An Elephant In The Room

It was in the middle of an interesting talk show between grand parents and their grand children, that this shocking revealation came from a young girl whose identity was not revealed.

It was during this round of question, about children being refused permission by grandparents to step out of their homes and not being allowed to play with their neighbour's kids, in the absence of their working parents, that this dreadful disclosure came out from one girl among the crowd that her next door neighbour showed her dirty pictures and that was the reason she avoided her neighbours. My heart missed a beat when I heard this and wondered what kind of callous society are we heading in to.

There was this other girl, who clearly minced no words, when she said how her mother, had explained through a video, about bad touch and good touch and how to differentiate between the two. At a tender age of six or seven, this girl stood tall among other kids who could talk about a subject which is still feared taboo among the elders and the society.

Now that we are living in a connected world where technology provides the best as well as the most perverted things with a touch of the button, the onus of keeping our children well informed about their safety, both in the virtual as well as the real world, lies on the shoulders of the parent.

Instead of teaching girls music and dance, let them get trained in martial arts, kickboxing, karate etc, which being life saving skills would help them to protect themselves anytime, throughout their life.
It is the duty of parents to educate the child about sexual assault and provide vital information to the child about misbehaviour of any individual. A study on child abusers shows that major perpetrators are people who are close to the children, like uncles, cousins and neighbours- thus better to have a watch on them -an anonymous ayah or a loving uncle and their behaviour.

The parents have also the responsibility of educating the boys in teaching how to handle relationships with girls, what is appropriate behaviour and what are the limits which should not be crossed in their day to day dealings with girls. Most of the boys tend to get influenced by the pressure of peer groups and Internet which lands them in messy situations which even the parents are not aware of.

Segregation of genders is not an ideal platform, where healthy relationships or friendships between two individuals can evolve, but enlightening them with a basic knowledge and understanding on sex, parents can be assured of their children not getting in to any abusive relationships or situations. In the present predatory world, being innocent is the last thing every child or parent would want to be in.

Another incident is by a journalist who recalls her experience in a departmental stores, when she overheard a group of young boys from a nearby school heatedly discussing about a girl friend who refused to meet them with an excuse that she was surrounded by a whole lot of her girl friends. But one boy came out with a retort as to why that girl should be so scared or intimidated about just a casual meeting and was not a serious rape. The journalist, on hearing this remark, got furious and gave the boys an earful of how degrading it was to talk about a girl like that and told them that to never indulge in such nasty remarks again.

Recently, an NGO which went to rural schools in TN to educate the children about child abuse were shocked when they got feedback from girls as to how they have been sexually abused by their own relatives, a secret which they kept to themselves due to their innocence, as well as threats from the perpetrators.

All such incidents show that inspite of the best schools the children are sent to, the best quality of education they receive, they are as ignorant as the illiterate kids who are not exposed to the nuances of refined behaviour towards opposite sexes. Adding fuel to fire are the umpteen movies, that show boys can get away doing any mischief or harm to the girls. The rap songs or kuthu songs are outright vulgar, but also turn to be the periodic table teaching the boys the physical attributes of a teenage girl. Exposing kids to such gutter like movies leave a deep imprint on their minds at an impressionable age tending to degradable behaviour.

When the wrong doers go unpunished it only reflects an irresponsible society, where the victims family try to push such serious issues under the carpet, fearing social ostracisation, and also strive to protect the perpetrators if they happen to be their close relatives. With a legal system full of loopholes, the perpetrators of such grave crimes go scot-free where as the victims suffer with guilt and psychological trauma throughout their lives.

So instead of pressurizing the children in this highly competitive society, it is also the responsibility of parents to teach their children how to protect themselves from the unseen evils, real or virtual. It is not the marks they get, the trophies they collect, the competitions they win,- things which parents consider most remarkable landmarks in a child's life. But teach them to be self sufficient, courageous,to respect themselves and others, responsible for their activities and be open to their parents scrutiny honestly. An open communication with them, answering delicate questions put by their children as honestly as possible, taking them into confidence with an open mind, supporting them emotionally in times of crisis - these are the safety belts which come to rescue to the children when they are alone- in a world where wolves are roaming around in the garb of sheep. The story of Red riding hood is no longer a fairy tale in today's world of violence and abuse.








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Thank you Kamalji for being the first one to comment on my thread. Being a delicate topic, I was apprehensive to put things in black and white. But what bleeds my heart is child abuse, which off late is finding a prominent place as a front page news in leading newspapers and about which nothing much has been done from the government side. The NGOs are doing a good job, but still this subject should not be put under silence mode, but be shouted at the top of their voices by the victims.

Agatha83

 

Dear meril,

What self defense can a 3 month old baby have. As long as the child has protective parents or grand parents, the safety of the child is assured but what about the abandoned children. It is a traumatic experience for the child, and the entire humanity should stand up against persons who commit such barbaric acts. Thanks for your valuable feedback.
Agatha83

 

Dear Viswa,

With changing times , the most valued Indian culture is going in for a spin. School girls are caught in the course of drinking during class hours and some of them, viewing **** clips through their mobile, though most schools have banned the use of mobiles in schools. Premarital affairs and illicit relationships lead to countless suicides. Unlike the west, the Government has not brought in, sex education as a compulsory subject in schools, Which sure would help many teenagers to get through relationships, without resorting to suicides. But here, I have talked about child abuse and I am yet to fathom the horrendous nature of human mind that can resort to such gruesome acts.

Agatha83