The first stars are visible in the sky and it is time to chew the fat about the day that just passed by...
Daddy, daddy, oh my daddy!
Today’s ‘The Hindu’ (21 October 2008 ) carries an interesting and thought provoking piece of news in its last page under the caption ‘Fathers aloof’. It says that the Australian fathers spend only six minutes alone with their children on week days, according to research. It is also reported that they also leave most child-raising chores to women. My initial reaction, on reading this piece of news, was why this should make news now when we have known it in India for several centuries. My mind raced back to my own childhood when the only interaction we ever had with our father was to get a dressing down occasionally. All the dressing down for the whole year would average out to about 5 minutes a day.
The common joke about a busy father those days was that his child wouldn’t know who its father was because he always left for office before the child woke up in the morning and returned back from the office only after the child had gone to bed. On Sundays and holidays, he would spend most of his time with his friends playing cards and on such productive avocation! I remember vividly the thrashing of a peer of mine by his mother because he pointed out to his father on a Sunday morning and asked his mother who that uncle was! My own dad never knew much about our academic progress save what he might gather from our progress reports!
My dad was always a highly pre-occupied man though none of us knew the exact nature of his pre-occupation. He seemed always lost in thought and would have made a better model for Rodin while he was sculpting his famous ‘The Thinker’. But my mum always told her friends that the pre-occupied look of my dad was just a ruse to keep us out of his way! But in retrospect, when I did the same with my two daughters, it became plain to me that men were not cut out for directing the course of children. I realised that men were better in pursuing their corporate ambitions but when it came to raising their children, they would trust their wives more. Men are shrewd enough to take up only such assignments where there is a least chance of anything going wrong because they are generally averse to being held accountable for any goofing up. And they are really weary of areas where any goofing up could lead to a life long problem.
The only pockets where men may be playing an active role in bringing up their children will be the aborigines of the world who continue to live by the strength of their brawn and not brain. In such cases, men may be in a better position to teach their wards about hunting without getting hurt and such secrets of life. In the rest of the world, mothers have been undoubtedly playing a greater role in molding the character of their children. The most outstanding summing up of a mother’s role in molding the lives of her children comes from David McKay, “The noblest calling in the world is that of mother. True motherhood is the most beautiful of all arts, the greatest of all professions. She who can paint a masterpiece or who can write a book that will influence millions deserves the plaudits and admiration of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters whose immortal souls will be exerting an influence throughout the ages long after painting shall have faded, and books and statues shall have been destroyed, deserves the highest honor that man can give”
The common joke about a busy father those days was that his child wouldn’t know who its father was because he always left for office before the child woke up in the morning and returned back from the office only after the child had gone to bed. On Sundays and holidays, he would spend most of his time with his friends playing cards and on such productive avocation! I remember vividly the thrashing of a peer of mine by his mother because he pointed out to his father on a Sunday morning and asked his mother who that uncle was! My own dad never knew much about our academic progress save what he might gather from our progress reports!
My dad was always a highly pre-occupied man though none of us knew the exact nature of his pre-occupation. He seemed always lost in thought and would have made a better model for Rodin while he was sculpting his famous ‘The Thinker’. But my mum always told her friends that the pre-occupied look of my dad was just a ruse to keep us out of his way! But in retrospect, when I did the same with my two daughters, it became plain to me that men were not cut out for directing the course of children. I realised that men were better in pursuing their corporate ambitions but when it came to raising their children, they would trust their wives more. Men are shrewd enough to take up only such assignments where there is a least chance of anything going wrong because they are generally averse to being held accountable for any goofing up. And they are really weary of areas where any goofing up could lead to a life long problem.
