chemistry of love

CHEMISTRY OF ‘LOVE’



Love is an emotion which reigns supreme with tremendous power and magnetism. It gives strength, comfort, pleasure and an array of other positive emotions. Though we think it is heart- involvement, it is the brain which is responsible for this wonderful state called ‘being in love’. When you are attracted to someone, the feeling is great. From amongst many and many, you choose one, the special one…after the choice is made, the brain releases love-chemicals.



1^st Stage—The chemical called ‘ Oxotonin’ will be released in the brain. You feel nice and comfortable in that person’s company. You long for that person’s company.



2^nd Stage—The brain releases the chemical called ‘ Phynythithylamyn’ ( PEA ) which excites the mind. You feel only joy and see only excitement all around. In this stage the neuro-chemicals called ‘Nory phynphren’ and ‘ Dopamine’ give a feeling of light-headedness.



3^rd Stage—‘ Endorphines’ which are produced act with narcotic-effect making you feel very strongly for that person. You start craving for that person’s attention and love.



4^th Stage—The pituitary gland releases ‘ Oxytocin’, a chemical which provokes and entices to a highest degree to fulfill your wish, to fulfill your love.



What is this ‘Love’ for which wars are waged, epics are produced, hearts are broken, hearts are mended……Those are the lucky ones who deserve it, who earn it, who cherish it. It is like a valuable pearl which takes form in your heart. You know how a Natural pearl is formed ? Pearl is born in an oyster. In the thin skin like layer sticking to the oyster, there is a substance called nackar with which a pearl is formed. When a foreign body enters between the oyster and the skin like substance, nackar is released and the skin starts collecting round the foreign body and it forms into a pearl. The procedure is painful to the oyster, yet it endures the pain to produce a pearl. ‘ Love ‘ is a valuable pearl for which you have to make sacrifices, endure adversities and finally cherish the outcome.



One should know the difference between love and infatuation. Love is a garden which should be tended carefully, weeding it regularly to check the rank growth of negativism and selfishness. Between lovers, respect should be constant, giving weight to opinions and wishes. ‘The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but still to hold hands.’ Bossy nature is a sure deterrent. Giving happiness in small acts of ‘love’ nurtures relationship. A small token, a small memento, a word of appreciation will see that the happy brook of your love never runs dry. Don’t have unkind thoughts of deceit and tomfoolery; don’t treat love as a ‘bondage’ but as a bond that binds hearts forever. Whatever the crisis be, the fire of love should melt it. Visible things come from the invisible- the invisible love can make visible changes in your life, but don’t use your love to gain social status or use it as a tool to display your personal charisma. Love is pure and divine, give it respect and dignity. Love must be handled carefully and creatively like an art. Fill your heart with thoughtfulness and sensitivity and then ‘ Love’ like a gentle waterfall keeps your heartland fresh and green…!!



If you have failed in love, don’t blame yourself or your lover… carry on, don’t waste fresh tears over past grief. Life is a continuous miracle, if you have not acquired love, one day ‘Love’ will acquire you.!!



( published in Deccan Herald)

Ambika,
When I began reading the second part of this article,
I really felt being transported to the poetic realm.....yes,
being a born poet, unawaringly, you have penned throbing
poetry! The sentence 'What is this love for which wars are waged,epics are produced....' took me straight to the swayamwara of Samyukta-Prithviraj, To the kidnapping of Rukmini by Srikrishna- I am yet to emerge from the flight of imagination you have so kindly sponsered. It had not the same impact when I read it in D.H, but ...maybe thanks to Varalotti's stories, i too am becoming romantic?At this age? Oh God!
'Ultimate test of relationship to disagree but still to hold hands...'
What a beautiful observation!And the last guiding sentence-'if you have not acquired love,one day love will acquire you..'-
unforgettable summing up!

Dear Ambika, When I first saw the thread and found long sounding names of chemicals peeping out from nowhere, I was frightened and went out. Then after seeing Pankaja's response I went to the second part of the thread. For a change you have tried creating a wonderful poem in the form of prose. Love is to disagree but still holding hands. A very matured expression of love. And the final words, if you have not acquired love, one day love will acquire you is sure to are sure to send any heart jumping with feelings of real love. After reading the thread I am reminded of Kahlil Gibran's words: once when he said "Our love does not hold you, nor our affection bind you."
And more importantly "Don't think that you can direct the course of love. If love considers you worthy, it'll direct your course."
You have made people love love with your loving words,
sridhar

Dear Ambika,

I really loved your snippet and it got me pondering for a while, and that's when I remembered of this thought-provoking story about a couple. I call it though-provoking because there is absolutely NO chemistry, none of the 4 stages happens in their lives when they are together, yet love blossoms between them! Read on and tell me what your take is...

