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Why and how I feed my daughter the "American" way.

Discussion in 'Baby / Kids Foods' started by SilverNGold, Feb 27, 2015.

  1. SilverNGold

    SilverNGold Bronze IL'ite

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    I am an ABCD SAHM mom married to a man raised in India. I have a daughter who turned 4 in December. I am making this post to let you know that mealtime can be pleasurable for both mother and child and not the stressful chore you make it out to be. Children don't naturally "hate" eating and do not regard it unpleasant until you make it unpleasant by force feeding and stressing out about them not eating.

    My daughter actually loves her meal time and has been self feeding finger food since 8 months and proficient with a spoon since 14 months. I haven't physically fed her anything since she was 16 months. Any time that I announce a meal or snack, she runs to the table and eagerly sits in her chair and starts eating when I place the food in front of her. She wakes up on her own between 6:30 and 7AM DEMANDING breakfast saying "MOMMY, I'm HUNGRY!" This is because I give her dinner at 6PM every night and put her to bed around 8PM on school nights (preschool starts at 8:30AM) so she goes 12 hours without food and wakes up hungry.

    We sit down at the table together for half an hour and eat side by side. I serve her food she likes and never make her finish her meal. Whatever she eats in half an hour, so be it. Even if she only eats a few bites, she eats them happily. I respect her appetite and food preferences.

    When she was teething or having a cold she would eat way less (sometime she said she was done after 2 or 3 bites of mac and cheese and one strawberry). When she was having a growth spurt, she would eat way more than usual, gobbling down an entire sandwich, a bowl full of blueberries, and asking for more food. The key is I always respected the amounts she ate. If she eat very little, I'd offer a snack a couple of hours later. When she was first spoon feeding herself, 1/3 of the food would end up on the floor, 1/3 on her body (including her hair!), and maybe 1/3 in her mouth! Yes, she'd make a mess but it would only take 5 minutes to clean up after the meal and she had a lot of fun and developed some motor skills while she learned to self feed!

    She is not a large child; she is on the small side and only in the 19th percentile for weight but she is healthy and enjoys food.


    In my circle of stay at home mom friends (all raised in the U.S, some ABCD, some white Americans, some other Asians, and one Latino lady), ALL our kids enjoy their meals and none of us have feeding issues. That's because we allow the CHILD to determine how much they want to eat and only serve them food they like! (There are rare cases of non-Indian kids having food issues for medical reasons and in that case medical intervention is given to solve the feeding issues but I'd estimate less than 1 percent of non-Desi kids have food refusal issues).

    Contrast that to what I see with my husband's India-raised friends and how about 90 percent of the moms have food issues with their kids. I see moms running behind their 3-8 year old kids as they play with their friends, watch TV, play video games, trying to shovel as much food down their throats as possible in any-which-way they can. Kids dread mealtime and so do the moms! They keep their kids up until 11PM on SCHOOL NIGHTS spending 3 hours feeding them dinner forcing them to finish no matter what. Then they complain about how hard it is to wake their kid up for school and force feed them breakfast in the morning. The number one complaint from Indian moms is their kid doesn't eat enough and how much "work" it is to feed them all day.

    Feeding your child should not be "work" but a pleasant, happy experience of spending quality time sitting side by side. It is okay to physically spoon feed or hand feed a young toddler but only if they are willing. Other than that, encourage them to pick up food on their own and enjoy the food together. If your child doesn't like a particular food, offer an alternative. My daughter has some likes and dislikes but I'm always able to give her healthy food she likes (whole grain mac and cheese, steamed carrots, cheese sandwiches on whole wheat bread, tandoori chicken, roti, etc). She does not like dhal, spinach, or broccoli so I don't ever force her eat it (although I've disguised spinach in pasta salad which she eat happily!)

    The bottom line is 1) Respect your child's likes and dislikes and serve them food that they like 2) Respect their choice in quantity and don't try to force them to eat more than they would otherwise. Sit down at the table together for half an hour and whatever they eat in half an hour, accept it and do not try to force them to eat more. Set the timer and take the food away after half an hour. If your child wants to get down in 5 minutes, tell them we are sitting together until the timer goes off. You can physically feed your child if they are willing to accept but encourage them to eat on their own because messes take only 5-10 minutes to clean up as opposed to spending hours running behind the kid force feeding. Mealtime should not last for hours. 3) Relax, relax, relax. If you think your kid is too thin, take them to a doctor and see what they say. Usually as long as your kid is above the 5th percentile, it's okay. If your kid is way off the charts (less than 1st percentile), maybe work with the doctor to implement a feeding plan.


    I would love to hear from any other Desi moms (raised in the U.S., India, or elsewhere in the world) who have had success in the "American" way of feeding their kids.
     
