Contradicting food advices from elders

karanu · Sep 6, 2012

I'm sure we all have been there but want to hear how to handle such situations without causing any conflict.

Whenever my dad visits me, he brings a box of sweets and he's been wanting to feed a piece to my DD. Initially I refused and asked him not to give. But now since she is 11 months old, my dad says babies should be able to eat anything. He eats a lot of fried snacks and he wanted to feed a small piece to DD. Somehow, I prevented it. When I said DD got allergic reactions after eating cabbage, he simply says babies can eat anything and cannot get any allergies. When I told him that some babies can get allergies due to milk, wheat etc, he didn't believe.

My ILs would visit me later this month and am sure they would also want to feed anything and everything to her. When DD was 6 months old, MIL tried to feed her tea and pieces of roasted peanuts. I saw it and immediately asked her not to give....When DD was just 3 days old, she insisted DH to go and buy formula milk when my doctor clearly told me only to breastfeed. She had also asked me to start with cow's milk and Cerelac from 3rd month onwards. Because of such pressure, I started with semi-solids after DD completed 5 months though I had planned to exclusively BF till 6 months. When DD initially spitted out food in the first 2-3 weeks, she said babies won't eat without sugar. When my DD refused to drink water, she again mentioned I need to add sugar.

When these incidents happen, I get really irritated. Though I try not to show my feelings, it somehow shows. I keep getting these wrong advices from everywhere but I'm stubborn with what I believe in. Since I don't follow their advices, they feel hurt.

I'm trying to feed the right food at the right age to my DD. Once DD starts school, she will definitely get influenced by her peers and start asking for junk food. As a mother, I want to ensure she eats the right food since these first 2 years are crucial in getting the right nutrients.

Am I being over-cautious? Should I allow her to eat other junk foods since elders seem to be thinking nothing would happen?

Visasri · Sep 6, 2012

You are right. You are cautious about your baby's health as every mother. I see my friends with sufficient BM feed their babies till 6 months. I had to start earlier because I dont have sufficient BM. You were right in that matter. And again giving junk foods is a big no to kids. I cant understand how elders want to do that. Peanuts, other nuts finely chopped are no problem for 11 months old, but again sometimes they may get choked. Never start them tea even now. You need not worry about them, after all if something happens to the baby it does not even know to say. All physical problems will be to the baby and you. Though they love the child these should not be encouraged. Tell them that they can give anything to the baby after 2 years and not now.

ramyaramani · Sep 9, 2012

@karanu just like other things, you and I are sailing in the same boat. I truly understand how confusing it can be. In fact at time such things created doubts for me. Anyways this is what I do: I waited till she was a year old before giving her sweets. I am now giving sweets only during snack time. I ensure that DD has fruits and veggies as part of her daily food. No compromises on that.

When others want to give her something, I take the piece and feed it to DD myself. That way I can ensure portion control if it is something that I dont want to give. Fried food, I give if I make it at home. I dont give fried food from outside. Any new food I give her only 2 mouthfuls maximum in a day.

I was over cautious but now am relaxed.

anmolhai · Sep 9, 2012

You can blame it on Doctor . Tell them that thats what the Dr. says we should do.

karanu · Sep 9, 2012

@Visasri, thanks for the reassuring words. you are exactly right. When there is a problem, it's the baby and me who will suffer the most.

@Ramya, I find myself confused what to believe but then I just go with my instincts. I even heard "train her from now itself to have coffee and tea". My family elders love their coffee and want my DD to get started now. Sigh!!

karanu · Sep 9, 2012

anmolhai said: ↑

You can blame it on Doctor . Tell them that thats what the Dr. says we should do.
Click to expand...

That's the only mantra I keep trying. Sometimes I even get to hear "Doctors only know to scare us"

FreeSpirit20 · Sep 9, 2012

I can understand. When my SIL(DH's sister) had a baby last year, every elder around started doing this. My mom told her we could feed the baby egg in 3 months, I'm glad she refused politely and mom did not force feed.

