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How To Make My Life Norm@l With Fiancee

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by adisum, Aug 17, 2017.

  1. adisum

    adisum Gold IL'ite

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    Today i went to a boutique with my fiancee... i talked to the boutiques owner who was a lady about the designing of the dress.... this was my first visit to that particular boutique... after talking about dress , she asked her employee to take the measurements who was a MALE.... i asked her that i am nt cmfrtble if a male will take the measurementz but she said she has only that person to take the measurements... i looked at my fiancee for approval but he was on an official call , he didnt recognize my gesture and nods his head in approval... i then gave approval for the measurements. After coming out from that shop my fiancee was in severe anger ..... he is blaming me that how shameless i am to put my dupatta off the shoulders in frnt of another male for whatever reason... i then relaize i could have said to the owner lady that i wont gove measurements to a male. .... i am now not able to explain me to my fiancee... he is very hurt and angry on me.... please give me some suggestions...
     
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  2. prreeya

    prreeya Silver IL'ite

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    it is really not good sign, i being true i wont advice you to ignore it. Such boys will never change their mind.
    This is really cheap thought of his.
     
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  3. WiseAgnes

    WiseAgnes Gold IL'ite

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    In my opinion, you have nothing to apologize for. There is nothing shameful about taking off dupatta in front of a dude who takes your measurements. Tell your fiancee that he should take it as a lesson and next time listen carefully to his woman so next time he won't be so hurt. You might as well tell him to stop being so sexist and think that your body is somehow his property and he has a right to decide in front of whom you can take your dupatta off. I used to have a male gynecologist and I used to take off much more than just dupatta in front of him, don't remember my husband saying a word about it:tearsofjoy:
     
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  4. Benitapaul

    Benitapaul Silver IL'ite

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    I think he is the one who has to apologize for his behavior. You said he was in a official call. So he is educated and still thinks that taking off duppata for providing measurements is a shameless act ? God knows why. Please talk to him clearly about how you felt by his comments on this normal incident.
     
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  5. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    Looks like your fiancée has been raised in a very conservative environment and is a bit of chauvinist . Please go into this marriage with proper understanding of this type of behaviour . I would suggest that you stop talking about this issue , don't apologise , just talk normally . If he is not taking to you properly ignore him . Show him that he can't impose his ideas on you . If he does not like something he can express it in a clear way but you are not a puppet dancing to his strings .
     
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  6. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Your fiancé is having a major case of male-absorption , talk to him when he is not on an official call. Convey your sympathies that he has to work next to women with and without dupattas, with and without ample bosom. Apologise to him that women like you and me have worked hard to fight gender stereotypes . Promise to carry 2ft long kitchen tongs next time you are out trosseau shopping. Promise him that your future gynecologist will not carry any traces of the dreaded "Y" chromosome ( they measure more than your sleeve length you see). I wish you the best and hope your proximity to testosterone does not test your marriage, ever.
    P.S next time fiancé has his jaw drop and drool watching madhuri go dhak dhak remind him she does not wear a dupatta too. Good luck !
     
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  7. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    Adisum, this is not good, your fiancee shouting at you is not a good sign at all. I usually never go to male doctors but when we were in ER, a male doctor did my pelvic examination. It is totally OKAY when you have to get things done by a professional. It is not like you preferred going there and showed your body. Tell him to cool down and if he repeats his behavior, call this wedding off.
     
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  8. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    A man knows how another fellow man looks at woman. Your fiancee is just being possessive and protective. If ur fiance goes to a female massage therapist, how would you feel? Though its a professional act, fundamentally its a male-female phenomenon.
    I believe however modern, even if a man doesnt display anger in such cases, somewhere down his heart he would be a little hurt. Its better to be cautious when ur fiancee is around.
     
  9. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations on your engagement, @adisum! [​IMG]

    IMO, this was a mistake. You are an adult, exercise your own judgement in these matters.

    If something makes you uncomfortable, speak up firmly. If the business doesn't meet your needs, walk away.

    Take this as a lesson learned. You know what to do next time.

    Good luck! :thumbsup:
    .
     
  10. Sunburst

    Sunburst Platinum IL'ite

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    No two people are the same so after reading the replies here you may start comparing your fiancee with other men and that will only disappoint you more . I have seen that men in India are quite conservative and that maybe because of their upbringing or the way the society is but that doesn't mean it's bad all the time . Some are MCPs and if you have a fiancee like that then definitely dump him right away . Or he could be just trying to be protective about you and so the reaction . Does he stop you from interacting with all your male friends , do you have to ask permission from him to hang out with male colleagues or any other instances where he is controlling your life ? If yes, then it's a red flag and please kick him out . Give it some more time and see how he reacts when you interact with men in general . Don't jump to conclusions with just 1 incident .
     
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