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Vent about some moms

Discussion in 'Baby / Kids Foods' started by viki123, Apr 25, 2015.

  1. viki123

    viki123 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi moms,

    Just want to vent out what is going in my mind since few days. I believe that everyone has their own ways of parenting, but looking or talking to some moms I just feel pity for their babies. I am sorry if I sound rude but this is going in my mind.

    One of my cousin sister has 8 months daughter few months younger than my son and she call me whenever she has any question. She is 35 and has 7 year old toddler and SHAM. She asked me about solids when she was about start, I suggested homemade food like banana, carrot, apple and pear that easy to make. She is going to Indian when baby is 9 months, so she said she will give her baby only Gerber jar food, rice etc. once she is in India. She started telling me that IT work is easy and I have only one kid, but she has a toddler and infant, house work etc. I kept quiet and said whatever to myself. Since last 10 days her baby was sick and last 2 she was throwing up, doctor has asked her to stop solids and only feed her only BM or formula and prescribed antibiotics for infection. Now she still doesn't want to feed her home food (after baby is cured), even simple banana or pressure cooked apple & carrot :bonk. She cooks food daily for her family, can’t she cook for small infant? Next day she was cooking complete meal for family as her DH and elder DD complained about eating pizza the previous day when she went to hospital with younger DD. One day her DH and DD can’t eat outside food and she expects infant to eat and be healthy on store bought. I understand some kids to take it, but here her daughter is not able digest. The moment the baby seems sick (not fever) or taking her to shots she give her Tylenol.

    I met another mom, she is about same age as mine and her son is 15 days elder to mine. She left her IT job and now SHAM. She too feeds her baby store bought food, no home cooked, not even banana. Her son sleeps only 8hrs a day, nap for just 30 min or so. I was surprised and said my son sleeps for 14 hours. She said her son does too some times when she sleeps with him. I was surprised when she said that. I work full time and at home I spend most of the time with my DS and make sure he eats properly and sleeps well. I felt what the point of her becoming SHAM.

    One my friends co-sister's daughter was on chocolate milk and pasta most of the time. That girl was very choosy and prefers variety in her food , her mom never tried too feed her. That poor girl was so thin. It not that they won't love her, its that food was not important for them.

    I was staying as PG few years back. That lady was SHAM with 2 toddlers 7 & 5. In 2 months of my stay i have never seen kids having BF in the morning. They used have glass of milk in the morning, chips & fruit juice as lunch at schools. Rice and Curry (full of masala and oil) for lunch and dinner no veggies or fruits for them. I used to make toast for myself in the morning and kids used to look at me. Once i prepared BF for them and her mom shouted at me as if i did a big sin. She is worried that they might get used to BF and demand it daily.

    Once i wen't to a birthday party, their one of lady told me in front of every one not to allow my son to touch other kids. My DS is every active and happy kids, he stays with any one who carries him gives them smiles. I felt really bad and left the party early. Next morning she messaged me saying sorry as i might have felt bad. The reason she told me was one mom was bringing her 6 weeks old baby to party & was concerned about him catching infections. If she was so concerned about her kids she should not bring him to party or this lady would have messaged me or told me in private about that mom's concern.


    Note: This is nothing to do with SHAM or working, i am just venting out about what i have seen.
     
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  2. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do; quite often the reason is ignorance!

    Oh Viki! I'm just like you. After I've had my daughter I can see I'm extremely judgemental about other parents' "obviously" poor choices. No breakfast; crisps and pakoras instead of lunch; zero discipline; nit-picking; just popping the kid in front of the TV/ iPad for the whole evening as the parents cant be bothered to entertain them; high heels for a 3 year old; over-feeding their kids - I mean keep giving them snacks through out the day instead of 3 square meals while simultaneously telling me my athletic daughter with high-metabolism is underfed etc. Perhaps they aren't really poor choices; perhaps they are super-parents in other aspects; perhaps my style of parenting is wrong from where they stand...

    Fortunately for me, I have a close friend whose parenting views match mine and hence can have a good matter every couple of days gossiping about the parents whose choices we don't like ;) ;)
     
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  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    I don't know about being judgmental or otherwise. Somethings are wrong, others are right and most things fall in the grey zone. Feeding and disciplining kids falls in the either/or category - mostly. While it is alright to give kids some chocolates, chips, juices etc. occasionally, allowing them these kinds of food as a replacement or healthy options a lot of the time is certainly not acceptable. Unless the right choices are inculcated right from childhood, healthy tastes will not be developed. No use blaming the kids. All kids love potatoes, chips, jams and sweet juices. They certainly don't like veggies. The onus of getting them to develop a taste for these certainly lies on the parents.
     
