Apasthamba Sutra Marriage Rituals

Nangainallur Rajarajeshwari Temple has published one book by name
"Apasthamba sutra marriage rituals" This book contains in detail why
and how we conduct a vedic marriage.

VedAs take a humanistic approach to life . An individual's relation
to his or her own family is dwelt at length in the VedAs . The
relationship between man and woman , the parents and the children are
taken very seriously by VedAs , since it ties in very closely wiht
the health and well being of Society and the preservation of DharmA .
The need to develop social consciousness with the family as an
elemental unit of society is very important one taught by the
Vedaas . Material civilization generates a lot of wealth , but is
found wanting in social consciousness and a dharmic way of life
strssing one's obligation to the different members of society .DharmA
encompasses " the entire gamut of life ". Pursuit of a dhArmic way of
life elaborated by Sruthis and SaasthrAs creates a sound
infrastructure to build a sound and stable society that enjoys all
the benefits of a higher order of civilization .



The MAN-TO-WOMAN relationship is one of the most important subject
dealt with by the VedAs instructing us on how to build a sound and
stable society , where righteousness prevails .VedAs show a keen
interest in the unity of man and woman and spells out their duties ,
responsibuilities and rights .GeethAchAryan elaborates them further .
They point out the important role of women in building a fair ,
stable and just scoiety .Satapatha BrahmaNA passage states
unblushingly that only woman fulfills the purposes of human life . It
extolls the divine aspect of women and declares that women are the
embodiment of Sri Devi (SriyA vA yEthath rUpam yathA patnaya:).


The modern women may not be familiar with the high status given to
women in our religious world and its scriptures. Contrary to the
popular belief that VedAs deny freedom to women , it stresses the
underlying duty and THE RIGHTS of WOMEN , while focusing on the
stability of the family as a unit , which then strengthens the
society .

It is in this context , Vedic thought gave ample room for a personal
God to be conceived as divinty in male or female form .Vedic Gods
like Ushas (dawn ) are adoringly saluted by the manthrams of Ushas
sUktham in Rg Vedam .There are many Rishi pathnis and wives, who have
been equally revered in PurANAs ( AnusUyA , Kausalya , Damayanthi ,
Saavithri et al).




Dampathi niyamas given in Dharma sindhu are many:

I will summarize important ones here relevant in this age:

1. Peace should reign in house.

2. All anger and ego from which matrimonial disputes emnate must be
submitted to Divine mother.

3. Sexual niyamas are to be practiced and union must be had for
begtting spiritual children or for practicing in privacy tantric
rituals(properly inittaed by some advanced tantric adept for
gruhasthas alone) alone.Proper and auspicious time must also be seen
for this.

4. Wife should consider her husband as Guru and her shiva and her
husband must consider his wife as His shakthi and also divine mother
and give due respect to her by not behaving in an arrogant or upmanly
way.




5. Wife should be a sahadharmacharini in all what husband does and
should not come as an obstacle to his spirituality rather must
actively participate and do japas and pujas in a combined fashion.

6. The lady of the house plays an important role in not just feeding
or educating moral values to her children but also to mould their
charecter in totality.

7. Progeny must be sought actively for vamshavridhhi and
adhyaatmachaitanya of the world.(One child who is spiritual will
shine the light of god int many houses than a hundred children. Also,
no difference should be sought here between a son and a daughter.For
vedic karma reasons son is sought but in the case of a daughter alone
certain vedic injunctions provide for a remedy. One should not curse
the lady of the house for not begetting sons as is wont in India.
This is a papa both to the lady and the girl-child).

8. In Bhagavata you will see that Rsabhadeva says that `One should
not become the spiritual master, one should not become the father,
one should not become the mother, one should not become the husband,
who cannot give relief from these miseries of material existence.' It
is the husband's duty also. Because the wife is under the care,love
and emotional protection of the husband, he has got so much
responsibility. This you must understand this does not mean that you
should force your wife to pray the gods you pray or do what you do.
There must be meanigful spaces between a husband and wife.



(How do I say all these? from mere texts?...no! I have been married
very recently (and two kids recently)and am talking from my
experience)

9. Never fight before your children and whatever misunderstandings
you might have seek a spiritual solution for that by putting the plea
before Paradevatha.

