Emotional Anchor.
Posted 1st June 2008 at 09:43 PM by Chitvish
In my younger days, I was brought up (or grew up?) with the conviction that generally, the mother or anyone parent is always the emotional anchor. But now the very concept of emotional anchor has changed, I feel !
What does the phrase mean? Does it mean that it denotes first stability, followed by confidence? Or is it dependability? I think, it is a combination of all the above plus trustworthiness. The person must give us joy and happiness in interaction. Not to forget the never-ending unconditional love, we want from such a person. We must first be convinced that their feelings for us are balanced and steady, in spite of all our negative qualities. When we fall apart, the person must be able to keep us centred, without our losing the morale.
When we feel low, we are shy to admit the same very often. The person must have the skill to find out and meet our needs, emotionally. We must also be honest and confide in them which will help them give us love and appreciation, we lack.
Very often, we are shy to make a direct request. The person must be able to sense our needs and suitably restore our balance. Positive, loving energy is very often the need of the moment ! Perhaps all these are, asking too much? – I really wonder!!
But our emotional anchor must be so close to us that our rushing to him or her, when we need a morale booster, gives us a bright feeling, rather a switch over from our low phase, or makes us feel that “we have reached home”.
I personally feel, our emotional anchor need not necessarily be the spouse or a parent. It is better, if that person can look at our problem, more objectively and dispassionately without personal involvement and give us the right advice or soothing words.
Sometimes, in fact, very often, we may lose interaction with them for a while, but once the contact is established, it is as though we were forever in touch.
I do have a friend as an emotional anchor and everyday, I thank God for the emotional comfort, I derive from that person, whenever we interact. That made me blog on this, in the first place.
Love,
Chithra.
What does the phrase mean? Does it mean that it denotes first stability, followed by confidence? Or is it dependability? I think, it is a combination of all the above plus trustworthiness. The person must give us joy and happiness in interaction. Not to forget the never-ending unconditional love, we want from such a person. We must first be convinced that their feelings for us are balanced and steady, in spite of all our negative qualities. When we fall apart, the person must be able to keep us centred, without our losing the morale.
When we feel low, we are shy to admit the same very often. The person must have the skill to find out and meet our needs, emotionally. We must also be honest and confide in them which will help them give us love and appreciation, we lack.
Very often, we are shy to make a direct request. The person must be able to sense our needs and suitably restore our balance. Positive, loving energy is very often the need of the moment ! Perhaps all these are, asking too much? – I really wonder!!
But our emotional anchor must be so close to us that our rushing to him or her, when we need a morale booster, gives us a bright feeling, rather a switch over from our low phase, or makes us feel that “we have reached home”.
I personally feel, our emotional anchor need not necessarily be the spouse or a parent. It is better, if that person can look at our problem, more objectively and dispassionately without personal involvement and give us the right advice or soothing words.
Sometimes, in fact, very often, we may lose interaction with them for a while, but once the contact is established, it is as though we were forever in touch.
I do have a friend as an emotional anchor and everyday, I thank God for the emotional comfort, I derive from that person, whenever we interact. That made me blog on this, in the first place.
Love,
Chithra.
Total Comments 30
Comments
 | My dear dear Chithra, It was as if you were concluding a discussion me, husband and a couple of close friends had just yesterday. We were talking w/reference to kids and how they must have an emotional "pillar" in their life so in monets of distress they don't feel lonely and don't feel like giving-up on life. Just a couple weeks ago a 23 yr old Indian boy jumped off a bridge and killed himself. He left a note to his surviving family that there were certain things he could not deal with and that his time had come. That's what made us discuss this topic yesterday. Well, we did not come to any conslusion about what would be the exact ways/steps to provide that to our kids. At an early age I guess one parent or both should try to be the emotional anchor was my thought. Just because at this age kids cannot differentiate between a good and a bad friend. A parent will always have only the best in mind for the child. So there is no chance of misgudiance. As we grow, yes, we may form a different emotional anchor than our parent or sibling. In most cases, I think it is a friend. Because like you said, it is a neutral party whom you do not worry about opening your deepest woes to because you know he/she will be more likely to look at it objectively and rather than get emotional and make you weak. Sometimes we do no open up because we do not want to the other person to worry about us. In case of opening up to parents and spouse this may be a hurdle at times. Being a young parent, this is one thought that crosses my mind a lot these days. If you have any pearls of wisdom to share, please do because when you say something Chithra, I am all ears. SS |
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| |  Dear Chitra, If there is an emotional pillar, I wonder where or who is their pillar of strength? Dear SS As children grow, I guess that it is a tough balancing act for parents to not suffocate their growth, but at the same time keep a close eye on them. |
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| |  Dear Mami, As usual you are bringing a topic for us to think and ponder. I agree with you that we need an emotinal pillar for us. Maybe in form of parents, friends or a well wisher. For children, I do feel Grannies are the best EP. As far as my elder daughter is concerned it is her granny who is an EP for the younger one it is myself and for me it is my college mate. Though we do not meet often but still we know at the time of crisis, we are there for each other. |
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| | Dear Chithra.. Nice post :) Being an emotional anchor is a big big responsibility. This is the kind of person, who will accept us DESPITE US, NOT JUST FOR WHAT WE ARE :) How many times have we said harsh words to our parents / spouse / siblings in anger / irritation...but how many times we still go back to them sobbing in times of need !! In this situation, do we even stop to think whether we are justified in using their love so much ! I would only say that while all of us want emotional anchors, we must always remember that our emotional anchors are humans too and they too have feelings / preferences and opinions which shd be given due respect and care. Thanks and love Pavithra |