-Shal

--------------------------------------------------------------

Ours was an arranged marriage. It was done the traditional way. Our
Parents took care of everything. My only condition was that she should be
ready to work. Our horoscopes and photos were exchanged. Everything
Matched. I spoke to her over the phone. We talked about things two
strangers would talk.
She was a lecturer in Bangalore who felt Chemistry was more important than
Hindi movies. There was no engagement. The date for marriage was fixed in
2 weeks as I could not get a vacation after that. Even the vacation time I
got was just 10 days.
Everything was fixed. It was supposed to be very hectic for me. We got
married and 2 days later we had to leave the country. She cried like there
was no tomorrow when we left. She would not talk to me on the plane. I
thought that was usual for an Indian girl. I th! ought she would get over
it. Once home she would not talk to me. She sat in a corner staring at the
TV. For the first couple of days I had to catch up on some work and did
not take her mood seriously.
A week later I sat beside her and asked her, "What is wrong?"
"Why did you bring me here?"
"What do you mean? What happened?"
"I want to go home"
"This is your home"
"No. I want to go home. Please buy me a ticket"
"Look, everybody feels homesick. I did when I! came here the first time.
It is normal. You will get over it. Sorry I have been busy with work. We
can go out this weekend. You will meet my friends and other people who
will be very friendly. Come on be a good girl"
"I hate this place. I miss my family, my friends, my college. All the
people I know are not here. I want to go home"
"Think for a minute. Try to reason it out yourself. What is your plan by
the way? So you want to go back and never come back?"
"Yes"
"Are you crazy?"
"If you think this is crazy then I am."
"It is ok if you do not answer this question. Is there someone else?"
"No. I want to go home. I will call 911 if you do not send me"
"First cool down. Think about it. Think about our parents. It is less than
a month that we got married and now you want to return home. You very well
knew that you had to come here. What were you thinking? Even if you are
returning home what happens to our marriage?"
"I am not blaming you. I take the blame. It is my mistake. I can't stay so
far away from my family. If you are so interested come to India"
"I am family too! What you are asking is ridiculous."
The next day she would not change her mind. I called my folks. They said
that it was my decision and! they would stand by me. I booked her ticket
and put it in her hand the next evening. She was to leave in 2 days.
Nothing would convince her to change her mind. She was crying like a kid.
Then she left.
She had done nothing for me to miss but something inside me was telling me
that I was at fault. I tried to shake it off but as time grew I started
feeling more guilty. I called her. She made it clear that she did not find
me despicable but she would not leave her city. Her parents apologized
profusely but they were helpless too.
I have had crushes. None of them were serious. There was this girl in my
high school tuition whose phone no I managed to find out. Then the
prettiest girl in college whom everybody loved, who talked to me once.
Then the girl from my city who was at my university in USA who made me
feel at home when I visited her place. I had ignored them once! I crossed
their paths. But Anjali was my wife. I could not ignore her.



I decided to quit my job. I went home. No one back home knew I was
returning. I wanted to surprise her. I dropped off my bags at my place and
went to the college she was teaching. The gate keeper would not let me in.
So I had to wait outside for the classes to get over.
She walked out alone, struggling to carry her bag, tired, with slow steps.
She was walking towards the bus stop. I silently followed her and went
behind her and whispered, "Do you mind if I carry your bag?"
She was startled and turned to face me. Her eyes lit up. I was not sure if
I could hug her. I was smiling and she had a 100 questions written all
over her face. "I want to spend a week with you in this city. Show me the
things that you could not miss"
That one week went in a jiffy. She was treated a kid at home with all the
comforts. That explained her behavior. Coffee was brought to her in the
morning. Even her dress was laid out for her. She would have breakfast and
leave. The bus journey was an hour. She would sit near the window with a
book. Then once in the college she would teach her classes and come out
tired in the evening. She would stand in the crowded bus carrying her bag
which would look heavy. Then she would alight, go home, have a snack and
would head out to a friend's place.
Some times she'd stay home watching TV or listening to music. When her dad
returned she would join him and they'd have dinner. Then her mom would
tuck her in bed. Weekends were
not much different. She would sleep late, wake up for breakfast and lie
down talking on the phone. Then she would visit the temple in the evening
and would have her singing lessons. Then she would eat out and woul! d
head home late.
That was her life. It was something every human being wanted - simple,
content and happy. Of course to her I was a villain. I told her that I
understood her. I wanted to know if it was ok if she stayed in the same
city but away from her parents. Her only condition was that I should not
stay at my parent's place to which I agreed. So we moved into a small
apartment. She knew nothing. She had to be taught everything. She learnt.
It was hard to make her understand that she had duties and she had a
husband. Coffee had to be brought to her in the morning. She made the
rules and broke them. She did not care for me. Sometimes she would not
return home but go to her parents' place without informing me. I would
have had to go bring her back.

