others to do that for us, per Indian customs and we would still be expected to perform our roles as mothers, DILs, wives, sisters, SILs etc etc etc.... I recently took a week off from work - was very much at home...no outing, no agenda...felt very nice and rejuvenated and felt like a housewife, even if it meant "I wasted 5 precious days' of my annual holiday balance" :)) Once in a while it helps I think. Thanks and love for a lovely post Pavithra |
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| | Dear Pavi, life has taken, perhaps a "somersault" when you think, you have wasted 5 days, by sitting at home!! That is what my generation has been doing all our life! But self-introspection is necessary & enjoyable, regularly! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Dear Chithra I was being sarcastic when I said "5 days wasted" - which is what many ppl thought when I told them that although I was on leave, I didnt go on any outing / I didnt have any guests. To many, there was "no need" for me to have taken the time off. But, I felt the need and decided to go with it and felt nice at the end of it. Thanks and love Pavithra |
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| |  dear chithra this very sunday i was writing to a friend who is unwell . i add here what i wrote. dearie why r u worrying so much please give yourself a break u have all the right to be urself and not just other's this /that learn to live for ur self and u'll be cured of all . i will ask her to read this blog entry of yours. i'm sure it will help her. i feel that a lady who does not look after herself will fail to do so for others as her mental and phusical health will deteriorate. according to the psychlogists the illnesses have a wrong behaviour patterns at their root. which r basically the thoughts which come to us when we think that we should not look after ourselves. we listen to the preachings about helping other s and tranlate it into ' not looking after ourselves'. which is never implied. too much of imagination i think. p.s. aruna's comments r beautiful |
| Updated 1st October 2008 at 03:32 PM by muzna |
| |  Isn't it pessimistic?...Chithumma, My dear Adharsha Mangai, You have portrayed the blog very well with choice of words and meanings. I'm game for this... What is the point in feeling bad at the end of the day(life) that we didn't live our own life? Come...let us enjoy... |
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| | Dear Muzna, your note to your friend conveys the gist of my entire blog! Somewhere in the heart of hearts, I feel, we in Indian society are more bothered about our image! In the process, we become unhappy, which is not worth it at all! I am an example - my friends, of late, tend to complain that now IL is a better friend to me than all of them put together. I smile it away because I have a right to do what I like or want to do!! Aruna's FB hit the nail on the head, as you say. Love, Chithra. |
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Recent Blog Entries by Chitvish
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