Hiya All
Here I am bloggin my thoughts, ideas, journals and ofcourse my inevitable ramblings. Greatly appreciate you'll stopping by and add comments if you will. See ya!
Here I am bloggin my thoughts, ideas, journals and ofcourse my inevitable ramblings. Greatly appreciate you'll stopping by and add comments if you will. See ya!
They also serve who only stand and wait
Posted 15th June 2008 at 07:26 PM by Anandchitra
One of the most common questions or assuredly a certain question that I will be asked is “What do you do?”. This coming from total strangers usually sets me back a little. Coming from people who are very familiar with me I wonder where they are headed with this question. How does one tackle this question I have wondered these past few years? For many years I have maintained either a full time job or part time so now that I do not work and stay at home my ears perk up and brain starts churning thoughts more rapidly to deal with the question in hand.
I have in recent years learnt that most women who are staying at home mothers nowadays refer to themselves as home makers. It does make sense for sure since we are solely responsible for making our home and being the glue that sticks together the trying to run away teenagers and the toddler and the will-not-cooperate in-laws and the always busy husband.
We are also much more than all this. Our days would be piled with work as mundane as cleaning dished and settling a clogged sink and putting clothes to wash or the tedious running to the post office or bank or making payments. We try and endeavor to bring up our children not only to shine in academics but also to uphold morals and values. And to cope with emergencies and more. To cope with planning and schedules and more.
If I sound upbeat and confident of being a home maker, this is a definitely sudden turn of events. I was not feeling so proud or bright about being a home maker quite recently. I shuddered to face questions from others like my opening statement “What do you do?” almost asked in a lilting tone with eyes looking at you to mock the person you appear to be.
Especially coming from people who know me, I always thought to myself what more can I say? It always hurt and devalued me as a person hearing comments uttered by people in a very thoughtless and insensitive way.
Matters in this thought process took a turn when my husband injured his pinky. His small finger on his right hand while we played ball outside our home. After the injury he had to have surgery done and 3 small screws are placed inside. Now he is back to normal meaning all the bandages are removed but looks to me the real work is starting. It’s almost as if he has to train his small finger to work in unison with his other fingers like before.
All our focus and well-wishers too are on the little finger. Only now my dh realizes how much of importance this little finger is. One day when he hit his hand accidentally against the wall and had to bear the pain, my son told him a story to alleviate his pain. Little did I know my thoughts would get alleviated too!
He told us about a beautiful new church that was built somewhere in Europe. People came from far and wide to marvel at its magnificence.
On the roof, a little nail heard the people praising everything about the lovely edifice except the nail. No one even knew he was there. He became so disillusioned that he decided to quit. So he let go of his hold, slid down the roof and fell into the mud. That night it rained heavily and the shingle that had no nail blew away, and the roof began to leak. It happened because the nail did not realize the difference it made.
Even very recently the Space Launch at the Kennedy Space Center had to postpone a shuttle launch for a very minor repair involving a very minor part.
Then did I realize I could be that very small part.. maybe a small nail.. maybe not noticeable .. maybe even insignificant to others.. But to my family I matter and they need me as much as I needed them.
These stories comfort me when I get treated like crap or a piece of furniture or even dull wallpaper! They help when one is judged for the outside appearance. Helps when others want to make judegment of what they hear than what they know. I can now see clearly that it takes experience and skill to do what I do.
Now when anyone asks me “What do you do”, I hold myself proudly as I reply “I am a home maker”. Now I don’t have to live with any thoughts gnawing my mind if I am a waste and a burden. Now there are no doubts about my validity and my esteem. Now there is no doubt that I make a positive impact on my family. Now there is no question of the difference in quality I bring to my family. Now the small nail is proud of its place in holding the family together. Now I can grasp the true understanding behind the words of Milton “They also serve
who only stand and wait.”
I have in recent years learnt that most women who are staying at home mothers nowadays refer to themselves as home makers. It does make sense for sure since we are solely responsible for making our home and being the glue that sticks together the trying to run away teenagers and the toddler and the will-not-cooperate in-laws and the always busy husband.
We are also much more than all this. Our days would be piled with work as mundane as cleaning dished and settling a clogged sink and putting clothes to wash or the tedious running to the post office or bank or making payments. We try and endeavor to bring up our children not only to shine in academics but also to uphold morals and values. And to cope with emergencies and more. To cope with planning and schedules and more.
If I sound upbeat and confident of being a home maker, this is a definitely sudden turn of events. I was not feeling so proud or bright about being a home maker quite recently. I shuddered to face questions from others like my opening statement “What do you do?” almost asked in a lilting tone with eyes looking at you to mock the person you appear to be.
Especially coming from people who know me, I always thought to myself what more can I say? It always hurt and devalued me as a person hearing comments uttered by people in a very thoughtless and insensitive way.
