how to control anger?? Pls help

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by divshiri87, Apr 12, 2015.

  1. divshiri87

    divshiri87 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    I am not sure whether this is the appropriate forum to post, it not kindly move it to correct one.

    Coming to my problem, i used to get angry soon sometimes even for small things. But after those mintutes, i wil become normal and talk normally. When i am angry, i wont be able to control myself and hurted my dear ones but later i regreted. I know words once used cannot be taken back. But i dont know how to control it. I get angry on dear ones only who are very close to me. I dont want to hurt them. Many times i hurted My dear ones and later cried and apolozised. Tel me the ways to control my anger..
    Soon wil get married, and i dont want to create any problem because of my anger. My mom advised me many times to control it but i dont know how to. I dont have any ego problem. Anger is my only enemy and i want to control it. Pls help me..
     
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  2. Lavanya30

    Lavanya30 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Dhivshri,

    Anger is a very bad enemy. You can try counting from 1 to 50 to cool you off, the moment you know you are angry try to leave that place, go our and breathe fresh air and start counting from 1 to 50, slowly calm down and then come back to have a healthy conversation. Even if you are unable to go out, get away from that spot.
    Another method is stop talking instead take a cool bottle of water and start sipping it until you can calm yourself.

    The best thing is to go to a Anger management counselor, they will be of a great help

    Wishing you all the best and my prayers with you.
     
  3. karunavemula

    karunavemula New IL'ite

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    It is easy to control anger with practice mainly by two things.
    first: change your attitude. which makes a lot of difference.
    second: If still it continues sit clam both mind and body for 5 mints. or count no.from
    1-50. then anger will go away.Try this.
     
  4. sreeb3007

    sreeb3007 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Divshiri,

    Anger is the most common problem to many people. In today's world with more highly technical & technological jobs or with busy studies, we really don't find time for ourselves to chit-chat with friends & family, spending time with each other, discussing personal and professional problems etc for which we lack mutual understanding with each other. With lots of work stress or some other problems, we develop anger and short-tempered without our intention.

    The best way to get rid of this is to stay calm and stop the argument/discussion immediately when you or the other person seems to be angry, divert that topic and start some normal chats like "hey that's ok, leave it what-else going on in your life", "how's your family" etc type of chat. If you don't like to talk with that person that moment, or if you don't like the words the person is talking to you, leave him/her let them talk & talk but you stay calm as if they are not talking with you but with some wall. Or just go and relax by listening to music, drinking water, just give a smile as if you are cool. It's not easy to implement all these, but just start giving a try. After everything settles down, you can simply give your view in one line by stating "hey sorry but my opinion is this.. " If it's not really important topic, you may not even need to give any explanations or views to that person and just lead your normal life. Because sometimes explanation may lead to argument again.

    The other best way to get rid of anger is to do some yoga and meditation early in the morning, this really gives you a lot of relaxation to your mind and slowly eats up your anger. Also, try reading anger management books by searching them in Google, you may get more ideas on controlling your anger.

    Hope this helps, thank you and all the best!

    Cheers,
    SreeB
     
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  5. sumathysuguna

    sumathysuguna Silver IL'ite

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    My suggestion is that when u r getting angry in the moment, think the effects or possibilities of anger which u had faced the worst in the previous situation, at that time. U stay calm supposedly.
     
  6. VaniVyas

    VaniVyas Platinum IL'ite

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    Think about your favorite God and chant his name.
    I prefer to think about a recent joke which made me laugh to forget the anger. So after getting angry I tend to laugh out usually.... But this often irritates the other person too much so beware....
     
  7. radv

    radv Gold IL'ite

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    Hi divshri87 - getting angry is just human nature. Try to figure out the reason behind your anger - why u get angry, are u getting angry with what that person is telling you or is it that your point or opinion is not being accepted, or someone is speaking loudly which you find upsetting - see if you can pinpoint your reason and then work towards it.
     
  8. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    It is normal to get angry but it is unacceptable, not to mention undignified, to hurt someone or something when you are. You need a lot of will-power to sort yourself out but it is possible.

    Every time you are angry acknowledge it. Then walk away to cool off before you say or do anything. That is, be very aware of yourself; the second you start feeling yourself get hot under the collar, state calmly, "I can feel my temper rising. (/ I'm really angry about what you've said/ done. Or I'm upset with what just happened)I'll be back once I've cooled down." And leave the place; go for a walk. This helps because you have registered in your displeasure => you haven't taken it lying do; at the same time you have given yourself time to respond responsibly rather than react.

    Once you have evaluated the situation, you will be able to figure out how you want to state your point/ whether to apologise yourself/ or tell the other person off.

    You are training your brain to act differently from what it has been doing all along. This can only be achieved by being constantly aware and accepting of your feelings. Also having basic rules in place that you WILL NOT do anything you regret.
    Believe me, beyond the first few times, your brain works out how to deal with your emotion much better. My preschooler has with practice learnt to figure out her emotions and will go away until her anger disappears in order to discuss what is distressing her without tantrums. You can do it too.

    Perhaps enlist your mum or sibling or close friend to use a code to help you move away - they could say "code red" or "I see a bird" or "I he clouds are growing dark" or whatever else when they see you getting flustered. You determination and will power you will get there.
     
  9. divshiri87

    divshiri87 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your wonderful replies..
    I get angry when my dear ones are not listenening to what i say or doing something which i dont like or asking me to do something which i dont like.
    Yesterday this happened, my sis asked me whether i am ok to plate my hair with wig( artificial one) and to keep flowers before my wedding day ie that day we will have some function. I said i dont want to plate my hair and i will keep some small clip and then few flowers. My sis said, in our tradition bride should plate her hair and put flowers to which i said i am not ok. She didnt listen and suddenly i shouted and said i wont plate my hair as per others wish. Whatever others think, let them think. Why should i compromise??
    After this incident, i thought i would have handeld in a better way than shouting at my sis.
    When i am angry, i dont know what happen to my thought process and i will handle things in complicated way.
    I am trying to control my anger in recent days but still need to improve alot. From my childhood days, i was short tempered. Many suggested me to control my anger but i am still working on it.
     

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