cross roads - work or stay at home.... with financial commitments- help me

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by Vedhavalli, Apr 15, 2015.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Currently i'm working in IT for last 7 years With Software testing.
    I have one year old baby gal, whom my parents are looking after.
    Afraid to put baby in daycare..so I'm staying with parents and my DH staying away in our home in same city.
    We meet only in weekends.


    Presently i have lost interest in my job, always thinking about kid and home.
    unable to concentrate well on work, last year i dint get good rating at appraisal.


    I was very ambitious when i joined my career... now its in weaning side.


    Though i know, i have financial commitments like Home loan, kid's schooling, retirement commitments still my mind thinks of being a stay-at-home mom or take up a career like teaching where i could come home by 5pm.
    Live a little stress free life play with kid..cook well for hubby. etc.
    I know its tough to manage with a single salary going forward in rising economy.


    IL's many would have crossed this stage.
    Please help me, get me some confidence to carry my career life.
    I'm in cross roads...
     
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  2. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    i can't answer your question; I would suggest that you consult you gynec and tell her you are not feeling yourself. You might be suffering from the baby blues and a bit of counselling could help you greatly.

    Having a baby really changes the dynamics of any relationship; now you and your husband are also not living under the same roof. There are huge life changes. A counsellor will help you regain your focus; perhaps you could also get checked for hormonal imbalances or any vitamin or mineral deficiencies.

    Dont delay it. Go see your doctor.
     
  3. beingloved

    beingloved Gold IL'ite

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    Would suggest you to have some patience.. Your kid is already 1. In 1.5 or so years, she'll start school and a routine will follow. Also, look for options for staying together as a family with your husband as your husband can relish the kid's childhood too. Try thinking of picking up baby and going to your own home in the evening..
     
  4. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    I understand your situation. We women are always torn up emotionally ..

    I myself work and live with US, but do not cook or take care of home, If not enough guilt of my own, H keeps telling. Many times, I myself think of moving to India where I can join teaching so be able to cook for family and close to parents. There was also time I was working away from H...living each night with guilt and then one day left the job on whim.

    Having a baby changes everything..your career aspirations, life priorities.. and sometimes we do want slowness in life. Whatever decision you take, think carefully
    and talk with your H. As you said you have financial commitments, you have to plan it out, like how much net net you save with work, (taxes,commute etc,)
     
  5. PavithraS

    PavithraS Platinum IL'ite

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    First of all please understand that you are not guilty and alone in this cross roads. So many share this phase at some point of their lives.

    I myself was a banker of 11 yrs. I decided to call it quits after my son was born. We were living with my in laws so taking care of my child was never a problem. I just wanted to give my son his birthright of mothers' milk and life long gift of love and care by being with him 24 x 7 in early years.
    My bank did not give me a sabbatical. Financial position was not a big problem , definitely my salary could have reduced the burden on my husband's shoulder.
    My husband and in laws were very supportive of my decision. My colleagues and friends were shocked, surprised and even mad at me for leaving a nationalized bank job which I can not land upon again given age bar.. Now my son is going pre school .Till date I do not regret the decision.
    Having said that , it is not easy to give up a steady source of income which is very important now a days for providing a healthy life style to our beloveds. But the financial satisfaction and security is highly individualistic. Others can not decide for us.
    In your case , can't your parents stay at your home for another 2 years so that your husband is not denied of his joys with his precious baby girl ?
    IT industry is much labelled a stressed working environment as though others are not. Stress is in ALL jobs that you could mention, only it differs in kind. My point is why double it with your personal situation ? You are a software professional with 7 years of service and experience. I am sure if you could just take a year off from career and spend the valuable period with family all your guilt and stress will reduce extensively, if not be gone completely.
    If you think you are competitive and could equip and update yourself with your career wise knowledge in the mean time why can't you find a job later ?. All it takes is the courage to decide and plan to execute. Do not decide in a confused state which you might regret later.
    Talk to your friends, peers, family, importantly with husband. I am sure you will find a way that suits your situation in the best possible way.

    All the best,
    Pavithra
     
  6. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you ladies for kind replies....
    As of now, i have decided to work...because my home loan is huge.
    I need more motivation to do the work.
    Though i miss my kid a lot in these 8-9 hours.
     
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  7. adinil

    adinil Silver IL'ite

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    good decision..i am laos sailing in the same boat dear..just remember u r doing this for you kid whom u love the most..this phase will also pass soon:)
     
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  8. previ

    previ Senior IL'ite

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    I have a couple of friends in the same situation. So what they do is leave their kid with their parents every single day and go to work. In the evening, pick up their kid and go to their house. However if your and your parents house are in two separate corners of the city and your workplace is in another corner then it would be very difficult. But see if such an arrangement works out for you.
    I personally put my ds in daycare since he was 11 months old and haven't regretted it one bit. He is 5 years old and I owe a lot to his daycare for teaching him and taking good care of him while I work guilt-free.
     
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  9. Padminisnikitha

    Padminisnikitha New IL'ite

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    Hello,

    I have around 14 years of experience and a kid of 6 yrs old..I am also in the same thinking. Ofcourse I have a support system at home, MIL,FIL and a God sent Maid...TOuch wood..
    But still seeing these office politics,IT life(always in AC, irritating long travels,no time for exercise), I feel enough of it..But scared to come out as being financially independent all these years, dunno how it feels!!!

    See, I strongly feel if you are financially ok,you may decide to quit..If not, just to convince yourself, say "I will work only next 3 to 5 years, make some money for education, clear all loans, cut down current luxury life style(if any) after that I will relax at home and earn just needed for my expenses".. This will console your soul and it will become a good booster..This is how I think. Meanwhile we need to start identifying our strength, how we can make money with our strength,plan and lay the foundation right today, so that you are well prepared for that D-day after 5 years!!. DOes it sound fine?This is what I am doing..

    All the Best..NO need to think too much or go to depression on this topic, as it is a whirlpool and you can never come out of it if you start thinking.
     
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  10. mythiraja

    mythiraja New IL'ite

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    I used to be a practising doctor,even postponed my baby for my career.Once i had my boy my priorities changed.I gave up my profession for my child,inspite of so many of my wellwishers criticising me.I have started my clinic once again after a gap of nearly 15 years.It's difficult to work again but i don't have any regrets for those missing years.I feel blessed when i see my son doing well in his life.I suppose it's all about your priorities!!
     
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