Are you a good listener?
Posted 8th June 2008 at 08:49 PM by Chitvish
Listening is an art !
We must learn to listen!
When people talk, express their thoughts, ideas and opinions, let us listen to what they are saying. If they are expressing their feelings, let us pay attention and listen. Let us try to understand.
We need not always agree with whatever we are listening to. Whether we agree or not, does not matter at all. In fact, it is beside the point. Do not try to express yours when somebody is expressing his or her thoughts, by intruding. Anyway, you are not going to be heard at all and ultimately your points will be lost.
Whenever I had a conversation with anybody, if I had a doubt that they were distorting the truth, I used to grab the opportunity and tell them point blank that their information was full of errors and mistakes. Little did I realise that , according to them, mine was likely to be so! Over the years, I learnt that by listening in sincere silence, I was considered smart as a good listener.
If we don’t understand what the other party talks, we must just ask “Could you explain that?” But we must not give our opinion while he is still talking.
By listening intently, we also understand the unspoken thoughts of the person! When he has finished, we can tell him the inner thought. He will be surprised that we have listened to him so carefully and will be very happy.Now, the situation will become quiet, the other person listening to your talking. All the pressures will fade and we can get on with life!
Listen. There can be nothing like being heard!
The following quote, I wrote down from a book, years back, goes as follows:I listen to the space between the words others speak.I live in the silence where knowing dwells.I make room for life by creating stillnes.
Love,
Chithra.
We must learn to listen!
When people talk, express their thoughts, ideas and opinions, let us listen to what they are saying. If they are expressing their feelings, let us pay attention and listen. Let us try to understand.
We need not always agree with whatever we are listening to. Whether we agree or not, does not matter at all. In fact, it is beside the point. Do not try to express yours when somebody is expressing his or her thoughts, by intruding. Anyway, you are not going to be heard at all and ultimately your points will be lost.
Whenever I had a conversation with anybody, if I had a doubt that they were distorting the truth, I used to grab the opportunity and tell them point blank that their information was full of errors and mistakes. Little did I realise that , according to them, mine was likely to be so! Over the years, I learnt that by listening in sincere silence, I was considered smart as a good listener.
If we don’t understand what the other party talks, we must just ask “Could you explain that?” But we must not give our opinion while he is still talking.
By listening intently, we also understand the unspoken thoughts of the person! When he has finished, we can tell him the inner thought. He will be surprised that we have listened to him so carefully and will be very happy.Now, the situation will become quiet, the other person listening to your talking. All the pressures will fade and we can get on with life!
Listen. There can be nothing like being heard!
The following quote, I wrote down from a book, years back, goes as follows:I listen to the space between the words others speak.I live in the silence where knowing dwells.I make room for life by creating stillnes.
Love,
Chithra.
Total Comments 32
Comments
 |  Dear Mami, I agree with you on every point. Listening is an art which has to be slowly cultivated.A good conversation begins being a good listener first. People sometimes in a hurry to say their view interrupt so badly that the speaker loses his continuity and sometimes the objective of the speech is also lost. To be good conversationalist being a good listener is the first and foremost criteria. |
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| |  Being a good listener helps!Dear Chithraji, Many years ago, I read a story in reader's Digest about a man who wanted to sell his old Tractor. He had estimated he would get just Rs.4,000-5,000 for the "Old Junk". He advertised it & sure enough a buyer came to his door step. The farmer wanted to quote his expectation & close the deal. Something told him to be quiet. The buyer came back after the test drive & told him he was willing to make an offer of Rs. 10,000 nothing more. The farmer thanked his stars & closed the deal. Listening helps us decide between right & wrong. Oh yes, Chithraji, I agree by listening to a person, we can judge for ourselves the authenticity of the information the person is giving us. Many a fight/ misunderstanding can be cleared if we just LISTEN. No wonder the wise coined a saying, " If speech is silver, silence is golden" In an age where everyone is in a hurry to impose his/her opinion on others, the art of listening is slowly dying out. Regards, Corallux |
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| |  Thanks Lali, for leading the FBs!Though we are ready to listen, we love more to talk.The latter is our own expression; so our love for the same is more. In Kerala, there is a phrase called "chappaLachi adikkarathu". It literally means, meaningless prattle. Very often we have to suffer that choicelessly. But, the art of listening has to be cultivated. Love, Chithra. |
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| | Your FB makes very interesting reading, Lux!!Thank God, he man did'nt start off!! This is the first time I am hearing it. Tongue control (pun intended) is what we need most. But hardly do we bother about it. Lux, why I wrote this was - V is a "minimum talker", but an ardent listener! I can never be like him!! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Dear mami idha idhadhan naan edhirpathen ! Quote:
Lux, why I wrote this was - V is a "minimum talker", but an ardent listener! I can never be like him!! Love, Chithra mami my dh was also under that category but now God help me he does not close his mouth. Maybe ennodu kathu visardhu nanaikirien. |
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| | Dear Chithra... Cute post :) If we all learn to use our ears as much as we use our mouths and our minds, the world would be a better place indeed. Silence is golden - but speech is silver only ! I have observed that those who speak little, but speak effectively, are more matured and balanced when undertaking any endeavour and making decisions. They are more objective and focussed 'cos they are able to 'listen' better to others - listen to others' opinions and feelings - said and unsaid. Thanks for a nice post on a Monday morning. With love Pavithra |
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| | Dear Pavi, we seem to prefer silver, in this context..to gold. Quite a few are compulsive talkers as well. That does not matter at all. But they have no patience to listen.We are waiting to use our tongue, rather we love to. When V quotes, what a friend or relative mentioned in course of conversation with us, I feel so sheepish! Between us, I am the talker & he is the listener!! Love, Chithra. |
