1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Sister doing love marriage and my family shattered

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by HopefulNisha, Apr 2, 2015.

  1. HopefulNisha

    HopefulNisha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    56
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    One of my sisters is getting married to a guy of her choice against the wish of our parents. They are planning to get married with the consent of guys parents. My parents have decided they wont attend the marriage and they dont have that daughter any more in life. I dont know wat to do. I am not against love marriage, but she hid the truth from all of us for 7 years and unecessarily made all of us search for a goom for her all these years.. we are all deeply sad.

    now my questions are

    I1) have a half heart to attend the marraige..but my parents or husband may not agree. wat shud i do

    2)though i do not attend her marriage i want to let her know she can approach me if she needs me any time in the future.but mom tells me ,,i should never support her anymore

    3) how can wee make sure the guy and his famly will take care of her for the rest of life.. We are all shocked that she prefers guy she met some year back than her parents dreams and life and prestige in front of society.. we belong to a village and my parents will not be able to face other any more, They are even palnning to relocate to avoid embarrasmnet

    4. those who live in city might feel, what is the big deal..staying abroad am walking on fire thinking what might happen to my parents if they are crying like they do now..any points in consoling parents are also welcome..wat shall i tell them..is relocating a good option. they hav been living here for past 30 years


    just a vent
    am fed up of taking care of problems of parents, sisters etc..right from childhood i act as big brother in the family and keep solving issues and consoling others
    now this has come.. i didnt have any dreams..i used to always think about my younger sisters when i start doing something i like whch is against the society rules..even the sister next to me is going thru hell in her marriage and still holding on to avoid parents greif and to get a good proposal for my youngest..now everything is shattered...i have stoppedd beelieving in god long time back..i used to offer preayers 2 times a day...not anymore..if God is there, my only prayerr is to take back my life along with my parents n sisters so that none of us needs to suffer any more.. i am fedd up of eveything....

    i cant take it anymore
     
    Loading...

  2. HopefulNisha

    HopefulNisha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    56
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Is there anyway I can make my parents forgive her
     
  3. hope2b

    hope2b Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    230
    Likes Received:
    192
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    1. Call her directly and explain her that she has taken a decision which is not supported by your parents. Ask her whether she is sure of the alliance. Remind her that she is a grown up now and hopefully she can keep up to her marital responsibilities. Let her know whether you can make it to the wedding. If you are not going, let her know why. Like you want to support your parents as they are sad and need you more. Nevertheless that she will always be in your thoughts and that if she needs anything, you are there.

    2. You are her sister, support her. Not because she is right, because you are siblings. And more importantly if something goes wrong, at least your sister might keep you in loop. Even the worst of the parents will only wish their kids to be happy.

    3. You cannot guarantee anything. Just keep in touch and in course of time, who knows, you might even forgive her.

    4. Relocating, I am not sure. If it will make them forget and forgive its ok. But why leave your home? Some people may gossip, some may console. What's the guarantee that the new place will be free of this torture? Let your folks understand that, time heals everything. Its really hard to accept it now, but that's what it is.

    5. Don't be sad. Its a tough time. You cannot control everything. Be there for each other. Involve yourself in some yoga or social work to release your anger/sadness. Nothing lasts forever. At the end of all this, you will only grow stronger.
     
    2 people like this.
  4. Harini73

    Harini73 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,498
    Likes Received:
    2,093
    Trophy Points:
    290
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi @HopefulNisha,

    I can understand your situation.It will be difficult if your parents are staying in a small town. Right now your parents are hurt and in anger,so they may make some decisions.But time may heal them and slowly they may change.
    So make sure that your parents know that you are there for them.

    Regarding your sister you can casually talk to her and let her know that you are there for her always if she needs you at any point of time.Also let her know that as your parents are upset you are not in a situation to attend the marriage.

    Your parents are upset and hurt right now,hence ask them not to take any decision regarding change of place.

    Also first of all you should be bold.Everybody is having problem.Only thing is that problem may differ from person to person.Just don't think that only you and your family is having problem. Have hope and don't think of ending your life.

    If needed go to counselors for counselling. Right now even my brother and his family going to counselling as they are little depressed.

    Always vent your problems here where you will lots of good advise. Take care.console1
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. Rohanj

    Rohanj Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    584
    Likes Received:
    381
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Male
    Can you throw some light on the grooms side, like how are they by nature, as a person, financial status. If these things are great, then it will take sometime for your parents to accept. When they will see their daughter happy in her life, trust me they'll accept her back happily. You do your duty as a sister. You can always call her make her know that you are there for her and would help her in every way possible for you. Don't get stressed. You've done what a elder sister and a daughter would have done for her family. These things are taken into account by the one looking at us. Right now just do what you think is right.
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. HopefulNisha

    HopefulNisha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    56
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    even my kid was very attache to her..whenever i go home, my kid enquires about her first..now how will my parents feel when they hear suc questions..evn my kid is going to be affected as i will not be able to meet her anymore..we all are in diff countries and i dont think i can visit her till my paretns are no more..

    all the thoughts are hurting me a lot.. i am saying too much of 'me' here..sorr for the vent..i cant talk like this to anyone
     
  7. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,223
    Likes Received:
    1,636
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    1. Attend the wedding and inform your husband and parents that it is important for you as you are her sister.
    2. Give her a call, congratulate for the marriage, continue to keep in touch (via emals/social media/calls and visits now and then)
    3. You cannot make sure that your sisters husband will take care of her. It is impossible. Even if your parents would have selected the husband there is no guarantee. The only thing you can do is to support her and her choices and be there for her.
    4. Tell your parents that you understand their feelings but also show that she is still your sister/their daughter. Part of being a parent is also to respect your childrens choices. You cannot control your children forever.
     
    4 people like this.
  8. Rohanj

    Rohanj Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    584
    Likes Received:
    381
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Male
    See, things will change in everybody's life. Every person in a family does affect every other family member. Anyways, at one point she was bound to marry someone and leave her home which affects the family members. Even I felt bad as a kid when my aunt got married and left with her husband. But everything got better with time. The same applies here too. If your younger sister is happy with her married life, trust me everyone will be happy. And if anything goes wrong, you as a elder sister will always be there for her. And you can meet her anytime you want. You don't have to wait for special time as such. She's you sister you are entitle to meet her anytime as you like. Don't stress too much. Just do what you feel is right. You got to appreciate the courage your sister has shown. Not many can do this. It's easy to fight with world, but it's extremely difficult to fight against your family.
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. HopefulNisha

    HopefulNisha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    56
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Rohanj,

    why she had to fight with family..she could have thought of family before saying 'yes' to the guy.. evryone has chance to fall in love,but most think abt paretns and family and stick to aranged marriage..

    she being the youngest was th emost loved one for all..mother was most attached to her..now think of my mother thinking tat she doesnt have this daughter in her life..what will she do with the 25 years of her memories with her..

    I am so far i cant even hug my mom
     
  10. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,191
    Likes Received:
    7,008
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Why? Your sister is getting married, not committing a crime. Assuming that everything is okay with the bridegroom and his family, there is no reason to think that she will not have a happy married life.
    If your parents choose not to support her then that is their decision. As a grown-up you should make your own decisions about your sister, based on your relationship with her and your conscience.
     
    11 people like this.

Share This Page