OF CHOICES TO WOMEN, BY Rama Rao Garimella

OF CHOICES TO WOMEN.
Most of us have no choice in selecting our parents, colour, race, date and place of birth, sex and type of children and many other things. Fortunately we have a choice of selecting our life partner. Even this choice is denied to most of the girls who settle down with the person selected by their parents in an arranged marriage.
With advance of time the arranged marriages yielded some place to Love marriages which provided all the choices to the girls. The arranged marriages including the Internet marriages gave little or no option to the girls as the selection of the boy still depended upon her father’s ability to meet the various demands of the groom and his party. The demands or requirements limited the choice of parents and the girl is put through the ordeal of being interviewed by some boys who find some fault or other with the persona of the girl or the financial status of the girl’s parents. When finally one fellow either out of pity or practical considerations gives his consent the girl left with no other choice accepts to take him as her lawful wedded husband. Although different from what it was in the old days it is not a very encouraging scenario even now.
A new and worse form of marriage called forced marriage and “honour violence” has come into vogue. The victims of this type of marriage and honour violence (which seems to me like an oxymoron) have roots in South Asia generally, although prevalent in some other countries also to a lesser extent. With victims among Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs and Christians it does not appear to be related to religion but tradition and the strange idea that a family’s honour rests on the shoulders of the women.
These forced marriages are very common amongst the South Asian families living in UK. The girls are married off to someone selected by the parents before the girls under the influence of their westernised peers go astray, exercise their option and select a person of different colour, creed caste or region. The modus operandi of the parents in these marriages is to take the girl to the country of their origin when the girl is still young and in her teens and arrange a marriage for the unsuspecting girl with a local boy. The only way for the girl to get back to UK is by getting pregnant and thereafter sponsoring her husband. Till then she is subjected to honour violence euphuism for rape. How there can be honour in violence?
In UK the Indian community drawn from the former British colonies lives a ghetto life generally confining themselves to their community and the marriage of girls is a major issue in these communities. The girls are forced into marriages against their wishes often. Even when the marriages are conducted with the consent of the girl the man of the species continues his gallivanting and does not provide any space for the woman to grow on her own. After the birth of a few children they are treated like door mats or pieces of furniture and taken for granted. The women take all this in their stride and maintain a facade of a happy family while dying thousand deaths within. Any girl/woman who crosses the line and breaks out on her own is looked at with disdain and considered a soft target for amorous attacks by men.
If the life of the women living in liberated societies like UK and exposed day in and day out to the concepts of freedom and choices in various matters one can imagine the life of women in India living constantly under the jackboot of the man of the species called husband. One can only feel sympathy for them. The conditions under which some Indian women function even in USA also leave something to be desired.
Fortunately the modern women in India are getting articulate and street smart mainly due to the increased levels of education and employment opportunities. The women’s’ rights organisations are growing in strength and women have been demanding equality and various other things like fair treatment. These demands are percolating to the lower strata of the society also.
The latest demand of women is for “romance” even after giving birth to children. Some girls early in their life break loose from their traditional moorings and drift into uncharted waters. Some modern girls tease and flirt and tread that fine line between tramp and tease flaunting enough just to make men feel that they were giving it away free yet training their eyes to show what her body would not deliver until she was married of course. As they grow up, get married and mother the children of their husbands the disillusionment starts. They refuse to be treated as pieces of furniture and are demanding romance like what they got during the engagement and initial period of marriage; the wooing and cooing sweet nothings.
With growing economic independence the modern women are even thinking of breaking the shackles of marriage and seeking romance all over again. They do not want their options to be closed and consigned/condemned to live with the same man for the rest of their lives. One intrepid lady even coined a word “Smelly socks Syndrome” as the girls evolve from a pretty young thing to a bride then to a mother and finally to nothing. The monotony of life thereafter leads to this syndrome it seems.
Fortunately she admits in the same breath that when the husband of 15 years begins romancing her the woman giggles. This lady believes “that apathy, emotional negligence and boredom in a marriage are going to stir up a small revolution of sorts.” She wants men not to trivialise the need of middle aged women for romance, take it seriously and treat the women as pretty young things again and start the cycle all over again. Alternatively she wants women to be given an option to break free and seek romance elsewhere. Is this what women really want?
I don’t think so. What says you?

HE IS A MEMBER HERE BUT STILL SHY WHAT SAY U ABT THIS ARTICLE OF HIS..SUNKAN

Bravo Sister!!!!
I trully agree with you. When we look into our scriptures we read about how Bhagwan had no racial,financial discrimination yet we want our daughters to marry so and so from so and so town who has so and so background! Is that marriage or a transaction?
I live in Lewisville TX and some time in Jan. a father who was a muslim killed his 2 daughters and fled because they had friends who were of other race yet he is married to a european woman! Another one killed his daughter for not putting on a hijab!
I feel that honor of a family is heightened when 2 families from different backgorunds can rejoice and potray unity among human beings after all if we go back to one of the fundamental principles of Hinduism -reincarnation then how do you know what caste you were in your previous birth? What if the very person that you are refusing to accept is related to your family in a previous birth?
Life is too short. In my opinion people should be given the choice to choose who they want to spend the rest of their lives with.Yes, parents are the best guardians but let the choice be of the young girl.

nice post i wil agree with u ...

Dear Sunkan,
Dear Kukula,

Very interesting reading your posts.

Just thought of saying here that we have done precisely that with both

our daughters......left them to make their own choices.

Both of them are married to foreigners : one is American and the other is Irish !

We are really blessed to have such affectionate sons-in-law .

Last summer vacation they organised a trip for both of us to visit Ireland and

the US....we had a grand trip thanks to their efforts.

They'll be coming over this July/August and we are counting the days from

now already.

It is always a good policy to be flexible and adapt to a changing world

.....we can all be happy together instead of being miserable together !!

Ofcourse some of our elderly relatives find it hard to understand our views

but as far as we were concerned our children's happiness was our priority not

some rigid rules of socio-religios significance to some people.


Our motto has been "LIVE HAPPILY AND LET LIVE HAPPILY" !!


Warm regards
PAULINA