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| |  Dear Chithra Ma'am, As always you have come with an interesting topic. Communication involves talking , listening and understanding. Listening is primarily important. We find enough of those suffering from verbal diarrhoea ,but how many good listeners.?? My profession as a psychologist /counsellor sometimes requires me to merely listen to what the person has to say. They talk and I merely listen for about an hour and by the end of it they say.Ma'am thankyou youve been a great help and what did i do . I merely listened. Ofcourse there is therapy involved but the initial process is where they look for listeners. The other listening is the listening of the inner self. This mad rush of life sometimes leaves us with little time to listen to ourselves, our needs, they are easily abandoned.Our body and our conscience speaks something very vital.Listening to it will help us in attaining the bliss that we all seek. Love, Your mol |
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| | Hi! This is a nice thought.I am a good listener though nodbody prised me for being that coz that dont have time even for that.Even i forget to speak,when i try to speak the flow not coming. And i have a feeling that nobody is there to listen me.Lets see anybody will come in future. |
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| | Devika Mole, no wonder, you..... Analyse each topic so well. Only now I know that you are a counsellor ! Yes, when we counsel, all that we have to do is to listen till they unburden themselves completely. Half their problem is solved if there is a good listener; infact somebody to listen to without interfering is good enough. Listening to our inner self leads us on the right path - but do we always do it? Love, Chithra. |
| Updated 10th June 2008 at 02:25 AM by Chitvish |
| | Dear Pavai, being a good listener.... is more important.Whethers others listen to you is less important.Others will be more happy with you if you listen to them rather than listening to you when you talk.That is the way of the world!! Thanks for visiting my blog. Love, Chithra. |
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| |  Wow Superwoman Well said being a good listener need lot of patience.......... i cannot say I am fully a good listener, but do listen to my friends quitely and advise them accordingly and they are always happy about it. But when it comes to DH and DS always make my dicussion hurriedly without listening to them fully and always land up in a mess. I don't know why it happens, but will make me understand what they are trying to tell. Just yesterday's incident. Son called from school telling me one paper i did very good will get full marks and the other paper was ok, (his exams are going on) never even bothered to listen to him fully I went on with blah blah, why what happened why u never did well and all. he said haiyo bye and kept the phone but when he came home he explained and then I understood what happened, I could relax. So i could consider myself as not a good listener. I just love your blogs Superwoman, it makes you think about yourself. |
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| | Aruna, with our children we do tendto get excited particularly when it concerns their exams.But listening to them patiently will give them the feeling that we are with them fully. When you do that to friends, I think, you should start doing itr to your family as well! My blogs are more for introspection, Aruna!! Love, Chithra. |
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| |  yes chitra, impulsive never get a chance to see the other side, one has to wait for the moment and right you are, it does not come easily but only by years of experience on loosing out on some precious ideas of others, do we realize we need to wait and give a chance for others to speak their idea, but then sometime all become parallel then silence is the best application here..sunkan |
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| | Dearest Chithra, Surely being a good listener is a much sought after and a much elusive trait! Sometimes people just want to be heard. They are not looking for any particular feedback from us. Only if we listen to them carefully do we realize that many a time our words are not what they are looking for. They just want our ears. As you said, I totally agree that cultivating the art of intent and careful listening can sharpen one's faculty of reading the other person's mind and helps us in catering our input to their need. I guess that's why God gave us two ears but only one mouth. Talk less and listen more. Easier said than done for people like me who surely love to listen, but also love to talk!  SS |
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| |  Nice thoughts about listening. Really Listening is so different from just hearing. Sometimes kids are only hearing not minding ! In our house, Hubby is bad in listening. He will always cut short whatever i am talking and tell his thoughts only. So automatically, i have to listen ! Hehehe ! But generally i feel women are more better than men in listening. Kaadhu kodutthu karutthaa ketkirathu naama thaan ! Hubby says we even hear words he dint even say ! so sharp we are ! |
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| | Yes, Sunkan, you are very correct. We are very often impulsive & talk back, without having the patience to listen.We have to cultivate more patience, by prayer to God. Love, Chithra. |
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| | Dearest SS, you have company in me,do not worry. I listen patiently but love to express my thoughts too.Atleast, we are better than some who refuse to bother to listen at all. Very often by giving a patient listening we do give a lot of much-needed relief to the other party.There is a proverb in tamil "suvatrodu aavathu solli azu'. Ofcourse, as Devika had written, that is what the modern day psychiatrists do as the first step in their counselling. Love, Chithra. |
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| | Very enjoyable FB, Swarnalatha. When we listen, a few points do get registered in our minds. In my case, V does more listening & sometimes he is so quiet that I snap at him Naan pesaradu kathile vizarathaa illaya? naan pesarathai kekkarela illaya? He will answer Pesu, pesu, nanna kettindu thaan irukken! I lose mypatience if he does not talk back!! Couples pala vidam, naangal intha vidam!! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Dear Chithra, Really interesting. Listening is really an art. You need to cultivate this. When I was youger i really did not have the patience to listen to anything. I would just jump to conclusions and cut short any conversations. But now I am really quite and listen patiently to anyone who speaks. In the deal i have made lot of friends. Regards,Uma |
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