The only pockets where men may be playing an active role in bringing up their children will be the aborigines of the world who continue to live by the strength of their brawn and not brain. In such cases, men may be in a better position to teach their wards about hunting without getting hurt and such secrets of life. In the rest of the world, mothers have been undoubtedly playing a greater role in molding the character of their children. The most outstanding summing up of a mother’s role in molding the lives of her children comes from David McKay, “The noblest calling in the world is that of mother. True motherhood is the most beautiful of all arts, the greatest of all professions. She who can paint a masterpiece or who can write a book that will influence millions deserves the plaudits and admiration of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters whose immortal souls will be exerting an influence throughout the ages long after painting shall have faded, and books and statues shall have been destroyed, deserves the highest honor that man can give”
Total Comments 27
Comments
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Dear Mr Cheeniya,
You are 100% right. I have experienced it in my life. Now my daughter is also experiencing the same. If you take a survey in our site the result will be the same. When my children were studying in school my DH can't even remember in which class they were studying.To accept the truth courage is needed. In this my DH magnanimously would accept the truth like you.
Hence I have quoted your words in golden letters.
I realised that men were better in pursuing their corporate ambitions but when it came to raising their children, they would trust their wives more. Men are shrewd enough to take up only such assignments where there is a least chance of anything going wrong because they are generally averse to being held accountable for any goofing up. And they are really weary of areas where any goofing up could lead to a life long problem.
Love,
PS
Posted 21st October 2008 at 06:14 AM by Pushpavalli Srinivasan
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Ohhh Sri, that made quite an interesting read;that you men accepted that women are great in handling children.I did read this topic in HINDU this morning.Mother do play an important role in shaping the future of the kid - no doubt.
Well you are talking about old times, let me give a picture of what it is when i was a kid and the present day scenario.
In my case, dad used to be my role model more than mom for his sincerity, honesty name whatever.I adored my dad too much because what ever he told would be my vedamantram.He will not scream, but will explain the cause and effect of any of my misgivings or mistakes.Not that my mom was in any way lesser, but she was bound with emotions most of the time rather than pragmatic.
Now, let me tell you the present day scene - my brother is a father of a 2 year old kid.He has to do the diapering,rocking chair and putting her to sleep and share the baby sitting job on weekends when he has leisure.Hes more concerned even about choosing her play school and pre school.
My point is these days(present generation) all daddy love to share the care taking of kids.Its a nice and welcome change i think! Dont you?Posted 21st October 2008 at 06:42 AM by aishu22 -
Respected Cheeniya Sir,
I second every word of yours.Some men of the present times have mastered the art of parenting with ease where as some like mine dont.I analysed and found that the nature of upbringing plays an important role in being a responsible father- in the sense sharing the routines of a kid.
Interesting piece of article.Posted 21st October 2008 at 09:00 AM by SupriyaDinesh 
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Dear PS
There cannot be two opinions about the role of a mother in molding a child's life especially in the formative years. We always say, 'Thottil pazhakkam sudukadu varaikkum' (The character imbibed through the years in cradle will last till death). It is the mother who has a great influence on a child's thinking process till he reaches a stage when he can think for himself. Andrew Jackson, the Seventh US President had this to say of his mother."There never was a woman like her. She was gentle as a dove and brave as a lioness... The memory of my mother and her teachings were, after all, the only capital I had to start life with, and on that capital I have made my way."-
This is not to belittle the role of fathers but for them the question of bringing up the children can only be a part of a large agenda. But to the mothers, it will be an all consuming passion. They also spend more time with the children. This is quite natural.
SriPosted 21st October 2008 at 09:37 AM by Cheeniya - Dear Aishu
All dads will be role models for their daughters like me for my daughters! I often wonder what it is in me that attract them and make them think of me as their role model and I am clueless. But I know that mothers tend to be an irritant for their daughters particularly. The reasons are obvious. Firstly, mothers face the tantrums thrown by their children mostly when the fathers are out on their jobs. In most cases, the fathers may not even come to know of the problems posed by the children in their absence. The relationship the fathers have with the children will be more peaceful. Secondly, mothers worry a lot more about the movements of the daughters particularly during adolescence and this results in unavoidable bickering which the children hate.
As a result, children tend to carry more pleasant memories of their fathers.
Of course, this is purely my take!
SriPosted 21st October 2008 at 09:57 AM by Cheeniya
