Just A Vent

As I mentioned in my earlier post my in laws are here .. mil was behaving better then last time she came here.dh was normal too. For Holi.. I was on my period one day before holi and since we don’t do puja during periods and also don’t offer anything to god made by a women on her period, I asked my mil in front of dh what to do next day for puja and asked her to made something for prasad or to offer to God as I am on my period and won’t be able to do that . She said nothing to do .. I asked her again that don’t we offer food to god on holi .. she said grand maa will do puja in India so no need to do it here .. she is 90 year old living in India now with one of her other son not even in our home now. I again asked her so from now onwards whatever you are doing in India we don’t need to do that here, right. For that she said yes. I hurt badly. Few months earlier she celebrated Diwali at bils home nicely.. making all the sevories and sweets. Now she is telling me this. Even when she came last time I was 8.5 months pregnant and she was busy in sight seeing with bil and family, came 1 day prior to Diwali with bil and family and did nothing for festival. Even next day I was in bad mood . Dh was in bad mood. He didn’t even talk to me in the morning , when he came in the evening from office I opened door he was like not even seeing me.. I didn’t give him a sight too. Later he wanted to be normal and start to talk through asking something about my daughter. When he finishes eating I asked him to offer some sugar and ghee for Prasad and do some puja for which he asked me why didn’t you asked mummy in the morning ..I said nothing . Mil said she did puja and offer ghee and sugar .. I was burning inside me just for one day she can not make a bowl of some sweet. Later she tried to command me over something and I didn’t took her .in the morning she was not talking to me.. when he was leaving for office I was near door but he asked mil to lock the door. During my pregnancy when in laws came he was behaving same.. not valuing me in anything.. he was always asking mil and co sis for everything and anything it not me. .. I am burning inside me. Thinking about seeing this for 2-3 day and and if he is continuing this I will stop waking up in the morning and cooking for him and tell him to ask to his mom for food as well. Last time when she came she is always go out at the time of cooking .. sleeping in the morning till I finished cooking.. not doing anything. Stopping dh when he was helping me in doing dishes . One more thing off late from past 2 months de started doing dishes .. usually I do dishes From my morning cooking and after dinner he does that.sometime I also do that thinking he might be tired for that he asked me not to do that or will ask me to leave he will do in the morning. Now when in laws are here he don’t want to do that though my workload increases to twice . On first day after their arrival when I was doing dishes he never asked me to leave , next day I left dishes for him.. after so much time pass he did dishes thinking I will do it but I didn’t, so he did with a straight face .. yesterday I did dishes but he didn’t bother to ask me he will help me.i am feeling bad not because of work load but Because of this behavior.. first day my back was aching so badly.. I woke up in the middle of night and couldn’t sleep due to pain for 4 hrs . I feel like he is heading towards the same behavior as he did in my pregnancy.

 

Thank you for taking your time and giving me your valuable input.
Though I agree with your perspective about period thing but I brought up seeing this so somewhere it become a mental barrier kind of stuff. Also do you thing in this post there is an issue of period and not able to do something because of that and that is my issue . I was sad and vented out because mil again discriminated between her two sons families . I was frustrated for dh’s Signs of repeating same behavior as he did last time when they visited us. I like last thing you said. I am not obsessed about him this time and giving him any extra attention but I am myself affected by this behavior.

 

Thanks for your input.
I asked her clearly to make something. May be she was not in the mood of doing that day but what s more frustrating is she is always like that here at our place .. never made a single thing for dh as well and that same lady started doing all the work at bils place the very next day she landed. When I was pregnant she came 2 months prior to help and behaves as if she is the one who is pregnant.. doing nothing. It hurts.

 

Thanks for your reply.
No one was expecting her to do it daily. It was just a one day affair.. that’s too when that was a festival we are as a dil expected to celebrate it.. anyways . I think I can treat someone like a guest for few days or at max a week... if someone staying more than that then they should behave like a family. Things got sorted out naturally since dh is now behaving helpful. As you suggested I am doing all the things at my pace, if I got time and energy I do else I leave it for another day and I am doing exactly what I was doing before since I have a toddler who took most of my time and off course she is my first responsibility. About the comparison thing.. she owes this comparison from me since she made so many tiffs In my life over tiny little things.. if I call my parents home as my place , if ask her something like what you guys do for something she will make like she does not consider this as her place, she should ask what we do. There are countless examples like that through which she made huge tiffs that’s too when dh hardly shares anything with me. So off course she deserves to taste her own tactics. And she didn’t came here to spend time with us .. she just came here to escape from work at co sis’s place. She never had any good vibes for me.

 

He gave me straight face for 2-3 days and I gave him he does not exist look for 3-4 days and now he is aligned.. willing to do things .. mother in law does not touch a thing here so he asks her to do things here and there. That’s enough for me. Work is not an issue for me most of the time but intension is...