Live And Learn

I have two sisters who work for me - one in the morning and the other in the afternoon. One day the younger one who comes in the afternoon comes in and reports "My sister's daughter is loafing around with a guy in our area, a good for nothing fellow who does not even have a proper job."

I silently listen to the information and keep quiet. Her sister, who has been working with me since the last 12 years has said nothing about this to me. I pretend to know nothing about it.

About 2 weeks later I hear that the girl has run away with the guy. Her mother has worked her backside off to educate this girl who is the older of two children (the younger one being a son). The girl has been given WHATEVER she asks for. She has been sent to a convent school. She has been sent for private tuitions. However, this girl does not want to study. Her eyes are blinded by the dazzle of the upper class life that she sees her classmates living and by the endless kitschy romance she sees on television serials.

The mother, her family, aunts, uncles everyone tries to reason with her. Will she listen? No. When she demands something big, her mother says she does not have money. "Don't tell me about your problems. Keep them to yourself" admonishes the daughter. She fails her Std. X exams. She has to reappear for two subjects. The mother borrows money and spends Rs. 20K on her tuitions for the coming year until the next exams. To keep her out of trouble, she sends her to a computer course in the morning. The girl's demands don't cease. She has tried running away once but was traced by her family and brought back home by evening.

The mother is still blinded by her love for the daughter. Despite well meant suggestions, she keeps giving in to ALL her demands. The girl refuses to understand the meaning of the word 'NO' and her mother makes no effort to make her understand. The girl is out of control. The mother and her sisters have been shunned by their mother for being daughters and she only cares for the good-for-nothing sons. This seems a case of trying to change the reality of what she has undergone at the hands of her mother, by going overboard in spoiling the daughter.

The girl's re-exams are due. She goes for the first paper. Next day she says she is going for tuitions and vanishes. She gives the second re-exam a miss. A day passes by, a second, a third ..... no sign of the girl. A local 'big brother' (having ties with one of the national political parties) who 'solves all their problems' takes a huge amount of money from them to trace the girl and says there is no need to go to the police station. A week passes by, but still no sign of the girl. Finally I convince her to go to the police station. She goes. The police who are paid off by the 'big bro' and the family of the guy she has run away with refuse to register the complaint. I talk to a local women's NGO and they advice her to go to the Commissioner's office with the complaint. The family are not in favour of that. They are afraid of 'big bro'. BH talks to a person in a high place and he asks for the details to get the complaint to be registered. The family refuse. I am mad as all hell. God knows what has happened to the girl. Is she with the guy with whom she has run away? She is still a minor. This is a case of kidnapping and presumably rape. Has she been trafficked? It takes me a couple of days to calm down. The guy should have been arrested (apparently this is not the first girl he is loafing around with) and put in jail and the girl in a Juvenile Delinquent Home. She needs some tough lessons to sort her out.

A month passes by. The mother receives a call saying that the two have been traced and they will bring her back. The mother says she does not want the girl back. Reason: The guy's people will demand half of the sum paid by them to the police and to 'big bro' - a sum which exceeds 5 digits.

Two days ago she asks for leave to go to her village. Her mil is sick. Yesterday evening her sister calls me and tells me that the girl has come back. I just say 'good' and leave it at that. None of my business. I put 2 and 2 together and wonder if the 'sick mil' was an excuse to take the girl to the village and get her married off immediately. She needs to be examined medically for infections and other 'issues' before doing any such thing. Who are we to tell them? The girl's mother is pretty street smart, but she is under the influence of the family.

This whole episode has been a harsh lesson for me. My lessons learned:

• Never try to help people or to reason with them. We cannot understand the reality of their existence or their problems. They live in an alien reality and lead lives alien to our sensibilities.

• We just need to accept that they are living out their karma and we cannot do anything to change that for them.

• Efforts to be girl-child friendly do not always end in a 'happily ever after' situation. I fear other people in the area would quote her as an example for not having daughters or for not bothering to educate them. Some deserving girl will end up enduring the consequences of this girl's actions.

• Don't get too involved in other's problems. They probably don't need your help. Just let them bumble on with their own lives, problems and solutions.

• Having said all of which, I wonder. Next time she asks for help, will I help her out? Logically I should not. Who knows when she will change her mind? On the other hand, what if she accepts help and a bad situation can be changed? Will I be able to live with the guilt if I don't try? So we are back to square one viz. Karmanye vaadhikaraste, ma phaleshu kadaachana and Nahikaschit kshanamapi, jyatutishthatya karmakrut, Karyate avashya karma sarva prakruti jairgunaihi. So do whatever you have to do and leave the rest! Inaction is neither possible, nor a solution even if it were.

 

Welcome to my snippets and thanks a lot Anusuya.

 

Anusuya, that is just what I have said in the last point of my snippet. I added it as an edit, so probably you did not read it. I quote it here.