10.A fallen husband is one who is addicted to the four principles
of sinful activity--namely illicit sex, meat-eating, gambling and
intoxication. Specifically, if one is not a soul surrendered to the
Supreme Personality of Amba, he is understood to be contaminated.
Thus a chaste woman is advised not to agree to serve such a husband.
It is not that a chaste woman should be like a slave while her
husband is narAdhama, the lowest of men.
Giving up the association of her husband does not mean,however, that
a woman should marry again and thus indulge in a subtle form of
prostitution. If a chaste woman unfortunately marries a husband who
is fallen, she should live separately from him. Similarly, a husband
can separate himself from a woman who is not chaste according to the
description of the shastra and remain a celebate.(Always rules in
Vedas are for both husband and wife and not just one person. Thus
equality of sexes was maintained).



11.Vedam describes the wife to be the best friend of the husband AT
ALL TIMES. The Vedic obligations are recognized as SamAna (equally
moving ) , since married men and women move freely in society in
pursuit of their complimentary duties , VedAs and Manu Smruthi
vividly describe the responsibilities of women in the house as
yajamAnis . The importance of women in the economic aspect of the
family is fully emphasized and asks men to give the women the
responsibility of looking after the family budget .Similarly ,
maintianing family tradition and strengthening the spiritual affairs
of the family is entrusted with the women . IN THE EYE OF THE VEDAS ,
WOMEN AND MEN ARE EQUALLY IMPORTANT.

12. In the early years of marriage , love has a sexual importance.
But with the advancement of years, it mellows into a great attachment
and affection . No one can disturb this mutual love. Marriage is not
made for sexual purpose , BUT FOR A REAL UNITED LIFE .... The VedAs
say that the wife is the only friend of her husband....Their
comradeship is strengthened by day-to-day movements .She never claims
superiority over her husband and she is never treated as inferior by
her husband.She is the mistress of the house .... She is a real
friend and closely follows her husband in the good and bad of
domestic life and takes keen interest in his welfare.She also advises
him at times. Smruthi following the direction given by the Vedas
states clearly that it is the duty of a wife to correct the mistake
of her husband.

13. The Vedic wife also takes care of guests who come to the house
and their welfare like a mother and follows the vedic injunction as
in "AThithi devO bhavA".

14. Other niyamas like maintanance of purity during periods (menses)
etc should be followed.




15. According to the VedAs , women are more intelligent than men
(i.e) she is a purandhi.In AsvanEdhA , there is a prayer that women
must be " purandhi". By that term , Women's superior intelligence is
indicated. " According to the VedAs , Woman is a karma yogi . She
does duty for duty's sake.She sacrifices her individual pleasure and
pain and serves the family . The early life of all children depend on
the care of the mother. She brings them up as intelligent and pious
ones . The stability of her integrity is brought out in one MantrA ,
which points out that women are to be strong as a rock in the family
so that the family can survive . Her integrity not only keeps the
family in a high order , but it overcomes all enemies as well ".She
is the queen of her husband's house .She maintains the customs and
traditions of the house strictly , with vigilance .The house may be
built by bricks and wood , but it is not the real house.In fact , the
wife is only the real house. VedAs never confine a woman to the
house.Many brilliant women have reached out with their husbands and
attained a spiritual status equal to or higher than that of their
husbands , who are revered as Manthra dhrushtAs of the various Veda
Manthrams

16. The names of the women Rishis (RishikAs or Lady seers ) are
etched in the annals of the Veda manthrams .None of the Rishis or the
Rishi pathnis are recognized as the composers of the Veda manthrAs ,
but as samhithAkarthAs , who assisted in the collection of the Veda
manthrams thru the power to "see " them as manthra dhrushtAs .
Angirasa , Gautama , VasishtA , ViswAmithrA , Bhrugu , Athri ,
Marici , KasyapA , AgasthyA and BharadhvAjaa belong to the rich set
of Rishis in this category . Every Veda manthram has a Rishi or
RishikA , Chandas and DevathA . We invoke them prior to the recitaion
of the individual mathrAs of the different VedAs . Each of these
Rishis have a distinguished wife well versed in scholarship , AchAram
and anushtAnam . These rishikAs or Lady Seers took an important part
in SamaadhikaraNam . YajnavalkyA' s wife and her tight questioning of
her husband gave birth to a great Upanishad . There are abundant
reference to the RishikAs in the Tenth Canto of Rg Vedam besides the
other Cantos.



