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Will You Mistake For This? Ur Opinions Pls...

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Sweety82, Aug 16, 2017.

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  1. Aug 16, 2017 #1
    Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    This is just a mere discussion to know all of ur experiences friends! OK take a situation as an example. In this case, whether u r married or unmarried, have kids or not, whatever be ur status don't worry. Have u had any unpleasant experience with ur friends family during your visit at their place? For example, if u r in USA, one of ur friends invites you to spend some good time in their house. You are going there with ur husband or family. So u r in few hrs drive from their place OK? U have landed there. That friend invites u and u all have a nice time. But the problem is u r hungry but she just gives u coffee and she is just talking, and talking. U r getting irritated bcoz u r hungry. Ur friend or take it, a known person doesn't bother to cook and she just finishes her time with u with just a coffee or a very small snack like biscuit. Now time comes for you to leave. So u and ur husband are leaving and feel bad about it. So the incident may be similar to above or something related. Did you face any situation like that. The friend doesn't even think about offering you some food and send u in empty stomach. Will u really mistake for this greet or take it casually? Do you have experience with those kind of people. Can you share ur experiences and expectations? Do you think that such kind of people exist. Because my friend faced similar situation where she was invited and offered nothing and she went back home with not even coffee or tea. I couldn't even know how to console her. She believed that friend but I don't know why she did like that. She talked very well the whole day but has not offered anything. My friend came at her place at 4-5 hrs drive.
     
    Sweety82, Aug 16, 2017
    Sweety82, Aug 16, 2017
    #1
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  2. Aug 16, 2017 #2
    kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    If she just gives you coffee and keeps talking then it means no food.
    Take leave from their home and go eat something.

    However, sometimes people forget and keep talking; give them the benefit of the doubt. It could be a honest mistake from the joy of having company.
    Then ask jovially - there are so many ways to tell in friendly ways. Avoid sarcasm and and anger.

    However, if this repeats, depending on how close your friendship is, either tell her jokingly every time and get food, or plan on eating something outside before or after visiting the friend.

    It is our expectations that we place on others that disappoints us.
     
    kkrish, Aug 16, 2017
    kkrish, Aug 16, 2017
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  3. Aug 16, 2017 #3
    Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes u r correct. Iam like, usually I start with some food. Then I won't expect because we may not know about the person who invite you. And I won't depend and I will try to maintain. If time has gone talking, slowly I will leave(escape..he he ) . On the way, I will enjoy some food in the outlet. I told her that if Iam her, I will slowly leave stating some reason.
     
    Sweety82, Aug 16, 2017
    Sweety82, Aug 16, 2017
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  4. Aug 16, 2017 #4
    Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    After someone has driven 4-5 hrs to see me the least I can do is provide a decent meal. It's not about expectations , it's basic compassion and common sense. How difficult is it to bake samosas with tea or open those damn haldiram ( palm oil fried) snacks . If one is too busy to cook, I would order takeout or go out for lunch or dinner.
    Everyone has access to food these days, so it's not about the food but the thought.
     
    Sandycandy, Aug 16, 2017
    Sandycandy, Aug 16, 2017
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  5. Aug 16, 2017 #5
    kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    It certainly is the thought.
    However, the onus of the thought falls on the host.
    As guests, we have no control over their thought.
    So the best option, knowing our host from a couple of experiences, is to learn not to place expectations on him/her. That was what I meant.
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2017
    kkrish, Aug 16, 2017
    kkrish, Aug 16, 2017
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  6. Aug 16, 2017 #6
    Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Wise words.

    Reminds me of a recent incident. We were invited to a dinner party. We got to know these folks through our kids and meet them for dinner at restaurants every other month but this was the first time they invited us home. They are aware that my husband is vegetarian. When we got there we discovered that they had prepared 3 meat dishes. That was it. No dal. No vegetables. Not even a salad. My husband had curd rice for dinner. The hostess admitted she couldn't remember for sure but instead of erring on the side of caution, she threw caution to the wind. :smile: Strangely, we weren't offended. We had a nice evening despite the snafu. My husband is the most unassuming, 'live and let live' kind of guy I know. It is hard to be mad when the affected party is so cool about it! Some people are just bad hosts but that doesn't mean they are bad friends or even bad people. Don't mistake social ineptitude for a deliberate slight.

    And yes, ask. Instead of stewing inside, ask, and 99% of the time you will be pleasantly surprised. People allow assumptions and insecurities to fill in the blanks in their minds, and ruin relationships. A little humor and tact can help you put the message across without bruising any egos.
     
    Gauri03, Aug 16, 2017
    Gauri03, Aug 16, 2017
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  7. Aug 17, 2017 #7
    jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    Reading this I am reminded of times when I forgot to offer anything to drink. I am a good host and I offer a lot of food. But I forget to offer water/juice most of the time. I would definitely have an unopened juice /soda. at home we don't have the habit of drinking water /juice with food. Either it is 1/2 hr before or an hour after meals. So my guests usually ask me for water and it wouldbe a :facepalm: :facepalm:moment for me.
     
    jskls, Aug 17, 2017
    jskls, Aug 17, 2017
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  8. Aug 17, 2017 #8
    kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks @Gauri03
    Your words are wise ones too.
    Many years ago I read this quote on having "class". I keep a copy of it on my fridge, one on my work desk. They are my value statements.

    One of the lines is:
    "Class has a sense of humor. It knows that a good laugh is the best lubricant for oiling the machinery of human relations."
    You and your husband certainly are perfect examples.
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2017
    kkrish, Aug 17, 2017
    kkrish, Aug 17, 2017
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  9. Aug 17, 2017 #9
    Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    :clap2::clap2: You are a great person kkrish. I bet you have great relations with everyone, not only just friends. You just stated a big truth of life and the easiest way to avoid conflicts in general. :worship2: I am not so understanding as you are, maybe I can be your life skills student too:crybaby2::smiley:
     
    Naari, Aug 17, 2017
    Naari, Aug 17, 2017
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  10. Aug 17, 2017 #10
    Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for the input ladies ! I think @Gauri03 and @jskls had similar experience. My friend got really upset as she offered a good tiffin for her pal when she visited her. Different people hmmmm!
     
    Sweety82, Aug 17, 2017
    Sweety82, Aug 17, 2017
    #10
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