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  4. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    Viki
    I had a similar discussion today!!! A child who heard curse words every single day from his parents, for him and for each other, did most of the work at home ... From his childhood!!! I would be heartbroken from him every time I visited them... I've seen him from 4 years old chotu to grow a happy responsible, intelligent hardworking student who gets full marks even in 12th Std now!!!

    The abuse continues!!! Parents still abuse each other and him too !!! You'll hear vocabulary that you won't hear even in jails...

    I would request the elite well educated working parents everytime - put away your differences. Think of the kid - but their focus was fighting... The kid did all work at home too... Still does!!! I can't find a single thing that the parents did right!!! But the kid is turning out right ????!!!!!!

    Who knows what is right and what is wrong!!!
     
  5. beingloved

    beingloved Gold IL'ite

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    OP, I guess you've somewhat pre-conceived notions about other mothers.
    - Gerber food is famous worldwide and the the mother has her reasons to choose it. Maybe the doctor has prescribed it previously. It comes at a cost too. Its not that if a mother cooks for kid, she is a great mother only then..!! If a lady gives only home cooked solids to kid and avoids Gerber/ Cerelac etc. others can tag her as miser, which is totally untrue..!!

    - A kid sleeping 8hrs/ 14hrs a day is not an achievement.. Each individual has its own body clock. Its not right that a SAHM is free all day to sleep with the kid..!!

    There are good mothers, bad mothers.. but i would suggest to stop being soo judgemental about one's style of parenting. Giving kids healthy food/ developing healthy habits is of utmost importance.. but parents can't be blamed just for one instance of kids sickness/ their particular style of parenting, isn't?
     
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  6. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    @viki123...venting thread? I get it, sometimes i need to vent too :)
    Hope you are feeling better after venting :)
     
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  7. Joyoflife

    Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

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    I used to be very judgemental about other mothers too, but not anymore. Once I was discussing something with my daughter s doctor, I said I do not let my daughter watch a lot of TV like some mothers, the doctor said do not get judgemental towards other moms, most of the children grow up fine. You do what you feel right for your child and leave others alone. Everyone has their own reasons,yes sometimes it makes you feel better but if you do it all the time, thn is a habit which is very hard to break.
     
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  8. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    Rightly said!! Adding to your post, hope you don't mind @hrastro and @viki123.

    I have few friends who grew up in similar situation you mentioned. They did well academically. They look like normal people. But they have poor parenting skills. One guy exhibits the same behavior as his abusive parents to his wife and children. He is unable to control using abusive language when he gets into that situation and later he repents his actions. Even I get scared to talk to him at times even though I have known him since our school days. He is under therapy now.

    Another girl is still not married. She is not interested in marital life at all, because she perceives being married is only fights between partners and nothing else.

    Others I see put up with their spouses and adjust in front of children.
    Children who grow in a home with abusive parents may use academics as an escape point. No attention at home. The more you study, the more recognized you are at school. Someone at least notices you for what you have done. Parents actually cannot take credit for such children who shine academically, since they are damaging their children (and maybe their children) emotionally and socially.
     
  9. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    That's so scary!
     
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  10. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Quick to judge others are we?
    Lets look at some issues here..
    Gerber in India
    Best choice..given the level of contamination in fresh fruits ..the tropical climate
    I would actually prefer bottled food. Gerber has saved all my India trips ..Am I a bad parent..may be Was a happy parent..absolutely..yes


    and I have only one kid, but she has a toddler and infant, house work etc.
    Yes :) Having more than one baby is a lot of work.

    Now she still doesn't want to feed her home food (after baby is cured), even simple banana orpressure cooked apple & carrot . She cooks food daily for her family,
    can’t she cook for small infant?


    Because it is hard ..why is cooking organic food from the farmers market from the
    scratch the only way to parent? There is a big difference between making food for an infant and an adult.The level of sanitation /sterilization increases many fold. Food needs to be cooked and mashed in a blender and the blender needs to be washed. It can be and has been done but is not "the only way ".

    Why my babies..Heck I have eaten Gerber on days ...love it still do..just not economical :D


    This whole "breast feeding organic cook from scratch whole foods frenzy is good :thumbsup...judging parenting skills based on that ...or based on witnessing one particularly bad day a parent /child has been having ..no ..not good.notdonesmiley
     
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