Nardy And Gheeky Science Jokes

I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.

Why can you never trust atoms? A: They make up everything!

Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
“Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m positive.”

An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? A: He's 0K now.
Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician travel together by train. Right after entering Scotland they see a black sheep standing on top of a hill.
“Look at that,” says the biologist. “Apparently the sheep in Scotland are black.”
“Nonsense!” says the physicist. “All we can say for sure is that there is one sheep in Scotland that’s black.”
“I am afraid you are both wrong,” the mathematician explains. “The only thing that is certain is that there is a sheep in Scotland, which is black on at least one side.”

Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies: "No, what you see is one Newton over one square meter - so what you have found is one Pascal."

Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."

Glossary:

Nard : Spikenard - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Ghee : Ghee - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

When kaniths and Cimorene go to a restaurant what happens.
They develop allergy from KCI salt!

Kaniths: What in the name of Mendeleev is that?
Cimor: You know that KCl, KCl
Kaniths: but KCl is not KCI ?
Cimor: You spoil all the fun! Who would have noticed such nuanced typeface!

 

Cheeniya,

You have elevated this thread to noble and gaseous level! Diane Ackerman has published a poetry anthology called "The Planets: A Cosmic Pastoral" in which a poem is dedicated to Carl Sagan. The book is riffable and playful. I love the way she reflects scientific poetry as ,

I’ve always been baffled by people who write about nature only in terms of, say, junipers and cornfields, eschewing all things so-called ‘scientific,’ as if science were, per se, the spoil-sport of feeling. So wonderless a view of nature really doesn’t appeal to me; I don’t see the Universe divided up that way, into ‘The Junipers’ on the one hand and ‘The Amino Acids’ on the other.

Your scientific limericks engaging God and Quad surely explain at molecular level how these vapid amino acids transform as juicy junipers with or without any observers.

 

Sorry guys but ashima's latest pun takes the crown!
Too good (thumbs up)