Gender Differentiation

GENDER DIFFERENTIATION

"Ha! Ha! Ha!" It was not from a Laugher's Club, but from my wife, who was watching a TV programme named 'NEEYA....NANA" in Vijaya TV. Instinctively I knew it would be against men in general or me in particular. I would have ignored but I heard a girl of 18 saying "I hate my father, I don't love him, because he has no affection for me, he does not buy anything for me, I have never gone to T Nagar with him because he does not buy anything for me, he doesn't appreciate me, he is partial to my brother, in short he is a Hitler, so on...." The anchor asks her mother. She initially refuters her daughter, try to defend her husband and in the end ditches her poor hapless undefendable husband, who has not been invited to the studio.
To say the least it is Pathetic, Arrogance, Ignorance, Scant Respect and wrong image of a Person who toils equally for the family. Why it is always like that? Doesn't a father have a role in bringing up the children?

I am not speaking for all the fathers, but almost 80-90% of the fathers do not know how to show their affection openly, like the mothers. They do everything for the family, but stupidly allows mothers to take the cake. When a small child becomes adamant or cries, the mother says "let your father comes, I will ask him to thrash you". So the father becomes a sort of a "Rakshas" to harass the child. Mother always talk about her problems, exaggerating even a small headache, and the children only watches the mother suffering.
What the father does? Working 8-10 hrs in the office, under pressure & the nagging boss, without a promotion & increment for years, take a overcrowded train, travel worse than a buffalo, eats the sukha roti and bhaji for lunch, managing his meagre income for managing the house, children's education, sickness, repaying the loans or trying for loans, poor fellow, he does not even know how to tell he has the genuine headache or fever. On weekends the family expect him to take them to the hotels, Malls, Multiplexes, picnics, resorts and yearly on holidays. He buys his daughter expensive Dress (for that one-time wear for the Navrathri Garba), he has to buy the 29" LCD TV which he does not even watch, to buy the AC so that his family can cool themselves when he roams in the hot sun for marketing, buy a Car on a loan (he cannot afford) so that the family can go to the Mall and Multiplex avoiding the over-croweded local trains. He buys expensive gold ornaments for his wife, but not even a ring for himself. He buys (or Pays) expensive Lipstics, Body Spray, Facial, eye Lashes, Mascaras, Branded Dresses, Lingeries, Pedicure and what not. He offers his wife and daughter seats in the local train and stand throughout. Not even by mistake the wife will ever offer a seat for the husband/father. When the family reads from left to right in the Menu card and orders expensive dishes, he silently read the menu card from right to left to find out how much it is going to cost him. He sit with children for the studies throughout night, stand in the queue for their admissions in the college, beg for recommendation for admission because the daughter could not score enough marks (as she had bunked classes), search for bank loans for paying donations... ......... .

And the wife or daughter ask in the end "What he has done for us?" The world is very ungrateful for the MAN.
CM VENUGOPAL brought to you by sunkan FOR DISCUSSION HOW TRUE IS THIS ARTICLE