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| |  dear chitra, what emotion you present here is only of that of omnipotent and none human, i have got the source from there alone and have felt very happy having the support and advice a lot, this understanding and standing by according to our wishes can be given only by the high above, of course this is my experience..sunkan |
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| |  Hi Superwoman Supertopic.............I think each one of us have one emotional pillar at least. I have one sweet little darling who is my emotional anchor, alway there for me whenever I feel down, We both are always there for each other. In happiness, sorrow and the most important is, both of us trust each other a lot. What we speak about the 3rd person will never know. We can't spend a day without speaking to each other how much ever busy we are we should atleast say Hi to each other. Ya both of us are at present in different country, but even today we do chat with each other. |
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| |  Dear Madam..Thought Provoking writing...Well...I have different pillars for my different emotions.My best friend since school days is one who I can trust and ask her help for moral support.I can share the silliest and stupidest things with her.When i fall sick I go to my dad.When I want to share emotions like lack of patience, anger I confess to my mom.And so on.. The parents have to teach children to handle their emotions...which is challenging..it becames more critical when they are in teens... |
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| |  Dearest SS, you could not have ended more.....endearingly. Yes, a parent must take all efforts to be close to the children; but there are some cases, where a prejudice develops for the children for any one parent for "imaginary" reasons.That is where the concept of the present day - qualitative parenting - surprises me. I had my mother all the time around in my younger days & hence I did the same for my children.But in spite of me being around, my daughter always found her emotional anchor in my younger sister.That was when I realised, emotional anchor is one with whom you share a perfect chemistry - need not be anyone we define!. They must be allowed to take the liberty of critisising us, in our own interest, without our getting offended about it.It is possible that in course of time, we may lose touch with them or outgrow them as well. But the pleasure of having an E A is unique! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Usha, I think we need not bother about...who is their emotional pillar. It is the rapport that we share, which makes us rush to the person for good or bad. Need not necessarily be an educated person etc. The person can be our own old grandmother, on whom we always count upon for advice! The relationship must be unconditional care, concern and love for eachother. Love, Chithra. |
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| | Yes, Lalitha, that is one advantage of....joint family. In spite of any "politics" between DIL & MIL, the children get a lot of understanding and love from their grandmother.I still remember how my athais used to be so emotionally close to me when I was young! Sadly, all that is vanishing now !  Love, Chithra. |
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| |  Dear Chithra, Another topic to chew and Digest really! we living here feel this so much .....i or my daughter cant get such emotional supports here... ....while back in india, she had so many , like u had written, my sis etc. We were also talking abt this topic and how we have to be THERE for our children....since they have no one else here, also with so much of peer pressure and cultural differences they are all going through a lot of emotional disturbances and we need to be available....at least they should trust us to be able to confide the deepest fears ! And of course we need to rise to that and be able to HELP ! The times have definitely changed......i dont think we had so many emotional upheavals during out time! |
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| | Hi Sudha, very well said. I could not have said it better. |
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| |  Dear Chithraji, In our culture, it used to be a family member like a favourite uncle/aunt or granny/grandpa who came under the category of an EA. Because of various influences, good & bad, sadly that position of EA now has become the domain of psychiatrists. When I was a kid, my Mami was my EA. Sadly now the trend has changed. "Each to his/her own" is the new trend. One of the professions that is in demand here in Oz is that of a Life coach. The job the Life coach does was done by our Grandparents/elders in the family. Sign of changing times? Yes, I agree with SS. Life gets lonely in a foreign land. That is where good friends come in. They can be next door/or on the Internet. People here pride on having a "Group" of friends. As for me, I have my EA in my friend next door & my friends on IL. Regards, Corallux |
| Updated 2nd June 2008 at 11:16 PM by corallux |
| | thanks Sundarusha,Living in this country i am facing all this and am seeing a lot of others too going through this! In a way, i think we all here in IL are depending on each other for emotional stability and people like Chithra have proved many a time to be an Emotional Soundboard! Isn't it Chithra?  |
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| | Aruna, your post is so warm....and I am happy you have a "one sweet little darling ", who is your emotional anchor. BUT I am not pessimistic, but want to share my thoughts with you. A very young person, as he growsup, he is (only) likely to outgrow you at some stage of his life, say, after marriage or so. Then you must remember to "let go" ! But enjoy every day now. Love, Chithra. |
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| | Dear Supriya, it is nice to knowthat you have a friend besides your parents, to lean back upon.But, when you live abroad, don't you think, a person near you physically is equally important? Yes, like what SS wrote, children in their teens definitely need a strong support system. Love, Chithra. |
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| | Pavi, I think, we do not plan who ouremotional anchor should be. Some things just happen in life.So, the question of one, taking up responsibility does not arise. I do not mean, an EA should advise what is right or wrong, but should just be around more as a support system & one in whom we can confide freely. Love, Chithra. |
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| | Sunkan, you are very right with yourwise & practical words. Ultimately God is our best emotional anchor. Thanks for coming to my blog. Love, Chithra. |
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| | Yes, Sudha, the pressures that...today's youngsters face is immense. In an alien country, only the parents have to act as buffers & provide fully the support system. But conditions in one's place are better, in that respect. Love, Chithra. |
| Updated 3rd June 2008 at 10:36 AM by Chitvish |
| | Lux, in a foreign country, that you....have a friend next door is very good. It is sad that counselling has become the most popular "in thing" ! With our advancement financially & in many other fields, sadly our fast pace of life is shaking our very own foundation! Love, Chithra. |
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