Slowly she started realizing about married life. She would wake up before
me, try to cook, agree for a movie, visi! t my friend's place, invite me
to her college, let me dress her up, dance in front of me, teach me
Chemistry, talk about her crushes, play cricket with me, make me cry for a
change. She was growing mature day by day. One day she apologized for the
whole thing. I brushed it aside. Finally I had her the way I wanted.
Today I am happy and content with my life. She is still there crying to
get her things done. I keep reminding her how she had threatened to call
the police. She laughs it away. Some times I wonder how life would have
been if I had not returned. Then again some things are left as they are.

That's how life is ...
There are two ways of meeting difficulties:
You alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them"

There is the answer in your query itself Shal when you say……“none of the 4 stages happens in their lives when they are together, yet love blossoms between them!”

Though there may be exceptions to the rule, still, the course of “love” according to experts, is through these four stages. Whenever someone does something for another person, there is a ‘feeling’ behind that act. But the origin of the feeling may differ, it can be ‘sympathy’ empathy’, affection, friendship, love etc.

In this story, when the man says “ I decided to quit my job. I went home. No one back home knew I was returning. I wanted to surprise her” one can feel the germination of love as evident in his thoughts and when he surprises her, he says “she was startled and turned to face me. Her eyes lit up” – a sure sign of liking a person….

And in all those chores she does for him like – “She would wake up before me, try to cook, agree for a movie, visit my friend's place, invite me to her college, let me dress her up, dance in front of me, teach me Chemistry, talk about her crushes, play cricket with me, make me cry for a change “

There is evidence of love blossoming….
The man successfully altered the situation, by being resilient and understanding. He almost 'romanced a stone'.

Shal, not every love story has a common beginning like “ love at first sight and sparks flew warming their hearts “ and a common ending like ‘they lived happily ever after…”.

Like every individual life is different and unique, love has many ways and finds many expressions.

The stages I have mentioned are ‘brain-based’ and heart-based’ reactions are what are more apparent to us.

Anyways, I am really happy to have read a cute love story which you have posted ( I have got a theme for a short story) Thanks a bunch...
ambika

Thank you dear Pankaja and Sridhar for liking the snippet.

Firstly and most importantly I should thank this wonderful Forum again , which is responsible for this happy sharing of thoughts, ideas and views, and it is sucessfully bringing friends like us more closer, through mutual appreciation and constructive criticism.
ambika

HI,

Ambika , your "Chemistry of Love" is simply superb and Shalu, this story is really awesome......How lucky is Anjali.....and how loving and caring is her hubby.....
I enjoyed each and every line of it......Good work ladies....
Regards

Thank you Lakshmi, your warm appreciation means a lot to me...genuine words very rarely come one's way..
thanks again
ambika

Hi Ambika,

That was an interesting snippet on love and the chemistry involved.
Its a basic "feel good factor" which slowly gets over you completely and u feel engulfed in different moods (elevated moods) and at the end find the pearl of love.

thanx to these chemicals, there's love in the air....

I was just wondering if these chemicals overwork sometimes.....

I was also wondering which stage I'm presently in........ morning I was in stage II, followed by stage I, right now I think the endorphines are in full swing and by evening I hope to move to stage IV - hey, I'm kiddin

Like everyone else, I too liked the para on wars for love .............. and pray love acquires everyone and this place would turn into a paradise.


HI SHAL,

Where did u find this story?? It was beautiful and it was like a movie runnning in front of me......... its long time since we had a positive, lovable male character.....

Nice one, Shal. Maybe ur story elevated me to stage III........

Dear Meena

Thanks for liking this snippet and I really apprecaite your exuberance and romantic disposition.

Since we live in the twin cities of Bangalore-Mysore, we should meet up and catch up...I am sure I will find you very interesting....
ambika