To have a bday party or not-Pls advise!

Raks · Jan 22, 2010

Hi all,
In a month's time,my DD will celebrate her birthday.While I'm really looking forward to it,am also getting tense as I'm unable to decide whether to have a bday party or not.One of the main reasons is that I'm a painfully shy person,introvert..and I try to avoid gatherings.Hosting a party ,...the very thought is frightening!I dont find it very easy to make friends..and we have shifted to this place 2 months ago.For most people thats enough time to make friends..not for me!
I dont know if anyone else shares the same problems as me.I dont know whether my DD will miss having a party,but I guess she'll like it if we do have a party. For the past 2 years,we didnt have a party..just family members,cake cutting...very simple affair.
I dont know what to do..I know it sounds very silly..but for me its a big issue!

Manaswini08 · Jan 22, 2010

I can understand the pain you would feel while hosting such a party but I'm sure there are things you can do to overcome them. Have you sought out any therapy or are you in a position to see a therapist? A therapist would be able to find out the real reason for your fear. He or She may even be able to provide you an anti-anxiety pill for such occasions.

I'm not sure how old your daughter is but if she is of school going age then she may feel the pressure and desire to have a bday party. As she grows up, you will find yourself in such situations a lot of times. Not sure how your DH deals with this. Is he sympathetic to your plight? If so, depend on him to do most of the mingling for now.

My suggestion to you would be to start with a small party. Invite a handfull of friends so that you can have a better control of the situation. Do you have any close friends or family members nearby? If so enlist them to help you. Tell them how you feel and ask them to be a co-host. This will take most of the pressure off of you. If possible, have the event catered so you don't have to worry about cooking. Relax and enjoy. You don't always have to be the social butterfly at your own parties....just take a back seat for now and absorb the scene around you.

But I do urge you to seek out a therapist. We all need someone to talk to about our fears and dilemas and sometimes it's best for that someone to be from the outside...you'll get a more objective response. All the best dear....and relax

Raks · Jan 26, 2010

Thanks so much for your advice and concern,Manaswini! U know,its not that easy talking about this to relatives.Whenever I tried with myfolks,they just brush it aside and say that its all in my mind.Its not like its a disease!I doubt my DH would understand either. I have no friends here.
Anyway,I have to do what is best for my daughter.I dont want her to suffer 'coz of my problems.She should have all the oppurtunities to have friends and have fun on her bday.
I just don't know how to do this.! Its so nice of u to take time out for addressing my silly fears..

Manaswini08 · Jan 26, 2010

Raks,

No fear is silly. Its something which you strongly feel and you're right sometimes relatives may not sypmathize with you. But it's not because they don't love you....its only because they want to see you as a strong young lady and do want to even suggest that you are "afraid" of anything.

Do you see a doctor...I mean a general doctor? If so, see her/him before the part and bring this topic up. Ask them for suggestions. Maybe they can prescribe an anti-anxiety pill for you.

Be brave and ask at least one mother at the party for help. Tell her that you're new to hosting and would like for her to help you. Once your guests arrive, you will be able to judge which person to ask. After the party, if you feel that you can confide in her, tell her your problem and she may be able to help you in the future. Since she's not family, she will be more objective than expect things from you.

You'll have fun....relax and keep us posted.

Raks · Mar 8, 2010

Hi Manaswini,
Just wanted to let u know that my daughter's Bday party went off pretty well.I had called 4-5 children with their parents.Since the party was in the afternoon,I ordered for some snacky items plus burgers for the children.At the last minute I decided to make one more item at home, for the adults.It was a good decision as it turned into an early dinner affair after all! As you suggested,I requested one of the moms to help me out with the games and she did a great job,as she is really good at such things.I was able to concentrate on the rest of the arrangements.I was very nervous,but all the moms were v. supportive..maybe they sensed my discomfort.Most imp,my DD had a great time!!
Thanks a lot for all ur support and suggestions.It was you who gave me the courage to think of hosting a party,even though it was a very small affair..it was big for me!Thanks once again..God bless