Matters in this thought process took a turn when my husband injured his pinky. His small finger on his right hand while we played ball outside our home. After the injury he had to have surgery done and 3 small screws are placed inside. Now he is back to normal meaning all the bandages are removed but looks to me the real work is starting. It’s almost as if he has to train his small finger to work in unison with his other fingers like before.
All our focus and well-wishers too are on the little finger. Only now my dh realizes how much of importance this little finger is. One day when he hit his hand accidentally against the wall and had to bear the pain, my son told him a story to alleviate his pain. Little did I know my thoughts would get alleviated too!
He told us about a beautiful new church that was built somewhere in Europe. People came from far and wide to marvel at its magnificence.
On the roof, a little nail heard the people praising everything about the lovely edifice except the nail. No one even knew he was there. He became so disillusioned that he decided to quit. So he let go of his hold, slid down the roof and fell into the mud. That night it rained heavily and the shingle that had no nail blew away, and the roof began to leak. It happened because the nail did not realize the difference it made.
Even very recently the Space Launch at the Kennedy Space Center had to postpone a shuttle launch for a very minor repair involving a very minor part.
Then did I realize I could be that very small part.. maybe a small nail.. maybe not noticeable .. maybe even insignificant to others.. But to my family I matter and they need me as much as I needed them.
These stories comfort me when I get treated like crap or a piece of furniture or even dull wallpaper! They help when one is judged for the outside appearance. Helps when others want to make judegment of what they hear than what they know. I can now see clearly that it takes experience and skill to do what I do.
Now when anyone asks me “What do you do”, I hold myself proudly as I reply “I am a home maker”. Now I don’t have to live with any thoughts gnawing my mind if I am a waste and a burden. Now there are no doubts about my validity and my esteem. Now there is no doubt that I make a positive impact on my family. Now there is no question of the difference in quality I bring to my family. Now the small nail is proud of its place in holding the family together. Now I can grasp the true understanding behind the words of Milton “They also serve
who only stand and wait.”
Total Comments 12
Comments
 |  however insignificiant a woman may be to look but all know deep down how important she is, the very bonding material anywhere, the first aid, the counselor, and mother to son and father, that is husband, how can one think about self as not important chitra now you have gone on a ride like our hanumanji who had to be told his strength, never doubt the species known as woman they are the basic metal for all formation every where in universe..so cheer up..hey wake up..sunkan |
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| |  Sundari dear your words have truly touched me and lifted my spirits well.. Isnt that the true intent of well meaning words.. see the power of words.. Thanks so kindly .. Very grateful:) |
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| |  Dear AC, I can understand how you feel becuase I have undergone all this and much more. But basically whatever any body says, the pivot of the household. Though maybe we feel low when people do not acknowledge butthey will come back to us only. Recently I shifted my job and this one is a 5 day working place but on Saturdays and Sundays I am so busy that sometimes I pause and ask where is the time for myself? All the pending works gets completed and run errands for my kids, cook special dishes which they just gulp it up. The satisfied smile on their faces mean so much to me !!! |
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| | Dear Lalitha Like you say its one tight ship.. too much to do..sometimes too little help. And against all odds you work so your children can live better:) Kudos to you MOM! |
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| |  AC Applepie, Home making is back breaking and not an easy job. There are no sick leaves or casual leaves or Privileged Leaves. A home maker cannot afford to go on leave without pay too. The only leave that she can go is the Maternity Leave. The Sundays and holidays are more taxing for her than any other days. It is a commendable job and one should be proud of it. Good topic to blog on. |
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| |  Dear AC, The story on importance of the nail, too good! Now coming to someone asking you "what do you do?", I would say "what do you NOT do"? I see you as leading an occupied and complete life. Moreover, I am glad the story made you realise that you are indeed really important. Ranganayaki |
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| | Mals you said it right.. No Holidays! Infact I am complaining when all the good matches have their finals on sundays.. Even if I plan ahead and finish my work, still someone comes, or more still someone calls and my dh will hand over the phone to me! I wish more people knew about it.. and other women are the ones who look down on you!.. glad you wrote in:) |
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| | Ranganayaki I already know my importance .. did not really need a story for that.. but sometimes these stories help too! Thanks for the comment:) |
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| | Hi AC, that was a nice blog..yes , feeling low i would say i am at home only....maybe because i had a career before and did not like the idea of being at home now but then i realised I have made the decision myself so have learnt to accept it and actually enjoy myself nowadays with all u friends...and the feeling that i am always there for dd and dh... Mindi |
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| |  AC, very nice blog...to ponder...each and everyone in this world is like a small puzzle piece..they fit in this world puzzle...if one puzzle is missing...how can the world be as a whole... Nice story to show the importance of even small things... sriniketan |
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| | Mindi Sorry for replying so late.. thanks for sharing your end of it.. sometimes even if it is your own decision other sides of it need not be fair! Glad you are enjoying yourself:) |
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| | Dear Bhargavi Thanks for the nice comment:) You have put it better than I... the piece of the puzzle! Glad together we can all make it fit and make it whole! |
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