DH. Physcial Intimacy etc.

Awife · Sep 22, 2013

I am sure lot of ILs must have faced similar issue. ILs , this topic must have become boring for few people but please can you tell me what i can do ?

I got married 3 1/2 years back. Right from day one of my marriage I never experienced physical intimacy. We had IC but very few times. My husband was never so much interested in sex. Almost 2 years back , I realized that he is experiencing ED. I spoke to him. He never ever tells anyone his problems (any kind of problems). I tried to support him. after few months I found a counselor but no use He also went to a urologist and all his tests are ok. Testosterone levels are also good. But still we do not have sex. He loves me a lot. There have been very bad incidents here-n-there in our life but bottom line is he loves me. I do not know what should we do.
He is not physically attracted towards me. I am good looking (winner of few beauty pageants). I am in good shape. I have tried seducing. I have tried wearing various kind of attractive clothes but all these things don't seem to work. Basically he loves me but he treats me like a little sister. He cares for me. We are really like brother n sister 99% of the time.
It has been almost 8 months after his last visit to a doctor and he is showing some resistance in going there. He never discusses this issue with me at all. It is difficult for me to bring up. I have become 30+ now and everyone is asking me for a baby. I have cried. So my DH has started taking Viagra during my ovulation time. I don't know if this way we can have baby or not ?
What should I do ? I am slowly leading towards depression.

Iamagoodgirl · Sep 22, 2013

Is he attracted towards other women sexually?

Awife · Sep 22, 2013

Iamagoodgirl said: ↑

Is he attracted towards other women sexually?
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I think so. For instance, yesterday we went out for dinner and 1 waitress (blonde girl) who was serving us used to stand too close to my DH every time she was at our table. She was ignoring me and looking at my DH and asking for order or anything else. So I asked my DH why is this waitress standing so close to you and serving us. And my DH was blushing and then even I took it in a very sportive spirit.

So my interpretation, DH was blushing means when I tease him with a blonde girl's name ..kuch kuch hota hai ..

So such incidents make me feel he is not in a closet. But still I don't know since he is just not attracted towards me and yet loves me.

yellowmango · Sep 22, 2013

You need to tell him that at your stage of life ,just loving you is not enough.He needs to deal with his problem. He can't just hide from it. Please don't conceive till this problem is sorted out unless you are happy with this and willing to live this life forever.

guesshoo · Sep 23, 2013

Perhaps you could try role play. If he feels inhibited, and he isn't a teetotaller, would alcohol help lower his inhibitions? I don't know if alcohol might exacerbate ED though. Would you be open to watching erotica with him? All the best, OP

tashidelek2002 · Sep 23, 2013

One of the misconceptions that women have is that a gay guy cannot love a woman who they married. They can and that complicates the matters for both. I would suggest you not have a baby through some medical interventions until you clear up. Also, if he actually views you more as a sister OR he will have lifelong problems, can you go the next 50 years without sex?

As to the waitress (I am assuming you are in the west), proper ordering etiquette is that she get all orders from the man for the entire table. Most don't do this anymore, but she may be one that knows the proper way to take orders. I wouldn't think too much about this incident. Also, gay guys still admire pretty women as pretty creatures of the earth, they just don't want sex with them.

Iamagoodgirl · Sep 23, 2013

you need to sit down with husband and have heart to heart discussions.He need to figure out what it is.If he is gay or he is having ED .
There are lots of probabilities.May be there is something in your behavior ( or his) which is triggering daddy or brother like feeling instead of lover.

Awife · Sep 24, 2013

Iamagoodgirl said: ↑

you need to sit down with husband and have heart to heart discussions.He need to figure out what it is.If he is gay or he is having ED .
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How can I sit down and talk and ask my DH if he is gay ? That is not possible.
Even if I only touch the subject about sex or ED , my DH feels I am insulting him and he expects me to NOT TALK about anything.
example : if I even ask my DH about his doctor and what happened or when is the next appointment , he feels I'm insulting him. He gets very angry at me.
When this is the case, how can I ask him if he is gay ?

My DH thinks taking Viagra is perfectly okay and we should have baby that way, which would solve my problem, according to my DH.

My problem is just not sex. It is more than that. I don't feel I am desired. My DH has never ever kissed me just like that (except only during having sex), touched me in a naughty way or made me feel he wanted (I mean not the emotional need).

Yesterday, I started having a small talk and told him that I need to be felt wanted. He said I'm taking Viagra and that should do. I explained him and he said I'm watching too many Indian movies and he left.

ILs, I have never seen an Indian couple (like our elders) kissing each other. So have your DH kissed you or done any naughty thing just like that? Am I expecting any filmy stuff? Do men like my DH exists ?

Awife · Sep 24, 2013

To add. Mine is a love marriage. My DH kept on asking me and pleading for many years and finally I said yes.

When he was my BF, he never ever touched my hands or never ever kissed me. When he was my BF, we went to movies together, long drives (after I insisted) but it was always like I was going with my big brother. No kiss. Never ever even slightest of the dirty talks. No holding hands unless I hold. No hugs ever.
Before marriage when I asked him, he said he does not want to do all this before marriage. I was impressed to see such values and got married to him.
After marriage, first 2-3 times, he initiated sex. Also 2 years back, he initiated couple of times. So I don't know if he is gay OR just an extreme unromantic guy facing ED.

Now-a-days, because I know he is taking Viagra and the whole act is more mechanical than emotional + all other issues, even I am somewhere loosing interest in sex.

I know I am giving too much of my private information on this forum but ILs what should I do I don't understand , whom should I talk to I don't know . I'm sincerely seeking help.