Dear Venugopal/Sunkan

You have come up with an interesting subject. The gender differences are an age old phenomena probably commencing from the caveman era. In those rather clear cut, days gender roles were apparently clearly understood. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
By virtue of his physical prowess Man was the “Provider” and possibly his fearsome hirsute appearance resulted him being also the “Protector”. The female of the species being less daunting in physical appearance and also being biologically endowed with the appropriate anatomical resources ,did well in doing what no man could emulate, namely participating in the active end of the process of childbirth and child rearing. <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Nothing really wrong with this system, if that is actually what nature ordained, since Mother Nature always seems to know what is best.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
However today’s problems seem to be arising out of a misconception of gender roles, since the good old days of caveman clarity have also disappeared. Today we are faced with a situation where a woman can say to her man-whatever you can do, so can I and possibly I can do it better.<o:p></o:p>
We have actually observed cases of total role reversal in society. A brief analysis indicates the following factors may be responsible for this:<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
1. Breakdown of Joint family system:<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
In this system, the Elder males were always around, commanding respect from the female members such as wives, daughters and daughters-in-law and it was a tradition to homour and respects the male elders. The men provided, and the women kept house. However as society evolved and nuclear families became the norm of the day, these niceties disappeared and the total unconditional respect for the male was the first casualty.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
2. Educational developments<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Probably the biggest difference that society has undergone in its transition from the Stone Age era is that civilization has been established through progressive education. Today’s educated woman is unwilling to just accept male domination, simply because her mother or grandma did so. The modern woman questions and will accept an argument only if it seems reasonable enough.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
3. Economic factors:<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
With the increasing cost of living, women need to work in order support the family .The rising expenses of day to day living have forced several women to look for jobs to augment the family income. Thus the last male bastion of being the sole “Provider” has crumbled. Im sure many of you know cases where the wife earns more than the husband. Literally, the husbands can no loner claim authority on the basis of being the sole breadwinner of the family. <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
4. Equal employment <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Many work places offer equal employment opportunities. Simply put, there is equal pay and facilities for both men and women. Women working in such establishments must certainly perceive themselves as literally equal to the men.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
5.Overseas opportunities <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Many Families that have migrated to the West or other developed countries, must live by the social codes prevalent in those societies. In their new adopted homes their mindset will change and they will break away from traditional myths that they are fed on back home, regarding male supremacy. This in itself is a great leveller.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
If the above factors are sufficient to break the male/female divide and we consider that men and women are equal, still the balance will be in favour of the women. Apart being the joint breadwinner, she also sets up and maintains the home and is irreplaceable when it comes to childbirth and child rearing. The emotional bonds that she shares with her family and the values that she instills in the children is indeed praiseworthy.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Having said that, it is also the mother’s duty to make the children respect the father and properly educate them about his indispensable role in the family. Children need not just a house, but a cosy home which can only be provided when both husband and wife pull the wagon of life forward with united effort.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Regards.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>

The article by itself is partial ;) then

sunkan,
It is seen from a man's point of view...but it is true....atleast for the sacrifices he undergoes.( as mentioned in the post)..he must be respected for it....no use of feeling guilty later on...

sriniketan

Originally Posted by dolorcosta

Dear Venugopal/Sunkan

You have come up with an interesting subject. The gender differences are an age old phenomena probably commencing from the caveman era. In those rather clear cut, days gender roles were apparently clearly understood. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
By virtue of his physical prowess Man was the “Provider” and possibly his fearsome hirsute appearance resulted him being also the “Protector”. The female of the species being less daunting in physical appearance and also being biologically endowed with the appropriate anatomical resources ,did well in doing what no man could emulate, namely participating in the active end of the process of childbirth and child rearing. <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Nothing really wrong with this system, if that is actually what nature ordained, since Mother Nature always seems to know what is best.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
However today’s problems seem to be arising out of a misconception of gender roles, since the good old days of caveman clarity have also disappeared. Today we are faced with a situation where a woman can say to her man-whatever you can do, so can I and possibly I can do it better.<o:p></o:p>
We have actually observed cases of total role reversal in society. A brief analysis indicates the following factors may be responsible for this:<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
1. Breakdown of Joint family system:<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
In this system, the Elder males were always around, commanding respect from the female members such as wives, daughters and daughters-in-law and it was a tradition to homour and respects the male elders. The men provided, and the women kept house. However as society evolved and nuclear families became the norm of the day, these niceties disappeared and the total unconditional respect for the male was the first casualty.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
2. Educational developments<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Probably the biggest difference that society has undergone in its transition from the Stone Age era is that civilization has been established through progressive education. Today’s educated woman is unwilling to just accept male domination, simply because her mother or grandma did so. The modern woman questions and will accept an argument only if it seems reasonable enough.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
3. Economic factors:<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
With the increasing cost of living, women need to work in order support the family .The rising expenses of day to day living have forced several women to look for jobs to augment the family income. Thus the last male bastion of being the sole “Provider” has crumbled. Im sure many of you know cases where the wife earns more than the husband. Literally, the husbands can no loner claim authority on the basis of being the sole breadwinner of the family. <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
4. Equal employment <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Many work places offer equal employment opportunities. Simply put, there is equal pay and facilities for both men and women. Women working in such establishments must certainly perceive themselves as literally equal to the men.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
5.Overseas opportunities <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Many Families that have migrated to the West or other developed countries, must live by the social codes prevalent in those societies. In their new adopted homes their mindset will change and they will break away from traditional myths that they are fed on back home, regarding male supremacy. This in itself is a great leveller.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
If the above factors are sufficient to break the male/female divide and we consider that men and women are equal, still the balance will be in favour of the women. Apart being the joint breadwinner, she also sets up and maintains the home and is irreplaceable when it comes to childbirth and child rearing. The emotional bonds that she shares with her family and the values that she instills in the children is indeed praiseworthy.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Having said that, it is also the mother’s duty to make the children respect the father and properly educate them about his indispensable role in the family. Children need not just a house, but a cosy home which can only be provided when both husband and wife pull the wagon of life forward with united effort.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Regards.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>

