A killjoy !
A spoilsport is “fondly” referred to as “killjoy”, very often!
Again, I talk about spoilsport & definitely not a cynic. The latter seem to be averse to fun and prevent others also from having fun! Very often they behave as if their intention is to spoil the pleasures of others! Their avowed objective is "not to enjoy" and inflict the same on those around them! I sometimes wonder if they do it more to show themselves as "exclusive", rather than "run of the mill" type !
Some people like to single out themselves from the activities that the family or a group of friends undertake enjoyably. It is a matter of debate whether they try to "show off" themselves as different from others or they are simply not interested !
When everybody wants to go out for dinner, they say "all said & done, nothing can equal even a simple meal of curd rice or dhal-roti at home".
When the spouse wants him(her) to come for a wedding, the answer comes " in a huge crowd, nobody will notice if I don't come; so let me skip it".
When invited by a friend for lunch, they say "90 % I will not come - anyway I will let you know tomorrow".
There is never a valid reason for excusing themselves.
If invited for a movie, pat comes the answer " It is so noisy in the theatres", as if somebody will hold a special show for them with less noise.
If they are invited for a concert, it is "the best is to listen to his CD in good ambience at home."
The list is endless. They just want to kill the (simple) joys of others.
How does one live with such a person, otherwise a very good spouse?
By simply extending your areas of interest so very much that you get used to having a "killjoy" around, accept him or her, but still not be bothered by his or her comments, rather statements. There is no choice. You learn to engross yourself so much in your own routine that the "killjoy" does not bother you. I can take a bet, there is one in every household !
Love,
Chithra.
Again, I talk about spoilsport & definitely not a cynic. The latter seem to be averse to fun and prevent others also from having fun! Very often they behave as if their intention is to spoil the pleasures of others! Their avowed objective is "not to enjoy" and inflict the same on those around them! I sometimes wonder if they do it more to show themselves as "exclusive", rather than "run of the mill" type !
Some people like to single out themselves from the activities that the family or a group of friends undertake enjoyably. It is a matter of debate whether they try to "show off" themselves as different from others or they are simply not interested !
When everybody wants to go out for dinner, they say "all said & done, nothing can equal even a simple meal of curd rice or dhal-roti at home".
When the spouse wants him(her) to come for a wedding, the answer comes " in a huge crowd, nobody will notice if I don't come; so let me skip it".
When invited by a friend for lunch, they say "90 % I will not come - anyway I will let you know tomorrow".
There is never a valid reason for excusing themselves.
If invited for a movie, pat comes the answer " It is so noisy in the theatres", as if somebody will hold a special show for them with less noise.
If they are invited for a concert, it is "the best is to listen to his CD in good ambience at home."
The list is endless. They just want to kill the (simple) joys of others.
How does one live with such a person, otherwise a very good spouse?
By simply extending your areas of interest so very much that you get used to having a "killjoy" around, accept him or her, but still not be bothered by his or her comments, rather statements. There is no choice. You learn to engross yourself so much in your own routine that the "killjoy" does not bother you. I can take a bet, there is one in every household !
Love,
Chithra.
Total Comments 30
Comments
 |  I have known my share of these killjoys..dear Chithra.. You are so very right when you say their objective is to spoil the pleasures of others..You have really given some good examples. I am going to have to midly disagree that not everyone has one in their households because I dont. But I have seen this in some before and have to agree with your really well written article. Also like a true professional you are also giving a remedy to this situation. Way to Go!!!!!!! |
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| |  AC, you are blessed !It is nice to learn that there is no killjoy in your family ! I am surrounded by the like on my side as well as V's side. As a result, I was almost anti social in the eyes of my friends. I took control of my aspirations and interests, not to feel depressed anymore. I cannot thank you enough for making a note of my blog as soon as I post it, dearest AC. You send a prompt reply as well !! Love To AC From Le C. |
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| |  may god save me today! !!!chithmam, This blog is really going to bring out lot into open about me....if veda comes to put in a fb...you understood...in certain areas i am a killjoy???.... like veda likes to go to the theatre..i don't...like the whole family likes to go to hotels i don't..but nowadays, i try to compromise and it is worth seeing the kids and veda enjoy a meal at a hotel...but i think i have killed the enthu with which veda used to go to movies..I hate crowds, veda thrives in a crowd...but the problem is after 15 years, i have learnt to give in..but veda has lost the interest.....i am guilty as charged.. but touchwood, we have been understanding and adjusting....and this has not been much of a problem right now... |
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| | BTW, i don't think all are killjoys...it is each persons preferences... like in our case both of us know that we want the best for the other and the kids.....so where does killing...come in... |
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| | Shan, a two in one reply !Initially it is a little "depressing" if the spouse is a killjoy - thereafter you accept & learn to enjoy on your own ! Don't bother about Veda, he is seen less in IL for the past few days. Likely, he is tied up with officework. Don't you complain about Veda - he is such a "chweet" person, like my son ! But ask Chitru - Kumar also has traits of a killjoy. Though my son, I must be frank. For your second post, you are trying to defend a killjoy for obvious reasons. I also know One man's meat is another man's poison ! This post is written purely in the lighter vain. Do not bother about "defending" part! I can also write a post on the advantages of a killjoy ! But I will not do-you can guess why????????? Love, Chithra. |
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| |  Dear Chithu, I hate people who are killjoys. But is up to one's self to enjoy inspite of having soemone like that by your side.These kinda folks will ask you how do you know this , or how do you have the time and the energy to do such trivial things. Though they can get under the skin at times. What you might like I might not, that does not mean that either of us is on the wrong.There is no one around like that at home. In fact when relatives or friends from outside Chennai are here, Iam the 'guide', Cos it is my interest to gather info, keep track of shops and anything new, my DH keeps teasing me that I never talk to him but keep lokking around at the time. Why bother about them, when there is so much to enjoy??? |