17. LopamudhrA is one such RishikA as the wife of AgasthyA , known
for his command over Sanskrit and Tamil. The meaning of the
word "LopamudhrA " is one , who is totaly absorbed in herself (i-e).,
she is one of the BrahmavAdhini RshikAs.Two manthrAs of the Rg Vedam
( Canto I.179.1-2) are attributed to her .
RoamasA the wife of SvanyA , VisvavArA belonging to the Athri
family , AangirasI Sarasvathi of Angirasa family , ApAlA of the Athri
family , YamI Vaivasvathi , SraddhA , Vasukra pathni , GhOshA ,
SooryA , IndrANi , Urvasi , Sarama , Joohu , VagAmbhruNi and PoulOmi
Sachi are well known RshikAs , who are revered and are associated
with individual Rg Veda ManthrAs.

18. Also, the lady of the house should respect one's inlaws as her
own father and mother. Most of the matrimonial fights start in this
area.And the man of the house should treat his inlaws(the father ad
mother of his wife) like his own father and mother.(Many a
dissatisfied woman in this group have emailed me their sufferings in
this regard.)

19.Sexual relationship is also very essential part of a vedic marriage. You
might peruse some good books(not pornography/ bluefilms/ adultfilms) on
the subject for a proper consummation.
http://www.authorho use.com/BookStor e/ItemDetail~ bookid~44319. aspx
You may try the book : "Vedic Sexual Code: Enjoy a Complete and
Fulfilling Relationship With Your Lover"
for an interesting view on the subject.

20.In our religion the man-wife relationship is not concerned with
the mundane alone. It serves the Atman as well as the good of
mankind. In other religions too marriages are conducted, say, in a
church. But ideal of marriage is not as lofty as ours(Unless done
with Jesus/Ishanatha/ God/Joshua as a true witness and with religious
and spiritual fervor). The purpose of marriage in our religion is to
purify the husband further and to impact the wife fully as his
devoted and self-effacing companion. There is no such high purpose in
the marriage of other religion. In other countries the man-woman
relationship is akin to a family or social contract. Here it is an
Atman connection. But this very connection is a means of
disconnection also - of freeing the Atman, the self, from the bondage
of worldly existence. There is no room for divorce in it. Even to
think of it is sinful.

21.The three objectives of a samskara of so elevated a character as
marriage. The first is to unite a man with a helpmate after he has
completed the study of Vedas. This helpmate is expected not only to
run his household but assist him in the practice of the Vedic dharma.
The second is to bring forth into this world children of noble
outlook and character who are to be heirs to the great Vedic
tradition, citizens of the future who will be the source of happiness
in this world. The third is to create a means for women to be freed
from worldly existence. A man who is not yet fully mature inwardly is
assisted in his karma by his wife. By doing so, by being totally
devoted to her husband, she achieves maturity to a degree greater
than he does. The fourth objective is the subordination of sensual
gratification to the other three.

We have forgotten the first three important objectives. All that
remains is the fourth, the enjoyment of carnal pleasure. If people
heed in respect of the noble ideals of marriage as taught in the
sastras a way will open out to them for their inner advancement.

May Sarvamangala Rajarajeshwari Ambal bless them!
May she bless you both with her sacred graces!



My hearty congratulations on your recent matrimony and may all weal
be to you!

AnO-bhadrAha- kratavO-yantu- viswatahA:

Dear Sunkan,
Mangalakaramaana post.
Very useful informations about the details of marriage and meanings of rituals.
Love
Meena

Originally Posted by meenakrishnan

Dear Sunkan,
Mangalakaramaana post.
Very useful informations about the details of marriage and meanings of rituals.
Love
Meena

thanku meena,
am happy ur here first ..that makes a lot more different..sunkan