dear dolor,
here the man says it all he is unable to come forward to comfort and i think that is equally important for a man to be able to hug his child and forget the mantle of father hood as the child grows and let him see the weakness to but not to advantage but to interact better, aren't we as woman more apt in accommodating our roles with all those extra work aren't we more flexible and are able to reach a lot many things, the inbuilt emotional contribution from us is natural.

may be because we feed the child with affection when the man is unable to sit down, though he has been in the receiving end, of an affection as such...sunkan

Originally Posted by Nandshyam

The article by itself is partial ;) then

it is a man's view point so it would be partial that is why i brought it here to be filled and made full and not take the biased attitude..sunkan

Originally Posted by Sriniketan

sunkan,
It is seen from a man's point of view...but it is true....atleast for the sacrifices he undergoes.( as mentioned in the post)..he must be respected for it....no use of feeling guilty later on...

sriniketan

dear srini,
here i dont think he is seeking respect alone but the attention of the children all go away to mother he says, if a father can take the child in the front bar to a near by park i am sure they would reach out to him and would love to get knowledge, thandaiyodu kalvi poghum they say and very true however much a woman strive and get all the information still a simple presentation sometime from the man is easily understood by the children...sunkan

Dear Sunkan mam,

I agree with the post of Mr.Venugopal.My dad did everything to me what he has mentioned in the post, and its quite true when I did a mistake my mom used to say wait when dad comes I willl complain abt u,My poor dad he comes tiringly and when my mom says that ur daughter did this and that ,My dad used to scold me.I dont have any complain on my mom,even though he scolded me I am very close to him....

Its true normally Men lack showing their affection as compred to women.They do everyhting but sometimes we fail to recognise them they love us in their hearts...
Mom expresses love by cooking what we expect,dad loves us by bringing our favourite choclate.I remember those days when I come home after my college frustrated,their I find cool and fresh pomogranate seeds ready in the fridge removed so patiently by my dad when he comes for the lunch....I love u dad...
But we cant ignore the fact Mom and dad are always different in showing their affections..

Hugs,
dg.

Originally Posted by dream.girl

Dear Sunkan mam,

I agree with the post of Mr.Venugopal.My dad did everything to me what he has mentioned in the post, and its quite true when I did a mistake my mom used to say wait when dad comes I willl complain abt u,My poor dad he comes tiringly and when my mom says that ur daughter did this and that ,My dad used to scold me.I dont have any complain on my mom,even though he scolded me I am very close to him....

Its true normally Men lack showing their affection as compred to women.They do everyhting but sometimes we fail to recognise them they love us in their hearts...
Mom expresses love by cooking what we expect,dad loves us by bringing our favourite choclate.I remember those days when I come home after my college frustrated,their I find cool and fresh pomogranate seeds ready in the fridge removed so patiently by my dad when he comes for the lunch....I love u dad...
But we cant ignore the fact Mom and dad are always different in showing their affections..

Hugs,
dg.

yes dg,
very true how can we forget especially girls, sometime in my life my mom got jealous with my attention to my dad, he was my hero i used to cook so many different things just to impress him, but here i feel this mr venugopal seems to have failed to express physically which is also very important yes my girl and a pat on the back, i remember both my dad encouraged me no end saying i could do it, and i learnt a lot from both my mother too, one was very very courageous and one is a silent pataka she will never open her mouth but would get things done in silence, so got both the qualities but i can never be silent though i retaliate immediately, i cant take things lying down when it is wrong..sunkan