| Updated 21st January 2008 at 12:07 AM by Jananikrithsan |
| | Your perspective is right, Janani !We have no right to complain about a killjoy - but it does "sap" the interst in those around him or her ! We start anticipating (knowingly as well), what his or her reaction will be !! That is why I gave my "idea" of a remedy as well, in my last para ! Love, Chithu. |
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| | Here you go again Chitra with another interesting blog of yours. i don't have a killjoy at home...but when my DH acts like one i am sure he is stressed out tht day. But i have seen spouse who are partial killjoys...when they have to attend / visit in in-laws functions they are giving excuses. Roopa. |
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| | Roopa, you are right !Many men love to put on the "killjoy act" to avoid visiting in-laws for functions etc ! Whereas, we women, dutifully do it ! Thanks for your joining us, Roopa. Love, Chithra. |
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| | Dear Chithra, I think I can relate to this topic in a small way. I avoid going to family weddings and events where I am required to be dressed like a caparisoned elephant. My tastes are too simple for such events and my MIL would coax me into wearing heavy jewellery and silks. For me two pieces of jewellery on my neck will make me feel uncomfortable like a cow with a big bell. I dont blame her...it is just that our tastes were different. If I were allowed to dress the way I feel comfortable, I would not have been a killjoy. |
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| | Do you mean to say....that you act like a killjoy to suit the occasion? Interesting, Nivedi !! Generally MILs love to "show off" their DILs & this is what makes them ask their DILs to dress up heavily. But I am surprised that both times, elephant & cow from "somewhere" come to your mind !! Love, Chithra. |
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| |  Dear Chithra, Another great topic! Now I have to find out from my near and dear ones whether I am " a kill joy." May be at times! Love, PS |
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| | DearPS, it is likely that.....others will think we are a killjoy if we don't agree to what they say, occasionally. But this happens to all of us. There are a few, who are bordering on "antisocial" behaviour who are forever a killjoy. I know, you are not one !! Love, Chithra. |
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| |  Dear Chith Nice topic you have selected. I think most of us had been a killjoy for certain situations. Once in a while it is ok. But to be a killjoy throughout the day for everything and anything. There comes the problem. And if someone we love have this habit then it becomes a difficult situation to be in. But as you said when you realise there is no choice we have to accept him or her. That is the only way left out. You say not to be bothered by those words again it is easy for some of us others have to make a herculean effort not to be bothered by those remarks. But I would also like to add that it is worth it if you take that extra effort. Love Vidhi |
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| |  Dear Chitvish, Nice topic... Thanx.... If the kill joy is intentional in order to make the other person feel bad.... then it is definitely a wrong attitude... Who ever be it, it has to expressed to them clearly.... If we dont say that and bottle up all our frustration one day or other it will burst out... When it bursts, then the damage will become irrepairable.... So if the person is part of the family then it is better in the interest of the Harmony of the family that it is expressed to that person.... With regard to Shans FB.... no comments... I know that she loves us and will do anything for us... |
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| | Vidhi, I personally feel....a killjoy is born that way. It is not their intention to hurt others. They just go by the dictates of their mind, unable to oblige others. Taking the extra effort to live with a killjoy, comes by practice, choicelessly ! Love, Chithra. |
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| | Veda, you are excellent....husband-material & Shan is blessed. I think, very often, a killjoy is one's natural or spontaneous behaviour ! It is not their intention. Only those who live with them, must realise, it is their second nature & not "put on". Thanks for joining here, Veda. Love, Chithra. |
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| | I am Not a Killjoy!!Hello Chithra..... Glad I came in time! Amongst other things, a killjoy can also be the one who refuses to make time to please a dear friend!!! As luck would have it, I came here on time to read your list of killjoys and before you add another aspect to it......Here I am:)) My my, way to go Chithra, fourteen blogs in all..Well, I have a lot of stuff to chew upon! Read this blog on killjoys and how not to succumb to their will and whim. Had a vague sense that maybe the writer is speaking from personal experiences!! All the same, Gosh, she speaks immensely well! Well, sometimes, on tends to become a killjoy when forced to do what one doesn't like. Last evening, I made an effort not to be one (killjoy) and went along with my daughter and hubby to this terribly sickening movie called 'Cloverfield'. I could have kicked myself, the film was a killjoy alright...it killed my joy! L, Kamla |
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| |  Yes, i too ve seen a lot of kill joys and i try to maintain a distance from them. I am a fun loving person and a company oriented one. So if a person is not willing to go outdoors to enjoy stuff, then i dont mind not going with them, because i wont consider them my future friend. I think they are indoor type of ppl who are a bit shy, and are reluctant to admit it. |
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| | Welcome, Kamla.....Now, now.... no references to the personal experiences of the blogger - shhh, shhhhhhhhhh..... Yes, obliging an invitation from you daughter, whether you really want to see the movie or not, is exactly the way, "not to be a killjoy" ! Knowing you for the past 2+ years in IL, I have not judged to be a killjoy - you will not be one, I think ! Thanks. Love, Chithra. |
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Recent Blog Entries by Chitvish
- Dying only to be reborn ! (30th November 2008)
- Is only the wife resposible for maintaining the family balance? (23rd November 2008)
- Arati's magic! (16th November 2008)
- A friend can be a soulmate too! (9th November 2008)
- Sweeter life through compromise ! (2nd November 2008)