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  2. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I taught both my children to self feed very early too. Around 12-13 months. Didn't know it was the American way. This is my grandmother's way and I don't think she set foot outside of india back in the day while raising kids. All our kids, in our huge family are all self feeders. No mushy mashy stuff after they got their front teeth. No timers either. Just a mat and a plate and some murmura did the trick back then. Now it's a high chair, a plate and some Cheerios at around 8-9 months! By 15 months all the kids are pretty much used to sitting down, eating as much as they want and then getting up when done. Always awed at how GM taught us so many things with regard to child rearing.
     
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  3. smuruga

    smuruga Senior IL'ite

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    Yes SilverNgold I totally agree with you. I think it's not only american way but the right way of feeding kids. I always think we shouldn't force our kids to eat...I feel if some one forces me to eat will I eat? No way right? the same thing applies to my daughter too. She is an individual, I always respect her choices...I will give her choices to eat and she will decide what to eat...what dress to wear etc....Respecting them as an individual boosts their self esteem.I think you shouldn't force them for anything. Food is related to emotions and we should be careful not to overdo it. I have also seen kids overeating.I am kinda of against it.Food should be given only when they say you that they are hungry, around 2-3 year old kids are pretty smart to tell us whether they are hungry or not.
     
  4. vrikshakadali

    vrikshakadali Silver IL'ite

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    Indeed, letting a baby @ 8-10 months old on a `chatai` with a bowl of `murmura` feed itself is a common practise in India - helps the child develop it's motor skills when it tries to pick up the tiny `murmura` and feed itself. Also, keeps them occupied happily !
     
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  5. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I am sorry, I am a little confused. Are we venturing into saying that 99% Indian moms have no idea how to take care of the nutritional needs of their child? Aren't we being a little condescending here?

    I dont know what an "American" way is but I have always believed that each child is different and his/her needs are different. Each family is different and each parenting style is different. To say that Indian's are responsible for their kids not eating is completely unfair.

    I am sorry to hear that your friends circle only consists of parents who keep their children up until 11 PM. In my (INDIAN) circle, ALL the kids are off to bed by 8:30. Yes, I said ALL.

    If any parent is making the child to stay up until 11 just to feed them, then of course I am NOT for it.

    And in honesty, I never believed in timers either. Though, I (try) to make the meals interesting for everyone in family. That seems to do the trick.

    I can see a storm brewing.
     
  6. Swethasri

    Swethasri Platinum IL'ite

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    I am doing the same thing with both my kids. my older one had lot of issues in his initial years because of gastroenteritis problem. but now my both boys are eating time is always fun and they enjoy. I do respect how much they want to eat and also I started teaching them not to waste food. Nice thread:) I heard many of friends complain about their kids not eating properly and sleeping trouble. As the OP said my younger one will wake by saying"amma I want to eat something"

    Its always pleasure to feed my kids. touch wood!
     
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  7. ramyaramani

    ramyaramani Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I have always thought self feeding as a baby led weaning based approach. There is nothing uniquely American about this. This approach was followed even in India from the earlier centuries and is still followed by many families. There was a phase when marketing done by formula companies created a dent in the way families fed their children. Every country goes through this and there is a phase when new patterns arise.

    Fussy eaters exist in all countries. That does not necessarily mean that parents force feed. Before we judge the feeding pattern of parents based in different locations, we need to discuss the environment, food types, meal timings and general routines followed in the particular location.

    If the so called "American" way was the best, products like Pediasure would not be so successful. After all American lunches for the school kids are not exactly healthy (the main reason for Michelle Obama's initiative). If anything US has a highly processed, sugar loaded lunches. These things are obviously changing due to the research minded parents.

    At the bottom line, India is still a country that is evolving. Healthy eating is being re-defined with more choices. It is going to take several years for parents to adopt the thinking that there are different meal options. Though everyone studies about carbs, vitamins, proteins etc. meals are not thought like that at the top level.

    Before we blame 'India' raised parents, parenting is different and at the root level it evolves from how we grow up. A parent needs to be strong willed and should have the ability to differentiate the good from the bad, to go the 'new' way.
     
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  8. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    I never saw an Indian adult who is averse to food . Looks like thier Indian mom's did. Good job .my hey like food little too much hence weight issues .


    i have fond memories of my mom feeding me breakfast when I was getting ready to school / college.
     
  9. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    OP I don't know if you meant it but your post came across as a bit self-congratulatory and preachy. America has a huge childhood obesity problem, so obviously not everything is right with the "American" way of eating.

    I followed the "aloo paratha" way of feeding mine. I roll up one and hand it to her. She runs around the house and inhales it. No chairs, spoons and forks for her. She is 15 months old and has been feeding herself since she turned one. She can eat pasta, noodles, chicken, you name it, but it has to be with her fingers. I give her a fork and a spoon and she flings them on the floor while looking at me disdainfully. My little desi miss likes to dive in with her chubby fingers. Half the food goes in her mouth and the rest in her hair. I don't mind. Whatever works!
     
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    So? Why state that in each post you've made so far in IL?
     
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