But her grandmother often took offence and would comment saying now she will teach us how to take care of babies. Poor girl, she had patience and sailed through, she was always with the baby and taking care alone with some help from my MIL. Sometimes even my MIL used to comment why the baby is not fat (?!!) though the doctor said she had a very healthy baby.

I'd say you are doing the right thing. As a mother, you know what is good/bad for the baby. You can try saying the doctor advised not to, or take whatever they are trying to feed into your hands and try feeding very limited quantity just for taste like a commenter posted. You can even say you had tried and she did not like it.

vaali · Sep 10, 2012

Bahhh.. Karanu bud!! tell me about it!! leave alone in laws i fought so hard with my own mom to save my baby from her senseless stuffs.. lol. We live inside the same compound & gosh! im glad she is working & gets to spend time with my baby only in the evenings:rotfl. I used to quarrel so much with her everyday till he was 6 months old (please note- my own dear mommy!!).

She was so much against exclusive BF & tried brain washing me, lets say some 1000 times since the time he was 3 months old. They have this trick of saying " this is how we use to bring babies up.." as a explanation for everything. I dont know what the fun in feeding babies so early for them? they think its so amusing:rantI use to show her lots of online medical advices & even peadiatric medical books on exclusive BFing & especially not even water but it never seemed to enter her mind. The day i feel bad when my bubba doesnt pee frequently during those hot summer times, she will take a chance to hint me as if i deserve to worry since i dont give him water to drink:bonk. There are a lot of things that has changed in the past 25 yrs. 'You never exclusively BFed, you never went without feeding you baby water after 3 months of age, you never missed adding salt & sugar to everything & anything baby eats, you never thought giving a biscuit made of maida will hurt your babies tummy'.. oh yes!! you guys never did anything i do.. so what?:rant. Just because you did or never did certain things doesnt make everything we do to your babies wrong!:bonk

Know what i use to tell her? "did i disturb you with my intellectual thoughts when you brought your babies up (me & my sis..:rotfl)? NO right? now dont come disturbing me & i know what im doing" ..:biglaugh

tuliplady · Sep 17, 2012

Tell me about it. I receive lot of advise as well:

Some I will narrate:

1. MIL saying that she started DH on grape juice (i.e. little juice extracted from grapes, strained through muslin) and given when he was 1.5 months old:spin

2. MIL feeding her 4 month old daughter with roti

3. Honey when the baby cries

4. Giving vitamin C drops to her kids

5. Giving gripe water in the mornings and evenings everyday

6. Adding salt to baby food

7. Cows milk (that too from milkman, not pasteurized), from 2nd month

Regardless, I haven't followed any of the above. I was also told that by the time the baby is 6 months old, he was eating a proper dinner complete with roti, sabzi, dal etc:hide:

The thing is EBF is a concept none understands in his family. They suggest that after 6 months the baby will reject solid food thats why you introduce them to different foods as early as possible.

I have been told several times to follow this course and they also feel that baby's demands will increase and my milk wont be enough. But I have sucessfully managed to exclusively breastfeed DS until today. he has not even taken formula.

I feel that it is very important to put your foot firmly down when it comes to kids health. It is not that the elders dont care for the baby's health but times have changed. During those days research was not so far stretched, and environment was much better, most food was homecooked. Today in wake of so much pollution, immunity is must. And the baby will benefit from mothers milk by getting enough antibodies. By giving sugar, we are predisposing the child to diabetes. Junk food will unnecessarily result in weight issues. When we are aware of such things why take a chance? Even if it hurts their sentiments, we should not compromise on our child's health in order to appease elders. Just my opinion.

Applemoon · Oct 1, 2012

Same situation this end too.....

Tired of telling my inlaws not to feed fried food everyday to my 3 year old.. but bcos he is eating fried fish they get it everyday...If I ask them not to give.. they will eat in front of him and obviously he gets tempted.. Few days ago he suffered from indigestion.. I told them that doctor has asked him not to eat fried items everyday.. now we are having fish curry almost every second day..:bonk

Now when I am starting weaning my 4 month old .. I am sure they will have lot of advices... ..:hide: