Marriage Is A Gamble

" Marriage is a gamble " - my mother's words . She always says this.That's what drew me to your post. And after being married myself and having seen other marriages , I totally believe this .
The article is a true depiction of the institution of marriage in India. I used to work in a hospital in not so affluent region in India . Many women opened up during the course of the treatment . Most came from not - so " rich" families and neither were they highly educated . But having listened to them , I found that some were truly happy in their homes and others were not . And this article throws light on educated, career women who despite their elevated stays in life which comes with education and jobs still suffer abuses of different kinds.
IMO, it's everything to do with " log Kya kahengey " thinking of India which is making women stay back . If only we can rise above that. Marriages were never perfect even in the earliest of times but then , women didn't have the means to support themselves either. Now ,when a man and woman are equal when it comes to education and career , why do women still get held back in a sorry marriage is beyond me.Things are changing but not at a pace appreciable .

 

True. I have seen some cases where woman don’t get to decide what she needs to do with her money, inspite of her financial dependence. What to do in such cases? If she goes against her husband then she will be tortured physically / emotionally. Separation may not be the option always, especially if they have kids

 

From Narayan's article, one can be sure that the book would be a long-winded process to get to what everybody knows, i.e., the proverbial "Bears poop in the woods". A thing that happens, and everybody strongly suspects it already.

But, I am sure it has to be said, in a book form. The more such books come out, the better for at least the book reading teenagers. Unmarried girls and married girls who are TTC are never allowed to be in a birthing room; the shock of it all might put them off sex altogether. Perhaps books like this would have more girls know what are the possibilities (the worst case scenarios) in a marriage.

 

The exact word used for marriage by my mother was " Jua " . It's like everybody is dealt their set of cards and then they play to the best of their capabilities but what hand one shall be dealt is all on luck . So yes , marriage is everything - gamble ( jua ) ,kismet or lottery . Every body plays it , some are dealt excellent cards , some fair and some the worst ones .

 

So what do you (IL'ites) think about those who choose to have kids even before they realize whether they won the lottery or otherwise?

 

Agree . Be it a book or first hand experience , women who walk into a marriage knowing the problems associated with it curb their expectations . A junior colleague of mine had witnessed one of her cousins in their joint family dealing with a not so happy marriage . This girl told me as a matter of fact that husbands are usually as such - " they make the lives of women difficult " and hence , she never had much expectations from marriage itself . My own younger sister seems to have imbibed a lot seeing me disturbed with my own marital issues.I , on the other hand , had seen only one married couple - my parents . They seemed happy together - having all the components of a good marriage ( I know this is my version of their marriage , not my mom's or my dad's) .I based my expectations totally on that ( my mistake ) . Had I been exposed more to all kinds of joys and sorrows a marriage might bring, my own expectations would have largely differed .

 

What do YOU think ?​

 

30k for emi when the take home is 40k and then wondering what went wrong