Looking back

Wow, Agatha dear you have narrated so well about your life journey after marriage. Will write about mine also later as I am busy with my daughters and grand daughters but seeing your post with no fb I could not but give fb to this beautiful post and now I am going to nominate it. Your earlier thread also I have not gone through yet.All your threads are well written and I admire your writing skill

 

Agatha Mam,

Another one of your nice snippets, I can visualize the village.

It took me to the time of my immediate married life, a situation which is very different to every person and memories are beautiful with all the happiness and sorrows both engraved in our brains and hearts forever.

Thanks for rekindling my memories as well.
Vaidehi

 

Dear Agatha,
A fine narration of events, that touches hearts.In our way of life,only the girl is required to move from her parents to unknown destination.The first time one moves into MIL's place is a thing to remember in everyone's life ,but it blooms with fragrance in the hands of a good writer like Agatha.
My experience was totally different.I was already brought up in a joint family and know how the village people cook, clean the oven with cow dung etc.
The next day after marriage I was taken to my MIl's father's place in a remote village.My FIL died even when my husband was just 6, and MIL moved into her father's place with her 3 children.
MIl's father was a retired conservator of forests, knew so many languages and a strict disciplinarian.
He had less than normal vision yet dominated as the head of the family.
He asked me to come near him and listen to him carefully.he started'in our families men simple earn.it is for the women to be economical and save money for the future".
He gave me a match stick containing a single match stick.I was asked to light a firewood oven with the help of a single match stick.I was not supposed to light a candle or earthen lamp with the flame.
I never expected this test.All the college exams, sahitya parishad and Hindi prachara sabha exams in which I turned out in flying colours were nothing before the command of this grand old man.Butterfies started kicking in my stomach.

But I pretended to be very brave and sought 10 mts time.I went back yards collected some garbage pprs, dry coconut leaves and coconut fibres and some kutty kutty coal pieces lying everywhere.I first lighted the match stick, showed the flame to the dirty pps, meanwhile introduced coconut fibres, small pieces of charcoal pieces and twigs.Within mts the fire was ready take further fuels( firewood) As it was summer, all the materials were dry and caught fire and I was successful in lighting the oven with a single match stick.Some 15 women wearing madisar sarees were surrounding me with grand father in the middle standing like a jawan spervising the nervous endeavour of the new vadhu.My MIl was totally against this practice and feared that this would create a wrong impression in the minds of the bride about her in-law's house. But grandpa never listened.But it was a successful venture.There were possibilities that I had totally failed.
But my grandfather felt that this was the test to verify whether the new bahu is economical enough.
Later after a few months I had questioned my Grandpa how he could judge a DIl with this teat.Even if she passed, she might be an extra vagant girl.My grandpa replied'It is not the passing or failing but the willingness to take the step is more important.Three years back my sister-in -law who stepped into the house as a city brought up girl had started weeping bitterly and hidden herself into the bed room.
After two days women of the house took me to the river.I was supposed to wear half the saree in my body, wash the other half, then wear the washed half and wash the unwashed portion.It should be done in a such swift manner that our body parts are not exposed to others standing with us. People who are used to taking bath inside the bath room may not be able to handle the situation.
Though I have many more instances to narrate these two are fresh in my mind.With all these things thatha ,patti, MIl were very good hearted people and my MIl ,with all her most orthodox habits was a great guru for me and she was a friend,philosopher and
guide and was of great moral support in all the critical situations I faced.
First impression need not be the best impression.

jayasala 42

 

Dear Agatha,
After reading your snippet we also dwell in the past and think of our first journey after marriage. From the way you described it we can visuavalise it.

In fact I have written my autobiography for the benefit of our children and grandchildren so that they would come to know the trials and tribulations we underwent. I have even shared many important incidents in our life in IL.

We also had faced a situation like you are going through now with your mother as my mother in law had the same problem. By God's Grace we were able to manage with our children's' co-operation.

PS

 

Dear Agatha, what a fine piece of writing! Enjoyed the visuals that your writing conjured up before my eyes. Could almost smell the roses and see the hibuscus. Must have been heart wrenching to part with good neighbours as well as a garden grown with so much love and care.

 

After marriageSo when I was going to enter my husband's house for palum pazhamum there was a surprise for me. I never knew that my husband was staying in a chawl , my brother and sis in law had told me because they wanted to keep it as a surprise. When I was entering the colony everyone was standing out side their house to welcome the new bride. When we were going to enter our house I noticed that it was a chawl. I was staying in a flat before marriage so was not used to staying in a chawl. I had 8 sisters in law and 3 brothers in law. My eldest sister n law while coming in the train told me these poeple are not so responsible in taking care of things , so you should take care. Next day my eldest brother in law was shouting for something to his nephew and got so worried. My husband told me that I should give respect and earn a good name from my eldest brother in law. The toilet was outside and I fel todd to go to the toilet with water in hand. So I used to go after going to office only. In our house my mother in law, my brother in law and two nephews were there with us. When I used to come from office the men used to be in the kitchen and I used to feel very odd because I had not seen in my house men in the kitchen. They were not finacially well off. There was no chair, table or cupboard So from the contribution I got from the office which was Rs. 500/- I got a steel cupboard till now I am using that cupboard. Then I got Rs.100/- special gift from office and I bought a chair, table and an easy chair. Slowly only we grew up and could buy our own house. There are so many things to write but though thre were problems I managed somehow and enjoyed in my husband's family and earned a good name fro m everyone. My eldest brother in law was strict person and everone was scared to talk to him but glad I could win a good name from him

 

Dear @Agatha83

It is a beautiful narration of an event that happens in every bride's life. Leaving comfort of mother's care and dreams, to an exiting and challenging new beginning of a new life with new people in a new role!

The way you have pictured the village, the lonely nights, the beautiful garden, the supportive neighbors and your fare welling all of them, leaves me with a heart full of appreciation for you as a person and writer.

Just a lovely reminiscence that provokes every reader into an inward journey into the past!